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I know its simple, but I finally did it!
Loved So Soon, Lost Too Soon
I came across your site a little while ago while looking for other furries I can network with. After reading a few posts I felt comfortable putting this out for everyone to see. I don't think I should be hiding it anymore and I would like the advice of someone who I've never met before. Here it is...
I've got a problem that's been irking me for over 20 years. I'm 25 right now and I'm having an amazing amount of success being a screenwriter which makes this even tougher to deal with.
Back in 1992, when I was a young boy of 5, I met a boy who was 8 who I was slow to make friends with. When his friend was around a certain side of his personality came out that by 1993 made me fall in love with him... head over heels. At the time I was a very timid child and was scared to death to tell him that out of fear of rejection and alienation. I always knew something was different about me but falling in love at that age was exhilarating. Instead of trying kindle a relationship on that level with this boy I kept it hidden until I got the worst news I could ever hear.
In 1995 that boy ceased to be and it was then I felt the worst heartache I thought I would ever feel. For a couple years afterward I had to struggle with the longing that came from the loss of my love. It hurt and it hurt bad. After that period of time everything seemed to level out and I thought the worst was over.
Flash forward to 2012 and I find myself revisiting those times as I feel the gaping hole that is my love life. All my sexual relations with other men and women only satisfied the physical side of my lust but failed to address the emotional side which is the root cause of my anguish.
For months now I have felt the heartache all over again as I realize I have never stopped pining for him. Auto-erotic activities and emotional fits do nothing to dull it out. The fact is that my tie to him formed at 5 and only got stronger over time. Now it like an unbreakable force that sits on my consciousness reminding me that there was actually one person in my life that I would give my life for. No one else has ever come close to him. I can't even describe how much I miss him and how much he affects my life.
Day in and day out I fantasize about what I would say to him if I ever got even 5 minutes with him. I can safely say that sex would do it no justice. I want him in my arms to love and to hold until I too cease to be.
Papa Bear this is getting to the point where I need a sympathetic shoulder and a guiding voice. The one person I love more than life itself cannot be with me. If there is an afterlife then I hope I get to revisit my youth and tell him how I felt about him. For now... All I can do is remember him and use his personality and intelligence to fuel my desire to better myself and better the lives of others.
How would you deal with this? How do I get over the gap in my life? I just want to see him again... Even for 5 minutes, just to tell me if I've done good in life or not.
Astrit
* * *
Dear Astrit,
Yours is one of the most powerful and touching letters Papabear has ever read. Thank you for writing to me. My deep condolences for your loss.
I believe one big reason that your first love had such a deep impression on you was that it happened to you when you were so incredibly young. Another reason is that it ended so soon and so tragically. You will never get over this completely. That special love and that wonderful, short time will always be a part of you, living inside of you, including the pain.
What you need to do a little better is deal with this incredible upwelling of emotion that is associated with your first love. Reading your letter, Papabear can tell that, despite your pain, you have grown into a pretty well-adjusted person. Someone who is kind and cares about others.
There are two things you can do to help deal with your pain. I don’t know about you, but yours truly believes that when we die, it is only the physical form that is gone. Do you believe in a spiritual life, Astrit? I’m not necessarily talking about a Christian Heaven or that sort of thing, but I do believe that there is something more than the physical world. Therefore, your first true love still exists out there somewhere and it might be possible to connect to him in some way. Not in the same way you communicate with the living, but it is still possible. It rather depends on your own spiritual beliefs how you reconnect with him; you might seek out a spiritual guide commensurate with your philosophy.
You might be viewing your loss of love and the resulting pain as a handicap, but in some ways it is also a strength. You are very lucky in that you have experience a real and true love, however briefly, and you know what genuine love is. Not everyone is so lucky. Shakespeare said, “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” That might be small comfort, but it is very true, and you can use that experience to pass the love to others. As you said, “All I can do is remember him and use his personality and intelligence to fuel my desire to better myself and better the lives of others.” That is an amazing statement and tells me just what a wonderful person you have become.
But you needn’t believe that you will forever be without another love in your life. Papabear is not one to believe that there is “only one.” You talk some about your other relationships and how they have been mainly physical but not emotionally satisfying. It is good you recognize, unlike some, that sex does not equal love. That’s a healthy realization on your part.
Has it occurred to you that you might be indulging in simply physical relationships because in your mind you don’t believe you will ever find another person like that first love? When people get a certain mindset—even a subconscious one—it can sabotage the possibility of a future relationship. If you think to yourself, “There will never be another like my first love” then you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will never allow yourself to open your heart to another person because he or she won’t be the same. Naturally, they won’t be the same; no one is, but that doesn’t mean there is not another person out there, a unique individual, who is worthy of your love and vice versa.
