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Dear Papabear,

I know that the people my parents used to tell me to stay away from when I was a kid. And I also know some of those people are around on the internet. It's not my place to judge them, but there are just some people- I'm referring mainly to furries here - who are rude, arrogant, controlling, abusive of their fame, douchey and downright creepy.

It is, of course, very rude to just point fingers at those people and call them that. I've seen on fur in particular, we are online in the same furry websites, and I see him through his posts, artwork and comments; his attitude is very unappealing, he's very loud and controlling; arrogant, attention-seeking and dramatic. But he is very popular and has a huge amount of watchers and patrons.

And then he approached me, trying to make friends. He followed me then tried adding me to his friends list, but I declined, because I didn't know him and I only add people I know to my friends list.

Then he goes and comments: “What's wrong? Don't you like me?” And I found that very off-putting. And after I explained that I don't put strangers in my friends list, he leaves me a message: “Do what you want. Whatever.”

[He] has in fact done something before to a person who blocked him: he openly mocked the blocker in a public chat. But since that person was famous, and also was like an assistant to the admin, some people even sided with him. My friend (whom the person I don't like said I shouldn't be friends with) said that the person I don't like has a bad background for being dramatic. And I do see it from that person's actions.

That's why I'm worried he may do the same to me, or to my friends. And now, he unwatched me, and then pointed out to one of the old friends I have on my friends list, saying that “she’s not a good person, you should stay away from her ... etc.”

Papabear, I really don’t want to be friends with this person. I’m worried, though, that if I just block him, he will make a huge deal out of it, be dramatic about it to his watchers and maybe even spread rumors.

What is the right way to talk to him? And tell him that he can’t just force his friendship on me? And is there anything I can do to protect myself and my friends from what he might do with all his fame?

With thanks in advance,

-- Jon

* * *

Hi, Jon,

One word for the person you just described: immature. Of course, all popufurs are such, having a pathetic need to be validated by the recognition of people they don’t even know or particularly care about. Then, when rebuffed by people like you, they take instant offense and act like collosal derps. Such people need to lay down on a psychologist’s couch and get some serious brain inspection work in this bear’s opinion.

So, you are concerned that this popufur is now going to spread nasty rumors about you because you rejected being sucked into their pathetic world of ego masturbation? Don’t worry about it, hon. Know why? Because your real friends will know you are cool, and those who are intelligent and can recognize a popufur when they see one will consider the source and take their words for what they are: garbage.

Since you are not interested in being this person’s friend (and who can blame you?) there is no need to try to talk to them. And there is no need to worry about what this person says about you.  Rumors cannot stick if they are not applicable to the person being burned. In other words, if you are a good person in real life, that reputation you build on being a good person will trump any unsubstantiated rumor by a infantile popufur.

My guess is that this person is only popular and has a following because he or she draws furporn and does so very well. Am I correct? I’d be curious to see if my instincts work even when I am tired, hehe.

So, to summarize, Jon, the only person you have to prove your worth to is yourself. When you are confident in your own value as a good human being, you treat others around you well, which is a good way to make and keep real friends. When you have good friends and, hopefully, a family who loves you, who cares what other people think? Especially people who aren’t even worth keeping as friends on Facebook?

Chill, hon. You’re doing fine. Don’t bother talking to the derpy popufur. There are more important things in life to worry about.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear

Author: Fred Pups of Liberty: The Boston Tea-Bone Party, an educational animated short film by Bert and Jennifer Klein’s Picnic Pictures – available on DVD from Amazon.com for $ 15 (or from izzit.org); 18 minutes — about the outbreak of the American Revolution, featuring dogs as the American colonists and cats as the British oppressors, [...]

…she helped me become… who I am. I always knew that I was a – something else – and Linda made it real.

Download MP3

Watch Video

 

News:

• Animation: ‘Pups of Liberty’ by Fred
• Necomimi creator seeks funding for wearable waggy tail by Huskyteer
  
  • Kickstarter

• Furries & HIV

 

Break Video(s)

Room 366 XXXmas Special

Delaware furbowl 41

 

Emails:

• Chakat ThornBrier – “BREAKING NEWS: New Con announcement: WAR”
• Oddeofreq – “I think my daughter is going to grow up to be a furry. what do you think?”
• Lucero – “Problem!”
• Shadow – “Phantom Tail’s”
• Midnight Wolfpaw – “HELP!!!!”
• Khador Green – “Question of the mind”
• Sven – “My mask and brain”

FC-105 Dark Wolf Rainbow - ...she helped me become... who I am. I always knew that I was a - something else - and Linda made it real.

…she helped me become… who I am. I always knew that I was a – something else – and Linda made it real.

