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Dear Papabear,

I feel absolutely destroyed and need advise from someone outside of my own personal friend circle who can offer insight on my predicament. I was in a relationship and engaged to a wonderful dragon. We rarely argued and when we did we were always able to overcome with patience and compromise. it took a lot of work and effort to get to our level of love/trust and I really thought we were going to make it for the long haul. That's why it was so surprising and painful when it all started slipping. I tried literally everything I could do to save us, but he stopped helping. He started spending all his time on telegram and twitter and started caring much more about his looks and his friends... and the whole time he said he was the bad guy and I was doing nothing wrong when i pointed out how it was hurting the relationship. He stopped talking to me.

I don't understand what happened. He was never very sexually driven. I knew he was Pan sexual and could have a desire for men, but we were open. He could RP online or go play with someone if he wanted I just wanted to keep the love and he agreed. He used to tell me that "This is the best relationship I've ever been in" and "you still give me butterflies". Everything came down in the span of a month. It went from so serene, tender and loving to "I have no love left for you" so quickly. Even worse he says I did nothing wrong. He leaped from loving fiance to I'm only into men and want to uproot my entire life in a Flash. He said he felt guilty so why didn't he try to save us? Why did he totally stone wall me when I was trying to figure out what had happened? Why didn't he mourn or come to me sooner when he started feeling bad? So many whys.

Its been a couple of months now and I'm still so torn up inside. I feel like it didn't matter that I gave him literally everything I had and that I was willing to give the rest of my life to him. It didn't matter that I was patent, loving, flexible, always there when he needed me, and so many other things I thought he deserved out of the relationship... How are you supposed to move on and build up after giving so much? How do I keep it from happening again.. because it felt like a big part of the break up was... because I'm not male. And why do I still love him and want to be with him even after all of this pain and after hes made it abundantly clear that he had nothing for me?

I'm sure time is an answer to this... but I sure would like to feel like I will survive this instead of death by great bleeding heart. Advise on the short term healing or maybe recommendations on long term relationships for next time?

Broken Hearted Blue (age 26)

* * *
​
Dear Broken Hearted,
 
I'm sorry you are going through this. I might be able to give you some insight into this because I am familiar with what I think is his side of it from a personal level. Not sure if you read much of my bio in this column over the years, but I was married to a lovely woman for 22 years. I went into the marriage honestly believing I was straight, but when I was forty I figured out I wasn't (long story short, I had a sheltered childhood and though all gay men were effeminate, which didn't appeal to me, but later I discovered the bear community and instantly identified with it). Anyway, after four long years trying to deny it to myself and to her, I came out to her. We both cried and, of course, this led to her divorcing me. The good news is that we remain friends and I still have a lot of love for her, but we could never be married again.
 
It might be that your dragon experienced something similar, only that he initially felt he was pansexual and later it dawned on him that he was only into men. Such revelations can come over time, or they can come quite abruptly, as seems to have happened with him.
 
Now, this only has to do with sexuality. There's a difference, as you know, between sexuality and love. What rather disturbs me about what he said to you (if I am understanding this correctly) is that not only does he no longer have a sexual interest in you, but he also no longer loves you. If, to him, sex is the same as love, then that speaks poorly of this young man. If, on the other hand, he is saying "I don't love you anymore" as a way of, perhaps, breaking things off more cleanly and permanently so as not to lead you on in any way, then that is still a rather cruel thing to do, but a little more understandable.
 
Either way, he has hurt you, and to be that cold to someone you professed to love is a dark path to walk. It makes me not like him very much, but then I don't have to.
 
