Ask Papabear

Dear Papabear,

I'm probably not the sort of fur you usually get questions from, but I'm hoping you can give me a little advice.

Soon both of my parents will be gone. Dad passed five years ago and mom just entered hospice. They both were mentally and physically abusive, something they never admitted or attempted to make right. It's taken me decades to process and overcome the abuse. My brother never did and I've witnessed him exhibit some of the same abusive behaviors with his own children.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday my brother mentioned that he was alone. He's divorced, in awful health, and more or less estranged from his two kids. He seemed to be asking for help and, being a helpful fox I want to do something... but can and should I?

I'm thinking of laying it out on the table for him... telling him he needs to seek counseling, he needs to hear and accept his children's feelings, and most of all change. But am I rushing in where foxes shouldn't tread? I've mostly dealt with my demons, am I opening old wounds when I can't really do any good?

Yours,
Foxfire

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Dear Foxfire,

Thank you for your intriguing email. I am not unfamiliar with situations like your own in which an estranged family member tries to make their way back into your life. The first question you must ask yourself is this: Are they only doing this because they need money or to otherwise take advantage of you, or are they sincerely reconnecting? For example, someone close to me has a son who cut off ties because his father came out as gay, but this son occasionally contacts him--not because he misses him, but because he wants to hit him up for money. How touching.

On the other paw . . .

It is an unfortunate truth that oftentimes a victim of childhood abuse like your brother will, when they become parents themselves, abuse their children in turn. I believe the statistic is about one-third become abusers. You didn't, but your brother did. Unlike your brother, you did the homework to deal with the psychological scars head on. As you know, that is a lot of work and takes a lot of time. Your brother, though, did not deal with his feelings, and so, as is often the case with people who don't deal with their emotions, those negative feelings have to come out, and they can do so in violent ways. My sister did something similar. She was raped by our grandfather when she was a girl and never really dealt with it, so she became an alcoholic and a very angry person instead.

Because your brother did not deal with his issues, it has cost him his wife, his children, and his health. Now he has hit bottom. What is actually a promising sign, however, is that he is now reaching out to you for help. As long as the warning signs I mentioned above (asking for money and so forth) don't come out, I think you would be a good brother to offer him a shoulder to lean on. You don't have to go way out of your way to do this. Just listen, give him a sympathetic ear. Maybe see if you can help him find a good counselor, because you are right: What he really needs is some good, solid, professional guidance on the one hand and a bit of emotional help (you) on the other. Obviously, this doesn't mean you are "taking his side" or condoning what he did to his kids. I'm thinking a heart-to-heart between you two will show that, deep down, he knows what he did was wrong, and there is a good chance he really doesn't understand why he did it. He just knew he was in pain and he didn't know how to handle it in a healthy way.


A good place to start is the website Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse. Perhaps, if you have not done so yourself — and even though you seem to be coping pretty well — you could benefit from looking this over, too. Maybe do so before you talk to your brother.

To answer your question, then: Yes, be there for your brother if you can. More than almost anyone in the world, you will understand him because you grew up in the same household. Don't be preachy or pushy. Just start by telling him he can talk to you, and you will listen. Then, perhaps go on this journey together of talking to counselors. Even though you are okay (it seems, mostly), if you do this together that will be of IMMENSE help to your brother — and bless you for doing so.

This is a bit of a tricky road, though. Make sure he doesn't take advantage of you but do be there for him emotionally. Do you think you can manage that? It is okay if you feel like, emotionally, you are not up for a task that can be a pretty hefty burden, so don't feel guilty if you honestly don't think so. But if you do, that would be a terrific thing to do.

Let me know if the above helps or you have more questions.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear

Dear Papabear,

Some months back, Soatok published this article on the explosive growth of the Fandom.

What are your thoughts on it, and the discussion surrounding it? Can we fight these problems? How? Is it too late?

Boyesh

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Dear Boyesh,

Thank you for your email and sorry for the slow reply! 

An interesting and timely question, and thank you for asking. The fandom is, indeed, growing by leaps and bounds, and a number of furcons have extremely high attendance rates. However, as much as I like Soatok, I think they are spazzing out a bit. Yes, Midwest Furfest had over 15,000 attendees, but compared to Comic-Con in San Diego, which had about 135,000 fans this year, it's peanuts. New York's Comic-Con had even more at 200,000 attendees in 2022. You don't see people giving up on comic-cons, do you? So why would they give up on furcons that have a tenth of the attendance?

Instead of treating attendance as if it were a problem, we should treat it as an opportunity. There are many things that can be done. One of these has already been deployed by Anthrocon in Pittsburgh. Uncle Kage recently announced that in 2025 they are going to cap attendance to keep the crowds at a safe level (respective of such things as fire regulations, hotel considerations, and general enjoyment of the attendees). Other large cons such as Midwest Furfest and Furry Weekend Atlanta might follow the same strategy in the near future, I would surmise. Although, on the other paw, maybe they will just grow into furry versions of Comic-Con.

This doesn't mean that furries are out of luck in attending furcons. There are lots of smaller cons, and new cons are being created. For example, in Southern California where this bear is from, when Califur shut its doors, it was soon replaced by Golden State Furcon in Los Angeles and, this year, Another Furry Con debuted in Ontario (California, not Canada). Up in the Bay Area, when Further Confusion started getting large, we saw overflow go to PAWCon. The same thing can easily happen in states like Pennsylvania. Satellite cons could open up to welcome furries who could not, for whatever reason, make AC. 

The headline of Soatok's article ("Furries Are Losing the Battle Against Scale") is self-defeating and presumptuous. What are our options here? Well, one option would be to see the number of furries decline, risking what happened to the Bronies when their convention closed and now they have no cons. Second option is things stay the same, which isn't likely but would mean we'd go along as we are, which isn't so bad. And Option 3 is that we continue to grow, which is a testimony to the success and popularity of the furry fandom and should be celebrated, not mourned.

Soatok notes that furry attendance at cons and meets etc. is growing at about 10% annually, which means it will double in 7 years. They then compare this to the 0.8% growth of overall world population, concluding that furry growth is unsustainable. Soatok then predicts that: 1) Furcons will become accessible only to tech-savvy and wealthy furries; attendance costs will rise; hotels will become too crowded; and furries will get stressed and start fighting with each other.

First of all, chill out. Of the over 100 furcons going on these days, only 7 have attendance rates exceeding 5,000 while over half have attendance rates under 1,000. Yes, a few cons are over-attended, a hazard of being a popular and well-run convention. Most still have plenty of room to grow. Soatok says that convention growth (in terms of total hotel rooms) is flat and that we will therefore get crushed under a flood of furries swarming to conventions. I beg to differ. In a very helpful article on the Fang, Feather, & Fin website from 2022, Gale Frostbane notes that there were 11 conventions in the 1990s, 52 in the 2000s, 138 in the 2010s. 

This seems to be leveling off now, true, but there are two big reasons: 1) The COVID-19 pandemic, and 2) the rise of virtual conventions such as Furality (which had over 21,000 attendees this year). But just because furcon space is a bit stagnant at the moment does not mean it always will be. This is, I believe, a blip. An adjustment. Things will happen to cause more furcons to open, older ones to diversify and adjust, and alternatives to cons (such as furmeets and parties and camps) to make themselves available.

Already things are happening that indicate Soatok is jumping the gun on offering dire warnings of impending doom. Hotels and convention centers, for example, will not permit attendance to get so huge that no one can get on an elevator or walk through a hallway because they will be crushed by stampeding footpads. As Uncle Kage and the AC staff wisely decided, there will need to be caps similar to what they do with Comic-Con. The idea that cons will only be accessible to tech savvy and wealthier furries is a rather silly point. Most furries are tech savvy already, and there are ways to get around money issues in attending cons to make them more affordable. As for furries fighting among each other, well, I gotta laugh. We already fight with each other about silly things, and we already have issues that divide us, such as the young furs vs. greymuzzle disputes or arguments about whether we should permit furporn or do you have to have a fursona or a fursuit to be furry and on and on.

If the furry fandom is going to survive, it has to grow. And as it grows, it has to evolve. It is already hugely different from when I first started getting active in the 2000s, and it will be hugely different 20 years from now compared to what it is today.

Because there is no organizing force behind our fandom like there is behind other fandoms (e.g. Whovians, Potterheads, Trekkers), one should expect it to be a raging mess of chaos. That can be seen as a weakness or it could be valued as a strength.

My advice? If you really really want to go to a large convention, book as early as you possibly can and/or find a friend who has been before and ask if you can room with them. But remember there are dozens of furcons that are much smaller and manageable in size. You can have a wonderful experience at conventions that have, say, 500 to 1,500 attendees. You know, I have never been to San Diego's Comic-Con, and I have absolutely no desire to. I despise crowds. So, instead, I went to the tiny Palm Springs Comic-Con and had a super time! You can also attend furmeets or camps or virtual cons. If there is nothing in your area but there are furries nearby, start your own meetup! What's to stop you?

We are going through growing pains. But while Soatok is correct in noting that we have some rough waters ahead, they are incorrect to start fearmongering and make furries feel that the future of furcons is bleak. It is not. It's just different, that's all. 

The future of the fandom will continue to see conventions of all shapes and sizes.

I hope that answers your question.

Bear Hugs!
Papabear

I am saddened that the majority of Americans prefer a white man with a record of tax evasion, molestation, fraud, criminality, and disloyalty to American ideals over a woman who is ethnic and has a clean record as an upstanding citizen. I anticipate there will be a lot of unpleasant days ahead of us, especially for women, LGBTQIA people, immigrants, and anyone else who is not a white male fake Christian in America.

If the results of this election are causing you stress, I understand 100%. If you want to talk about it, please feel free to write me any time and your letter will go to the top of my pile when it comes to this issue.

Now more than ever, we furries need to stand together.

Dear Papabear,

I've been in the furry fandom for over a year, and I've been enjoying my time here. I've made so many friends and even met the love of my life. But there are times where I develop imposter syndrome. Like I feel like I don't deserve the friends and the awesome memories I made in the fandom. People tell me otherwise, but I feel like I genuinely have a hard time proving myself that I belong sometimes. Especially for the fact I don't own a fursuit or that I'm not an artist. Yet I still have people who love me, even outside the fandom too. I was wondering if this feeling is normal in the furry fandom and what are some good ways to remind myself that I do matter. Thank you.

Sincerely,
An anonymous Saint Bernard

P.S. I love your fursona and fursuit so much. It's so awesome and adorable. Genuinely wanna give ya a hug.

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Dear Saint Bernard,

Thank you for your letter and the compliment :-3

First off, it must be emphasized that you do not need to have a fursuit to be an active and beloved member of the fandom; nor do you need to be an artist or a gamer or a writer or even have a fursona. The baseline here is simple: Do you love the anthro arts? This includes movies, TV shows, comic books, novels, furry RPGs, and so on. If you answered "yes," then you're a furry fan. The confusion is common. You see, there are really two types of furries: hobbyists and lifestylers. Hobbyists are those who enjoy the anthro arts but do not get into the self-identity side of it, which involves everything from having furriness engulf everything in your life (i.e., e.g. you have furry art and plushies and fursuit stuff all over your home (sometimes called being "furry trash"), furry stickers plaster your car, you often wear a tail or ears in public places, etc.) to actually feeling like you have an animal spirit or that your fursona is in some way really who you are (the far spectrum of this bleeds into the therian and otherkin communities). The hobbyist is much more caszh about the fandom. They like to go to cons or meets, sure, and they may have a fursona for playing games with their friends, but they fully identify as human and spend the majority of their time as such among their normie friends. I, personally (not that you asked), am somewhere in between. You can find furry art hanging in my office, I will be suiting for normie trick or treaters this week, and I do feel I have a spiritual connection to bears, but for the most part I seem pretty normie when I'm not at a furcon.

Given the above, you are not an imposter. So, why do you feel like one? It might surprise you that the majority of young Americans (70% by one study) say that they have experienced imposter syndrome at least once in their lives. I have often experienced it too, and the result is usually my berating myself as insufficient in some way, and sometimes people misinterpret my anxiety to false modesty. For example, people sometimes compliment my intelligence, but then I say to myself I really am not that bright; I just have a bachelor's degree; I only speak one language fluently; I have never won an important award or grant or recognition yadda yadda. The result is that my negative feelings about myself are roadblocks to my moving ahead with my life at times. This kind of lack of self-esteem can usually be traced back to our childhoods, especially to those who had either very controlling or very protective and permissive parents. If you have been bullied or socially ostracized as a young person, this can certainly contribute to imposter syndrome when you later achieve great things in your life but a voice in the back of your head keeps telling you that you don't deserve it.

My furiend, everyone deserves friendships and respect and love and happiness. And when it comes to the furry family, well, you have landed in a community to which many people who feel like social outcasts are drawn. I think you will (or have already) found people much like yourself who are shy, lack self-confidence or self-esteem, or just feel attracted to the fandom and are blown away by some of the popular furries in it and don't feel like they themselves measure up. Again, I do this too. When I first started getting active in the fandom around 15 years ago, and I saw some awesome artists and writers and musicians and fursuiters (and community leaders like Uncle Kage), I was like, "Okay ... um.... I'll just sit in the corner here and watch and not try to annoy anyone." But the more people I interacted with and the more friends I made, the more I felt like everything was cool here and I began to relax and really enjoy the community.

To sum up: 1) no fursuit or artistic skills needed; 2) yes, it is quite normal at first, especially, to feel like you are an imposter; 3) with time, that feeling will ease as you make friends, find your crew, and have more fun being furry. 

Some techniques to assuage your feelings? 1) don't compare yourself to other furries; there will always be furries who seem more accomplished or whatever; who cares, just do you; 2) try to catch yourself when you say things that put yourself down; when you feel yourself saying things like "I'm not good enough to ... " just stop, pause, and replace that thought with something positive about yourself (e.g., I'm a good friend; I am good company to hang out with; I'm a giving person; I am helpful, etc.); 3) socialize socialize socialize, and by this I mean talk about your feelings with others (you'll find you share much in common) and be supportive of them; find people to lean on and let them lean right back on you; 4) and a great way to feel you contribute is by volunteering at a furcon or getting involved in some furcon charity activity such as the ALS Foundation fundraiser in which many furries have become involved (I can get you in touch with people if this interests you).

I'd also like to share a very excellent article from VeryWellMind that talks all about this stuff in detail. It's like a 5-minute read.

And don't worry! You're doing great! You've already found a support network, and I know that the more you get involved with furries the more comfortable you will become in the community. Don't forget to have fun! That's what it's supposed to be all about!!!

Big Bear Hugs,
Papabear

Hello, Papabear,

Hey there! I’ve been looking for an answer to my question and wanted to hear your opinion. Due to mental issues, I struggled for a while to design a fursona I was happy with.


However, recently I did just that! (A goat fursona) But I recently came across another fursona whose design looks similar to mine. I’m talking about similar markings, color palette and same species. Goat, brown and tans for main body color and markings, and different shades of blue for horns, eyes, and hoofs. My fursona isn't an exact replica, but still… Due to the person being rather popular, I fear I shouldn’t keep my fursona or commission a fursuit of them when I have enough money. I’m scared of people bashing me for this or being compared, when in reality I had no idea this fursona existed till after I made mine. Do you have any advice?

