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I should have seen this coming. Can't these guys fly?
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Hello Everyone!

This week we open with a discussion on Social Media and self-confidence. We look at recent studies from Princeton University and the University of South Wales that looks into whether or not tailoring your social media accounts and working to get likes and retweets actually acts as a self-confidence booster. Not to spoil you, but the answer is no, it does not.

Our main portion of the show is our fifth All-Questions Show! We take a trip through our backlog of questions, ranging from helping a younger fur in a conservative household with dating advice, to how to ensure your genuine self is being portrayed to potential partners online, to materials and resources for a couple wanting to slightly open up their relationship. Several of these questions are longer and, as always, we invite you to offer your feedback and offer your own take, especially if you think we missed the mark.

We close out the show with some feedback on our previous episode's question on how to remain optimistic when you feel like your life has been put on hold.

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

FA 074 All Questions Show Vol. 5 - Does social media boost self esteem? How many questions will Metriko read this week? All this, and more, on this week's Feral Attraction!

Papabear,

​You may know me from a previous letter (I had asked you how to prepare for MFF) and I apologize for writing again so soon. The length of this letter is also kinda insane, but it takes a bit of explaining.

Right after said convention I was diagnosed with major depression (and what we believe to be chronic depression because my grandfather also has it, but that is to be proved later if this persists for over a year). I had a therapist who I didn't like, but my mother refused to change. Because this was during the school year, I wasn't sleeping well and I missed the bus a lot of days.

My therapist told me I was just being defiant and I was just being lazy. She told me I couldn't sleep because I wasn't trying hard enough. I asked my mother to change my therapist several times, but she didn't listen. My mother thought that I was just in denial of the truth.

This persisted onto January, to the point where I was suicidal and self-harming. Around Easter, I told my mom I needed more help, and she got me evaluated at a local mental hospital. They wanted to do inpatient therapy because I did have a plan, but we decided to do a partial day program instead because I had already missed too much school.

I was probably the happiest during the period where I was in this day program. I related to other kids who were also struggling. We all kinda came together to support each other without stressing each other out. I was doing better, but I was most definitely still depressed.

It was also around then I began questioning gender identity. I don't want to draw any conclusions (I'm only 13!), but I would just prefer to be called they/them while I figure things out. I told my mom this, and she said it was a teenage phase and I was just trying to be a special snowflake. She seemed to overlook the fact that I legitimately hated my body. Not because of weight, but because I'm too curvy and too feminine looking. I don't like long hair, I've always wanted a lower voice, and she/her pronouns irk me.

I know I shouldn't have been so hurt by it, but it wasn't like I was actively binding my chest. I just wanted to be called they/them pronouns while I tried to figure out what was going on.

Four weeks of being in the day program later, and I was discharged. I kept fighting to stay in and kept telling everyone that I wasn't ready yet, I hadn't learned enough of the coping skills, but my mom said I needed to hurry up and leave because she didn't want to drive me there anymore.

So here I am, starting therapy again (with a new therapist at the least) and trying to survive. It's been three weeks since I've left the program and it only seems like I've backslid more. I've stopped self-harming as much, but I still do occasionally, and most days I sit in bed and think of how better everyone else would be without me and other self-degrading things. I usually tell my mom I'm drawing and talking to friends on my phone, and she believes it.

This is where my problem comes in: My mom makes suicide jokes, makes fun of me for wanting to be called they/them pronouns, and instead of calling me depressed, likes to call me "crazy". I'll give an example for each.

Say the car is really hot, my sister says (jokingly) she's going to jump out of the window if my mom doesn't turn the air on. My mother says "wow you must REALLY hate yourself if you're gonna do that!!"

If my mom is talking about my therapy, she'll say she's tired of driving me everywhere and something along the lines of "If you didn't start acting all crazy I wouldn't have to take you."

And finally, just general comments like "how many people are you if you're a they??" "see, if you have boobs that means you're a girl."

She ignores how much I actually hate myself and how much I'm actually struggling and it makes me really uncomfortable every time she says stuff like this. I've told her several times to just use the word depressed and not crazy, but she hasn't listened.

If you have any advice on how to tell her how uncomfortable this makes me, or how to cope with it in the meantime, it would be much appreciated.