Answering your questions: 1) Yes, you will survive this. You are 26. Every young person goes through heartbreak at one time or another. It is part of life and part of learning about relationships. Learn from the experience and take your new wisdom into the next relationship you have, but also don't sell the good memories short; it's okay to have fond memories of someone you are no longer with—good memories can make us stronger just as surviving bad ones can. 2) On the short term, the best thing for you to do is spend a little time focusing on you as an individual and not as half of a relationship. Remember, what happened (and he said this himself!) is not because of something wrong with you but, rather, something amiss with him. Spend the next few months contemplating who you are as a person, what you want out of life, and how to achieve it. Do this in terms of only yourself and not as a partner or spouse. 3) In the long term, it will help immensely if you become—from this experience and its aftermath—someone who knows who they are and what they want out of life; someone who is self-assured and confident in themselves; someone who has love in their heart but is not codependent or seeking a codependent relationship just to get by. Such people are immensely attractive. It's the ones who reek of desperation or neediness that chase potential suitors away. Then, as this confident person (not arrogant, confident), you will be much more likely to find someone who is better mate material. No guarantees, but that's life!
 
Hugs,
Papabear

Roz Gibson’s Griffin Ranger duology is the story of a world ruled by mythical beasts and populated by assorted species of sapient animals. We are first introduced to this world in the first book, Crossline Plains, which will be reviewed here. The Twin Continents of this world host seven sapient species: Griffins, raccoon-like Hanz, canine Herders and Wolfen, massive Thunderbirds, feline Longtooths, and the belligerent tech-using parrots known as “Greenies.” The Northern Continent is patrolled by the Griffins’ titular Rangers who have a tenuous peace with the Greenies who rule the Southern. But that peace might be threatened as Ranger Harrel White-Shoulders receives reports of Greenies hunting Thunderbirds and selling their guns to Wolfen raiders. When a flight of sub-adult Griffins disappears near Greenie territories, including Harrel’s own daughter Aera, Harrel has enough and starts an investigation into the Greenies’ activities. He is soon joined by veteran investigator Kwaperramusc (Kwap for short), a tropical griffin based on a bird-of-paradise rather than a bird-of-prey and who escaped from the Greenies’ territories; and Tirrsill, a Hanz apprentice photojournalist assigned to document their adventures. As the group near the Greenie city of Kaerling, they are set upon by successive waves of assassins. Now, Roz Gibson is known in some circles for her morally ambiguous if not outright evil protagonists, and, while Harrel’s goals are sympathetic, make no mistake, he is very brutal in his methods, and many of his enemies end up with their bones shattered and guts spilled out on the grass. This is no kids’ book. Crossline Plains makes a good introduction to an alternate world where humanity never arose. It manages to show us the assorted facets of the world without resorting to a story-breaking infodump as tends to be endemic to speculative fiction. Gibson also manages to build this setting without falling into common traps like the “always evil species” or “technology levels.” The party meet a fair number of Greenies who aren’t antagonistic to them and even one or two who actively assist them, and there are some Griffins in the villain’s employ who are outright sadistic.SPOILER ALERT: The bad guys are working with humans. Whitehead built an interdimensional portal and started trading oil and young griffins for weapons. While I don’t fault Roz for going with the “humans are monsters” trope, especially when only a few human characters have been seen so far, I do take issue with the resort to Lovecraftian descriptions for them. Strange anatomy by itself just doesn’t evoke the sort of feelings of “unnaturalness” characters remark around humans. Now, if Roz had mentioned that the “Monsters” look like they’ve been plucked like a Greenie under stress, that might have been understandable. SPOILERS CONCLUDED.While the Hanz and Greenies have developed maglev trains and Griffin-portable deflector shields, photography still relies on chemical film, and telecommunications is limited to short-range radio and cables. If you’re a big fan of Griffins, and don’t mind venturing into the dark places where Roz Gibson’s writing is known to venture, I would recommend buying this and its sequel, The Monster Lands.

Independent dance parties by furries, for furries: the concept has been growing around the world since the late 2000’s. It can spin off from cons, but doesn’t depend on them. It’s more ambitious than informal meets and events that happen once. Those can stay inner-focused, but dances bring new partnership and support from overlapping communities and new kinds of venues. It crosses a line to public space, so a stranger can walk in and discover their new favorite thing. It encourages new blood and crossover. It makes subculture thrive. It’s a movement!

Parties that give a Q&A get a featured article. See The Furclub survey for questions and party list.