Anonymous

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Dear Furiend,

Thank you for your letter, which brings up an important topic in the fandom. Several points can be made here. The first one is that there is quite a bit of overlap in the fursona world. For example, the single most popular type of fursona is a wolf and/or husky (or similar dog breed) with simple color variations and other minor details. Now, goats are a bit more unique than canids, but a quick look on Furtrack brings up these results for goats with brown or tan markings:

Alexcapranor (📸 @nauta)
Gideon klaus (📸 @oracle_sage)
Baltic berlin (📸 @bluegold1026)
Kurobatte (📸 @hexyc)
Thomasin (📸 @troy_grudin)
Bashfulbeeps (📸 @alleythewoof)
Dirtt goat (📸 @vencrypt)
Mckinley (📸 @linglingfennec)
Meelo (📸 @adelair)
Chamsz (chamois goat-antelope) (📸 @andromedus)
Cedar goat (📸 @thunder_orca)

... and that is just a very cursory, down-and-dirty, incomprehensive search. I'm sure I could find many more, but I think you get the point.

There is a difference between just having the same species with some similar colors and really looking the same. Just by having your fursona drawn by a different artist or having a different maker for a fursuit, you are pretty much guaranteed to have a different look for your particular OC. Truly, you would only get in dangerous waters if your fursona had the same name or you pretended to be the other person (such as hacking into or spoofing their account).

Another issue would be if your fursona was based on a regulated, closed (or semi-closed) species (e.g. Dutch Angel Dragons), which is a unique species said to be an original concept owned by its creator. Closed species have definitive anatomical and physiological attributes and usually their own lore (back story). A semi-closed species has certain required aspects to it but provides more leeway for adding your own spin. In both cases, you are supposed to get permission from the creator to use the closed species (or the aspects of the semi-closed species). Violating such guidelines and avoiding permission approval will likely get you on a blacklist. But, here's the thing: as far as I know, the concept of a closed species is not a legal thing. That is, they more than likely are not copyrighted or have a registered trademark. THAT said, some of the more famous one (returning to DADs) are copyrighted. Deanna Biesemeyer, who created the Dutch Angel Dragon, did in fact go to the trouble of copyrighting their creation, so you do, in fact, need their permission if you want to be a DAD. Protogens and primagens, to give another popular example, used to be closed species, I believe, and they have definite characteristics and lores, but both are now open species (I think primagens might always have been such but protogens did not become open until 2017). 

Sorry for the digression, but it is important. And I note the above because having a brown and tan goat is definitely not an example of a closed or even semi-closed species.

Given all of the above, I would not worry if I were you that there are some similarities between your OC and that of another furry. I would mildly suggest, though, that you take at least a little time to add some of your own unique, personal touches. Not so much for worry about being repetitive but more for the satisfaction and fun of it. This includes lore. For example, Grubbs Grizzly was born somewhere on the Aleutian Islands, but he got a little tired of the cold weather and decided one day to go south, ending up in California. He decided he liked it here, so he moved into the Sierras permanently, built a little cabin, and now spends his days fishing and foraging for food and just being a low-key bear. 

Bottom line: Have fun with it! So many furries fret about stuff like this and forget that being a furry is supposed to be fun. Y'all are fine. And I hope that answers your question.

Bear Hugs,
​Papabear

Hello, Papabear,

I want to ask questions. I flunked that fandom accidentally in childhood when I was been young via rather porn website e621.net. Been in denial for a long time until I am not accepted furry fandom in current age. My parents strictly hate furries due to their thought that all furries are creeps and perverts. However, I am grown adult already and want to watch whatever I want but I can’t do it while my parents near. I want to feel freedom, but I can’t. Also I love that website and your sona. What should I do? I tried to convince my parents that not all furries like this, but they still think like that.

Николай Плац (age 24, Russia)

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Dear Nikolay,

From what I've heard, being a furry in Russia is not easy. The culture there is extremely hostile to our people. There was once a furcon there called Rusfurence in Moscow that I believe ran from 2013 to just before COVID-19 kicked in (it might have died from the plague and never got resurrected), but politicians in your country have always been openly hostile to furries. For example, I understand that the government has apparently blocked furry websites from being accessed in Russia (although you said you have access to e621, so maybe that is exaggerated). Also, there has been a movement among some politicians to make furries and related cultures such as therians against the law (although nothing has become illegal as yet). In a story that just came out today on MSN ("Russian Senator Pushes for Ban on Controversial Furry Culture" by Weronika Paliczka), a senator named Natalia Kosichina declared that being furry (she is targeting therians doing quadrobics in particular) is unhealthy and somehow "dangerous" to the community. She never explains why. Just a fear of things that are different, I'm sure, because the senator asserted that therians should be forced to play conventional sports to make them "healthy."

Anyway, in your particular case, your parents don't approve. This is common, even in America. In my experience, there really isn't much point in trying to sway their opinions toward the fandom because they see you as a child (even though you are 24) and likely won't respect your opinion on this matter. My suggestion to you is that, at 24, you should move out of your parents' house and go make a life on your own where you can be yourself. Now, the problem with that suggestion is that I do not know your financial situation, and politics and the economy right now in Russia is unsettled, to say the least. It might not be possible at the moment for you to leave, but I would make plans to do so as soon as you are able. In your mid-20s, you need to go out and make your own way.

But even if you do so, it is still rough being where you are. If there is any way you can network with nearby furries that would be a help to you for sure. You only note that you are in Russia (a big big place), but if you are lucky and live in or near Moscow, there is a furry group there. Last I heard in an article in Dogpatch Press, they were still organizing events two years ago and hopefully still do so today. Apparently, these Muscovite furries found each other on the Russian social network VKontakte, so perhaps you can locate some furries on that social site, too.

To summarize, it is likely a wasted effort to sway your parents. More productive would be to try to improve your position as an adult and individual, move out, and seek interaction with furries in your area by using whatever means are available to you.

Good Luck!

Papabear

Papabear,

I find it really hard to connect with people in the fandom, I moved to a place where i hoped it be easier for me to make fandom friends but it seems like conversation just die out and i have been unable to make meaningful connections. I went to my first meetups this year and every time it feels like im just wandering about, It doesn't help that im a very introverted and anxious person.

How do people make so many friends that it always seems like they are chatting with someone during cons/meetups?

Anonymous (age 31)

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Dear Furiend,

Yes, breaking down that wall can be a challenge, especially if you are a shy person. It can be harder for older furries over 30, too, because so many in the fandom are in their teens and twenties.

The people you see at conventions clustered in little groups likely were friends before they got there. It truly is much more fun to go to a con or a meet if you already know people and can hang out with them. Some of my best memories are going to the now-defunct Califur with my friend Cyberbear and others. 

When walking into an environment filled with people you don't know, you need something to "break the ice." To do this, you can't be shy. You know how uncomfortable it can be to see a nervous person on stage trying to talk in front of an audience and they make mistakes and their hands shake and their voice quavers? People have a hard time watching that. The same goes for crowds of people at parties. If you look at your shoes, hem and haw, sound nervous, etc., people will be uncomfortable and, though they might be polite to you, they will want to move away from you. 

So, you really do need to be confident in yourself. It should, hopefully, help that you're in a room with a lot of people who share your interests, which brings me to the next point: Finding something in common and using that to start a conversation. It helps that all these people at a convention or meet are literally wearing their personalities on the outside. Whether it is a fursuit or a shirt with logos of a favorite band or TV show, you can easily spot what they like. You can start conversations with things like, "I love your fursuit! Did you make it or is it a commission? etc. etc." If they are wearing, say, a Star Trek shirt, you can say you're a Trekker and strike up a conversation that way. It is important that, when doing this, you try not to dominate the conversation. Ask a lot of questions and show an interest in them as a person. Oh, you can also maybe draw people to you based on what you are wearing. The same applies if you are observing an activity. Most cons or other gatherings have game rooms. If you enjoy gaming, you can certainly see if you can join in on a board or card or video game with others. Once you get your foot in the door, keep asking questions and talking and see where the conversation goes. Let it wander from topic to topic and don't try to control the conversation. If things go well, see if you can't invite them to join you for some noms or accompany you to a party room. Remember, most people love to talk about themselves. Be a good listener.

As for overcoming anxiety in the first place, before you approach someone, try taking a few deep, cleansing breaths. Try to find people who look promising that they would share some commonalities with you. Rehearse a little in your head how you will introduce yourself. Also, especially at cons, there are often forums and talks involving special interest groups such as a meet for railroading aficionados or TikTok video makers or Kimba the White Lion fans or whatever. Check out the furcon program and see if you can find something suitable for you and participate!

Since you are 31, you are of age to join my Facebook Greymuzzle group if you like. Just go here https://www.facebook.com/groups/greymuzzles and you will see over 4,000 furries in your age group.

Let me know if you have further question.

Good Luck!

Papabear

Dear Furries,

As some of you know, I have been running the Good Furry Awards for over five years now. The purpose of these awards was to thank the thankless in the fandom who do wonderful things both for furries and non-furries. We have had some wonderful winners in the past, including Ash Coyote, Dogbomb, Mark Merlino, and Rod O'Riley. I was particularly glad that Mark was able to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award before he passed away.

I never wanted these awards to be "popularity contests." Honestly, I value everyone who was nominated because the intention was to give everyone who makes an effort to make the fandom a better place a paws up and a fuzzy hug. That's exactly the message in our theme song that was written by the fabulous Pepper Coyote. No, the true reason I started this project was that I was so exhausted from hearing furries criticizing the fandom all the time that I wanted to counteract all the negativity with something more positive: the Good Furry Awards.

From the beginning, the GFAs have been criticized by the furry community. They have been called "fake awards," "popufur contests," and worse. Furries have tried repeatedly to stuff the voter box and to nominate fake people. At first, I brushed this off because I had the same reaction when I started the "Ask Papabear" column. I said to myself, "Buck up, Grubbs. People don't understand what you're trying to do, but they will eventually, and they'll see you are doing something good for the fandom." Things did get better for my column (although I still get snarky comments on occasion), but the same cannot be said for the GFAs.

After five years, I still feel like the community finds these awards somehow offensive. I still get criticized for them all the time (which is weird because people don't criticize the Ursa Major Awards, but whatev). I've been wracking my brain as to why. Is it because the award winners are selected by popular vote? If that were true, the People's Choice Awards would have failed long ago. Is it because it is "fake" because I do all the work and not some corporation or national organization? Therefore, it's not "legit"? Or are the GFAs merely despised because furries who don't get nominated feel they aren't getting acknowledged?

I honestly do not know the answer.

But I do know this: Even though my intentions were always good (which is how one paves the Road to Hell, am I right?), if I am putting thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of my own money and time into a project that nobody wants, then maybe my entire concept was misguided and wrongheaded. Perhaps I should try to find another way to thank furries on my own and not worry about what the fandom as a whole thinks. After all, if YOU don't want the GFAs, then why the heck am I doing all this work? My bad.

As with the awards, though, I didn't want to make this decision without any input from furries. After all, I could be wrong. Maybe there are a lot of fans out there, and I just don't know it.

So, here's the deal: I'm putting it to a vote.

From now until August 31, you can vote on whether of not the Good Furry Award will stop now or continue on. How does this work? Well, being the good anal bear that I am, I made up fake ;) guidelines, towit:

1. There must be at least 200 votes received by the end of the month. (Weak turnout indicates apathy, and with several hundred thousand furries in the world, if I can't muster 200 votes, that's pretty telling.)
​
2. There must be a 2:1 ratio of Yes to No votes for the Yes column to win.

I will announce the results September 1.

GO HERE TO VOTE
​

Dear Papabear, Mr Grizzly (forgot first name), or Kevin...

Simply put, I've been interested in the furry fandom for a couple of years but unable to speak to anyone "inside."  I turn 50 this year, and that seems to be a big turn off. I tried a couple furry type chat groups and once they found out my age, they all attacked. I have a difficult time talking to young people since I'm single with no little deductions of my own. I should have lied when registering but thought better of it and forgot the websites. I registered in haste and with no intention of staying. Nobody will find me online. I have no fursona, no artistic ability, no friends and abandoned family over 30 years ago.

I'm a lone wolf, literally.

I gave up trying but can't help but watch a few furries on YouTube and attempt to attend an annual con that comes to town. Last year I missed it (the con) due to working in another hotel that weekend. I'd love someone to help create a fursona and I'd totally suit in public as much as possible. Just not now; it's literally 110 degrees every day in south Texas.

I reckon my question is: Should I just give up completely or is there some other way to make new furry friends both locally and abroad? This is all very frustrating and depressing.

Thank you for your time,

Jacob (San Antonio, age 49)

* * *

Dear Jacob,

Always nice to meet another greymuzzle. Yes, the difficulties you face relating to members of a fandom composed mostly of young people in their teens and twenties can be a challenge. 

But don't give up yet! 

If you're feeling lonely and unloved, I have just the groups for you. Just so happens I run the Greymuzzle group on Facebook that has over 4,000 members just waiting to say UwU and Awoo! to you! Everyone in this group is 30 and older, with many in their 40s, 50s, and up. I also formed a strictly 50 and above group called Silvermuzzles that has over 300 members. Please feel free to join these groups.

There are also some greymuzzle groups on Telegram, Discord, Amino, and, I believe, X (Twitter) that you can join. Just go to your favorite app and search on "greymuzzle" or "graymuzzle" and see what comes up. Oh, you might also try "elderfur," which is a term that is sometimes used, though not too much.

I feel the need to remind my readers (and you) that you don't have to be a fursuiter, artist, writer, gamer, or "influencer" (gods, I hate that word) to be a furry. Hell, you don't even need a fursona to be in the fandom, although it is a bit more fun if you do have one. The definition of a fandom is not "you must be able to produce stuff related to your interest" but only "you must love the thing that interests you." Being a furry simply means that you love the anthropomorphic animal arts. The fun of being in a fandom is to enjoy things like movies, TV shows, books, and comics and to share your love with like-minded people. 

The problem with many in the fandom (not just furries but pretty much everywhere in the USA, at least, if not other countries, too) is that it has become a competition to be noticed, to be validated, and to stand out from the crowd. People want to be "popufurs" and be admired, followed, and lauded. This is neurotic behavior usually stemming from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem, coupled with a desire for undeserved plaudits, is a social illness in our society that is exacerbated by our bizarre virtual spectator culture. Today, the result has been a split in the fandom between furries who are genuinely into furry culture and poser furries who only do it because it is considered outlandish to wear costumes in public and act goofy. That is, they just want to do anything they can to get noticed (I once heard such a furry, when asked why he was fursuiting, reply, "Because I'm bored.") These are the furries who later "leave the fandom" because they "grow up" and aren't preoccupied with attention anymore (busy with careers and family), rather than the furries who don't care about being noticed and just adore anthros no matter what life brings them or what others think about them. They aren't in it for an audience. They're in it for love.

Getting off my soapbox. . . .

I have another suggestion or two. In addition to joining one of my Facebook groups, I recommend you experiment with going to various cons and meets. Not all of them are shaped by the same cookie cutter. You mentioned that you went to the furcon in your town. Seeing that you live in San Antonio, I'm guessing you attended Alamo City Furry Invasion. If that con didn't feel friendly enough, the good news is that in Texas you can also find Furry Fiesta and Furry Siesta (both in Dallas) and Texas Spurs & Furs in Baytown near Houston. Depending on who runs a con, some are good and some are ... well, maybe not so good. My husband and I have a favorite con in Reno called Biggest Little Fur Con that we go to every year. I'm also trying out a new con next month much closer to me called Another Furry Con (I like that they are unafraid of being lame haha) in Ontario, California. It will be interesting to see what the atmosphere is like there.

As for meets, if you are unaware, there is the River City Furbowl in San Antonio on August 25 that you could check out.

