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Loved So Soon, Lost Too Soon
I came across your site a little while ago while looking for other furries I can network with. After reading a few posts I felt comfortable putting this out for everyone to see. I don't think I should be hiding it anymore and I would like the advice of someone who I've never met before. Here it is...
I've got a problem that's been irking me for over 20 years. I'm 25 right now and I'm having an amazing amount of success being a screenwriter which makes this even tougher to deal with.
Back in 1992, when I was a young boy of 5, I met a boy who was 8 who I was slow to make friends with. When his friend was around a certain side of his personality came out that by 1993 made me fall in love with him... head over heels. At the time I was a very timid child and was scared to death to tell him that out of fear of rejection and alienation. I always knew something was different about me but falling in love at that age was exhilarating. Instead of trying kindle a relationship on that level with this boy I kept it hidden until I got the worst news I could ever hear.
In 1995 that boy ceased to be and it was then I felt the worst heartache I thought I would ever feel. For a couple years afterward I had to struggle with the longing that came from the loss of my love. It hurt and it hurt bad. After that period of time everything seemed to level out and I thought the worst was over.
Flash forward to 2012 and I find myself revisiting those times as I feel the gaping hole that is my love life. All my sexual relations with other men and women only satisfied the physical side of my lust but failed to address the emotional side which is the root cause of my anguish.
For months now I have felt the heartache all over again as I realize I have never stopped pining for him. Auto-erotic activities and emotional fits do nothing to dull it out. The fact is that my tie to him formed at 5 and only got stronger over time. Now it like an unbreakable force that sits on my consciousness reminding me that there was actually one person in my life that I would give my life for. No one else has ever come close to him. I can't even describe how much I miss him and how much he affects my life.
Day in and day out I fantasize about what I would say to him if I ever got even 5 minutes with him. I can safely say that sex would do it no justice. I want him in my arms to love and to hold until I too cease to be.
Papa Bear this is getting to the point where I need a sympathetic shoulder and a guiding voice. The one person I love more than life itself cannot be with me. If there is an afterlife then I hope I get to revisit my youth and tell him how I felt about him. For now... All I can do is remember him and use his personality and intelligence to fuel my desire to better myself and better the lives of others.
How would you deal with this? How do I get over the gap in my life? I just want to see him again... Even for 5 minutes, just to tell me if I've done good in life or not.
Astrit
* * *
Dear Astrit,
Yours is one of the most powerful and touching letters Papabear has ever read. Thank you for writing to me. My deep condolences for your loss.
I believe one big reason that your first love had such a deep impression on you was that it happened to you when you were so incredibly young. Another reason is that it ended so soon and so tragically. You will never get over this completely. That special love and that wonderful, short time will always be a part of you, living inside of you, including the pain.
What you need to do a little better is deal with this incredible upwelling of emotion that is associated with your first love. Reading your letter, Papabear can tell that, despite your pain, you have grown into a pretty well-adjusted person. Someone who is kind and cares about others.
There are two things you can do to help deal with your pain. I don’t know about you, but yours truly believes that when we die, it is only the physical form that is gone. Do you believe in a spiritual life, Astrit? I’m not necessarily talking about a Christian Heaven or that sort of thing, but I do believe that there is something more than the physical world. Therefore, your first true love still exists out there somewhere and it might be possible to connect to him in some way. Not in the same way you communicate with the living, but it is still possible. It rather depends on your own spiritual beliefs how you reconnect with him; you might seek out a spiritual guide commensurate with your philosophy.
You might be viewing your loss of love and the resulting pain as a handicap, but in some ways it is also a strength. You are very lucky in that you have experience a real and true love, however briefly, and you know what genuine love is. Not everyone is so lucky. Shakespeare said, “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” That might be small comfort, but it is very true, and you can use that experience to pass the love to others. As you said, “All I can do is remember him and use his personality and intelligence to fuel my desire to better myself and better the lives of others.” That is an amazing statement and tells me just what a wonderful person you have become.