The big list recently got enough entries that it needed to be split between continents. It brought a tip about a bunch of Euro and German parties that hadn’t caught notice, too many for an article for each. There are already well established ones on the main list, so this is just the extras. Most seem to be once-a-year, which makes it great to find so many.  Soffy, a journalist and furry in the UK, stepped up to collect them. (Thanks Soffy!)

DUTCH FURDANCE, Nieuwegein, Netherlands (2017 – NOW)

The Dutch Furdance is a relative newcomer to the circuit. The first year was a roaring success but it can only get bigger and better!

• Website http://www.dutchfurdance.nl/
• Twitter https://twitter.com/dutchfurdance
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DutchFurdance/

FURSTRIKE, Witten, Germany (one off date: October 6th 2018)

A brand new event for Euro furs is coming to Witten, Germany, late this year. Taking place at the WERK ° STADT club in the heart of Witten, it promises to be an event which is not to be missed! A furdance organized for Furries from Furries! The venue is furry friendly with no stairs, separate bar area for resting and an outside area to cool off (and in October, cool might not be the word I’m looking for. Brrrrr!).

• Website (in German) http://www.furstrike.de/
• Twitter https://twitter.com/FurstrikeNrw

NORDIC FURDANCE, Hamburg, Germany (2010 – NOW)

This is one of the biggest furdances to go to on the EU continent! Almost 10 years in operation!

• Website (in German) https://www.nordicfurdance.de/
• Twitter https://twitter.com/nordic_furdance
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/NordicFurDanceofficial/

SAXONY FURDANCE, Leipzig, Germany (2013 – NOW)

Operating out of Leipzig, Germany, Saxony Furs organize multiple events throughout the year for furries in the Saxony region of Germany (notabley Leipzig and Dresden) ranging from a summer camp to furdances.

• Website (in German) https://www.sachsen-furs.de/
• Twitter https://twitter.com/sachsen_furs
• In the news http://www.sz-online.de/nachrichten/raubtier-alarm-auf-der-prager-strasse-3341145.html
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/sachsenfurs/

SOUTH STATE FURDANCE, Stuttgart, Germany (2015 – NOW)

South States FurDance is the biggest fur event in the southern Baden-Württemberg region of Germany. South State furs also hold other events throughout the year so, if you are local, check them out!

• Website https://www.s-s-f.de/
• Twitter https://twitter.com/SuedStaatenFurs
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/SuedstaatenFurs/

BERLIN FURDANCE, Berlin, Germany (2018)

I can’t find much out about this particular furdance. You’d probably be best of checking out their website and social media platforms for more of an insight.

• Website https://berlin-furdance.de
• Twitter https://twitter.com/berlinfurdance 

BAYERN FURDANCE, Bayern, Germany (2014 – NOW)

Bayern Furs organize multiple furdances across the year in Nuremburg in March, June and November (venues vary).

• Website https://www.bayern-furs.de/
• Twitter https://twitter.com/BayernFurs
• Youtube https://www.youtube.com/c/bayernfurs

DUNKEL.FELL.TANZ, Essen, Germany (2015-NOW)

The best way to describe Dunkel.Fell.Tanz is… not your average furdance! Playing anything from EBM to Noise Techno, this event encourages darker furs to come out and play.

• Website http://dunkelfelltanz.de/2018/en/home
• Facebook https://www.facebook.com/dunkelfelltanz
• Twitter https://twitter.com/Dunkelfelltanz

HALLOWEEN FURDANCE, Wolfsburg, Germany (2018-NOW)

Info pending – they’re setting up as this posts.

• Website http://halloween-furdance.de/

CREATURES OF THE NIGHT, Vienna, Austria (2016-NOW)

I can’t find much out about this particular furdance. You’d probably be best of checking out their website and social media platforms for more of an insight.

• Website http://creatures.furdance.at/event

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Yes, we need more red panda's in animation.
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Hi Papabear! 

I'm not in the furry fandom like most of the teens who write to you. I'm in the Marvel fandom. 

You probably heard of the movie Avengers: Infinity War, which came out a few weeks ago. I really want to watch it, but my mom thinks it's a bad influence (like it's too violent, etc). But we watch OTHER movies similar to Marvel, like Star Wars. They have violence too, so what's different about Infinity War?! 