Furmeets vary in quality, too. It's all about the person (or persons) who organizes and runs it. Some are quite horrible because they are run by furries with huge egos who create cliques that are impenetrable for new people who want to join. Other furmeets are loving and welcoming because they are run by cool furries. You just have to experiment and see what works for you. But if that doesn't work either, there is yet another option: Start your own furmeet, invite the people you want to invite, and organize your own activities for the meet.

I think your first step should definitely be to join my Greymuzzle group and/or the Silvermuzzle group. You will find many many mature furries there who will gladly help you with things like finding a maker for your fursuit and offering tips for fursuit maintenance and performance. They can also help you with your fursona if you like. That's 4,200 furiends in your age group that you can have instantly by joining!

Hope this helps! Hope to see you in my group soon!

Hugs,
Papabear Grubbs

Hello!

I am a therian and postfurry. I have been a therian for 7 years and I've watched the community grow drastically. People are thinking therianthropy is a trend and spreading tons of misinformation like "It's a mental illness, you need gear and quadrobics, choose your theriotype, I chose therianthropy."

I just can't anymore. I wear my gear practically everywhere because I don't really care for people and their looks anymore. I don't even care about the daily death threats and comments anymore! I care about my poor community falling into a "trend" and absolute chaos. I sometimes wish therianthropy didn't blow up. It was still very underground when I joined--a couple of videos, forums, websites--but now everything's different.

IDK if that's me being nonaccepting of these new, young therians who are most likely not an ACTUAL DEEPLY CONNECTED therians, or if it's just me seeing the damage social media has done to this world. I stay up all night sometimes, doing research on different topics, trying to understand them, or trying to find evidence to support a claim that's false. I spend my nights just trying to save at least my community.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of seeing all these new therians posting videos on TikTok about quadrobics and gear. That's not what therianthropy is about. That is a form of expression to the community, yes, but it's not entirely about that. It's just there to make you feel comfortable in your own body.

I know this was a lot, but I'm really trying my hardest to see if I'm overreacting and delusional or I'm just confused and trying to do good for these maybe actual problems.

Sincerely,
Willow (14)

* * *

Dear Willow:

Thank you for your timely letter. For the last couple of years, I, too, have been thinking about this issue. I'm not a therian, but it is interesting to see how a new generation is trying to change the definition of "therian."

Since I am posting this on my website, please indulge me while I explain a couple of things that my readers might not know (but you probably do, since you said you have researched this.)

What IS a therian?

According to Therian-Guide.com, a therian (or therianthrope) is " someone who experiences animalistic traits. There are some therianthropes who identify as something animalistic which may not have existed on earth. Theriomythics (mythical beasts such as dragons) are among these and it is an individual choice if they consider themselves to be therianthropes or otherkin. There are many theories as to why therianthropy is experienced. Some believe their therianthropy to be caused through reincarnation or misplaced souls, while others attribute it to scientific or psychological reasons such as imprinting, an innate predisposition, abnormalities in neurological wiring, or any of a number of various other theories."

In truth, the idea of therians and otherkin has been evolving for decades. When I first got into the fandom actively about 15 years ago (I have been a furry all my life, but not always active), "otherkin" was defined purely as someone who identified as some kind of mythological or other-dimensional being--most often beings such as elves and dragons--who either originated in another earthlike dimension or from another planet. Today, the idea of otherkin and therian often blend together, or one term is seen as a subgroup of the other (as in all therians are otherkin but not all otherkin are therians ... OR! All otherkin are therians but not all therians are otherkin). For this reason, a lot of people throw up their hands and say it doesn't really matter what the exact definition is, and then they group otherkin and therians under the umbrella category called alterkin or (less common) alterhumans. Now! For fun! Guess what? Here are a bunch of categories under alterkin!

Types of Alterkin:

·   Angelkin/demonkin: those who identify with angels and demons
·   Celestials: those who identify as higher space/dimensional beings
·   Fictionkin: those who identify with fictional characters
·   Godkin: those who identify with various gods and goddesses (small “g,” not big “G”)
·   Lycans/Lycanthropes: werewolves
·   Mythkin: could be a simile for otherkin if you define otherkin in narrow terms
·   Objectkin: yes, indeed, people who identify with objects; often, this is an inanimate object in the form of a toy such as a doll (think Toy Story, Brave Little Toaster)
·   Otherkin: those who identify as various mythologicals; or, sometimes, an umbrella term
·   Plantkin/Phytanthrope: those who identify as a plant species
·   Spacekin: those who identify with bodies in space (e.g. suns, planets, moons, asteroids)
·   Therians: those who identify as animals in some form
·   Werebeasts: associated closely with therians and referring to people who can transform spiritually or sometimes physically into animals (werewolves, werebears, etc.)


Whew! To be brief, all of these variations of people who believe they are--in part or in whole--something other than human. This otherness can be emotional or psychological. Now, there are some alterkin--especially lycans--who say they can in some ways physically shift. Usually, this is not a complete transformation like you might see in The Twilight Saga or An American Werewolf in London, but instead a partial transformation. I have had some lycans tell me that their incisors get longer or they grow tails or more hair or pointy ears, that sort of thing.

Therians are one of the topics I discuss in The Furry Book: The Who, What, Where, When, Why and How of the Furry Fandom. In this excerpt, I explain that not only do therians shift but there are different kinds of shifting:

"Shifts can occur either on purpose, such as through meditation, lucid dreaming, or some other mental discipline, or involuntarily, such as when certain outside stimuli set off a shift. This can be things such as being surprised or shocked or upset by something, by finding oneself in an environment that inspires animal instincts (e.g., a camping trip in the wilderness or a trip to a zoo or animal sanctuary), or by being among other therians. Also, there is something called a 'vacillant' or 'suntherian,' which are therians who have more subtle shifts, rather than abrupt shifts, between human and nonhuman identities."

"Therians might shift into just one kind of animal or they might have multiple animal form possibilities (called polytherians). Some polytherians might shift into just a certain genus of species (cladtherians), such as any type of canid (wolf, dog, fox, coyote, African wild dog, etc.)."

"Finally, there are two types of non-shifting therians: simple nonshifters who do not experience any kind of mental, spiritual, or emotional shift but who still feel they have an animal spirit or soul within them, and contherians, who are constantly experience their animal form in one way or another."

At this point you may have noticed that in none of the above discussions do I once say that therians galavant around on all fours while wearing tails and ears. This phenomenon is quite recent, originating in Japan and inspired by an athlete named Kenichi Ito, who set a world record by running a 100-meter dash on hands and feet. As with many furry-related things, the influence of Japanese culture on the American fandom in particular is strong, and sometime in the 2000s, quadrobics became popular with young therians. Because it is fascinating to watch, especially when performed by a person wearing ears and tail, the media glomped onto it after various posts on TikTok and YouTube brought the sport to life. Consequently, many younger furries and therians are now enamored by the concept that a therian is someone who partakes in this four-legged practice.

Of course, this is incorrect. Quadrobics is not what being therian is about. Or alterkin, for that matter. Although some of the quadropists assert they do identify with animals in some way, I sense that most of them pursue the activity just for fun and to get noticed on social media.

As with furries, you have to beware of the gatekeepers. No, you don't need to do quadrobics to be a therian. No, you don't need to wear anything to be a therian. No, you don't even have to pick a single type of alterkin if you don't want to.

To be blunt, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, and you don't have to listen to what anyone tells you to do (not even Papabear LOL; just take all my writing here with a grain of salt and do what you feel is right for you.)

Willow, I'm going to tell you what I tell many people who write to my column: You are not responsible for your community or what other people think of it or even how they define it. You are too young to get anxiety and heartburn because you are so concerned about how others think of therians.

Choose your own path. Let others choose theirs. If others don't like you or say mean things to you because they have created a mould that you refuse to be poured into, then that is their problem, not yours. If a bunch of quadrobists want to call themselves "therians," then even though you and I might disagree with that definition, who cares? They certainly don't. You know in your heart who you really are, and that puts you way ahead of others in this game of life, Willow. Some people don't figure out who they are until they are old and gray. Some people never figure it out. You sound like you got it down, and you're only 14!

For you, being a therian is "just there to make you feel comfortable in your own body." And you are correct. That is the definition that is right for you. Good job.

You are not "delusional" at all. And you are not confused. Where you have gone wrong is by making this a problem. It is not a problem, and it is especially not your problem.

Let others have their fun. Let them be. And, by the same account, don't let others bother you with their drama. Just say, "Hey, this is what I am, and this is what I enjoy. If you can't deal with who I am, not my problem. Have a nice day."

Blessed Be, Willow.

Hugs,
Papabear

Hi Papabear!

This is my first question I am going to ask you, and possibly more, but I’m only going under a fake name because I'm uncomfortable sharing my real name with someone I don’t know, but anyways, I wanted to ask this question:

How do I make more furry friends in my school, while trying to stay away from gossip and backlash around me?

Here is some context. I have been in the fandom since August of 2022 (by the time you answer this it may be my 2nd anniversary of being in the fandom!), but I’ve never been able to make any genuine friends in the fandom. I’m usually friends with them one day, but it’s never been long term.

Since I don’t have many friends online, I try to resort to in real life friends! However, there is one issue with this: I am a popular kid at school.

Now I know there is a lot of misinformation about furries online, and I do not want to ruin my reputation only to be hated by the people who used to support me throughout the years that I’ve been with them. I try to indirectly tell them that I am a furry, but I would hate for someone to tell that to someone else and make it spread.
I know of other furries in my school, but most people joke around and gossip about them. My closest friend (that I’ve been friends with for 9 years), does not really approve of furries and I think that he may not be fond of me if I told him the truth that I am a furry. The way I found this out was by wearing a furry avatar in roblox. I even asked him about it one day.

I know I’m kinda ranting about it (I’m sorry) but … sometimes I genuinely feel alone in the fandom. I’ve kept this a secret from pretty much everyone (except for a few people) and I just really want that one person who genuinely cares for me. One that will go to furry cons with me, not judge me, and maybe even have a happy life with them (boy or girl it doesn’t matter).

I just … I don’t know … I felt like someone that has been through a bit in the furry fandom could actually help me with this. If you can recommend anyone I could be friends with (if possible), please let me know.

Cheers! Sending you Mint ice cream your way!

Minty the Protogen (age 15, Louisiana)

* * *

Dear Minty,

First, consider why you are a furry. Are you a furry because you want to be popular? Or are you a furry because you love the furry arts and creative play of the fandom and you want to get into things like furry gaming, fursonas, writing stories, creating art, and enjoying furry fiction? If you are more concerned about your popularity at school than about being a furry, you should just forget about being a furry and continue being Mr. Popularity at your school. 

But know this: Most people who are friends with the popular person at school (or work, or church, or whatever) are only fair-weather friends who hover around you like flies over a summer picnic because it looks tasty, not because they are real friends. After you graduate, you'll never hear from them again. I have one true friend from those days named Todd, who has been my friend since the third grade and is STILL my friend 50 years later. THAT is a real friend.

A real friend will be your friend whether or not you are popular and whether or not you are a furry.

So, to answer your initial question: If you come out as furry in your school, the results will be predictable. You will likely be the new target of all the kids who hate furries and you can say bye bye to being the popular guy. 

Now, if you are truly bold, you could try and use your popularity to change people's views about furry. That is, use your cachet to make furry cool at school. Kind of like in Turning Red, where Mei's ability (or curse) to turn into a giant red panda becomes super cool at her school, with all the students lining up to take photos with her and buy her merch. I don't know if that is possible IRL, but wouldn't that be wonderful?

There are a lot of young furries out there who get into furry because they want to be outrageous and get noticed. In a lot of ways, furry is becoming more mainstream (the success of Zootopia and Turning Red are indicators of this). You could try to be the person at your school who turns things around and makes furry totally pawsome. But it would take a lot of work on your part, and you would have to pursue it fearlessly. Not sure what the social climate in Louisiana is, but if you are in or around New Orleans, I hear that is a pretty outrageous town. You could maybe take advantage of Mardi Gras celebrations to let your furry side out. (I don't mean go to Mardis Gras, just use it as a theme.)

It could go well, or it could backfire on you big time. Ask yourself if you're willing to take that risk. If not, play it safe and don't come out furry around your classmates.

Now, as to finding IRL furries to hang with, yeah, that can be a bit challenging. The best way is to first find nearby furries online and then try to hang with them at furmeets and furcons. How do you find local furries online? There are a couple of ways to do so. First off, I recommend downloading the Barq app on your phone. It's a social app that will show you right away which registered users are close to you. Next, go online and simply google "Louisiana Furries." I found this website https://sites.google.com/view/louisianafurs/home about Louisiana furs by doing that search.

​Interestingly, there were plans for a Bayou Furry Bash convention, but as of this time it seems it never quite got off the ground, sadly. There is also a Facebook group for Louisiana furries and FurAffinity. The FA account seems to be inactive for at least a year, and the FB account is minimally active. Rats.

Seems like the Louisiana furries have been struggling. I also searched the Meetup website and Telegram, but I found nothing there that was promising. There used to be a website called the Internet Furry Proximity Locator that could have proven useful to you, but I don't believe it has been maintained, nor do many furries even know about it, so that likely won't work.

If you were a little older, I would suggest you drive to Texas Furry Fiesta in San Antonio, which is not too too far from Louisiana and is an excellent con. But right now, that's not practical for you unless you can get your parents onboard.

It sounds to this bear like the state of Louisiana could really use a cool furry like you to get them organized. You're still a bit young, but before you know it, you'll be 16 and then 18, and you'll be able to do more stuff independently. You might consider forming your own furmeet group. (I wrote a short column about that which might help).

It can be tough to meet furries IRL in some locations in this country. Besides Barq, the best thing for you to do would be to simply join various furry groups on Facebook, Discord, Telegram etc. and ask around if anyone lives in your area. I would also suggest that you work on locating nearby furries first before you out yourself at school as a furry. That way, if things go south at school, you will hopefully have some furry friends locally to provide you some emotional support and hugs.

But, hey, before I forget, didn't you say you already knew some furries at school? But, apparently, you are not talking to them because they are not part of the cool crowd. Meanwhile, you fear your "closest friend" will reject you for being a furry. I ask you to pause a moment and consider why you are avoiding these furries and what might that say about you and your fear of ruining your "reputation." If you want a friend who "genuinely cares" about you and will hang out with you at furry events, approach the furries at your school.

In the end, you should pursue interests and friendships that suit you best. While everyone wants to feel love and support from their peers, this is less important than following your own path, creating your own identity rather than a persona that meets the approval of others. You are not put on Earth to fulfill the expectations of others and of our shallow and fake society. 

You are put on Earth to find yourself, explore the universe, and to grow as a person. If being a furry helps you with that, then gofurit.

Good Luck!
Papabear

Hi, Papabear,

It's been a while since I've written; I haven't since 2020. But you were the only advice column I could think of that I actually trust and have used in the past.

So, this is tricky and requires a little bit of backstory. Me and my current partner, Allie, met at our church, and we have a sorta secret relationship due to us being LGBTQ+. One of our friends, Liberty, knows. She's trustworthy, but she seems to think all secret relationships are the same: just a harmless relationship that people don't understand. And now because of her view on that, she (a 15-year-old) has gotten into a "secret" relationship with another friend, Malcom (19 years old). I'm guessing you can see the problem here.

She's very sweet, yet she lives in a sheltered house, where she doesn't know much other than what her parents tell her, so she has a very "people only ever have my best interest in mind" sort of deal going on. She's told me her relationship is legal and safe as long as nothing sexual happens between her and Malcom, but I'm honestly terrified for her safety.

I trust Malcom and I know he'd never hurt her, mainly because I've talked to him about this kind of stuff before when he expressed interest in her before they got together. But I'm so genuinely worried that something will happen. And I don't know if I can call them out for this being questionable, if not downright horrible, because I still love them both as friends and I know this would hurt them. But the other part in me has literally fought against predators online, and it makes me almost physically ill to see this happening between them.