Thanks again,
Ioga (age 13)

* * *

Hi, Ioga,

Troubled letters such as yours always go to the top of the pile, so here we are.

Sounds like you're dealing with two things: 1) Gender dysphoria (the feeling that your body doesn't match who you are inside), and 2) Lack of a support system (either professional or personal). One or the other is bad enough, but combine the two and I can see how you would be in a lot of distress and pain (hugs to you).

Let's tackle #2 first. There are good and bad therapists. Clearly, the first one you had was abysmal. Then you had a bit of a halcyon period at the hospital. That sounds like it was a good environment, but your mother wouldn't let you stay. Your mom continues to insult you and act as if you are more of a burden than someone she loves unconditionally. I would guess (correct me if I am wrong) that she gave birth to you at a young age (perhaps as a teen) and that, in addition, her own mother (your grandmother) was not a great mom. Consequently, she herself never learned to be a good mother. Another possibility is that she was not socialized well as a baby (for example, if she was neglected by your grandparents, this can be very damaging to emotional health) and she consequently lacks empathy for her own child. A third possibility is that she has a substance abuse problem that makes her unpleasant.

Therefore, when you ask me for advice on how to approach your mother and tell her she makes you uncomfortable, I have to respond that there probably is no good way because your mom lacks empathy. Whether you tell her frankly or with more subtlety, she's not going to get it. In fact, confronting her could exacerbate the problem, making her feel like you are even more crazy (e.g., "There's nothing wrong with me, it's just that my daughter is nuts.") In other words, I would say your mother needs psychological help just as much as you do, perhaps more. I would suggest you talk about all this with your new therapist and ask for their advice on what to do with your unsupportive mother. One possibility is to have both of you attend a therapy session together. This can be an awesome way of airing out any bad feelings between the two of you. In asking your mother to come with you to a session (after arranging it with the therapist), don't say, "because you need help, too." Just say that your therapist would like your mom to sit in for one or two talks.

As for #1, perhaps we should hold off on that for a while until you get through puberty. You, wisely, note this yourself. Again, your identity issues are fodder for your therapist. This can be a process that lasts for years before you figure it all out.

In the meantime, you still need to find some personal support. Do you have friends you can talk to? Perhaps in the furry community? Or, do you have other relatives who might prove to be more sympathetic and willing to lend an ear? You need to find someone besides your mom and a paid therapist that you can talk to, even get some hugs.

I hope this is helpful. If you wish to talk more about this with me, that's what I'm here for.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear
​

We don’t even try to explain some of the things we come across here, folks… We just pass them along to you! Like a new 5-issue full-color miniseries from Image Comics called Shirtless Bear-Fighter! Here’s what they tell us: “After being betrayed by the bears that raised him, the legendary Shirtless Bear-Fighter wanders the forest he’s sworn to protect, fistfighting bears, eating flapjacks, and being the angriest man the world has ever known! When wild-eyed, super-strong bears attack the citizens of Major City, Shirtless ventures into the human world to do what he does best…Punch Those Bears In The Face! But all is not as it seems. Someone is manipulating Shirtless…and only by confronting the demons of his past can Shirtless hope to save his future! A heart-filled, hilarious, tall tale for the ages… you don’t want to miss Shirtless Bear-Fighter!” It’s written by Jody Leheup and Sebastian Girner, with art by Mike Spicer and  Nil Vendrell, and it’s coming to comic book stores later this month.

image c. 2017 Image Comics

 

I've had nights like this. It's a beautiful new day, hey hey.
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Papabear,

Why do conventions keep choosing the dame furs to be Guests of Honor just about every single weekend and/or year?

I've been in the fandom for quite some time now and love every minute of it. But there's one thing that concerns and that is the choosing of Guest of Honor.
It says on Wikifur that a special guest is someone who puts in a lot of hard work for many many years and who is very talented.

I've noticed that many cons follow or go by that rule anymore. Just look at the past Guests and you will see some really cool names. But now it seems the same names keep on popping up. Go to a convention website and you will see that they keep the same one's over and over again.

It got me thinking why do they keep doing this? How is it fair to the rest of us who have worked really hard for many years but have received no recognition, appreciation, and awards?