But you needn’t believe that you will forever be without another love in your life. Papabear is not one to believe that there is “only one.” You talk some about your other relationships and how they have been mainly physical but not emotionally satisfying. It is good you recognize, unlike some, that sex does not equal love. That’s a healthy realization on your part.
Has it occurred to you that you might be indulging in simply physical relationships because in your mind you don’t believe you will ever find another person like that first love? When people get a certain mindset—even a subconscious one—it can sabotage the possibility of a future relationship. If you think to yourself, “There will never be another like my first love” then you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will never allow yourself to open your heart to another person because he or she won’t be the same. Naturally, they won’t be the same; no one is, but that doesn’t mean there is not another person out there, a unique individual, who is worthy of your love and vice versa.
Astrit, you should embrace the memory of your past love, but try not to obsess about it. Know that your first love is with you in spirit and in your heart always. Treasure that love and allow the love in your heart to once more be shared with another person in your life. Somewhere, there is another person out there for you if you will let them in.
I Wish You Love,
Papabear
![home from work.. [m]](http://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/qqtbUVZuVLEx1kXI.jpg "home from work.. [m]")
Episode 37 - When it comes to movies, everyone has their own opinions on what's good, what's not, and what they'd like to see again. We explore another idea, what movies would we like to see re-done, with anthropomorphic characters, rather than humans?
When it comes to movies, everyone has their own opinions on what’s good, what’s not, and what they’d like to see again. We explore another idea, what movies would we like to see re-done, with anthropomorphic characters, rather than humans?
Metadata and Credits WagzTail Podcast 2.0 Episode 37Runtime: 30m
Cast: CrimsonX, Murphy Slaugh, Wolfin
Editor: Silent
Format: 128kbps ABR split-stereo MP3
Copyright: © 2012 WagzTail.com. Some Rights Reserved. This podcast is released by WagzTail.com as CC BY-ND 3.0. If distributed with a facility that has an existing agreement in place with a Professional Rights Organisation (PRO), file a cue sheet for 30:00 to Fabien Renoult (BMI) 1.67%, Josquin des Pres (BMI) 1.67%, WagzTail.com 96.67%. Rights have been acquired to all content for national and international broadcast and web release with no royalties due. Podcast image by vicbuster, used with permission.
Drunk text from dad (from /r/funny)
MFF 2012 GoH interview: Nambroth, Miss Monster, FirestormSix
Thoughts on being a lizard
(Posted this to the FA forums, but wanted to get some of your thoughts here too.)
I've been rethinking my fursona a bit lately. For years I've been identifying as a blue bengal housecat, citing my cuteness, fickle need for attention, and the simple fact that I really like cats. Lately, though, I've been thinking the confident, predatory nature of a feline doesn't necessarily suit me.
I've been thinking, too, about lizards. I'm small and often timid, I enjoy hiding under things and running around in the desert, and I'm pretty much cold all the time unless I'm in direct sunlight or cuddling with someone. I've been thinking in particular about blue-tailed skinks, because they're native to my hometown and, well, because I think they're cute and I really like the color blue (also, something something I lose the most beautiful part of myself whenever I escape something that might consume / destroy me, but it grows back, blah blah, overcome obstacles, blah blah depression, blah blah something blah).
The issue I'm wrestling with most right now, though, is that having looked around the art around here a bit, it seems like the fandom has some different ideas about lizards than I do, and I'd like to get some feedback if this is the fursona I'm going to be representing as publicly. Traits like slyness, sneakiness, sexiness / sleekness, and a predatory / hunter's nature - things that I don't really identify with as a feline - seem to be emphasized among lizards. Also, reptilians seem to be kind of lumped together: lizards are grouped in with strong, greedy crocodiles and noble, haughty dragons, species that I can admire but that I don't really identify with personally.