I don't know what to do, and I'm scared that Malcom will use the power imbalance created by their age gap against Liberty. I trust him, but I'm worried that eventually my trust will prove to be misguided. This is also one of Liberty's first relationships that she's actually wanted to be in, and I don't want to take that away from her. But I need her to see the problems that come with the age gap.

What do I do?

Candy Bear

* * *

Dear Candy Bear,

Short answer is: do nothing. It's really none of your business to interfere in other people's relationships, so stop working under the assumption that it is.

Longer answer: Depending on which state you live in, the age of consent can range from 16 to 18 years of age. Your friend Liberty should be made aware that it would be against the law for any sexual concourse between her and Malcolm. Now, interestingly, if Malcolm were under 18, there are such things called "Romeo and Juliet Laws," which means that in some states, if both lovers are minors and both consent to sex and they are close in age (say, 16 and 17) it might not be considered breaking the law. However, that is not the case here. Be careful about assumptions, too. You might think that both Liberty and Malcolm are good folk who are telling the truth that no sex is going on (although the fact that you have doubts about Malcolm indicates you really do NOT trust him 100%), but let's face it: They are both at the "raging hormones" stage and may "accidentally" fall into mutual bodily concourse.

According to the law firm Schmidt and Clark, there are other things to beware of when it concerns an adult (Malcolm) and a minor (Liberty) that do not involve literal sex directly, including:

• Providing liquor to a minor
• Engaging in any acts considered "lewd" in your state (also includes doing something lewd where the minor can see, even if the minor is not directly involved, such as displaying one's genitals)
• Loitering on school grounds
• Solicitation (even if it doesn't result in sex)
• Simply annoying or molesting (e.g. inappropriate touching) a minor
• Possession of child porn

Any of these things could be considered breaking the law, and Malcolm could face charges if caught.

While I would not try to involve yourself much in their relationship, it might not be a bad idea to make your friends at least aware of these laws. You don't say which state you reside in, so I can't be more specific, so a little online research might help here. Ignorance of the law is not an excuse if you break the law, so being informed is important. 

Good Luck,
Papabear

Dear Papabear,

I need advice. When I was 16 or 17, I joined NSFW furry ERP [Erotic Role-Play] servers and I don’t know how long I can keep the lie up. I don’t know what to do, and I feel horrible for endangering the people in those servers who don’t know. I know I broke the rules and screwed up, but if I tell them, they’ll cut me out forever, and they’re actually very nice people who I’ve found solace with. The guilt is eating me alive. Please help.

Nanashi (age 19)

* * *

Dear Nanashi,

What you're asking Papabear is basically this: "How can I get away with being a liar and not face the consequences?" Now that you are over the age of 18 and permitted to go into NSFW websites, you are supposedly an "adult." Part of being an adult is taking consequences for your actions (this is why we have a 78-year-old candidate for president who is, IMHO, mentally still a child). 

Don't be like Trump. Suck it up, tell the truth, and take the consequences for your lie. If you apologize profusely, perhaps people will be okay with that and forgive you; perhaps not. But, you know, I am 100% positive you are not the only person who lied about your age to get on a NSFW site. That's kind of the problem with the internet. Porn is easily accessible to children who are unsupervised, and all they have to do is check a box to assert they are over 18 (if that). They might not have a credit card to use on pay sites, but there is no end to available porn for free. Also, IMHO, this is why I believe that furry adult sites such as FurAffinity, as well as nonfurry sites (X has tons of porn now, I hear [I left X when Twitter was bought]), should be pay sites to keep the porn away from kids.

You're feeling guilty because you know you did wrong. That's a good sign. It shows you have a conscience. As the Christians are fond of saying, "Confession is good for the soul." So, you have two choices: 1) Be an adult, tell the truth, and face the consequences like an adult; 2) Say nothing and hope no one notices and let the guilt turn into an ulcer (ever read Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart"?).

Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's a true answer.

Good Luck!

Papabear

Dear Papabear,

Over the past several years, I have made a good life for myself. I own my own house, my own car, I have a successful career as an electrical engineer for a prominent aerospace company. I am heavily involved in my local church. On my off time, I like to explore my creative hobbies. From the outside, I look like a very successful bachelor who has it all together, but I've been secretly struggling with an issue that has plagued me since I was 10, one that I could never ever admit to the people around me. I am secretly an infantilist (ABDL/babyfur etc.).

The TL;DR [too long, didn't read] is that I have an extreme fascination with basically anything that is "babyish" (diapers, pacifiers, baby bottles, etc.). I even have a small collection of ABDL-style diapers, pacifiers, onesies, stuffed animals, and baby bottles that I have hidden in my bedroom that I like to wear and play with on a regular basis. For some reason, I find the idea of being 2 years old again really comforting. It makes me feel safe and innocent and cute, and I often fantasize about another man taking care of me in that way. But even though I feel these things, whenever I "act out" in the privacy of my own home, I also feel equally very horrified and disturbed by it. I find myself regretting it and hating myself, sometimes crying and losing my cool over doing these things and having these feelings. What is worse is that very recently, I have noticed that whenever I'm in "Little Time" for too long, I start shaking and experiencing panic attacks, sometimes experiencing disturbing and hazy flashbacks to when I was 3 years old, and my mom pulling me out of daycare out of concern for my safety (I asked her some time ago about what happened there, but all she would tell me was that she thinks I may have been abused and just "wished she had found the evidence needed to sue them into oblivion").

I don't know who I can talk to about this. No one in my local circle of friends knows I'm into the ABDL thing (nor would any of them understand or want to understand what it is without being grossed out and disowning me). I confessed to a couple of friends in a furry Discord I'm in, and they have been compassionate and accepting, but I don't know them in person. As for others who are ABDL, I don't really interact with others in that community (outside of maybe a couple of babyfur meet & greets at some of the fur cons I've been to).

I just feel alone, living a double life with a weird attachment towards something that feels like it hurts me more than helps me. And I don't know what I should do about it, and no one to really talk to about it. I tried seeking psychological help for it, and while it has helped me get over the feelings of shame, it still hasn't changed my desires all that much. I still wear diapers and I still find myself clinging to these infantile desires, and I don't know what to do. Should I just accept this ABDL thing as just who I am, despite it hurting me and keeping me alone, or should I keep trying to free myself from it?

Anonymous

* * *

Dear Furiend,

Thank you for having the courage to write about this sensitive matter and your experience with ABDL (for any of my readers who don't know, ABDL = Adult Baby Diaper Lover).

It's important to first note that--similar to the confusion outsiders have with furries--this is not a sexual fetish. Rather, it is an outward expression of an inner emotional and psychological desire to return to a simpler time and also to feel cared for. It is a desire to destress from the complications of adult life. It is easy to see that you, as a very responsible person with a career and material successes, probably deal with a lot of stress from the burden of many adult responsibilities. In this way, ABDL shares something with many furries in that this practice is a way to forget about things like bills, taxes, work deadlines, rent, health care, politics, etc. etc. Now, ABDL should be distinguished from infantilism in that the latter is about fantasizing that one is a baby while ABDL can just mean that one indulges in wearing diapers and having other childish possessions such as plushies (another parallel here is plushophiles vs. ABDL; again, not the same thing), having a pacifier, wearing onesies, drinking from a baby bottle, etc. It sounds like you are both ABDL and some infantilism.

You find the above comforting because these things reduce your stress from the workaday world. Unfortunately for you, indulging in your little fantasy is bringing up an early trauma of being abused in a daycare facility. This is really sad that your one pressure valve to relieve stress can in and of itself cause stress because of what happened to you as a little kid! 

You say you sought help from a psychologist, but it didn't help much. I believe that is because you were focused on your feelings of shame about diapers. What you should have explored with the therapist was your childhood trauma. This is definitely something you need to confront and resolve. If, with the help of a trained counselor, you can overcome this trauma, it should cause the panic attacks to go away. It might even cause the ABDL to go away, too, if the desire to be an infant is an attempt by your inner psyche to erase the traumatic experience and replace it with a more comforting image of what your young childhood should have been.

But if the ABDL doesn't go away, that's fine, too. You really should seek out (again) a support system of some sort, though. You might try some babyfur groups within the furry community to start like this one. I also found this website called Tykables that is kind of interesting. It is a merchant that caters to the ABDL community, so it is, indeed, selling products, but it also has social websites at Facebook, X, and Instagram as well as a YouTube channel and newsletter.

Finally, because at least part of your attraction to ABDL may have something to do with the stress of adult life, I think it would be a good idea to explore other ways to relax. Exercise (swimming, jogging) are excellent, as well as meditation, yoga, nature hikes, biking, and so on. You might also spend more time exploring other facets of the furry community that are not about babyfurs, such as gaming, fursuiting, movies, cartoons, writing, and art.

So, in summary, I would recommend seeking a good therapist who specializes in childhood trauma; I would recommend finding some social support of like-minded people; and I would recommend finding other avenues for de-stressing yourself from work and daily life.

Bottom line, though, is that if you are not hurting anyone, you should not feel ashamed of things you like to do or wear or be. Definitely try to resolve your childhood trauma, but other than that, you're okay.

Bear Hugs!
Papabear

Hey Papabear,

I rejoined the fandom back in late 2023 after nearly a 13 year absence, for a myriad of reasons. But since I've rejoined I've found I don't quite gel with the fandom as a whole and it's been quite lonely. I've even gotten to the point of wondering why I've even rejoined. Whether it's in person or online I just don't seem to fit in with the other furries.

For reference I'm not a very bubbly, goofy, or cartoonish individual. I'm chill, down-to-earth, and most people who know me would never guess I was a furry; a very average Joe. Cons aren't my thing as I'm not a fan of crowds and my masklophobia kinda solidifies my dislike of cons.

So I guess my question is, should I even remain in the fandom if I feel like I don't belong or mesh well with the furry community? Should I just go back to being a fan of furry art while not engaging with furries or having a fursona?

Jay (age 34)

* * *

​Hi, Jay,

Many furries who reach their 30s and beyond can feel alienated from the fandom--mostly, because the vast majority of furries are in their teens and twenties, so it is hard for the older generation to relate to them. I don't know if you've heard the term before, but you would now be classified as a "graymuzzle" (greymuzzle, if you prefer, which I do), which is any furry over 30. Fortunately, as the fandom has aged, there are more and more greymuzzle groups out there. For example, I run the Facebook Greymuzzle group. There are also greymuzzle groups on Telegram, X, Amino groups, and DeviantArt.

My group has about 3,800 members in it. Most of us, like you, are much more chill and laid back. I, as admin, also make sure it is free of drama, sex, and rudeness. I invite you to join my group and check out the others, as well.

There is still a place for you in the fandom. I'm sure you will like it better when you find people your age.

I hope to see you apply soon!

Bear Hugs,
Papabear

As anyone who reads my column knows, I often receives letters from furries who are either Christians or who are the children of Christian parents. They worry that they can't in good conscience be both furry and Christian. For years, I have answered this question as best I could. I am not currently a Christian, although I was raised Southern Baptist. (I left Christianity in my teen years.)

It occurred to me, finally (I can be slow at times), to ask Christian furries themselves how they would answer the question, "How can you be both a Christian and a furry?" Christian furry Jude Wriley took up my plea to answer the question by putting it to his fellow furries at an organization called the Christian Furry Fellowship.

Below are their responses. I have NOT edited this for content, and this is a VERY LONG entry (23 single-spaced pages in the original), so there is a lot to absorb here. The responses do not surprise me much and are mostly what I have said before, but there is a definite Christian perspective here that I think you will find valuable that I could never provide myself.

Twenty-one Christian furries answered the question. Thanks to all of them who took the time to answer in very thoughtful and measured ways.

​Here is what they said. . .

* * *

How do we, as Christians, explain that it's okay to be a furry?

I think I could do this by asking, "Why might it not be okay?" And the two (biggest) objections I would think of are (1) about “the Image of God” and (2) something to the point of associating with non-Christians and others who are mistaken about God.

(1) I would answer by pointing to the likeness of men/humans to God being more about our minds/souls than our bodies. (thinking of Colossians 3:10 especially).
(2) The superficial point here is one of us being in the world but not of it. More to the point, it's okay as we have to associate with non-Christians if we are to help them find Christ. That said, this is the more concerning point as love can be misused (c.f. Augustine and Amor Sui) to cause people to slip in their faith.

On top of these things. . . . It might be fair to point out that Jesus has been described as a lion and as a lamb at various points so the whole thing passes a (superficial at least) "Is it Christ-like?" test.

-- Dragoon

* * *

First and foremost, it is crucial to recognize that each person is fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, with unique characteristics, interests, and ways of self-expression. The Bible teaches us to love our neighbors as ourselves, embracing them with compassion and kindness, regardless of their individual preferences or hobbies.

While the concept of being a furry may not align with traditional norms or beliefs, it's essential to remember that diversity is a fundamental aspect of God's creation. As Christians, we are called to foster a community of inclusivity, acceptance, and love, where individuals feel valued and respected for who they are.

By approaching individuals who identify as furries with an open mind and a heart of understanding, we demonstrate the unconditional love that Jesus exemplified during His time on Earth.

In conclusion, as Christians, we affirm the inherent dignity and worth of every individual, recognizing that differences in interests or expressions do not diminish the value of a person in the eyes of God.
With grace and humility,

-- Shadow-Lightning Wolf

* * *

Being a furry means I can get closer to Furries and lead them to Christ.

-- Gilchrist

* * *

Hello, I happen to be a Christian furry! So I'm going to answer the question of "Is there anything wrong with being a furry?" So there is no harm with being a furry; it is a hobby. Now what that hobby is, is having an interest towards anthropomorphic animals. The interest in particular is thinking they are awesome! Some Furries can make their own furry characters to represent themselves as, that's called a "fursona." Some furries tend to roleplay as their fursonas, or use their fursona as a a profile picture. Someone can criticize the idea of being a furry by saying that's odd or they could use a bad example of what a furry did, but that doesn't make the hobby wrong in itself. It depends on how one does their hobby.

-- Sanctus

* * *

God probably has better stuff to worry about than people pretending to be cartoon animals on the internet.

[Papabear note: short and to the point. Me likey!]

-- Cal

* * *

As people, we all have a lot of hobbies. For me, I'm a computer nerd, an airsoft player, a furry, and a gamer. None of those define who I am; that honor has been eternally reserved by Christ.

They each are aspects of my life, but nothing more than that. Should any of them take precedence over my faith, or become my identity — at that point, they would become problematic, and yes, sinful.

This touches on the first concern we should have regarding furries, that being the topic of identity. Obviously, as furries we are still people. To identify as an animal would be to deny the image of God He has made us in. As Christians we recognize that being a furry is merely a hobby, and that our identity is in the One who has saved us.

So our prerogative as Christians is to keep furry as merely a hobby, and enjoy it the way you enjoy being a sports fan or a car buff. But there is another aspect we have to keep in mind if we choose to participate in the furry fandom; it's a sad reality that large swaths of the furry fandom practice sexual immorality of one form or another, and in fact take pride in it. It's very reasonable to question if we should even call ourselves furries.

To explain how we can live pure lives apart from the sin in the furry community, I'd like to use an analogy from another hobby of mine. I enjoy airsoft matches and airsoft military simulations.

Unfortunately, the airsoft community is highly toxic, and most airsofters I've met are not exactly a good influence to be around. So our predominantly Christian airsoft team enjoys our hobby while mostly keeping to ourselves, limiting our interactions to only a small piece of the wider airsoft community. This way we believe we can be a positive influence on others, instead of letting others be a negative influence on us.

