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Rollin Christmas
…and a holiday bonus video from those weird balloon animal video guys.
She Has a Hard Time Speaking Her Mind
First, I'd like to throw some well deserved admiration your way. I think what you've got running here and what you do for so many people is wonderful. It's comforting to know there's a place where furries can ask their questions without being judged. So thank you for all the help you've given people.
Okay now onto the question. I've been with my mate for about 6 months now, and I'm under the impression that our relationship has nowhere to go but up. Not to say that there aren't problems. Every relationship has them, but we're willing to talk through them, and try to avoid sweeping problems under the rug... Unfortunately I have this tendency to bite my tongue whenever I feel there's a problem that I think will escalate poorly. It's not because I don't want to deal with them. Mentally I can handle myself, or at least I think I can. I don't lose myself in streams of madness and make connections that don't make sense.
The problem is the physical aspect. Inside I know I should speak my mind. I've been working on breaking out of this habit with mixed results since before my mate and I even met. But when the time comes my throat clams up really, really tightly. I lose my ability to speak and I shake and start to cry. I know it's not needed, and I don't want to do it, but it always happens. The closer I am to the person emotionally, the stronger it is. So with my mate it's agony.
It's been a problem since I was a wee kitten, and Since I've had so much time to analyze it I'm pretty sure I know where it stemmed from. When my parents divorced I was left the oldest of three siblings, and as such It became my job to fill as kind of a half parent for my brothers. I kinda took on the role of protecting them from certain things. One of these things was the anger issues my father had. Lots of getting yelled at, harshly punished for being a child, and feeling emotionally held hostage. I loved him and bit my tongue and was afraid to make waves lest I be punished again. It has done a deal of damage to my emotional growth. But I have acknowledged that it was wrong for him to treat me that way, It was not my fault, things have gotten better, and my father and I have a healthy relationship now. I don't let him bully me anymore and I can stand up for myself.
So Knowing all this, Why do I still have so much trouble with this physical reaction? I can't be clamming up like this forever. What if it happens in a professional situation or in front of someone where it would be costly to my future. How can I train myself to calmly and collectively speak up when we need to speak seriously?
Hope this wasn't too all over the place. Thanks!
Bloo (age 22)
* * *
Dear Bloo,
Sounds like you’ve come a long way and have done very well. You know what your problem is and even understand its root cause. You’ve also developed excellent relationship skills with both your mate and the cause of your issues: your father. Good for you! Outstanding, really!
What you have left over is a bad habit. When you do something long enough, physically or mentally, it becomes ingrained in you, a part of you. So, this choking back of your ability to speak is really a learned behavior, almost an addiction, and can be treated as such.
One way to break bad behavior is redirection. For example, when someone is a smoker, a large part of their bad habit may be the simple physical motion of having something in their hand and putting it between their lips and taking it out again, etc. That motion can be very comforting. So, for some people, they can break their smoking habit by substituting a lollipop for the cigarette. I have known people for whom this works.
At times, when the behavior is really bad, hypnotists do a redirection, too. I’ve heard of hypnotists treating suicidal people by implanting the thought in their head that whenever they feel like killing themselves they should instead snap their fingers or sing a song. This, though, is really just a patch until the real psychological trauma can be treated.
With you, the psychological aspect has already been addressed. Again, it is merely the behavior that has to be retrained.
You need to redirect the anxious energy you experience when you are engaged in a verbal confrontation. You might try putting a worry stone in your pocket—one of those smooth stones with an indentation that your rub with your thumb when you feel anxious. Squeeze and stress balls work similarly.
The other exercise you can practice is having a dialog with your boyfriend under controlled conditions. That is, the two of you go to a calm, quiet place where there are no loud noises or distractions. Plan this ahead of time and agree on some things you will discuss. They don’t have to be serious issues, but just things that you might have different opinions about. Agree ahead of time that during your conversation no one will be forced to agree with the other person. You are just talking. There is no pressure to come to a conclusion. Agree on one to three topics ahead of time and have your talk at a scheduled time. The purpose of this is to create a situation where you are not faced with a sudden, unexpected confrontation. This will, in turn, prevent what is really a reflexive action in your throat to constrict and be silent. It will also train your mind to understand that there will be no harsh repercussions for expressing a contrary point of view the way you experienced it as a young person with your father. Do these sessions once or twice a week until you feel comfortable with expressing your opinions. Combine them, if necessary, with the worry stone or stress ball.
Be patient. Unlearning a behavior can take weeks, even months or more. As long as you see progress, you’ll eventually unlearn the bad behavior and feel much less stressed out in the future.
Bear Hugs!
