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Hey Papa Bear!

This is my first time writing to you, and I really don't know how to start. I guess I'm going to jump right into the problem I have.

Recently I was heartbroken by my ex mate after spending over $500 of my graduation money to see him in real life. I have horrible luck with guys in my community, and online relationships just work for me, for the most part. After two weeks I had a miscarriage of his baby, and I was extremely suicidal. After getting a lot of the help I needed, I felt very lonely despite my medicine. Though the suicidal thoughts went away, I still felt the need to connect to someone in a relationship.

Well, someone I RP'd with was extremely interested in me. We were slightly sexual with each other, role-play wise, and I felt comfortable enough with him to moan for him over the phone. He never was upfront with me about what he wanted from me, and after a while I just assumed he didn't want to be my boyfriend. 

A week or so later, we still talked, but I signed up for something called Furry Mate, and I found a very sweet boy there. He's very nice, and I like him an awful lot, despite my dad's "NO DATING INTERNET BOYS" rage, it's just very hard for me to say no to him.

Well, just the other day, the guy I previously engaged with comes out of nowhere, and to my surprise he assumed we were already a couple! I was just... astounded. Because I just didn't expect that, and I wasn't sure what to do. I expected some sort of confirmation that I was his girlfriend.

I'm TOTALLY against cheating, but I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm cheating on the sweet guy from Furry Mate, but... I mean, the guy from the RP was there first.

I'm not a whore. I don't moan for everyone. I felt connected to the first guy just after a few days, and I like him a lot, I just figured he didn't want a relationship. To my surprise, he did, and already thought we were.

I'm not very good at hurting people, and I always feel extremely depressed. I don't want to choose between them, I'm tempted to just break it off with both of them to avoid conflict.. But I like them!

What should I do?

Lyla

* * *

Hi, Lyla,

First of all, my sincere condolences for the loss of your child. I cannot imagine that kind of pain, but am relieved you got help and are feeling at least a little better.

On to your present situation: First of all, you can’t really “cheat” when it is just a virtual relationship. I know you have “better luck” with virtual boyfriends, but it is still not the same as having one IRL. Also, you made no commitment to this first guy, and the fact that he didn’t really communicate with you for some time and is now assuming you are his girlfriend is rather presumptuous of him, don’t you think?

You have not made a commitment to either of these guys, therefore you are not cheating on either one of them. In real life, it is perfectly fine for a boy or a girl to date more than one person at a time. You are, at this point in both relationships, just dating.

Papabear is not sure if it is a furry thing or if it is a generational thing, but I get a sense that young people these days jump waaaaay too quickly into serious relationships—or, at least, what seems to count for “serious” these days, which, to my mind, is just silly. You are young and it is too soon to be committing yourself to one person. This is a time in your life when you should be allowing yourself to have some fun, meet lots of people, and find out what is out there. 

Lyla, you already discovered what it is like, tragically, to get too serious too fast with someone. Don’t repeat that mistake, and certainly refrain from sex at this point. Papabear says, do not commit to either one of these boys. Also, tell them that. You can be friends, even do a little flirting, but I would recommend you not take relationships with either one too seriously, especially since you haven’t even met them IRL.

Take a deep breath, don’t take life so seriously, have a little fun. Your first priority is you: finding out what you really enjoy, what your purpose in life is, how to get along in the real world, and THEN work on a committed relationship.

Chill, hon. 

Hugs,

Papebear 

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Games, Games, Games! Game bundles, bundled games, and bundled bundles! We talk about games today, and find out that Wolfin needs more coffee in the morning. Lots of fun stuff in today’s show, and theorizing of what could be in some games. You don’t want to miss this one.

Mentioned in this show:

• Indieroyale
• Humblebundle
• Desura
• Steam
• Valve
• Portal, Portal 2
• Team Fortress 2

Hosts: Wolfin, Spenser
Indieroyale logo used by permission.

Daily Show: September 21, 2012 - Games, Games, Games! Game bundles, bundled games, and bundled bundles! We talk about games today, and find out that Wolfin needs more coffee in the morning. Lots of fun stuff in today's show, and theorizing of what could be in some games.

Finally catching up to the present day! We talk about upcoming projects and appearances for fall 2012. Unsheathed #93 - Episode 93

"Mamma-chan! World's most popular mascot!" Or so he thought. After leaving Japan to visit Anthrocon, Mamma (from Sanma to Mamma) thought everybody would recognize him! This isn't so, as most fursuiters and cosplayers had no idea. So, Mamma had to do something drastic, in front of a stage of thousands of people!"

oh. my. gosh. i am just dying from how precious this is. Its a little sad in a funny way that Mamma-Chan didn't get the same reception that Sardyuon did but at the same time he's obviously popular enough already in Japan that I don't feel too bad haha. This is I'm sure the very first time that Japan has reported on American furry fandom, they've reported on the japanese furry conventions in the past but we all know that online translators always muddle those up. Whats amazing and exciting about this is that it's subtitled. I'm sorry, I'm just quite happy, furry just went global, pretty legitimately.