Also my mom is pulling my best friend into this. She's also a Marvel fan. My mom thinks that she's influencing me into "idolizing" movies and actors and all that crap. I mean, I love Marvel, but I'm not letting it get between me and school and church!
She thinks I'm going become a serial killer because of the violence. 

She also thinks I want to watch the movie because of peer pressure; all my friends are watching it, so I've gotta watch it too. Well, NO. I'm not watching it because of peer pressure. I want to watch it because (and this may sound dumb) this movie is important to me. I'm in the fandom! I'm attached to these characters! I've cried and ranted over them! I see even myself in some of them; I can relate to some of the problems they face.

I'm careful. I'm not stupid; I know what movies I should and shouldn't watch. I even have Christian friends who've gone and seen Infinity War. CHRISTIAN FRIENDS. I really don't understand at all. 

I'm sorry for all the ranting. I hope you understood everything. Thank you. 


Jasmine (age 13)
 
* * *
 
Dear Jasmine:
 
It is true your mother is not being consistent. Like you said, why is Star Wars okay but Avengers isn’t? Makes no sense. Have you asked her to explain herself? If she doesn’t like superheroes, does she also have a problem with Harry Potter movies? How about crime dramas or war movies? Why or why not?
 
Getting back to superhero movies. Your mom’s idea that they can make children more violent does not come out of the blue. Studies such as this one have shown that kids exposed to the violence of superhero movies can exhibit (but don’t necessarily exhibit) more violent behavior. The influence on kids is likely stronger if they are exposed to the films at a younger age. The kids were between 3 and 6 years old, for the most part, in this study.
 
Also, the argument that such films, which feature characters doing violent things for noble causes and who are motivated to help people, translate into kids who are also more socially minded and concerned about the welfare of others does not fly. With regard to acting more protectively and charitably to others, there was no change before and after watching such films.
 
It must be repeated, though, that you are 13 now and, at that age, less likely to be so impressionable. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, and one argument you could give your mom is, “Hey, Mom, you raised me better than that; you raised me to understand that violence is bad and be a good Christian, and I’m not going to go against that just because of some movie.” That said, I do understand where your mom is coming from. When I was your age, my parents wouldn’t let me see films like Jaws and The Exorcist. However, by the time I was 15 I was allowed to see Superman.
 
Your mom is trying to be protective of you, which is good. Better that than a mother who doesn’t give a damn about you, right? But have a conversation with her about what I said above and see if you can get a little more consistency and understanding from her.
 
Hugs,
Papabear

More illustrated books for young folks, this time from a well-known writer in Hollywood. Toy Academy is a new series from Scholastic Books, written by Brian Lynch and illustrated by Edwardian Taylor. “Welcome to Toy Academy: Where toys learn to play. This is where action figures train to battle, stuffed animals study the art of the hug, and collectibles practice standing very, very still. Though Grumbolt isn’t really any of those things, he’s determined to fit in. But when the Evil Toy Academy threatens to bring down his school, it’s up to Grumbolt to go where no good toy has gone before and prove he’s truly a great toy after all. This laugh-out-loud chapter book by the writer of Minions and a writer of The Secret Life of Pets is a classic in the making.” You heard it here!

image c. 2018 Scholastic Books

Wonderful con and cool video. I'm not just saying that because our giant Skiltaire plush shows up at 2:14 on the left. OMG!
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Dear Papa Bear, 

I've been in the fandom for quite a while, but also I've been a fan of other things like video games and anime. As I browse through some furry mediums like comics, literature and animation I've noticed something: the action genre is almost non-existent. Someone might argue that there's plenty of action on these mediums, but I would ask if they've even taken nods to stuff like Devil May Cry, Fist of the North Star, Yakuza, Bayonetta, Time Crisis, G-Gundam, Tekken, Guilty Gear, Ys, Die Hard, Streets of Rage, I could go on. The best I could find is this comic series on FA called This Primal World. It's a good read, worth checking out. So my question is, why is action the least tapped-into genre in the furry fandom?