Papabear
Episode 83 - Ramble Rouser - We're BACK! It's Roo, the host with the most (pink) with another multi-genre collection of music ...
Episode 83 - Ramble Rouser - We're BACK! It's Roo, the host with the most (pink) with another multi-genre collection of music ...
Feeling extra furry?
Today I just feel like being a small puppy version of my fursona and cuddling up to everyfur. Anybody ever feel like your extra furry? A lot more like an affectionate pet rather than an anthro.. Cause that's how I feel right now.. I feel like sneaking up onto the bed and curling up beside you under the blanket -^
If you have kik then txt me: Double0Derp I like to RP as well.
submitted by TheLonelyGecko[link] [4 comments]
My recent finished digital painting - "Charge"
A young fur's question about cons.
I'm thinking about going to furlandia, but by the time it rolls around, I'll only have enough for just me. How old would I have to be to go alone?
submitted by KitsuneKabuki[link] [13 comments]
De Cape et De Crocs is back! French anthro comic review, by Fred Patten.
Book of the Month: Abandoned Places, edited by Tarl Hoch
December’s Book of the Month, Abandoned Places, is edited by FWG member Tarl “Voice” Hoch, features stories from several members, and is being released today at Midwest FurFest.
From stories about being abandoned in the heart of civilization to stories about forced abandonment for the sake of science to how abandoned places affect the mind, the stories in this anthology cover a large range of genres and types of abandoned places — each one with their own little piece of personal horror lying among the ruins, ready to strike when you least expect it.
Features the following stories:
Empathy by Rechan
Belief by Bill “Hafoc” Rogers
Stared Too Deeply by T. D. Coltraine
The World Within by John Lynne
Sleepwalking by Adam “Nicodemus” Riggs
All that Glitters by Ianus J. Wolf
One Shot of Happy by Roland Jovaik
Who’s To Say by David Ramirez
Prospero by Patrick “Bahumat” Rochefort
Darwin’s Future by Taylor Stark
Rainfall by Kandrel
Piping by Tarl “Voice” Hoch
World’s Biggest Dragons by Ryan Campbell
Scratch by Ben Goodridge
The Cable by James L. Steele
Under the Mountain by Tonin
Cover art by Kappy. Story illustrations by Silent Ravyn.
She’s Got Her Life Together, but One Thing Holds Her Back from Marriage
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![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/NsPeO7g.png){kind=link}
![[link]](http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/285/e/a/practicing___tanuki_model_by_some_art-d82j3fx.gif){kind=link}
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Looking for some furry apparel that's a bit more subtle than something that says "yiff me" on the front.
And by "a bit" I mean significantly
Thanks for all the suggestions guys! I'll see if I can sneak some of these onto a christmas list until I can get more hours at work. But man do I need some shirts that only have 4 holes in em.
submitted by Terwin94[link] [28 comments]
I want to start selling Furry Art (as an artist). How do I begin?
I have been looking around reddit and came across a Furry Artist AMA. I read through the comments and found out people will pay good money and there is a huge market for this. I am a struggling artist living with my boyfriend, also a struggling artist, and I think this could be a great way to make extra cash. I am quite confident in my abilities and know I can handle whatever wierd commissions I am asked. I have found a website furaffinity.net, and posted a free commission post saying I will do 5 free digital commissions for anyone interested. Just made the post an hour or so ago so there is no telling if that will actually work or not. It will be my first time drawing anything of this nature. I have drawn male and female nudes,and sold alot of comic style portraits as well.
I might as well make the same offer for Furry fans on Reddit also, if you read this and want a free commission please comment and we can exchange info. I really need portfolio stuff, and would really appreciate it if you could spread the word about me and/or show off the work. Thats all I ask in return
Anyway if there is any Furry Artists that could give me some advice that would be really awesome thanks
This is my first post on Reddit lmao what this site will do to you am I right
submitted by Sly_Sloth_[link] [10 comments]
Two Heads Are Better… Really?
Back in the Ren & Stimpy days of boffo animation (as opposed to the more sedate, cultured world of Adventure Time today. Right.), one of the more interesting and unusual shows lived on Nickelodeon of all places: Catdog, the story of a creature who was half cat and half dog… and both of them front ends! “Brothers Cat and Dog couldn’t be more different — Cat is clever and cultured, while Dog is a naïve but lovable goofball. But they definitely share one thing in common: a body! This crazy set of conjoined twins find themselves in all sorts of silly adventures, but through them all, the two misfits stick together…whether they like it or not!” Now Shout Factory have brought together all 68 episodes in one new DVD compilation, Catdog: The Complete Series. Check it out at their web site. You even get a poster!
image c. 2014 Shout Factory