As Christian furries, we strive to enjoy our hobby in a similar fashion — we largely keep within the Christian furry community, and limit our interaction with the furry fandom at large, so that we can spread the Gospel. And in all things our focus is not on our fursonas, but on the fulfillment of the Great Commission:

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20)

-- MonocleRB

* * *

I’ve wrestled with this question before privately. I was once in very bitter denial about the fact that, well, I was evidently a furry. I was initially convinced that I was an awful weirdo for it, and I went through a great deal of mental turmoil as a result. However, after a few divine interventions that led me to the right people and places, God put me at peace. I hope I can properly explain the bullet points of that journey here.

I’ll answer the question by first acknowledging some of the objections I’ve seen to being both a furry and a Christian. Then, I’ll give my justifications for those objections. Finally, I’ll touch on some of the good that the furry interest has done for me personally.

Objection 1: Being a furry defaces/mocks/alters the Image of God.

This is a good objection to make, and thankfully it is not true. The main idea of the objection is that representing yourself as something that isn’t human corrupts the fact that you are a human made by God in his own Image. In reality, using a fictional character to represent your personality is no more corrupting to the Image of God than drawing an imperfect self-portrait with crayons on paper. Can fictional representations of yourself be taken too far? Absolutely. But it doesn’t have to go there.

Objection 2: Being a furry is immoral in regards to purity.

Unfortunately, a lot of people in all interests, furry or otherwise, are unashamed of sin. I want to point out, though, that this is separate from the furry interest itself. You can be impure as a furry, or a sports fan, a musician, or any other interest or hobby. You can also be pure in those hobbies.

Objection 3: Pretending to be an animal is a sin.

That depends on what you mean by “pretend.” Acting a character, human or anthropomorphic, isn’t a problem. Fiction can be taken too far of course, and if it does, then it becomes sin. I’m personally not much of a costume guy, but cosplaying as a furry character you made is morally no different than cosplaying as a human character.

Objection 4: Being a furry is weak/feminine/weird.

Like before, you can be weak or strong, feminine or masculine regardless of what interest you’re involved in. As for being weird? Yeah, fair. But normal is kind of boring anyway.

Now that I’ve explained why the furry interest isn’t bad, I’d like to tell you how, for me, it’s actually been good.

I am not very good at understanding my own feelings, and for much of my life I suppressed them just to avoid the chaos they caused. Of course, I couldn’t always lock them up like I wanted, and I would break down. After finding peace from God about being a furry, I put together a fursona (furry persona), a fruit bat named Osmond, meaning “God’s protection.” Suddenly, I had a fictional representation of myself that I could use as a sort of emotional illustration to observe from the outside. Coming up with feelings for Osmond that were similar to my real-life feelings helped me to understand and process the strange, racing thoughts in my head by watching them play out in a story I created. Eventually, I even matured enough that I felt Osmond didn’t fit me anymore. He represented myself in the past, when I was confused, afraid, and quiet. I retired him honorably as my fursona and made a new one, a pallid bat named Ezekiel, meaning “God will strengthen.” Ezekiel represents myself now, and he is much more at peace, fearless, and joyful than Osmond.

Shortly after making Osmond, I picked up drawing as a hobby. Art is currently one of my main hobbies. I particularly enjoy drawing anthropomorphic caricatures of my friends, who love seeing what animals I pick to represent them. I have met a lot of like-faithed people in the furry art community, and honing my art skills with them has been a huge blessing.

Well, that’s my explanation. Hopefully this doesn’t read like a college essay, but I am in college, so I can’t help it. I love the Lord my God, and I like drawing the funny bat guy. Whoever you are and for whatever reason you took the time to read this, I hope I’ve been able to give you some peace about all of this.

Hang loose,

-- Mark F

* * *

It is no less wrong to be a furry than it is to be someone that enjoys tabletop roleplaying games, voice acting, or other forms of live action roleplay.

Being a furry is simply an enthusiastic passion like any other and doing so doesn't make you any less human. Christianity is not exclusive to one race or group; from the Evangelicals in the U.S.A, the Eastern Orthodoxy in the Balkans, the Catholics in South America, the Anglicans in Africa, and the Oriental Orthodox in the Mediterranean, and so on and so forth; the truth remains the same.

Christ came for all.

As said in Matthew 28:19-20 (ESV), “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

So who are we as Christians to reject teaching others about the word of God? Being a furry is just simply a sliver of who you are, one that doesn't have to interfere with you being Christian.

The main problem lies within those that make themselves slaves to their desires and let it degenerate them. It's all about moderation and not letting any aspect of your life control or deny your relationship with God.

I won't lie to you and say it'll be easy to be a Christian Furry, you'll more than likely face some push back from both Christians and Furries who may disagree with either side of that identity, but it's best to remind yourself they are misguided in those thoughts and persecutions. Meet them with love as hard as it may be, for loving Jesus isn't the hard part, but loving people like Jesus loves is.

Also, you don't have to be perfect, because in all honesty you can't be. Along the way you will trip, stumble, and bump into all kinds of sin. What really matters if you're willing to accept the hand that is willing to lead you away from it.

I'm not a furry myself, but I can say that you are loved, by me and your fellow brothers and sisters and Christ, and most importantly Christ himself.

Regardless of what hobby you have that'll never change, I ask of you not to endless devout your life to becoming an esteemed theologian, or priest, but rather realize that much like the Furry fandom Christians come from all walks of life and a few bad experiences doesn't mean the entirety of the people are bad.

All in all, I hope I managed to give you all a new perspective on why I believe both Christianity and Furries aren't antithetical to one another, and remember as said in John 3:16 (ESV): “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Sincerely, Your Brother in Christ,

Jack

* * *

Hello, I got word in CFF chat that you were looking for responses to the question "How do you and I, as Christians, explain that it's okay to be a furry?" I thought I would give it a try.

Whenever I have to explain what furries are, I just say "they're geeks." It's just a particular flavor of geekdom. It's no more fraught with sin and idolatry than other fandoms or hobbies or anything other pursuit in life. But ironically, of all the fandoms, I think the furry fandom has the best potential for Christians to shine and image forth God.

God is endlessly playful and imaginative. One only has to look around at His creation to see this. From the common cat to the far-flung platypus, God is speaking his glory with every one of his works. The Bible does not shy away from using animal imagery to paint pictures. The last few chapters of Job are a showcase of animals from all extremes of creation.

If dressing up as a lesser creature is distasteful, consider that God's greatest work involved Him doing exactly this. He put on human flesh as Jesus (Phil 2:7). He gravitated in compassion toward the lowly and misunderstood, and bore the penalty of sin on the cross to save his enemies (you and me) to make them his friends and adopted family.

Jesus then calls his people out of (and into) every tribe, tongue, and nation; every community and common bond that emerges in humanity, for the mission of spreading his good news. The fandom is a unique opportunity to speak and live out this gospel, not as an outsider to it, but as one who has "become all things to all people" (1 Cor 9:19-27).

Stories, artwork, music, creative remixes of the raw material that exists -- God gave these as a gift not just to the biblical authors, but to all humanity. People often point to Narnia [Papabear note: referring to C. S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia books; Lewis was an Anglican lay theologian and Christian apologist] as a good example of creature-filled sanctified storytelling, but it's only the beginning of what is possible. As image-bearers of the Creator, we are free to create, play pretend, take risks, and tell new stories of our own, all to the glory of God (1 Cor 10:31).

-- Hexadoodle Frog

* * *

The Christian church and furry fandom have almost always been diametrically opposed and seemingly incompatible with one another. Yet here I stand; I consider myself to belong to both of these groups. My name is Liam, and I have been a Christian for all my twenty-five years, and I have called myself a furry for a few of those years now. Many of my family and friends are either Christian and/or furry. Some are neither.

The furry community is a place filled with immensely skilled, beautiful people, and I love everyone I have ever met there. But my faith in God is the most important thing in my life. I have sacrificed a lot (and I really do mean A LOT) for my faith and it is the one thing no one and nothing can ever take away from me. God's love for me inspires me to show love to all other people, and that includes all Christians and all furries. This foundation of both reverence for my God and admiration of the individuals in the furry community is where my answer to this question comes from.

Whenever Christians ask a question like, "is this okay" to participate in as a Christian, I believe there are actually two questions that must be answered. An objective question that applies to all: is the behavior biblically endorsed or condemned? And a subjective question that each person must individually ask themselves: will my participation in this behavior bring me and others closer to God?

Here is my opinion on the objective question. I believe for those like me who both call themselves a furry and feel they are called to share truth and love to other people, "being a furry" is more than just "okay." I believe being a furry is part of a divine mission to connect with others atop common ground.

Many Christians are confused by the definition of what a "furry" is and are stubborn to learn it. They are so stubborn they have come to fear furries. This fear is often what drives anti-furry Christians to vehemently denigrate furries and all associations with the furry fandom. I would like to express my apologies to furries who have been hurt or bullied by any member of the Christian church. This behavior is unacceptable whether it's okay to be a furry or not.

This is my definition: a "furry" is someone who likes anthropomorphic animal characters. That's it. By that definition, I think anyone will be hard-pressed to find any biblical scripture condemning (or endorsing, for that matter) furries.

Let me clarify by addressing some common misconceptions many anti-furries have when they imagine what a furry is. Calling oneself a furry is not an expression of identity nor sexuality. A "therian" is one who identifies as an animal. I do believe that therianism is sinful, because this denies one's own humanity. In other words, it is a form of lying and self-deceit. A "zoophile" is one who commits sexual acts with animals, and I believe this is sinful for obvious reasons. It should be equally obvious that furries are not necessarily either of these things.

Another thing anti-furries seem to abhor is the concept of fursuits and fursonas, though I believe there are others who can explain it better than me. In short, a "fursuit" is a mascot costume one wears on their physical body for others' entertainment. Fursuiting is an expressive art form and I would consider it to be morally equivalent to cosplaying. A "fursona" is the character that one roleplays as. Furries often like to create artwork of their fursona as their profile photo for various social media. For fun. I myself do have a fursona (a vulture) but I do not actually believe I am the same as this character. I don't believe using either a fursona or a fursuit is sinful.

But there is one underlying concern that I'd like to address for all my fellow Christians reading this. The temptation of idolatry is pervasive for ALL people, at all times. As a Christian, it ceases to be "okay" to be or to do anything when that behavior, identity, etc. replaces God in our hearts. Even something that was once good, can become poisoned and evil if we place it above God. Everything we as Christians do should be done with active certainty that it will glorify God. With this in mind, I do believe it can be a very good thing to be a Christian furry. It is my prayer that calling myself a furry will allow others to understand and receive God's love where non-furries have been unsuccessful.

-- Liam

* * *

I simply cannot see any sort of natural sinfulness involved in an appreciation of furry characters . . . drawn, worn as a costume, or otherwise. Frankly, it involves natural, GOD-GIVEN talent and creativity to be so expressive. Certainly, there are aspects of the fandom that may be sinful, but we are considering a large fandom with an endless array of beliefs, backgrounds, personalities, etc. What others do that is sinful does indeed trouble me, and yes, I do see those things in the furry fandom, but I see them in every other walk of life as well. At its core, though, the true center of “furry” is a love of expression and creativity that, in its way, glorifies God through the use of his gifts to us as human beings. And you know what. . . ? I LOVE that!

-- Ridley Cooper

* * *

If I could answer this question in one sentence, I don’t think I would be able to. The truth is there is much more to being a Christian than simply how you dress or what your hobbies/interests are. Whether you are a furry or part of some other subculture, the one thing that all Christians must have in common is love for their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In this way, we are to love one another in the same way; He died for us, not wishing that anyone should perish, but that all might be saved. Even though we may not have been called to give up our physical lives for His sake, there is a part of us that still must die in order to serve Him. Because of this, we all must be willing to take up our own crosses to follow him daily. This means that even in the fandom, we are to serve Him, loving others as He loved us without compromising the truth that He has given us.

While in most of pop culture, people view Jesus as being a good guy, there is not much else people can say about him. Though many people’s image and understanding of Christ has been distorted today, I can say for a fact that He has never changed; He has, is, and always will be God: the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth and the Lord of Hosts. Though many of you may not understand this, He is alive today, and He is sovereign; had it not been for God sending his only begotten son to die for us, we would all be condemned by the weight of our own sins.

But enough of that; why is it okay for me and other Christians in the fandom to be furries? We realize that we have been saved from much. If you could ask any of us about what we were like before we came to Christ, I could say for a fact that we were no better than any criminal you would find on the street; however, because of the grace and mercy of Christ our King, we live to serve him in everything that we do. This means that even as furries, we are to be walking with him, not giving into our own selfish desires which separate us from Him. Everything we do is for His glory, and even the things we do in the fandom should be to glorify Him.

How then, you might ask, can you glorify God as a furry and still be a Christian? There are many things within the fandom that are neither evil nor good, but many people can use these things to do evil or good. Art is one of the greatest ways a Christian can serve God, but some people use their artistic talent to make pornography; similar things can be said about music, writing, and cosplay. As Christians in the fandom, we are to put aside all the things we once used for evil. This does not mean that God cannot use the things we enjoy doing for His purposes, but we have to be living in full submission to His will in order for Him to use us. We are part of the fandom because we love each other, and we love others in the fandom because God loved us first.

How would I explain God’s love and the reason why we love one another? The love of God is not the same as the world’s definition of love. The type of love we practice as Christians is sacrificial love because our Lord gave up everything He had, paying the ultimate price to buy us from sin and death. Because of the grace and mercy He has shown us through His love, we are willing to give up what we love the most in return in order to serve Him so that other people may be saved. We realize that nothing that we have to offer could ever please God, even though in our hearts we may believe what we are doing is right, which is why every day, we are sanctified by the Holy Spirit: a perpetual act of repentance from our old ways through prayer, meditation, and study of God’s Word (The Bible). Nothing we have is our own but belongs to God. Because of this, we are willing to bring Christ with us, even in the fandom, so that He can use us as a living testimony of his glory.

Why do we do this? Besides love, grace, mercy, and truth, we all are required to have faith. Faith is the act of believing in a truth that is unseen; though we may not see God or all of the works he is doing (or even in this world, for that matter), We all believe that Christ has died, risen, and sits at the right hand of God the Father, and we believe that someday, He will return as King to establish His Kingdom here forever and ever. Because we rely on this truth, we do everything in expectation of His imminent coming; even in the fandom, we wish to show other people how great He is. By having faith that in doing what we are doing, we can honor God by being part of the fandom.

-- Shadow

* * *

For me, the furry fandom is a great way for me to live out my faith, practice my God-given talents, and is a great way to reach out to the lowly and the outcast.

I was always a very imaginative kid. When I was little, I used to write stories, draw scenes, and at one point even invented 7 or 8 different languages for the various characters that inhabited my little world. I always had my head in the clouds and my parents were kinda tolerant of it, not because it was wrong, but because they wished I acted more mature and focused on getting straight A's in school and didn't act like a total nerd.

I was born and raised in a cultural but nominally Roman Catholic household. My parents went to church but never really took it seriously. When I was going through middle school and the first half of high school, we stopped going to church and I fell away with my parents. I explored many different faiths and spiritual beliefs, but it wasn't until I had a real spiritual encounter with God in a dream that I had that it hit me that the Christian God was the true God. I got back into my faith with fervor, learning as much as a could about my faith, and now I'm a believer. But just because I was a believer, that didn't mean I stopped my creative side. If anything, it took off way more.