Astrit, you should embrace the memory of your past love, but try not to obsess about it. Know that your first love is with you in spirit and in your heart always. Treasure that love and allow the love in your heart to once more be shared with another person in your life. Somewhere, there is another person out there for you if you will let them in.
I Wish You Love,
Papabear
![home from work.. [m]](http://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/qqtbUVZuVLEx1kXI.jpg "home from work.. [m]")
Episode 37 - When it comes to movies, everyone has their own opinions on what's good, what's not, and what they'd like to see again. We explore another idea, what movies would we like to see re-done, with anthropomorphic characters, rather than humans?
When it comes to movies, everyone has their own opinions on what’s good, what’s not, and what they’d like to see again. We explore another idea, what movies would we like to see re-done, with anthropomorphic characters, rather than humans?
Metadata and Credits WagzTail Podcast 2.0 Episode 37Runtime: 30m
Cast: CrimsonX, Murphy Slaugh, Wolfin
Editor: Silent
Format: 128kbps ABR split-stereo MP3
Copyright: © 2012 WagzTail.com. Some Rights Reserved. This podcast is released by WagzTail.com as CC BY-ND 3.0. If distributed with a facility that has an existing agreement in place with a Professional Rights Organisation (PRO), file a cue sheet for 30:00 to Fabien Renoult (BMI) 1.67%, Josquin des Pres (BMI) 1.67%, WagzTail.com 96.67%. Rights have been acquired to all content for national and international broadcast and web release with no royalties due. Podcast image by vicbuster, used with permission.
Drunk text from dad (from /r/funny)
MFF 2012 GoH interview: Nambroth, Miss Monster, FirestormSix
Thoughts on being a lizard
(Posted this to the FA forums, but wanted to get some of your thoughts here too.)
I've been rethinking my fursona a bit lately. For years I've been identifying as a blue bengal housecat, citing my cuteness, fickle need for attention, and the simple fact that I really like cats. Lately, though, I've been thinking the confident, predatory nature of a feline doesn't necessarily suit me.
I've been thinking, too, about lizards. I'm small and often timid, I enjoy hiding under things and running around in the desert, and I'm pretty much cold all the time unless I'm in direct sunlight or cuddling with someone. I've been thinking in particular about blue-tailed skinks, because they're native to my hometown and, well, because I think they're cute and I really like the color blue (also, something something I lose the most beautiful part of myself whenever I escape something that might consume / destroy me, but it grows back, blah blah, overcome obstacles, blah blah depression, blah blah something blah).
The issue I'm wrestling with most right now, though, is that having looked around the art around here a bit, it seems like the fandom has some different ideas about lizards than I do, and I'd like to get some feedback if this is the fursona I'm going to be representing as publicly. Traits like slyness, sneakiness, sexiness / sleekness, and a predatory / hunter's nature - things that I don't really identify with as a feline - seem to be emphasized among lizards. Also, reptilians seem to be kind of lumped together: lizards are grouped in with strong, greedy crocodiles and noble, haughty dragons, species that I can admire but that I don't really identify with personally.
So, I guess what I want to get out of this post is, what kinds of impressions do you guys have of lizards? When you hear/see that someone identifies as a lizard, what personality traits spring to mind first? I'd also like to hear from reptilians, and from lizards in particular: What led you to choose a lizard as a fursona? What sets your 'sona in particular and your species in general apart from other species (especially felines, if you care to think in those terms)? As a lizard, what kind of image do you aim to project, especially in relation to other small, middle-of-the-food-chain prey animals?
Thanks in advance for your help and responses. I'm going to etch a few skinks into my sketchbook and see what I can get from them. :)
submitted by Navi1101[link] [4 comments]
MFF MUSIC VIDEO - NO ID (feat. Doryuu, Prost, Reimeerkat, Mozee, Sydstoat, Zoomba, Toay & More!)
Fuzzy Notes Episode One - Furry Music Podcast!
Big Bear, Little Mouse
It looks as if we’re finally getting some motion on the long-in-development film Ernest & Celestine. This 2D animated feature from France tells the story of an unlikely friendship between a middle-aged bear and a young mouse, and how they learn to realize their dreams and overcome bigotry by working together. Based on a series of books by Daniel Pennac, the film version is directed by Benjamin Renner (A Mouse’s Tale), Stephane Aubier, and Vincent Patar (A Town Called Panic), and produced by Studio Canal. There’s a trailer up on YouTube, and according to Animation Magazine, it’s likely to come to North American shores in the fall of 2013.
image c. 2012 Studio Canal
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