Some con staff has gone far as pick someone from over-seas, mostly Europe. Now that costs a lot of money. Thousands actually. So you're telling me there are people out there who are going to fund a stranger's trip to the con?

It seems like they only pick the people who are already rich and successful before they even got to the fandom. Why don't they choose people who are very talented and skilled but down on there luck?

Some people have barely been in the fandom for like a few months and already people are making them a special guest.

I know its all about the money and how much traffic they can bring to their con. It's just it would be nice to start seeing some real changes. Choosing those that have never ever picked before and starting giving them a chance. You never know 'cause they might just surprise you.

Has anyone else noticed this repeating trend? What are your thoughts?

Anonymous

* * *

Hi, Furiend,

Furry convention organizers select special guest speakers that they think will be of interest to attendees. These tend to be people who are, for example, published authors, filmmakers, or well-known artists. They don't pick lesser-known people because they won't attract an audience.

Let's illustrate it this way: say there is a Star Trek convention coming up in Las Vegas. Who would you rather see present a talk? Patrick Stuart or Mary Smith, who has written some successful fan fiction on her blog? Even if Smith is really good at what she does, I think the answer is pretty obvious.

As to why you repeatedly see the same people, there are likely two reasons: 1) same reason you see cast members from Star Trek TNG appearing over and over at conventions, and 2) con leaders often develop relationships with certain speakers and invite them to come back.

Should furcon leaders try to mix it up a bit? Perhaps more effort could be put into that, yes. Often, it can be a struggle to find new speakers, however, who are both willing and able to attend. Also, don't forget, the furry fandom is a very specialized fandom. There are not a lot of people of any prominence who are working in this subgenre of fantasy and science fiction, so choices are limited. Even writers and such who make stuff we consider furry can refuse an invitation because they don't see themselves as furry artists.

If you really wish to influence how this works, perhaps you should get involved with a furry convention and try to get on the committee that selects guest speakers. That's one option :-3

Hugs,
Papabear
​

Submitted by Fred Patten, Furry’s favorite historian and reviewer.

Dyeing To Be With You, by Sisco Polaris. Illustrated by Edesk.
North Charleston, SC, CreateSpace, December 2015, trade paperback $12.00 (193 pages), Kindle $4.00.

Dyeing To Be With You is a teenage m/m romance, full of adolescent angst. Lucas, just entering Calder High at 14 years old, was the only polar bear there. The other students, all black bears, bullied him viciously, particularly the sadistic Kalvin. Lucas was a bit of a crybaby, so he took it more emotionally than he should have. He was very happy when his father was transferred to Riker’s Bay and his family left Calder.

But now his father has been transferred back to Calder, and Lucas faces returning to Calder High and its bullies for his final year of high school. He’s grown a lot while he was away – he’s 17 and nearly seven feet tall now — but he’s still emotionally weak, too dependent on his older sister Anna.

“Anna’s baby brother – that’s who he had been all his life. Not that it was a bad thing to have a big sister looking out for him. She had always helped him when he needed it. Of course, she had gotten him into a lot of trouble, too. A baby brother was a fine scapegoat when you work together to steal cookies, or (more lately) when you are sneaking out to go on a date, and you need someone to cover for you with your parents.” (p. 13)

When Anna gets a trainee job at a beauty salon, Lucas gets the wild idea of dyeing his fur and passing as a black bear during his final high school year. Anna scoffs at first, then takes it as a challenge.

‘Yeah sure, a new seven foot tall black bear. Besides, you wouldn’t just need black.’ In spite of herself, the female bear’s mind was working it over. ‘They have light brown on their muzzles.’

‘Well, I’m sure you have light brown dye at the salon,’ the male bear replied, a sly smile coming to his face. It was a crazy, insane idea, and he knew it, but it could work. After all, it was just a year, and then he would be out. He could let the dye fade out naturally, or even take a dip in some dye removal solution.” (p. 13)

They are abetted by Anna’s lively superior, Mrs. Nesbitt, who helps dye Lucas’ fur.

“‘Oh my, what a big lad you are, and so polite, too!’ the black bear said with genuine cheer in her voice as she put the brush down and walked over. She touched his shoulders and gave him a close look. The young bear blushed deeply as he was inspected. ‘Ah, a fine strapping young man. Of course, size never stopped bullies; they don’t have to hurt you to hurt you. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will hurt your spirit.’” (p. 28)

Lucas needs to be dyed all over. He hadn’t realized what that meant.