I continued writing stories and making art all throughout high school and college. Then, my best friend who I grew up with became a furry. I was curious, so I started looking into it more. I discovered that furries were just enthusiasts who loved cartoons and animal characters in fantasy in general. Despite being in high school, I never really gave up my love of cartoons, technically I tried to for like two years, but it didn't last (though I felt I had to hide it from my parents due to me getting "too old" for them).
During college, I decided to become as well. As a furry, I felt I could continue to enjoy Cartoons, Cosplaying, Art, Stories, and be around others like me, and I was right.

One of the things that I noticed whenever I talk about how I draw and write with people who are Christians, I notice that they are usually very accepting and encouraging of it. And I love drawing and writing. It gives me a sense of wonder and excitement, and lets me express myself in ways I could never do without it. Most of the times, the people who are judgmental and dismissive of my creative hobbies are people who are usually very miserable, and are only happy when others are miserable with them, and the Christian life is not a life of misery. It was through engaging with the fandom that I rediscovered that sense of adventure (going to cons has helped me explore the country). I have also made wonderful Catholic and Christian furries who truly live out the faith, and they have helped me be more open about my struggles, vices and crosses that I bare. It has also given me a mission to reach out to others here in the fandom and show them the Christian love and the truth of the gospel (normies aren't going to approach a furry with love and compassion, they would rather avoid us because we are too weird for them, and as Christians we are called to reach even the weirdos).

I understand that a lot of normies will never understand us. I understand that a lot of normies will never want to understand us. But a life truly lived is one where the only person that matters is God.

If we try to live our lives the way others want us to live them, we are not really living our life, and we are denying God the opportunity to work through us in a way that is different from the rest of the world. That isn't to say that there aren't challenges that come with being a Christian furry. Most Christian normies will look down on you for being involved in the hobby. Some secular furries will look upon you with suspicion or may be hostile to the faith. And there can be many traps that one can easily fall into that could compromise one's morals (as is true with life outside the fandom as well). But that is why we as Christian furries are called to live out our faith publicly and faithfully in this space. By doing so, we can show that there is a way to live as a Christian furry.

I hope this helps.

-- Felixian Fox

* * *

I would like to start off with saying I do not identify as a furry. In my heart I have found a personal normalcy for furries. From a non-furry, I adore furries and have a romanticized viewpoint on them.
From what I've seen of them it's as if they chase a magic in their hearts by maintaining a vulnerability, a softness, in their soul. They are more sensitive to the expressions of this world than the average person, for better or for worse: they revel in their bliss more when happy and are wounded deeper when hurt. All people of this world are molded by the things they love, but few more than the furries.

But more than this, are the furries who live between the two worlds of their fandom and Christianity.
To be a true Christian is to take the challenges in your life and carry it as your burden. And despite this, still try to give to the rest of the world through good actions: It is to give food to those who are hungry, even when you're hungry. It is to take the anger you feel towards those you disagree with or one who wants to bring you wrath and offer them kindness.

It is about knowing that you will be provided for by God in all ways.

It is a challenge from beyond transcendence of the unseen to be more than your base desires. It's something impossible to perfect, but any true attempt is noble.

Furries who have accepted the Lord into their lives occupy a unique niche in society: The mainstream idea of Christianity is rejected, by many, in circles that the furry culture thrives in. Conversely, traditional Christians will look to furries and think they're pagans due to the fervency of which they love their subject-matter.

But, despite this, Christian furries are ones who hold onto their love of who they are, while reaching for the light of God. This brings a new difficulty into their lives, they live in a dichotomy between the two, oftentimes opposing, worlds.

I believe this brings out a new foundational faith in them. They are like two plants intertwined which grow into something new, something beautiful in their own right.

May this niche of the fandom bear fruit for the word of God.

Thank you for reading.

-- Branden

* * *

“Being a furry” is a complicated subject. The image most laypeople have in their head when this subject is brought up is of a person pretending to be an animal, perhaps dressing up in expensive animal-themed costumes, perhaps walking around on all fours or doing other animal-related activities humans usually do not do. However, what defines a furry does not necessarily include those notions. In reality, a “furry” is just a member of the furry fandom, which is just a group of people who share the similar interest of anthropomorphic animal characters/art. If someone like Disney’s Robbin Hood, a popular movie that features anthropomorphic animal characters, that does not make them a furry automatically, but rather their choice to be included in the fandom. Many people will say that to be a furry you need a fursona (a “furry” version of yourself). You do not, but many people in the fandom do anyway. Many people also think that being a furry means you think that you are not a human but are actually an animal in some aspect. This is not necessary to be a furry, and in fact describes something entirely different called a therian, which is not the topic of this question.

Given this much more sensible definition, asking why it’s ok for a Christian to be a furry would essentially be equivalent to asking if it's ok for a Christian to be a fan of knitting, or snowmobiling, or any other hobby, because when you get down to it, that’s all “being a furry” means; partaking in a particular hobby. However, it is reasonable to ask a follow-up question: is it ok as a Christian to be associated with a fandom that contains so much sin? Even from the outside, it is evident that the furry fandom has a lot of problems, the most obvious of which are those of a sexual nature. However, given the nature of how “fandoms” work, it is very possible for a person to be associated with a fandom without being associated with the sinful aspects of that fandom. For example, a Christian might very much enjoy firearms and yet completely distance themselves from those that use guns for violence or illegal activities. Likewise, a Christian could easily hang out with other furries, show appreciation for anthropomorphic character art, have a fursona, even own and wear a fursuit and go to furry conventions, while at the same time purposefully distancing themselves from the sinful aspects of the fandom.

Additionally, there is also the angle of outreach. As mentioned previously, there is a lot of obvious sin in the furry fandom, yet does that not make it the prime place for Christians to be? Jesus himself dined with terrible sinners not because He approved of sin, but rather to bring those in sin out of it. Similarly, because the furry fandom is so broken, it needs the help of Christians more than most fandoms. To summarize, “being a furry” is not inherently sinful, even though there are very obvious sin problems within the fandom, and in fact, because of those problems, a Christian presence in the fandom would very likely be a good thing for those still deep in sin.

-- Alarotel

* * *

The word “furry” has gathered a lot of dirt in recent decades. However, at the root of it is an affinity toward the ancient concept of anthropomorphism, a sense of connectedness to the animal world, and often a desire to express this artistically. We see this gift at work way back in Aesop’s fables, in the animal stories of C. S. Lewis and Beatrix Potter, and the more recent comics of Calvin & Hobbes and Pogo. My point here is that what some may call “furry” is far more rich and mysterious than a bunch of kids scampering around in expensive animal-costumes at conventions. And while I wouldn’t roll my eyes at such kids, I do think that they’re only hitting the tip of the iceberg that is the treasure of anthropomorphics.

The creative nature of God himself is anthropomorphic. It is a rather avant-garde thing to not only create a physical creature in your own image, but to also incarnate yourself in that form out of love for a creative project dear to your heart. The purpose of this incarnation was to redeem mankind and raise him up to God’s level. Creative humans are, as image-bearers, microcosms of God’s creative nature, and some of them are born with or develop what I like to call a Dr. Dolittle type of thing. They exhibit their own creative nature on a smaller scale – imparting their own nature to a lower tier of creatures to raise them up in the same way that the Lord has done through the turbulent history of mankind. This has been done remarkably well in A. A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh stories and in Carl Barks’s Uncle Scrooge comics, but that’s just scratching the surface.

Also, God has already "anthropomorphized" many of his own creations, some to an eerie degree. Anyone who has spent time getting to know crows, raccoons, or monkeys will know exactly what I’m talking about. Anthropomorphism takes this aesthetic and ramps it up a bit. Contemporary furry culture has a problem with ramping that aesthetic up into carnal and shallow territory, and furries in general have caught flak for that. But this is somewhat like coming down on motorcycle riders for the wrongs committed by Hell’s Angels.

There is a lot of reactionary, emotional drama surrounding furries right now. Some of it is for good reason. But when facing the question of whether or not it’s okay to be a Christian fur, I suggest that we go back to the basics of assessing things by their fruits (Matt. 7:16). I believe that ideally, Christians on the Dr. Dolittle wavelength will hark back to the literary and artistic visionaries who used their talents and quirks to do what good art should do: help us see beauty in unexpected places, develop our empathy and understanding, to face tough questions without the urge to propagandize easy answers . . . and to create some darn good animal art and stories. Because anthropomorphic creativity is, in my opinion, more fun than driving a top of the line Corvette. I don’t expect everyone to understand that. Furs and creative people in general are oddballs, artistic Christians are oddballs to a greater degree, and furry artistic Christians are oddballs to an even greater degree than that. But odd/weird/abnormal are relative terms. The mantis shrimp is odd according to blue jay aesthetics and standards, yet both creatures come from the creative mind of God.

I therefore believe that Christian furs can grow close to the creative mind of God in special ways. This will take special training, patience, and spiritual discipline, and the majority of furries won’t care a bit about that. But I would urge my reader to not lump Christian furries in with such people. Christian furs are no better or worse than any “normie,” but they are nevertheless men and women of value. They need all the help and direction they can get, and since they’re not going to get it from a broken furry culture, why not consider lending them your own ear?

-- JJ Mike

* * *

Many people say that you cannot be a Christian and a Furry and a Christian for many reasons, but the main one I hear a lot is the fandom is too sexual for a Christian. I won’t deny the fandom is extremely linked to sexual tones, but it is not inherently sexual. There is a stereotype that medical professionals are promiscuous with each other in their work-lives, but I would venture a guess that most people don’t immediately look at a doctor and think “I bet they had sex this morning.” In either case, the connections are there, but neither is inherently sexual. As such, if we don’t judge one group for their stereotype, we shouldn’t judge another.

Being a furry is hardly immoral. Everyone has their reasons for associating with the animals they pick, and associating people or groups or even our own Lord is common in the New Testament. Lions, lambs, calves, snakes; there’s many animals which are used to describe people, often in symbolic ways. In my case, I view wolves as a symbol of family, communion, and faithfulness to one another. I have never believed in a wolf being a good way to symbolize someone who is adamant, hard-hitting, and tough. “A lone wolf is a dead wolf.” Like a person, every wolf needs various counterparts to thrive, and each person of a family comes together to, hopefully, make it a prosperous family. These are the qualities I hold highly in my life, and I do my best to be a representative of these attributes. I also consider these qualities to be important to a Christian. A good Christian cares for their family, both blood and chosen family; they commune with one another, breaking bread, sharing prayer, and exchanging laughs and stories; they are faithful to one another, supporting each other while also holding each other accountable. All three of these characteristics feed into and off one another. Personally, I think these are qualities people of all faiths and all creeds could agree are good things, but that’s neither here nor there.
Just a few weeks ago, I had a dinner with local furs that involved grilling and baking and all sorts of foods. What I thought was going to be eating while watching a movie turned out to be sitting around a table with one another as a large group, and we all talked, as a whole-group and as individual smaller groups; lots of laughs, lots of new friends, and I even learned many of the furs at the table with me were also Christians. Even if they hadn’t been Christians, most of them know I openly am one. It was nice to feel welcome and wanted.

So, if a wolf symbolizes what I associate to be excellent qualities of a Christian, why would I not want to associate myself with that? If Jesus is the Lamb of God, the scapegoat upon which our sins would be levied for atonement (like the scapegoat ritual before Yom Kipur), I would like to do my best to symbolize the qualities I consider important to being a good Christian. There is nothing in scripture which says I cannot be a furry. I do not use it as a form of escapism. I do not use it to pretend to be something I am not. My fursona and I are one in the same, even down to being overweight. He just happens to be an anthropomorphic wolf, and I’m just a fleshy human.

Furthermore, it is my personal experience that many people in the furry fandom have been abused or hurt by people who claim to be Christians. I consider it my responsibility to show these people who have been hurt in Christ’s name how a proper worshiper would love and treat them. Instead of judging and attacking others, show them that I come offering them hugs and food. Instead of being cold and defensive, I try to be warm and open to them. Instead of standoffish and withdrawn, I will be the friend who sits there and cries with you. For a community that has been hurt by people so much, I want to be a good representative, showing them the same love which my Lord showed me, and perhaps, just maybe, I can convince them to come back to Christianity.

These are my friends, brothers, sisters, and more. I want to be the kind of furry others think of when they think of a Christian furry; the furry who is faithful and kind to them.

-- Kai

* * *

In the Army, there is an important acronym: BLUF. It stands for “bottom line up front” and means to lead with the single most important takeaway so it does not get lost in a lengthy composition. The BLUF I’d like to present is this: Consider more generally what makes something not okay and apply that model to being a furry. Allow me to elaborate:

My friend Thom and I have a rather ancient and niche hobby. Odds are, you’ve at least heard of it. It’s a hobby that is not addressed in the Bible in any way, nor is it contrary to its teachings or principles. However, for hundreds of years it was forbidden for priests to enjoy, and at one point all those who participated in it were declared anathema: considered assuredly damned because of it. The most recent Christian outcry against it happened hundreds of years ago; the negative sentiment has subsided and now millions of Christians around the world openly partake in it. What makes it okay to do? The corollary of that question is easier to answer: What would make it not okay to do? Just like this hobby, being a furry would be unacceptable if it were condemned, fundamentally incompatible, or against principles of conduct for Christianity.

The most basic prohibition on Christian conduct is an explicit condemnation of an action. Sexual intercourse with an animal, for example. There is a direct prohibition against it. Murder is another example. Kidnapping, human sacrifice, incest, all have a big NO attached to them. We may think of the big ones like murder as obviously wrong to anyone, yet they sadly still happen even today.

The next point of conflict is more of a meta one; an underlying incompatibility with Christianity. The message of Christianity–that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, loves us so much that he became fully human while retaining his deity, lived a perfect life, died a horrible death to save the souls of any human who believes in Him despite our unworthiness and shortcomings–requires we believe we are human. It requires us to believe that as humans, we are created in the image of God. If we see ourselves as a non-human or animal spirit in a human body, there is fundamental conflict. That view would force us into three boxes: either as nonhumans we are without sin and are completely perfect in every aspect of our lives–not once looking at someone in malice or telling a white lie or having any shortcoming at all whatsoever; or there have no hope for forgiveness since we have fallen short of perfection yet believe that the forgiveness is solely for others; or there is no resolution and inner turmoil brews no matter how we try to suppress it.

Finally, we must examine the principles for conducting ourselves as Christians. The Bible is not an NFL rule book. It does not list out every penalty a la “false start. 5 yard penalty. Replay the down.” It is written as a collection of history, poetry, letters, and theology–the actions of real people both good and bad. One of the key teachings in terms of Christian conduct is the words of Jesus when asked what the most important command in the Bible is. He replied, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Our behavior in all aspects of life should follow that rule of love which is all-encompassing. We are to be fair and honest, because that is how we show our love for others. Love, at times, can include rebuking and warning others, and carrying out discipline in some cases. It also covers showing genuine concern for those around you even when they hate you, being kind, and showing self-control. Implicit here would be not drinking while driving, obeying speed limits and civil authorities, and having compassion and patience to those who don’t understand you.

To sum up, any activity would be unacceptable if it were condemned, fundamentally incompatible, or against principles of conduct for Christianity. That is as applicable to someone enjoying the furry community as it is for Thom and I as we do our other hobby. If you choose to be a Christian furry, then enjoy it with a clear conscience and to the glory of God as much as Thom and I enjoy our games of chess.

Hope this helps!

With Gratitude,

-- ɹǝʇʇO

* * *

From a cultural perspective, the furry fandom often seems taboo, and this perspective is amplified among those of the traditional Christian faith. Justifying a Christian partaking in the furry fandom is usually overblown and not as complicated as it seems. In fact, there are several reasons why being a furry can be one of the most beneficial choices for a Christian with an anthropomorphic interest.