Thanks,
Pete

* * *

Hi, Pete,

I really didn't know the answer to your question, so I asked Watts Martin, who is president of the Furry Writers' Guild. Here is what he wrote back: Hi! So, I asked around the Furry Writers' Guild Slack and got more or less nothing useful when it comes to furry action comics, and not a lot for action stories/novels; I suspect the problem is that while it's easy to think of "action movies," we don't really talk about comics and especially fiction quite the same way. (Yes, I know Superman first appeared in "Action Comics," but that kinda kicked off "superhero" as a genre, right?)

I can think of a few furry comics off the top of my head that certainly have action in them, at least:

• Dan Abnett & Ian Culbard's "Wild's End," a furry-ish take on "The War of the Worlds"
• Juan Diaz Canales & Juanjo Guarnido's "Blacksad," the pulp detective series
• Stan Sakai's "Usagi Yojimbo," the long-running samurai comic

There are also some now-defunct titles like Shawntae Howard's "Extinctioners" superhero comic and the short lived sci-fi title "Fusion," which included work by Steve Gallacci, Lela Dowling and novelist Steven Barnes.

For fiction, it's a bit easier to find stuff. Bad Dog Books' ebook site, for example, has an Action/Adventure category. Ones I see there I'd consider looking at include:

• Ursula Vernon's Black Dogs duology
• Mark Engels's Always Gray in Winter, a novel about werecats
• Roz Gibson's science fantasy Griffin Ranger duology
• Sasya Fox's sci-fi adventure Theta

Of course, there are other stories that might have a lot of action in them in other genres; Peter might just want to give things a look and see what pops out. Other titles that were mentioned on the Slack include Ryan Campbell's Smiley and the Hero and (ahem) the transhumanist sci-fi novel Kismet, by Watts Martin. I'm not familiar with "Wild's End," but I am with the Blacksad and Usagi Yojimbo books and they, indeed, have lots of action in them. I was particularly impressed by the Blacksad writing.

Hope that helps,
Papabear

Submitted by Fred Patten, Furry’s favorite historian and reviewer.

A&H Club, volume 1, by Rick Griffin. Illustrated.
Seattle, WA, CreateSpace, April 2018, trade paperback, $18.29 (unpaged [82 pages]).

Popular furry writer/artist Rick Griffin has two Internet comic strips. Housepets! is the one that everyone is familiar with. Once a year he collects them and publishes a Create/Space album.

A&H Club is his other Internet strip. In one way it’s just more familiar high-class Griffin anthropomorphic art, and jokes about not wearing any pants. In another it’s the opposite of what Griffin does in Housepets! It’s serious, not comedic, even if it does view today’s society as semi-comedic. It’s realistic, not fantastic; aside from featuring anthropomorphic animals who walk about nude below the waist. Its two main characters are a pair of lesbian lovers (Adrian is really bi), one of whom is a single mother. It consists of full pages rather than strips.

Griffin first collected his A&H Club into three comic books of between 22 and 28 pages each. Now he has gathered those into a CreateSpace album of 82 pages including the three front & rear covers.

A&H Club began on the Internet on June 19, 2015. This album collects all the strips from then to April 7, 2018, or the first three comic-book collections. The two main characters are Adrian Gray, an unwed gray kangaroo (and her young son Ali, about 2 years old), and Hildegard Rothschild, a wolf. Both are slightly punk; Adrian dyes her hair blonde, and Hilde dyes hers an electric turquoise, cut into a Mohawk. The strip’s double-meaning title refers to both Adrian & Hilde, and to the A&H (Athletics & Health Club) where they both work – Adrian teaches self-defense, and Hilde is a yoga instructor. Books 1 and 2 are black-&-white, and Book 3 is in color.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The strip begins (Book 1, “If There Is A Place”; 24 pages) with Adrian and Hilde having lunch at a food court. Adrian is distraught because she was barely making ends meet and now her rent has gone up, which she can’t afford. Hilde invites her to move in with her – only temporarily, but you know how that works. A little background is given on the two. In Book 2, “The Invitation”; 28 pages, Hilde runs into an old college friend, Henry Jones (bear), and he invites them both to dinner & to meet his wife, Eliza. She turns out to be an aggressively evangelical Christian who is determined to convert both A&H into church-goers. Ali is traumatized by a hand-puppet on a Christian children’s TV program. Griffin experiments with his art: “This issue I’m dropping the halftones and just going to flat grays, with noise and possibly added textures. In doing this I’m also trying a few different other things–there’s only 3 levels of gray for instance, 50%, 30% and 10%, so it’s easier to keep track of. (It’s also basically the most gray you can differentiate without getting too dark)” Book 3, “Negative Energy”; 22 pages), is the first to show the A&H health club, and Adrian in action teaching self-defense.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A&H Club is funny, tender, and heartwarming. As with most Internet comic strips, you can get the whole thing for free by logging onto it online and going to its Archives; but it’s so much more convenient to get this album. Speaking personally, I don’t find everyone’s being nude below the waist (Griffin keeps his art SFW here, but check out his online Shop) as eyebrow-raising as his showing a kangaroo walking rather than hopping.