“He yelped as his sister suddenly ran a comb down his sheath. Nobody had touched him there as long as he could remember. Despite his discomfort at his own sister’s touch, his teenage body tingled at the attention.” (p. 31)

After a tense confrontation with his reluctant parents, Lucas gets permission to go ahead with his plan. Lucas is so keyed up on his first day at Calder High that he almost sabotages himself, especially when he finds his locker is near that of a panda named Charlie who turns out to be a friend of Kalvin. And the upbeat Kalvin determines to welcome Lucas (or “Luke”) to the school. Even Kalvin’s most well-meaning efforts, such as his attempt to get Lucas onto the school baseball team, pose hazards.

“‘Great,’ Lucas muttered half-heartedly. His plan to lay low and sail smoothly through his last year had not factored in participation in any team sports. It wasn’t so much the playing that he was worried about, or even the rather poor attitude of the team’s captain. His mother would insist on coming to every game he played and try to drag the entire family with her. Explaining why there was a family of polar bears cheering him on, oh so very loudly, would be difficult.” (pgs. 89-90)

Lucas finds out that Kalvin had a reasonable justification to be cruel to him when they were younger, which he’s matured out of. During his own growth from 14 to 17, Lucas’ sexuality has also developed. He’s turned out to be gay, which he hasn’t come out to anybody about yet. And guess who he is attracted to?

“Halfway through the first movie, the cola finally took its revenge on Kalvin. The warmth was suddenly gone as the black bear stood up whispering urgently, ‘I gotta pee.’ Lucas leaned back in his chair so Kal could slide passed [sic.] him. For a wonderful moment, his friend’s pert rump became his entire world. The soft, tempting mounds mere inches from his face, a strong hint of his musk filling the bear’s nose. He could all but taste the beautiful posterior taunting him, and the urge to lean forward and grab the delicious black mountains with both paws and pull the black bear down onto his lap was so strong he felt his paws move.” (p. 114)

Also guess how Kalvin responds to this. The scenes where they get together – at least two whole chapters — are definitely NSFW.

The questions remaining to Lucas are how to tell his family that he’s gay, and how to tell Kalvin that he’s really that geeky polar bear wimp that he used to torment. Like I said, adolescent angst — pages of it. But at the end, a happier finale than Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.

Dyeing To Be With You (cover by Edesk) is a funny-animal novel. There’s no reason why the characters couldn’t be humans instead of bears. Polaris handles the description of them as brown bears and polar bears (and Charlie as a panda – he’s Asiatic-American) nicely, but he undercuts this by too many real human references. There are real video games like Battlefield and Call of Duty; baseball teams like the Yankees; states like Alaska and Texas; movies like the Back to the Future trilogy; candy like Snickers and M&Ms. But if you don’t mind a shallow furriness, some poor proofreading amidst the generally good writing, lots of realistic teen male dialogue with four-letter words, and a lot of explicit teenage gay sex in the last half of the novel, you’ll enjoy Dyeing To Be With You.

–Fred Patten

• Buy on Amazon

More and more little hints being dropped for My Little Pony: The Movie, coming to theaters this October. Next up? My Little Pony: The Movie Prequel, a new full-color mini-series from IDW (of course). “This fall, My Little Pony: The Movie hits theaters, and this prequel mini-series is your first look at the fantastic adventure to come! Danger looms over Equestria as a new villain debuts! Each issue will focus on a new character from the upcoming movie!” Equestria Daily has an in-depth look. The comic premiers later in June.

image c. 2017 IDW Publishing

Patreons will get episodes first right after recording. Just a buck gets you early access and a downloadable mp3 file! www.patreon.com/thedraggetshow Serathin's amazing Dragget Show story! - docs.google.com/document/d/1AYkJR…y8RCsCK0NjEw/edit ALSO, we're not just on SoundCloud, you can also subscribe to this on most podcast services like iTunes! Don't forget to hang out in our telegram chat, now w/ over 100 members!telegram.me/draggetshow ep. 165 - Diets Suck - Patreons will get episodes first right after reco…