In my encounters, the common religious arguments against being a furry are: "Furries deny being made in the Image of God, which is against the Bible," "Being a furry is a form of idolatry, and biblically forbidden," and also claims of bestiality. It's essential to address these issues first so we can focus on the benefits of the fandom to our religion and vice versa. Firstly, Christian furries do not deny being made in the image of God. For many, being a furry is different from being a therian, someone who views themselves as an animal trapped inside a human body. Christian furries understand that they are humans, not animals. Their participation in the fandom, having a fursona, and fursuiting are parts of their hobby and do not conflict with scriptural values. Being a furry is not a form of idolatry, just as having a cup of cocoa isn't. Of course, anything can become an idol when taken to the extreme. If it takes a higher priority than God, then there is a reason for concern. Finally, there is the claim that furries engage in bestiality. Based on the definition of bestiality, it is immediately apparent that furries do not do these things, and while there are a handful that may, the fandom has always been quick to dissociate with them. It is synonymously held that bestiality or zoophilia has no place in the fandom.

Now, for the benefits of the fandom in the Christian life, there are three main aspects that have been most prominent in my experience. Namely, sharing the gospel, exercising love in fellowship, and sanctification, or training ourselves to be strong in our faith and more like Christ. First, sharing the gospel in the fandom is the perfect opportunity to obey the call of discipleship that Jesus gave us. In Matthew 28, Jesus has recently ascended from the tomb three days after his crucifixion, and before returning to heaven, he gives his followers a command. This command is often called "The Great Commission." He says, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations." Finding opportunities to share the gospel with others can be challenging in our modern world, but the fandom is the perfect place to find those opportunities. We already share a common interest: a love for anthropomorphic animals, which gives us a stepping stone for reaching those who need Christ. Interestingly, joining the fandom is an act that obeys scripture. The apostle Paul, who was amongst the first generation of the Christian church, tells us that to reach those who were lost, he had to become like them so that he may reach them where they're at. (1 Corinthians 9:20-23) Being a furry is not only passable in our religion but also biblically encouraged!

Next is the topic of fellowship. In the Christian context, fellowship is simply a gathering of Christians who meet to encourage, unite, learn, love, and delight with one another in the Holy Spirit. Throughout the entire New Testament of the Bible, the writers constantly remind us to love one another during these times of fellowship (1 John 4:7, John 13:34, Romans 13:8) and share in each other's burdens and hardships. (Galatians 6:1-2) Sadly, in the Western church culture, vulnerability is often shunned, the pressure for a perfect image is strongly upheld, and being "strong" enough to conceal our struggles and emotions is the norm. The pressure of these values can lead Christians to close off, often to hide insecurities. This lack of openness leads to a lack of love, a reality present in many churches and a leading cause of why many walk away from religion altogether. For Christians in the furry fandom, we recognize our vulnerability and weaknesses and delight in humility and openness with one another. The Christian furry community loves each other more closely with how we are biblically commanded to. Having been in the faith for over 14 years and attending church for much longer, I have had many Sundays where I have encountered coldness in my interactions. In the Christian gatherings of the furry fandom, these cold interactions are drastically harder to find.

Finally, being in the furry fandom as a Christian tremendously aids in our sanctification. The furry fandom can be a spiritual battlefield for a Christian. Daily, we face obstacles that make us question our faith. Many also encounter situations in the fandom where they are shunned and persecuted for their beliefs. These sufferings are tools to strengthen our beliefs and make us more like Jesus, our savior. (Romans 5:3-5) In the fandom, we have an opportunity to witness to people who share in our interests, which is a gift from God. The times when we question what we believe force us to re-evaluate our understandings and turn to scripture for answers, thus making us more steadfast than if we had faced no struggle at all. Biblically, God often used the least likely people to accomplish his plan, and our involvement with the fandom is no exception. Being Christians in the furry fandom helps us learn to love others, even if they don't share our beliefs. While much of the Christian world misses the point of our calling to love others, as furries, we get to learn firsthand how to practice love to the most profound degree of obedience for the glory of God.

I hope this has helped you gain greater insight into the Christian's connection with the furry fandom and how we can feel at peace with being furries and Christians while thriving in the environment. By the grace of God, we are truly blessed that he has given us a place where our interests and faith can collide and flourish for his glory.

In Christ,

-- Finni the Fox

* * *

I remember a twitter post back in 2022 that made the case that choosing a fursona is a lot like creating an arms in heraldry. In western cultures, what was common place in the battle group the arms many universities, schools, organisations and even family dynasties would create symbols for their group. Today it is tradition to create a coat of arms when you are appointed to certain positions.

Before the advent of heraldry, Christians would decorate the catacombs of their deceased brethren with pictures of Jesus, the Good Shepherd, and Lambs in their pasture. They focused on this theme (John 10, Psalm 23) as it has links to who Christians follow unwaveringly Jesus Christ.

Another way is just because a craft has content that Christian’s would find objectionable in it, doesn’t mean that the whole craft is objectionable. The recent existence of edgy embroidery does not mean that you must make that edgy content to embroider. You can still produce your own embroidery that’s your usual “Home Sweet Home” or have it based upon nature or can be done to glorify God. The medium in and of itself is not the problem in this case. In the same way, while there might be content that is problematic for Christians in the fandom, that doesn’t mean that you have to partake in that side of things. Moreover, this community has helped me confess my sins in this area to the Lord, and to help fight and flee these temptations, (1 Cor 6:18) along with help from my churches minister.

-- Josh

* * *

"Is it OK to be a furry?" Some of my cohorts may be doing the same, but, as a mathematician, I feel compelled to look at the negative of this question instead: "Is there something wrong with being a furry?"

When answering either version, I must acknowledge an important bias. As a Christian, what this question entails is specific. From a secular view, "Is it OK to do X?" is a question of legality, a question of social acceptability, or is not universally well-defined. It's certainly legal to be a furry. Whether or not it is socially acceptable to be a furry is inescapably subjective, and if it is moral, that would require understanding what the one asking means by moral.

From a Christian perspective, these cases align themselves and let us arrive at a particular and necessary question of clarification. You see, from a Christian perspective, if something is illegal or socially unacceptable, it is arguably immoral already. Since social acceptability is not objective and furrydom is not presently illegal, we can just address the last category: intrinsic morality.

Furry as an interest is not addressed in scripture. One way forward would be to examine the following questions:

1. Does "being a furry" imply any action or state that is explicitly prohibited in scripture?
2. Does "being a furry" impede or prevent any command given by scripture?

I think addressing these two questions to the fullest possible extent could be the meat of some graduate-level research. I am under instruction to keep my long-windedness to 800 words or less, so I will try to summarize by giving two passages and commentary with each.

The first passage: 1 Corinthians 6:12.

All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.

I tend to avoid lifting a single verse off the page, but in some cases, the context is retained just fine. I think this is one of those instances.

There is an important insight here extending beyond Christianity: whether the proposition "It is morally OK to be X" is true or false, one should still investigate if X is helpful or harmful. Certainly, I think being a furry could be one or the other for different people. To some, it has been a grand positive. For me in particular, it has put me in diverse company and challenged my views, resulting in a healthy reconstruction of my faith. To others, it has been an avenue for temptation. If something is harmful to one, it might be fine for another. But in any case, if something has control over you, that is not healthy. Unless the subject in question is something as fundamental as your faith or basic needs, anything that you simply "cannot live without" has reached a dangerous level of desire and dependence. The furry fandom has been a help to me and is in some way part of who I am because of my experience and sense of community within the hobby, but it should never become my center or purpose. But the same is true for most things.

The second passage: Matthew 22:36-40.

[A] lawyer, asked [Jesus] a question, testing Him, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”
"The Law and the Prophets" refers to the books of law and the writings of the prophets, which suggests that more than the "letter of the law" is carried by the two laws cited. Further, the author of Romans in chapter 13 (although in the context of submitting to government authorities) suggests that if there is another command besides the prohibition of adultery, theft, coveting, or murder, it is covered under loving your neighbor. So, the question might be, "Does being a furry impede my ability to love my neighbor as myself?"

I suspect, in light of these passages, that it is not obvious that "furriness" should cause any moral problem directly. I posit that being a furry is morally neutral, and any accusation to the contrary likely depends on associating some secondary item with the argument. For example, "Being a furry means thinking you're an animal." This is an assumption. Before making such an accusation, one should really find out what a person means by "being a furry." If the question is directed at oneself, the question should be, "What about this would be wrong, and what am I making of 'being a furry'?"

-- Thom
​

Hey Papabear!

I'll almost be 15 soon, which means that here in Oregon, I can get a low-level, probably fast food or ice cream, job. I want to save money for a fursuit, but I also want to put money towards college. For the maker I wanna commission, with a low-level job, it'll be probably a year of saving, to rack up at least 900 USD (to fit head accommodations as I wear glasses) with the calculations I've done with starting wages at my local fast food.

But that's not my actual question. My question is: I can't commission a fursuit on my own. I'd have to ask a parent or relative, and then give them the money I've saved. I'm thinking of asking my aunt, but how do I tell her without being embarrassed to the heavens and back? She's very accepting and knows that I'm a furry, but I'm terribly embarrassed to even bring it up.

How do I even do that?

Best wishes,
RaveCat Ivy
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Dear RaveCat Ivy,

Thank you for your email, which can prove to be a great lesson for you and my other readers about a dirty word. And that word is this: Budgeting.

There is no reason that, with proper budgeting and planning, you can't save for your fursuit head yourself and begin saving for college (hoping that your parents will help, at least a little, with college?). Let's tackle the fursuit head first.

The $900 sounds reasonable for a quality, custom head. Make sure that you have a reliable maker on your side. This is very important. Do thorough research on the maker you want and ask their clients whether or not they had a good experience with the maker. That is, the maker should back up their work, make a quality product, be responsive to questions, and turn the work around in a reasonable time frame (and give you progress updates if it is taking time). Good makers are often backlogged, so if they ask for a turnaround time of a year or even 18 months, don't be too surprised (on the other paw, be very suspicious if they say they can give you a completed head in a few weeks). Most makers will want all or part of the money up front, so don't commission a work until you have the money saved up.

College, of course, is much more pricey than a fursuit. It's great that you're thinking of saving up now. But don't think you have to do it all yourself. Assuming you are not getting a full scholarship because you are a star athlete or have a genius grant, you're going to need some strategies here. Some ideas:

• For your first two years of college, attend a community college. Community colleges are actually quite excellent and their tuition is far lower than a four-year college, even if it is a state college. The student-to-teacher ratio is also much better at a community college (at big universities, too often you get stuck in lecture halls with hundreds of students being taught not by a professor but by an assistant, except for the lectures). Research 2-year colleges that have reciprocity programs with universities. That is, the credits you earn at the two-year college are fully transferable to the four-year college or university. Most of these agreements are between colleges in the same state, but sometimes there are interstate agreements such as the Oregon to California Reciprocity Agreement between select schools in California and Oregon. Also! In Oregon there is a program called The Oregon Promise that pays tuition to Oregon high school graduates attending community college!
• If they haven't already done so, have your parents set up a college fund for you. These are savings programs that accrue interest and also have tax benefits toward saving for college, such as the Oregon College Savings Program. The one catch, usually, with state programs is you will have to attend an Oregon school. That's not a big deal, though, as there are some fine colleges in Oregon.
• Research scholarships and grants. Every year, Oregon funds 40,000 students through the Oregon Opportunity Grant, which is aimed at students in lower income families. There are many other grants and scholarships available to you, many only require a 2.0 GPA. Check them out here. Now, you're too young yet to fill out a FAFSA, but you can still learn about what money is available to you by checking that page out.
• Don't forget, there are also work/study programs like this one at the University of Oregon. This is where you get a job working on campus or in government or in a nonprofit and the money goes to your tuition and expenses.
• Too, if you ever get birthday or Christmas money from relatives (or bonds), put them in the college fund.
• You don't have to go through this all alone. When it gets close to time (a year or two from college) set up an appointment with a financial advisor at your school of choice.
• If at all possible, try not to get bank loans. While college loans have pretty low interest rates, they still have a way of chasing you around for years after you graduate. Only use these as a last resort.

Whew! That's a lot of information, eh? You're at a great time to start learning about all of this stuff, though. It may give you a better idea of how much you will need to save in order to achieve your collegiate dreams. 

Once you have a financial goal in mind, it's time to budget. (There's that word again!) Once you find that job to start earning, start by setting up an Excel or other spreadsheet. Each month, put in your income, subtracting taxes and FIFA payments. Add other expenses, such as gas (if you drive) or bus fare to get to work. Then you are left with your actual income. Take a look at that and then establish a percentage or dollar amount you want to save each month toward that fursuit head and then, with what is left, decide how much you can put aside for college each month. (Go ahead and leave a little for yourself for "fun money" like going to a movie, but not too much).

Have a good idea of what your income is and where you are going with your money can really help lower anxieties you might have about paying for things. It really does help to have a plan!

Once you have that plan in place, I bet you won't have to ask any family members for help. If you can set aside, say, $150 a month toward a head, you will have your $900 in six months. All on your own, which is a matter of pride! Then, once you have paid off the head, you can take that $150 you were saving for the fursuit and add it toward your college fund.

Last issue: You're 14 and can't legally send money over the internet, so you need help from an adult. If your parents are amenable to the idea, one thing you can do is set up a Teen Checking Account. Many banks and credit unions will allow a teen under 18 to set up an account if their parents will sign for it. Tell your parents that this is a way to help you learn about money and balancing a checkbook etc. Then, you can write a check to the fursuit maker via snail mail or set up a PayPal or Venmo or suchlike account linked to your checking account. Or, set up a savings account, and you can write a Money Order based on the savings account.

If the above are not options, then yes, perhaps your aunt is the best person to turn to. If she already knows you're a furry, then what is there to be embarrassed about? Just tell her, "Hey, Auntie! You know I'm a furry, right? And one of the fun things you can do with being a furry is wear a costume, which is called a fursuit. I have saved up money for a fursuit head based on my fursona (my character). But I can't order it myself because I'm not 18 yet. If I give you the money, could you order it for me?"

Being direct is the best way to do it.


Happy Saving!

Papabear

[Papabear Note: This is going to be my first in a two-part editorial/correspondence regarding the accusations often levied against furries. Traditionally, furries go on the defensive when faced with such criticism. Well, it's time to go on offense (at the risk of being offensive!)]

Dear Papabear,

I have a problem.

To start off, I found the Furry fandom about 8 months back when I was aimlessly skipping around the Internet. It just popped up in front of me, I looked it up, and … I fell in love with it. To me, the idea of furry was this perfect blend of imagination and wonder — something I’d always loved and, unknown to me at the time, always found refuge in. It turned my world on its ear to know that there were people out there that like this ‘outlandish’ concept as much as I do. But now, I’m scared.

You see, I want to tell people I know about this, but I’m terrified of being judged. I am one of the Jehovah’s Witnesses and, with how the fandom’s portrayed, I don’t know if people will believe me or what they hear. I know I need to tell my parents (who are Jehovah’s Witnesses, too), yet I’m scared of what they will do. I love my parents, and I don’t want to hurt them by getting involved in something that they’ll believe will hurt me, but I don’t want to lose it. It’s been such a big part of me for as long as I can remember, and I don’t want to have to throw it all away — I love it. I’ve read how you responded to a similar situation, but it’s more than that.