So, I guess what I want to get out of this post is, what kinds of impressions do you guys have of lizards? When you hear/see that someone identifies as a lizard, what personality traits spring to mind first? I'd also like to hear from reptilians, and from lizards in particular: What led you to choose a lizard as a fursona? What sets your 'sona in particular and your species in general apart from other species (especially felines, if you care to think in those terms)? As a lizard, what kind of image do you aim to project, especially in relation to other small, middle-of-the-food-chain prey animals?
Thanks in advance for your help and responses. I'm going to etch a few skinks into my sketchbook and see what I can get from them. :)
submitted by Navi1101[link] [4 comments]
MFF MUSIC VIDEO - NO ID (feat. Doryuu, Prost, Reimeerkat, Mozee, Sydstoat, Zoomba, Toay & More!)
Fuzzy Notes Episode One - Furry Music Podcast!
Big Bear, Little Mouse
It looks as if we’re finally getting some motion on the long-in-development film Ernest & Celestine. This 2D animated feature from France tells the story of an unlikely friendship between a middle-aged bear and a young mouse, and how they learn to realize their dreams and overcome bigotry by working together. Based on a series of books by Daniel Pennac, the film version is directed by Benjamin Renner (A Mouse’s Tale), Stephane Aubier, and Vincent Patar (A Town Called Panic), and produced by Studio Canal. There’s a trailer up on YouTube, and according to Animation Magazine, it’s likely to come to North American shores in the fall of 2013.
image c. 2012 Studio Canal
Episode 1 - It Begins!!! - Fuzzy Notes is striving to be the central music hub for 'music by furs,' that is music by members...
Black friday fursuits for 100 dollars
Looking for Fur Friends
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/rTWhE.jpg){kind=link}
How Being Furry Saved Me Forty Grand
Tonight I test-drove a $40,000 pickup truck. Don’t get me wrong—I never had the slightest intention of buying the thing. As I made sure the salesman knew before I ever climbed in and turned the key, I was actually maybe, possibly interested in a baseline truck that costs about half that. My current plain-jane 4×4 is seventeen years old and has nearly 100,000 miles on it, you see, and the auto manufacturer I work for is currently offering large rebates to the general public and even larger ones to their employees to move the things more quickly, which sparked my interest. But the dealership had nothing but top-end super-fancy (read that “high margin, high profit”) stuff on their lot, so if I wanted to take a test drive it was a $40,000 truck or nothing.
The trip around the test loop was routine, including the salesman establishing who I worked for and thereby learning how much he might be able to bleed me for. I told him, of course—it’s not polite not to. So when we returned to the dealership I was treated to the predictable chorus-greeting from the rest of the otherwise-unoccupied sales staff. “Oh, isn’t that a gorgeous truck?” “I’ve never seen such a wonderful shade of blue!” “I hear (insert local celebrity’s name here) drives one just like that!”
At this point of course I sighed, explained that I was still doing research, and left a terribly disappointed group of middle-aged men behind me. But in much the same way that I’m certain the salesmen, being salesmen, are still reassuring each other that I’ll be back even as I type this, as a writer I find myself analyzing both their and my behavior over and over again.
(Please, give me a little more time. This article will become relevant to furry before it’s over, I promise!)
The salesmen were doing their best to apply social pressure to me, to make it clear that buying a $40,000 truck is a behavior smiled upon by society and sure to make me more popular and celebrity-like. They flattered its new-for-2013 color—I’m sure they could care less, if forced to be honest—and extolled the virtues of a product they knew for fact was a far more expensive vehicle than I really wanted or needed. Some of them—the sales manager and my own salesman—stood to profit financially if I succumbed to the pressure. But most of those doing the cajoling would gain nothing more than a smile of approval from their boss and atta-boys from their coworkers if I’d bought the silly thing.