Download MP3

Watch Video

 

News:

• Animation: ‘Pups of Liberty’ by Fred
• Necomimi creator seeks funding for wearable waggy tail by Huskyteer
  
  • Kickstarter

• Furries & HIV

 

Break Video(s)

Room 366 XXXmas Special

Delaware furbowl 41

 

Emails:

• Chakat ThornBrier – “BREAKING NEWS: New Con announcement: WAR”
• Oddeofreq – “I think my daughter is going to grow up to be a furry. what do you think?”
• Lucero – “Problem!”
• Shadow – “Phantom Tail’s”
• Midnight Wolfpaw – “HELP!!!!”
• Khador Green – “Question of the mind”
• Sven – “My mask and brain”

FC-105 Dark Wolf Rainbow - ...she helped me become... who I am. I always knew that I was a - something else - and Linda made it real.

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It’s a furry Christmas! We wondered what Christmas might be like if we celebrated as our fursonas, or if furries ruled the world in general. (Wow, that’s a scary thought.) Join us this week as we talk about how anthropomorphic animals might celebrate the season differently, and listen to Wolfin’s somewhat unique ornamental suggestion.

Metadata and Credits

WagzTail Podcast 2.0 Episode 39
Runtime: 30m
Cast: CrimsonX, Levi, Silent, Spenser, Wolfin
Editor: Silent
Format: 128kbps ABR split-stereo MP3
Copyright: © 2012 WagzTail.com. Some Rights Reserved. This podcast is released by WagzTail.com as CC BY-ND 3.0. If distributed with a facility that has an existing agreement in place with a Professional Rights Organisation (PRO), file a cue sheet for 30:00 to Fabien Renoult (BMI) 1.67%, Josquin des Pres (BMI) 1.67%, WagzTail.com 96.67%. Rights have been acquired to all content for national and international broadcast and web release with no royalties due. Podcast image by orangeaurochs, used with permission. Episode 39 - It's a furry Christmas! We wondered what Christmas might be like if we celebrated as our fursonas, or if furries ruled the world in general. (Wow, that's a scary thought.) Join us this week as we talk about how anthropomorphic animals might celebrate t...

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Dear Papabear,

I'm not even exactly sure what my question is supposed to be.. I don't even know how to exactly depict the problems I'm experiencing.. It's all just one big mess..

I've only been what you would call a furry for about half a year. I've been watching, reading, and viewing everything there as to do with furries for way longer than that, but I could never really get myself to finally join the community for fear I'd just be rejected..

Even now, though, I hide behind a fursona name I created years back as one of my characters in a fanfic I've been writing. The fursona I created is a girl while my actual identity is a boy. I can't stress enough how much self-confidence I've lost to resort to something as squeamish as this.

I've been interested in furries since I was thirteen. You know, the average teenager stumbling onto the internet is usually looking for hardcore porn or Playboy magazines, while I on the other hand stumbled straight into furries. I don't know what it was about them, but I connected quickly and I haven't looked back since.

The reason I connected to furries I guess is because furries were something I found after finding the adult side of Pokémon and other cartoons. I don't know exactly why, but I think I wanted to continue my childhood even through my teenage years by viewing it in a more adult setting. In the end, it just made everything slightly worse, and I pay the price because of it.

To get down to the point, because I know you're extremely busy and when I'm depressed I type a lot, yes, I'm extremely depressed. I have been since the age of eleven. My childhood sucked, my alcoholic mother chasing me around the house on one of her drunken bipolar rampages with a knife, but that really wasn't what caused my depression. Two stepdad's later it finally hit.

When I was nine years old, my mom brought her second boyfriend into the house after only four years of her being separated from my dad. I guess I didn't care at the time; he had a twelve year old son I could get to know and hang out with. The problem was, he wanted to 'hang out' with me in a different setting.

A month into meeting him he started to sexually harass me and make advances. I had no idea what was going on and me being a little kid assumed it was some new game and followed along. I never told my parents or older sister because he told me not to, and looking back on it, I could have saved myself so much trouble if I had..

The summer of 2004, I was ten years old. He was continuously making advances on me, but I hated it at that point. I learned that it was 'sinful', as I called it back then. By now I've lost all religion, but back then I went to church all the time and learned about it. I finally told him to stop, and I thought it would be over..

That night he raped me. In the basement of my mother's own house, my sister's bedroom not even twenty feet away and my younger eight year old brother asleep right next to us. I woke up to find him on top of me and he told me not to scream or he would do the same thing to my younger brother..

Going back to religion, since everyone thinks you need to believe in something, what kind of god, if you will, would EVER put one of his believers in a situation like that? Fuck this free will bullshit, I was violated in my own god-forsaken house..

I told my mom the next week when I knew he wouldn't be there and my brother was out of trouble. My mom didn't believe me and told me to quit making up stories. She even made me apologize to him the next week for making these 'outlandish' accusations against him.. Needless to say this is the reason I'm suicidal and depressed..

Since then, it's been nine and a half years. I'm nineteen years old, still live with my dad, I've lost all respect for my mom, and my stepbrother is out of the picture since his dad died. Even now, I don't know why I can't put the past behind me. I still watch and play Pokémon and other childish games, something I should have given up years ago. I refuse to emotionally grow up, because the knowledge of losing everything I've held onto over the last nine years is heartbreaking. I've also only told really close friends about what I've been through, and most of them don't even acknowledge it or don't believe me whatsoever..