O M Goodness! Halfwolrd and Lyla are in this game! This is something that I doubt the movies will ever do.
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Things are definitely getting “serious” (if we can use that word) in the world of DC Comics meets Warner Brothers Cartoons. That, or someone in the the upper echelons has come completely unhinged… Check out the these titles for upcoming series: Batman/Elmer Fudd Special. Jonah Hex/Yosemite Sam Special (featuring Foghorn Leghorn too!). Legion of Super Heroes/Bugs Bunny Special. Lobo/Road Runner Special. (Lobo teamed up with Wile E. Coyote. Can the universe survive??) Martian Manhunter/Marvin the Martian Special. And (as pictured below) the Wonder Woman/Tasmanian Devil Special. All this, plus a graphic novel reprint of the DC/Looney Tunes 100-Page Super Spectacular, a miniseries from 2000 that was the kick-off for all of this silliness. All of them arrive later this month, and CBR has a look at some of the amazing covers.

image c. 2017 DC Comics

CJ was a bad dog and wasn’t on the show this week, so Varanus joined us for a huge roundup, lots of news, and an email segment that includes a follow up.

Download MP3

Watch Video Link Roundup:

• PETA Wasn’t protesting Califur
• New Zealand researcher probes furry mental health impact
• Restaurant in Aus called “Foxes Den”
• Astronauts may wear eight-legged ‘spider’ spacesuits to crawl across the moons of Mars
• Truck rams Newark’s AnalTech; odor leads to HazMat situation
• InfoWars Would Like You to Stop Making Fun of Trump’s Totally Normal Orb Photo
• Feds Propose Changing Protections for World’s Last Wild Red Wolves
• X-Files Theme in Major key
• Zootopia 2 is confirmed: Disney will be working on the sequel
• Science Still Can’t Explain Why These Tarantulas Are Blue
• [Tom Scott] The Poison Garden Of Alnwick
• Portland’s City Council Votes to Give Furries the Right to Defecate, Mate in Dog Parks
• Dreamkeepers SKIRMISH – Shadow Wars of Anduruna
• FuzzyLogic Escape Room Needs Funding
• Social Media manager for Wendy’s Twitter handle leaves
• Furries: How unleashing your inner animal brings friendship, love, community

News:

• Sleep Deprivation Makes The Brain Go Into Overdrive And “Eat Itself”
• People With Creative Personalities Really Do See The World Differently
• Man Who Hates 7-Eleven With A Passion Opens Up 6-Twelve Instead
• Habitual sub eater may move lunch spot because of Tonawanda resident’s gripe
• Stranded Amtrak Passengers Order Pizza To Delayed Train
• Machete-Wielding Clown Tries To Hitchhike Along Busy California Highway

Emails:

• Piggu – “Re: ^( ?( ? ?)? )^ [Follow Up]”
• Hachi Shibaru – “Something Fun”

FC-268 Terminal Creativity - CJ was a bad dog and wasn't on the show this week, so Varanus joined us for a huge roundup, lots of news, and an email segment that includes a follow up.

CJ was a bad dog and wasn’t on the show this week, so Varanus joined us for a huge roundup, lots of news, and an email segment that includes a follow up.

Download MP3

Watch Video Link Roundup:

• PETA Wasn’t protesting Califur
• New Zealand researcher probes furry mental health impact
• Restaurant in Aus called “Foxes Den”
• Astronauts may wear eight-legged ‘spider’ spacesuits to crawl across the moons of Mars
• Truck rams Newark’s AnalTech; odor leads to HazMat situation
• InfoWars Would Like You to Stop Making Fun of Trump’s Totally Normal Orb Photo
• Feds Propose Changing Protections for World’s Last Wild Red Wolves
• X-Files Theme in Major key
• Zootopia 2 is confirmed: Disney will be working on the sequel
• Science Still Can’t Explain Why These Tarantulas Are Blue
• [Tom Scott] The Poison Garden Of Alnwick
• Portland’s City Council Votes to Give Furries the Right to Defecate, Mate in Dog Parks
• Dreamkeepers SKIRMISH – Shadow Wars of Anduruna
• FuzzyLogic Escape Room Needs Funding
• Social Media manager for Wendy’s Twitter handle leaves
• Furries: How unleashing your inner animal brings friendship, love, community