I have not been in my right mind for a long time now. I suffer from depression and some form or another of mental instability. It’s terrible and tears me in half, but furry helps.  I don’t feel so horrid if I think about something furry or saw something furry earlier that day. I (for the most part) feel better than I have in a long time, but I can’t tell my father that furry things help me, he won’t accept it. (He’s not the kind to believe in something that isn’t quite traditional.) I don’t have any friends and it is hard to talk to people, but there, too, furry helps me.

So, above all, how do I show my parents all the good things that being a furry does for me without them thinking that I’m going astray morally or spiritually?

Uncertainly,
Rusty K. (age 16)

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Dear Rusty,

Typically, when I receive a letter such as yours about being scared to tell parents one is a furry, it is because said parents are religious. The more religious they are, the worse it is, with the most problematic sects being Evangelicals, Southern Baptists (Baptists and Evangelicals being pretty much the same, but not all Evangelicals are Baptists by any means), and, lately, Jehovah Witnesses. I also get letters from Middle Eastern furries on occasion, and it's pretty safe to assume (though they usually don't mention it) that their parents are Muslims.

Lately, I have received several letters from kids whose parents are Jehovah's Witnesses. Because their parents are JW's, they say they are too, which is typical for that young age to simply follow your parents' examples. On the spectrum of conservative-to-liberal religious denominations, JW's are on the very conservative side (FYI, the more liberal religions and denominations include Unitarian Universalists, Reformed Jews, the African Methodist Episcopal Church, the United Church of Christ, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Presbyterians, Methodists, and United Church of Christ). In addition to Reformed and Conservative Judaism, the more liberal non-Christian religions are Wicca (definitely), Buddhists (although technically more a philosophy than a religion), and Baha'i (socially liberal but morally conservative). Wicca, by the way, is the fastest growing religion in the United States :)

Politically and/or religiously conservative people such as your parents typically pick out bad examples in the fandom and then generalize those bad examples to "prove" that all furries are bad. They also pick up on false news (e.g., the completely false rumor started by Republicans for political reasons that furries demand cat litter boxes in school bathrooms) and believe it as if it were Gospel.

What you're likely afraid of is that you will tell your Jehovah's Witness parents you are a furry, then they will go online, discover negative stories, and then lose their love or respect for you. You usually see stuff like "furries are pedos or zoophiles" or that they "want to be animals" (well, many do identify with animals, but that is too complicated phenomenon to explain adequately here).

None of that is really true. Are there pedos in the fandom? Are there zoos? Yes and yes. But they are not the norm and there are more pedos and zoos in the general population than in the fandom. What happens is that conservatives seek bad actors within the fandom and say that they are examples of what the fandom is all about. This is called "the hasty generalization fallacy" and is the argument that most furry haters make.

I can do the same thing to a Jehovah's Witness.

A quick google results in these stories about Jehovah's Witnesses and child abuse:

• https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/jehovahs-witnesses-face-child-sex-abuse-investigation-in-australia/2015/08/14/d8a58eda-406e-11e5-9561-4b3dc93e3b9a_story.html
• https://www.wtaj.com/news/regional-news/former-cambria-county-man-others-charged-in-sex-abuse-of-19-children-ag-shapiro-announced/
• https://www.levylaw.com/jehovah-s-witness-sex-abuse-lawsuits/
• There are many more of these stories, but I'm not going to list them all. Just google "Jehovah's Witnesses child abuse" and you'll get a lot of search results.

Not only are there multiple cases of child abuse, but Jehovah's Witnesses have been accused of covering it up multiple times (similar to the Catholic Church covering up pedophilia among their priests). According to a Wikipedia article:

In some cases, members of Jehovah's Witnesses have been prevented or deterred from reporting child molestation to civil authorities. Particularly since around 2000, the Jehovah's Witnesses organization has been accused of covering up cases of child molestation committed by its members. In March 2001, Christianity Today printed an article reporting allegations that Jehovah's Witnesses' policies made reporting sexual abuse difficult for members, and did not conform to typical treatment of such cases. The article also included a response by representatives of Jehovah's Witnesses. The Australian Royal Commission heard that an elder discouraged an abuse victim from going to the Commission by saying, "Do you really want to drag Jehovah's name through the mud?" In Ireland in 2016, two Jehovah's Witness elders were removed from their positions as punishment for reporting a child molester to the police after the London Branch legal department told them not to.

The BBC reported allegations of a cover-up in July 2002, in an episode of Panorama entitled "Suffer the Little Children." The report revealed that the headquarters of Jehovah's Witnesses, the Watch Tower Society, requires all congregations to submit details of child abuse allegations and maintains an internal database on all cases of child abuse reported to them. It described one case where a child came forward to the elders of her congregation to report sexual abuse by her father, but was sent home, despite their having known for three years that her father was an abuser. When the girl eventually went to the police, her father was convicted and sentenced to five years in prison.

According to Witness spokesman J. R. Brown, Jehovah's Witnesses are not required to report crimes to elders before calling civil authorities. Victims and their families are free to call police, he said, although some don't choose to. The Watch Tower Society maintains a policy with no explicit requirement for elders to report all child abuse cases where such is not required by law. Elders are instructed to "leave matters in Jehovah's hands" if an abuser denies the accusations and there is no second witness available

​​The point is that if a Jehovah's Witness declares furries are zoos and immoral and gives one or two examples, it is very simple to give LOTS of examples of JWs being immoral. This can be done on an individual basis, too.

For example, there's this guy on YouTube named Richard Lorenzo Jr., a self-declared Jehovah's Witness, who posted this video called "The Shocking Dark Truth about the Furry Community" in which he says we are zoos and that we are trying to "convert" children to the dark immoral side. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjjCBk-F1bA&t=400s What he does is take one video clip of one furry confessing they are a zoo. If you continue to watch the rather lengthy video, you'll see how he tries to take advantage of vulnerable teens and convince them to convert to Christianity. This is a typical ploy among proselytizers.

So, what can we do about that? Well, a 3-minute search on Mr. Lorenzo gives us this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=014rUVupyAU about what a fraud he is.

You can literally find stuff about almost anyone or anything online to trash people and groups. Doesn't mean those people or groups are sinners, agents of evil, immoral, or criminals. I am going to say right here and now that I have no clue whether or not Richard Lorenzo Jr. is a good or a bad man. And I will also go out on a limb and say most Jehovah's Witnesses are probably good people (same with Catholics or any other group of people). The point is not to make broad generalizations about anyone based on a bloody google search. That's stupid. Same with the "I heard it on the internet" or "someone told me this in a chat room."

Non-furries need to do likewise. Don't judge furries based on some garbage people are spreading online. I have been in this furry community for decades, and I can tell you that it is filled with wonderful people. The furry fandom is what you make of it. You can embrace it and love it, or you can trash it and use bad publicity to make money on your YouTube channel or get political contributions from ignorant parents of school children.

Your choice.

I apologize, Rusty, for using your letter to get on my soapbox and make a speech, but it needed saying.

Okay, so that addresses the fear your parents may have that being in the community will hurt you. To continue, as you noted yourself, the furry community can actually help you. Time and time again, furries have told me how being a furry has given them more confidence, has helped them to socialize, and has made them many friends. I'm one of them. There are actually studies, too, that being a furry helps people with who are on the autism spectrum. And being a furry helps you to explore yourself as a person by giving you the freedom and inspiration to try new things. I talk some about the benefits in my fairly recent article that was also written to a Jehovah's Witness.

Furry, as you attest yourself, makes you happy, and that is a good thing! It can help you make friends (also a good thing), help you with anxiety and depression, and also inspire creativity and imagination. Furries are also givers. They donate tens of thousands of dollars every year to charities (mostly through donations to sponsor charities at conventions). They also contribute to the economy (for example, big conventions like Anthrocon in Pittsburgh result in micro-booms in the local economy). 

There is nothing immoral about furry. There is even a Christian Furry group you can join if interested (and there are a couple of Christian groups on Telegram). I think it would be a good idea for you to contact one of those groups and ask them for a little help on discussing furry with your parents.

Is being a furry different and unconventional? Yes, of course! That's what makes it exciting and fun, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. Your father, especially, needs to get over his fear of people who are not ordinary. Remember, it is not the ordinary people who make a difference in the world.

Dare to be extraordinary.

Hope this helps!
Papabear​​

Papapbear,

Why am I bullied and BARKED at by everybody else in 5th grade? When I walk in the halls, why does everyone glare at me and gossip behind my back? Why am I always last to be picked for gym class for a team? Why do I feel useless and incapable because people say so? Why do I feel so weak when I cant say "stop it" to their faces? Am I in the wrong?

Sawyer (age 11)

* * *

Dear Sawyer,

If you are experiencing serious bullying at school, you need to inform the school administration and, if you haven't already, your parents. They need to put a stop to it. Here is a useful resource page from KidPower that you and your parents should read about the problem.

But that is mostly about what to do if you are bullied. The answer to the question "Why am I being bullied?" probably has something to do with your being a furry (I'm guessing this because you are being barked at). In a world where it has definitely become uncool for kids to bully others because of things like their race or being LGBTQ (although it, of course, still happens), furries are one of the last groups of people that our culture seems to feel is okay to torment for being different. All kinds of stupid rumors are being spread (mostly by conservatives trying to make a non-issue a political issue for their campaigns of hate) against furries these days such as the idea that furries demand cat litter boxes in school bathrooms (not true) or that they growl at and bite kids in the hallways.

Humans hate people who are different--and furries are definitely different. It's ingrained in their DNA. So, when they are not allowed to hate black people or Jewish people or even gay people, they will continue to look for someone to hate for no reason other than they are different. Lucky for the haters, there are furries! We are people they don't understand at all, and what humans don't understand, they fear, and what they fear, they hate.

So, that is why you are being bullied.

What do you do about it? In addition to reading the link I sent, what you need is to beef up your self-confidence, your self-esteem, and, while you're at it, your courage and physical strength. People (especially school kids) prey on the weak. So, don't be weak (easier said than done, I know, but you can do it). I suggest you take up martial arts or boxing or wrestling. Learn to defend yourself. Kids are less likely to mock you if you're capable of giving them a roundhouse kick to the face. That's not to say you should beat people up. No. Violence should only be a last resort when you have to defend yourself from harm. But if people KNOW you can kick their ass, they are less likely to mock you. I would hope you would never have to use such skills, but that doesn't mean they are a waste to learn. Martial arts are a great way to improve your health and flexibility, which is pawsome for you in any circumstance.

In addition to this, you need to build your confidence. Being good at self-defense does this, truly, but there are other ways. Here are some tips:
​

1. Stay away from negative people in your life. Anyone who puts you down, whether that is people at school, other friends, family members, etc. is not helping you. People who belittle you, tell you you are not good enough, tell you you are not "living up to your potential" or "need to do better" are just dragging you down. Avoid them. There will always be haters, so don't let them define you. Haters are pathetic people who can only feel good about themselves by putting others down, so why would you want their approval? They are bad people. Who needs them? Parents can, sadly, be as bad as haters by making you feel you are not good enough. Why they do this is a huge letter in itself, but to be brief, it is a big lesson to learn that we don't need to please our parents and live up to their expectations. It's your life, not theirs. Just be a good person. Nothing else really matters, including what career path you take.
2. At the same time, keep people close to you who offer you support and love (hopefully, family members are included in that, but friends are often as good as family). They don't have to be "yes men" and agree with you all the time, but they do need to be on your side.
3. Find things you are good at and focus your heart and soul on them, whether that is music or drawing or sport or hobbies or whatever. Becoming really good at something because you are devoted to it and enjoy it will boost your self-esteem tremendously.
4. Avoid putting yourself down. If you say negs like "I'm dumb," "I'm ugly," "I'm weak," they will drag you down.
5. Replace the negs with positive affirmations. Each day, say something nice about yourself, whatever that might be, while looking in the mirror. Doing this in the morning is a good idea, but any time of day works. It can be a simple thing like, "You took a really nice photo of that bird today" or something deeper like "You're a good person and always try to do the right thing." If you keep affirming your value daily, it will boost your self-esteem immensely. You see, you need approval from yourself as much (or more) than from other people.
6. Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is different; everyone has good and bad points; there will always be someone better at something than you are (and there will always be someone worse, so don't be mean, either). 
7. Don't obsess on the past. Think of what you are doing now and what you can do in the future. If you've made mistakes (who hasn't?) it's okay, as long as you learn from them and move on.

I hope this little pep talk has helped. Always remember: This is YOUR life. As long as you are not hurting anyone, do what you wish. You're only 11 and have a lot to explore. This is an incredible, complex, bizarre, frustrating, joyful world, and it is yours to live in. It's for you to grab the reins and go for a ride. You own this horse, kid, so enjoy it.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear​

Papabear,

I am a Jehovah's Witness as well as both my parents and sibling. I have recently told them I'm a furry. It kinda flew over my dad's head and he is just impressed by my partial. My mom however had a lot of questions about what a furry is. I told her to do her own research on the fandom. The next day, she said it seemed very community-based and that she doesn't want me interacting with strangers, especially in a fandom that revolves around hiding your identity. Her reasoning is reasonable, and I want to obey her wishes, but I also want to experience the community and socialize with people who share the same interests as me.

Sakura (age 14)

* * *

Dear Sakura,

Your mother is right that this is a community-oriented fandom. She is wrong that it is about "hiding your identity." Quite the opposite. Furry is a way to explore your true self, to examine your dreams and feelings without the stigma of people judging you by your appearance, age, race, nationality, gender, or sex. When I say this, of course, I'm just talking about fursuits and/or people using their avatars in online interactions. When you're at a con or meet in person, most people are not fursuiting and you can see exactly who they are, although they will likely want you to call them by their fursona names.

Your mother is assuming that a mask is intended to hide something, like a bankrobber wearing a ski mask, so it might sound ironic that fursonas do the opposite. They are very freeing. They allow you to drop your inhibitions, anxieties, and fears of being judged and to present yourself in ways that feel more genuine. This fosters interpersonal relationships rather than hindering them. The REAL masks in our society are not the ones made of foam and fur; they are the fake facades that people like politicians and businessmen and the pious put on to impress others. Have you ever, for example, watched a politician give a speech about how All-American and Apple Pie and Moral they are, only to see them be caught later cheating on their wives or stealing money from their political campaigns for personal use? THAT is a mask. Or the mask that a Catholic priest wears, the one of piety and virginity, only to be ripped away when they are found fornicating with young choir boys. Or the businessman who sets up a charity, only to be discovered that he did it for a tax write off and to give his moronic, useless children jobs as executives of said charity. This stuff happens all the time, and the masks worn are invisible.

The masks furries wear are there not to conceal but to reveal. They can make you braver, more playful, and definitely less self-conscious. The first time I ever did karaoke, for example, was in fursuit. I sang The Bare Necessities from The Jungle Book on stage at a furcon while in suit. Something I would never have been brave enough to do just as me. It was a blast! When I'm in fursuit, strangers from the very old to the very young come up to me and hug me. It's bonding and touching and sweet. Do you think someone would just walk up to 6-foot tall, 58-year-old, pasty-white Kevin Hile and give him a hug? Not likely. And they sure would back off if I walked up to them and tried to hug them!

Furry isn't about hiding. It's about opening up to others, freeing yourself from social constraints and expectations, and being YOU.

If you don't believe me, perhaps you will believe science. There have been studies, for example, that demonstrate that participating in the fandom helps those on the Autism Spectrum. Here is a link to the FurScience page about that. If it helps people with autism, think of what it does for people who are not neurodivergent.

Not to criticize, but you kind of made a mistake when you told your mother to go do her own research. What you should do, Sakura, is YOUR own research and then share it with your mom. Please share this email with her, and if she has ANY questions, feel free to tell her she can write to Papabear.

Hugs!
Papabear
​