Sadly, I’m no longer either much saddened or shocked when people treat each other as mere cash cows while conducting business. Greed explains much, and the social status associated with “success” most of the rest. What I can’t get over is that simpleminded, transparent tactics like this continue to work and work and work, not just year after year but century after century. I mean… It wasn’t just obvious to me what was going on, it was sickeningly obvious. Yet the staff wouldn’t continue to behave in such a manner if it didn’t sell $40,000 trucks, and as further evidence I’m forced to acknowledge that an awful lot of my co-workers do in fact park very similar vehicles right alongside my far-cheaper one every day of the week even though they can’t afford them any more than I can. In fact, they often buy them from that specific dealer and tell me afterwards what a nice bunch of guys they are!
People are so stupid, I muttered sadly to myself as I drove away from the dealership in my seventeen-year-old, still perfectly serviceable truck that not one but many salesmen have done their level best to part me from. So primitive and easily led. Then, strictly as a mental exercise, I listed those friends of mine who I reckoned might see through the sales pitch as easily as I did.
Almost every one of them was a furry, I realized with a bit of a shock.
And that’s the realization that led me to pen this column. I’ve long contended that the furry fandom (along with the SF fandom and some others) really is different from the bulk of society in some basic, fundamental ways. Part of it is clearly intelligence—statistically speaking I believe we’re well offset towards the high end of the curve—and one aspect of seeing through traps like the one at the pickup dealer is indeed intelligence. Another, I would contend, is imagination. In order to see the hidden poison behind all the happy-faced affirmation, one must first be able to imagine the possibility that such nastiness actually exists.
I believe, however, that another factor counts for more than either of these: our sense of “outsidership”. The application of social pressure is an ineffective lever at best when applied to a dedicated non-conformist, and is often actively counter-productive. But “normal” people are different. From the outside looking in, at least, their need to “fit in” appears to be one of the most powerful forces if not the most powerful force in the lives of most non-fen. Not only does the vast bulk of the population share precisely the same short list of “acceptable” interests and hobbies with each other, they often grow acutely uncomfortable at so much as the idea of, say, owning an unusual species of pet or driving a car that looks substantially different than everyone else’s in an unapproved way. “Why would anyone want one of those?” they ask. “No one else has one.” And at that point the discussion is pretty much over—no matter how many advantages you cite, they shake their heads and grow increasingly uncomfortable at being confronted with the horror of Being Different or thinking about a New Idea. My own father, for example, was utterly bewildered for years by the fact that I write books about half-human animals. Or at least he was until the recent network series based loosely on Grimm’s Fairly Tales started, which features a lot of anthro characters. “Oh!” he said after it began to air. “I guess it’s okay after all, if it’s on TV.” That’s an exact, word-for-word quote. And while I love my Dad very much, it explains a lot about many things. Including how so many people can so easily end up behind the wheels of $40,000 trucks they don’t even remotely need. Because those are on TV too, you see. So it must be okay.
Sure, there are furs among us who are “easy marks” for skilled salespeople. But they don’t make up nearly as a high a percentage of our population as in the general public, I don’t think. Why? Because not only are we more intelligent and creative than the general population, we also dance to an entirely different drummer. We embrace the new and different while regarding the conventional with at best distrust. Many if not most of us spend much of our free time at conventions (where we happily wear things most people would rather die than be caught in), looking at furry web pages (where we smile at images that most ordinary folks would find confusing or possibly even repulsive) and chatting online with people that Joe Average Truck Salesman would never, ever willingly admit to spending time with.
And that, I think, is the answer to the question of why I instantly thought of furs as likely being able to see through the little sales-charade I was subjected to tonight. At core we furs don’t care what our non-furry peers think, or at least not nearly so much as everyone else does. It’s more a pragmatic sort of caring, in other words, as apposed to the vital life-or-death emotional lifeline that social approval seems to constitute for everyone else. This makes us a lot tougher to manipulate; throwing the conventional levers gets you nowhere or worse. So when the sales staff performed their little number I laughed inside instead of reflexively getting out my checkbook in the hope of making myself more like everyone else in my community. Indeed, their actions made me less likely to ever buy anything from them, ever.
I’m not certain, mind you. So don’t hold me to this. But I suspect that this is the first time ever that being a fur has actually saved me money…