News:

• Sleep Deprivation Makes The Brain Go Into Overdrive And “Eat Itself”
• People With Creative Personalities Really Do See The World Differently
• Man Who Hates 7-Eleven With A Passion Opens Up 6-Twelve Instead
• Habitual sub eater may move lunch spot because of Tonawanda resident’s gripe
• Stranded Amtrak Passengers Order Pizza To Delayed Train
• Machete-Wielding Clown Tries To Hitchhike Along Busy California Highway

Emails:

• Piggu – “Re: ^( ?( ? ?)? )^ [Follow Up]”
• Hachi Shibaru – “Something Fun”

FC-268 Terminal Creativity - CJ was a bad dog and wasn't on the show this week, so Varanus joined us for a huge roundup, lots of news, and an email segment that includes a follow up.

CJ was a bad dog and wasn’t on the show this week, so Varanus joined us for a huge roundup, lots of news, and an email segment that includes a follow up.

Download MP3

Link Roundup:

• PETA Wasn’t protesting Califur
• New Zealand researcher probes furry mental health impact
• Restaurant in Aus called “Foxes Den”
• Astronauts may wear eight-legged ‘spider’ spacesuits to crawl across the moons of Mars
• Truck rams Newark’s AnalTech; odor leads to HazMat situation
• InfoWars Would Like You to Stop Making Fun of Trump’s Totally Normal Orb Photo
• Feds Propose Changing Protections for World’s Last Wild Red Wolves
• X-Files Theme in Major key
• Zootopia 2 is confirmed: Disney will be working on the sequel
• Science Still Can’t Explain Why These Tarantulas Are Blue
• [Tom Scott] The Poison Garden Of Alnwick
• Portland’s City Council Votes to Give Furries the Right to Defecate, Mate in Dog Parks
• Dreamkeepers SKIRMISH – Shadow Wars of Anduruna
• FuzzyLogic Escape Room Needs Funding
• Social Media manager for Wendy’s Twitter handle leaves
• Furries: How unleashing your inner animal brings friendship, love, community

News:

• Sleep Deprivation Makes The Brain Go Into Overdrive And “Eat Itself”
• People With Creative Personalities Really Do See The World Differently
• Man Who Hates 7-Eleven With A Passion Opens Up 6-Twelve Instead
• Habitual sub eater may move lunch spot because of Tonawanda resident’s gripe
• Stranded Amtrak Passengers Order Pizza To Delayed Train
• Machete-Wielding Clown Tries To Hitchhike Along Busy California Highway

Emails:

• Piggu – “Re: ^( ?( ? ?)? )^ [Follow Up]”
• Hachi Shibaru – “Something Fun”

[Live] Terminal Creativity

Disney Magical Dance is a new black & white manga written and illustrated by Nao Kodaka. “A young girl joins a dancing competition with her fellow students and soon realizes that she has two left feet! She spends a lot of time practicing but is discouraged by her results. Because of the young girl’s passion and dedication, Tinker Bell appears to grant her a wish. When Tinker Bell casts a spell on a magical card, the young girl enters the magical world of Disney and learns the joys of dancing!” The first volume is coming from Tokyo Pop next week, and it’s available for order on Amazon now.

image c. 2017 Tokyo Pop

Meep!
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The writers’ group known collectively as Erin Hunter (Warriors) have returned with Broken Pride, the first book in their new series Bravelands. “A lion cast out from his pride. An elephant who can read the bones of the dead. A baboon rebelling against his destiny. For generations, the animals of the African plains have followed a single rule: Only kill to survive. But when an unthinkable act of betrayal shatters the peace, the fragile balance between predators and prey will rest in the paws of three unlikely heroes. Set in an epic new world and told from three different animals’ points of view, Bravelands will thrill readers who love Spirit Animals and Wings of Fire, as well as the legion of dedicated fans who’ve made Erin Hunter a bestselling phenomenon.” It’s coming later this month from Harper Collins. Check out their web site for more.

image c. 2017 Harper Collins

Bonus video for today! Wait, I thought the Dinosaurs were extinct due to yodeling? Thanks to BlueJaguar for the tip.
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