– Fred Patten

• Buy on Amazon

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Roo and Tugs are joined by Michael Sanders to discuss leather, kink, and STI awareness in this steamy episode. Things get CRAZY in here - with all kinds of naughty confessionals, questions, and deliciously awkward moments. What are you waiting for?! Get in here!



NOW LISTEN!
SHOW NOTES
Special Thanks

Michael Sanders, our guest.
Ichi
Cody
Bear
Anonymouse
Na'am

Music

Opening Theme: Husky In Denial – Cloud Fields (Century Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2015. ©2015 Fur What It’s Worth and Husky in Denial. Based on Fredrik Miller– Cloud Fields (Radio Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Potty Break: Ben Sound - Sexy. USA: 2017. Used under a Creative Commons license.
Space News Music: Fredrik Miller – Orbit. USA: Bandcamp, 2013. Used with permission. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Closing Theme: Husky In Denial – Cloud Fields (Headnodic Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2015. ©2015 Fur What It’s Worth and Husky in Denial. Based on Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Chill Out Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)

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Next episode: Chinese furries! We'll visit the world of Chinese furries and explore the interesting differences between western Furries and Eastern! Send your emails by May 25, 2018! S7 Episode 14 – BOY! Get out of the way! - Roo and Tugs are joined by Michael Sanders to discuss leather, kink, and STI awareness in this steamy episode. Things get CRAZY in here - with all kinds of naughty confessionals, questions, and deliciously awkwar

Well, another live action Jungle Book ... We were total asking for one of those.
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Hi Papabear!
 
I have a question to ask and its about speech and fursuiting. I noticed that wile out of fursuit no one talks to me or acknowledges my presence. I just shrug my shoulders and think that maybe they are just too busy conversing with others. So this is normal for me. But as soon as I put on that head it seems like now everyone wants to talk to me. It gets me all confused because its like why talk to a fursuiter when you know that it hard to talk with them. They say something like "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!" It's quite hard to speak up with something is one's mouth. It also over times strains and bruises the vocal cords when trying to yell as loud as I can to make the non fursuiter here what I have to say. Then as I take off the head they stop talking or just walk away. It's like what is this? Are they playing some sort of mind game?

I just don't know if the non-suiters find it offensive when it comes to speech other than vocal. Friendly gestures while fursuiting can be a part of speech too. I experienced that scenario a few weeks ago at a furmeet. No one wanted to talk but as I got dressed up and put on the head that's when they wanted to say something. This one person kinda found it offensive just the way she used her tone of voice. "It's like why dont you converse or talk with others?" I'm like duh I'm in fursuit here. Stuff like that just ruins the magic and fun of being in character. Didn't want to say anything to the admin. staff about because I didnt want to ruin their happiness. She did that quite a few times too. I guess thy just have no idea how to RP in real life situations. I don't like to talk that much and that is why I use the fursuit. It's sort of like when you have your head phones are ear phones. Turn on the radio or listen and watch movies on the net and yup! People start making conversation and it's like "Hello! I'm listening to something here. I can't hear you" It's like do I have a sign on me that says please talk to me when I'm busy. I've seen people do this to others with fursuits. Not all but some. The person doesn't have fursuit on yet and nobody's around, but put it on and now everyone wants that person to say something. These people had a lot of time and opportunity to talk to that person beforehand but wasted that time doing something else.
​
I guess what I 'm trying to ask is Why do non suiters not use the time wisely to talk to the suiter before they walk around and perform? 
 