What should I do? I can't put the past behind me because I'm just not strong enough.. I'm openly crying in front of my keyboard right now.. I haven't told anyone else in my family, because when I tried to tell my brother, he assumed I was going to talk about depressing shit and shoved me away and wouldn't listen. My own brother, the one person I put EVERYTHING on the line for, won't listen to me when I needed him. I've gotten to the point where I don't see myself making it to the age of twenty with everything that's going on in my head right now..

I know there are other people out there who are worse off then I am. But you know what? This is the only place I really have left to be able to openly talk about everything. The internet has now become my only true friend, but even then, it's not enough to save me from the inevitable..

Sorry for wasting your time,

~Emmi

* * *

Dear Emmi,

The good news is that the rapist is out of your life; the bad news is that the pain he inflicted is still very real and is still hurting you. Your mother’s denial of the situation when it was still happening is typical of families, unfortunately, who don’t want to deal with the situation and can’t believe that something that horrible could happen in their own home (it happened to my sister and mother, as well, both victims of my grandfather).

What you need to do at this point is find a little professional advice on the subject. Papabear wrote a similar column about rape last June (http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2012/06/furry-was-raped.html) and one of the organizations I suggested was the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network at www.rainn.org, which provides all sorts of useful information, as well as ways to get help. I strongly suggest you start there.

You need to talk to people about what you have been through, and since your family has pretty much let you down, Papabear is glad you found the fandom and that you reached out to me, as well. That you did so is a good indication that there is hope for you and you won’t spiral out of control. Keep reaching out and talking to people. If you have a Facebook account, there are a few support groups there, too, such as https://www.facebook.com/groups/14357067172/?fref=ts and others. (Just type “rape victim”) in the search box and they will come up in the search results. Some of these groups are closed and you have to ask to join.

A couple of other things regarding your letter.... It is quite logical that your fursona is a female not a male. Fursonas are often a means for people to deal with, or avoid, personal issues, and by picking a fursona of a different gender it helps distance you from what happened to you (as a boy) a while back. You wrote, “I can't stress enough how much self-confidence I've lost to resort to something as squeamish as this,” but actually you should understand it as a defense mechanism and nothing to be ashamed about. Probably, when you have learned to manage your pain a bit better, you will be more comfortable with a fursona of your own gender, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Some very well-adjusted furries adopt fursonas of the opposite sex just for fun. You don’t have to feel bad about that.

Likewise, your interest in “childish” things is a logical effort to recapture the childhood innocence that the rapist took from you. It is okay to do that, as well, as long as you recognize the difference between childlike and childish. Childlike is the innocent wonder and even awe of the world and delight in things that are fun; childish is acting selfishly, immaturely, and irresponsibly. Papabear bets you want to find that childlike aspect of yourself again, and do not really mean that you want to be childish. It’s okay to like Pokémon or My Little Pony or Christmas shows featuring Rudolf and Santa. One of the great things about furries is how they can be irrepressibly childlike. That is one of the things that attracted me to the fandom, too.

And as for religion, well, that is a difficult one, isn’t it? Many victims of crimes such as rape, parental abuse, assault, or the death of a loved one question the existence of God. They become angry, too, wondering how the concept of a “loving God” can be true if He lets such horrible things happen. I’ve written on this subject, too, for my column, so to save space, please click on http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2012/08/what-to-do-with-evil-in-the-world.html.

Now that you are 19, the good news is you are entering into adulthood, where you can take control of your own life instead of being under the thumb of other adults who, in your case, did an awful job of protecting you. You have your entire life ahead of you, and it can still be a great life. Take charge of it, lick your wounds, and move forward as best you can. I hope you make many furiends who can help you along the way.

This has NOT been a waste of my time, so do not fret.

Hugs,

Papabear 

Hello, I'm relatively new to the furry community. I'll have been a furry for 5 years in spring, northern hemisphere. I am a white husky with TARDIS blue tipped paws, tail, and spiked hair. I have a couple friends in real life who are furs, including my ex who had a pack of her own, but since splitting up with her, and a bad end to it, I decided to finally dive into the community. I was wondering about some ways I can meet other furs both on the internet and in person, as well as getting ears and a tail done soon. By the way, the fur name's Huskius Sigmus. Alterations of my species and my former rank, though I am most often called Husky.

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submitted by Cannis_Yasei
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Has the fandom taught you anything? Has it helped you grow in any way? Has it helped you discover yourself? Has it gotten you through rough times? Even if you aren't particularly active in the fandom or wouldn't consider yourself entirely "furry" has it done anything for you in a positive way?

The reason I ask is that since Ive been active in the fandom Ive grown a lot in certain areas personally. Ive become more tolerant and open-minded, more sexually open, my art has gotten better and I have just generally been more comfortable with who I am. The fandom has helped me a lot in certain ways and has helped me see things about myself and others that I might not have realized otherwise. I feel like a better person for it and like I know myself a little better than I did a few years back.

Im just curious about what positive impacts the fandom has had on any of your lives and how you feel about it:3.

Edit: Agh, reading these comments makes me all warm inside haha. Really though. I must say its kinda inspiring to hear all of your stories:).

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