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I randomly found out about this through yahoo news while searching for furry media, I guess its an up and coming fursuit doc but they don't seem to be very good at publicity since I hadn't heard about it at all.

Heres the link to the fund raising page: http://www.indiegogo.com/ProductionFur?c=home

And heres the video about it 

also i have nothing to do with this, its not me pimping a personal project, its me wanting to find out what the heck this is so I can properly signal boost it :3

For the first time on printed paper, Keenspot will soon be releasing TwoKinds as a pair of full-color graphic novels in trade paperback.  This Ursa Major Award-winning on-line comic is written and illustrated by Thom Fischbach. “After waking up without any memory of his past, the lone mage Trace finds himself in the company of Flora, a girl from a bestial species known as the Keidran. Along with a reluctant Basitin warrior named Keith, they journey in search of a place to call their own. But with war between the races brewing, love conflicts with loyalty.” Volume 1 includes a special 5-page epilogue that was not printed on line. Though the release has been pushed back a few times, both Volume 1 and Volume 2 are currently set to hit the shelves this October. You can order them both at the Mile High Comics web site.

image c. 2012 by Thomas Fischbach

Hello Papabear, 

I am writing to you because I feel I have no one to turn to. I have been hacked down so much that I have no self-confidence whatsoever about anything.

I have been learning how to draw furry for about 2 years now and after loosing my job in a shop last month I have had to sell my artwork to try and make ends meat (aka money).

Even one of my famous (in the furry random) friends has been trying to help me. Sadly, people only wanted my work to get cheap work of them as they would offer something up like a sketch or something like that, which cut my confidence down even more, so most of the time the people who get the work off me don't even comment as if the work is just some shit to be flushed down the loo. 

I have lost all trust in my artwork, even when my husband says, "Yes, it looks good," these days I can tell he doesn't really find it good, he just doesn't want to make me upset, which hurts me even more than no one will tell me the truth.

I have always failed things in my life, been laughed at, bullied, even lost every job I have ever gotten and artwork was the only thing that used to make me happy, but of late it's just sent me deeper and deeper into depression to the point my hubby’s work scalpels are looking very inviting. 

I don't know if I should just give up or carry on. I don't want to put my friends down after all the help they have given me.

Do you have any advice for a furry going down the sinkhole? 

Love from Ru

* * *

Dear Ru,

Although I am not an artist, I am an author of fiction and can empathize with an artist’s feelings of self-doubt. So, just to see what you were talking about, I found your FA page (note to readers: she asked me not to share it) and checked out your work. (By the way, you need to post there that you are taking commissions).

Since you are too close to your own work, obviously, and don’t trust your mate’s word (“you have to say you like it because you’re my mate” syndrome), here is an objective opinion. Ru, Papabear thinks your work is quite good and you have talent. I think you should continue to pursue your art, not only because you are good at it, but because you enjoy it. Furthermore, the more you draw, the better you will inevitably become. 

As for furries not paying much for your art or not commenting on it enough, I have heard this complaint from many many other artists in the fandom of varying skill, so you are not alone there. Many artists get a bit ticked off if they don’t get lots of compliments. It’s really nothing personal from the furries; it is just laziness or lack of consideration, I guess, but you shouldn’t necessarily take it as a reflection of your skills.

Some of your depression, too, is from your job loss, which might be causing some feedback difficulties, by which I mean the more you suffer setbacks, the more depressed and negative you become, which then results in more setbacks because people see your negativity and self-doubt, which makes it less likely that you will be hired for other jobs.

What you obviously need is to get your self-confidence back. First, rededicate yourself to your art. You have only been at it for two years and already are quite good. Double your efforts and you will be amazing in another two years—always remembering, though, that you are doing this for the joy of drawing, not for plaudits and money. If that is your main motivation, the commissions will come because your art will command more respect.

Second, get back on the job hunt. Try to network and get job referrals from friends, relatives, and former colleagues, as this is always more effective than hunting through the want ads. Combine this with a regimen of esteem-building exercises (see http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/10-ways-to-instantly-build-self-confidence/) to boost your morale.

Your self-worth is predicated on your own viewpoint. Do not allow others to define you and what you should be. The best judge of you is you. You are a worthwhile person and a good artist, Ru. Keep forging ahead on your art!

Hugs,

Papabear 

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My awesome BF is a furry, but I am not. We discussed it, and he's totally not pushy or angry about my asking about it. We had a really nice discussion about it, and I want to do something to show that I'm interested in this. He has a really expensive costume (It's the blue furry thing with red shoes. I forgot the name...), and while I don't have the money to go all out and buy such an expensive costume (Nor do I really have the desire), I WOULD like to go a bit out of my way to do something for him; what can I buy for less than $50 that I can wear to show my boyfriend that care about him and his interests?

Sorry, I'm still really new to this whole subculture, but I'm really happily surprised with what I'm finding. Thanks for your help :)

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