Cave (age 29)
 
* * *
 
Hello, Cave,
 
As the fandom grows, it is apparent that the fursuiting etiquette that was once common knowledge is being increasingly abandoned or just forgotten (or not taught at all). Now, I have only been fursuiting since 2010, but even then these things (below) were told to me about proper fursuiting, so it seems to be very recently that this has gotten out of hand.

To all of you out there, fursuiters and non-suiters alike, here is a quick list what used to be, at least, fursuit etiquette:

1. You DO NOT dehead in public (except in cases of emergency, such as you are going to pass out from heat exhaustion unless you dehead). If you are getting overheated and don’t want to completely remove your fursuit, that is the reason furcons provide the headless room, complete with fans and cold water. Dehead there, cool off, put the head back on and go outside again. Why is deheading forbidden in public? Because by keeping yourself in fursuit you are creating a fantasy that comes to life, which is at the core of the fun of fursuit performance. Deheading destroys the fourth wall, as they say in theater, and ruins the illusion of your being a furry.
2. Unless you are very experienced as a fursuiter (and sometimes even then), you should always have a handler nearby. Handlers are buddies who help you not run into things, trip over stuff, negotiate stairs, and keep people from being annoying—such as touching, hugging, kissing, tugging on you without permission.
3. Similarly, fursuiters should not approach, hug, etc. people unless they are okay with it. This is especially true with children unless parents are fine with it.
4. Non-suiters should always ask permission to take photos.
5. NEVER sneak up behind (or even to the side) of a fursuiter and then make contact with them. Fursuiters have bad or no peripheral vision, and this can be very startling and unnerving.
6. When you are in fursuit, you should be IN CHARACTER. You are no longer Bob Smith or Jane Jones. You are now your fursona and you should behave as your fursona.
7. Talking: It used to be that almost no fursuiters talked while in character, and communication was always done with gestures and maybe some animal noises or (a la Telephone) cute squeaks and such. This was in the tradition of Disney mascotting in which characters such as Mickey Mouse never spoke to guests even though the cartoon mouse could talk. Another reason was that most fursuit heads did not have articulating jaws, so it looked weird to talk. That has changed somewhat now, especially with improvements to costumes (Grubbs’ jaw moves, for example), but when you speak you really should do so in character.
8. Non-suiters note #7: If you want to chat with the performer as him/herself, do so when they are not in character; if you want to chat with the fursona, that’s fine, but don’t expect a conversation from that person as their real selves.

 
The reason why you find people wanting to talk to you in your fursuit, Cave, is this: fursuits break down the communication barrier by making people more at ease. You see, when an unfamiliar face approaches someone and tries to initiate a conversation, this is a very real thing and can be intimidating to some people, especially for those who are socially shy, which is a common issue in the fandom. Furries (and mundanes) tend to form cliques and circles of friends with whom they are comfortable and then pretty much ignore everyone else. This is a type of defense mechanism.
 
But when you are in fursuit, you suddenly become an object of fascination, a fantasy character who has come to life, and this is, obviously, very appealing to a furry fan. They don’t feel intimidated anymore because your fursona is attractive and they want to get closer to you. It is also true, in my opinion, that because you are a fantasy being at this point, you are more approachable because you aren’t, in a sense, real. Therefore, you are not threatening to them, if that makes sense.
 
One of the things I enjoy about fursuiting is just this thing: it breaks down barriers. People come up to me and hug me! And they would never do that if I was just walking around as Kevin Hile. So, don’t be annoyed by people wanting to converse with you in suit; think of your fursuit, instead, as a tool for breaking down the wall between people and connecting to them. If they want to talk to you, talk back—but do it as your fursona. Keep the magic alive. That’s the fun of fursuiting!
 
Hugs,
Papabear

Welcome to David Lillie, artist of Dreamkeepers, a comic with a connection to here via Fred Patten’s reviews. A fantasy comic doesn’t need to tie to current events, but that changes when it embraces controversy.

Dreamkeepers did that by hitching their marketing to Milo Yiannopoulos in 2016, buying an ad on his show and giving him a fan art fursona. Milo was known as a demagogic celebrity who rose with Gamergate and the alt-right, and fell by condoning pedophilia. He addressed furries by bashing them on Breitbart, as I mentioned in this article about looking at conservatives before Trump was elected. But the topic here isn’t really Milo, it’s the things he rode in on, and they need to be clearly defined.

Regular readers will be familiar with reactionary groups aligned with the alt-right, like Altfurry. An honest look will find them inseparable from racism. Despite their claims to be defenders of free speech, I think they aren’t motivated by limitations being imposed on freedom, but the opposite; they’re reacting to society getting too free for the targets of their hate, who they consider lesser humans. Their leaders want unaccountability for it, and many of their collaborators simply don’t understand the greater context, or don’t care as long as they personally come out ahead.

Unaccountability isn’t even enough, so they push back with absurd counter-claims about things like “white genocide”. It comes from hate, not legit grievances, no matter what props they use for the pose. The proof is in the way they revise history for it (as if the Holocaust was caused by people hating Nazis, that’s the worst victim blaming ever.) It causes the conflict with those who they consider enemies. Enemies means new generations wanting to preserve advances for minorities and a better deal in times when the rich get richer with the poor getting poorer. To fight change, the alt-right casts it as cartoonish invasion and “degeneration” (except when they enjoy the benefits) while claiming to represent a false golden age from the past. But when they claim to be “hated” for troll behavior, it’s false equivalence to hating others humanity. With the alt-right, there’s no symmetry between their bad-faith backlash and those receiving it. There is no “both sides”.

The article here may imply that “both sides” deserve to be considered legitimate, and I don’t endorse that. Of course I endorse civil rights and free speech, which aren’t the issue with rules moderation by private platforms who don’t want trolls fouling the water for others. You can’t just redefine privileges as rights for that.  Also, when it addresses Milo, it’s too bad it glosses over how he served Nazis to launder their hate, and how the sleazy association with them is a much bigger problem than their size. Association isn’t dismissable (especially to a fan subculture that depends on it in every way) – both when people choose to enable assholes, or show them the door. Choosing who to host is free association too.

All of this is to define the fundamentals if you sense cynical dissociation and rebranding in the article, which was criticism I got about hosting it. So why do it? I have to say that the author already has his platform and doesn’t need mine, and I don’t need his. I don’t think a one-time guest article is like giving up keys to the site and he could easily put it elsewhere. It’s here to be open and raise questions.

An open mind can lead to common ground, but also let nasty things crawl in. (You might enjoy this guest article about that: How I Ended Up in the Alt-Lite, and How I Got Out). Which one is this article trying to do? And do you feel rabid or poisoned about it?

– Patch

 

The Milo Story, Nazi Prevention, and A Simple Hope – By David Lillie.

Thanks to @Boneitis and @kaze_the_wyvern for providing constructive feedback and advice.

 

You may be reading this to check whether it’s okay to continue hating me.  Let’s cut to the chase and give that a simple yes.

I create the best comic I’m capable of rendering; but I also drew Milo as a snow leopard, and occasionally shake my head at the firestorm it caused.  Since I still think it was funny, your hatred is socially acceptable.  Including acceptable by me. I’m not holding it against you. It’s just how you feel.

So we’ve covered the hatred question, but you may still be curious about why I changed my opinion regarding Nazis in the furry community. Especially if you think Nazis are a problem. Because I agree with you, and previously I did not.

(Any Nazis reading this just began considering whether they, too, should hate me.)

We’ve established I’m not writing this article in the hopes of reducing the number of people on twitter hostile towards me. So why would I change my mind, if personal social approval is off the table?

To establish a starting point, let’s examine a common question about the Milo fursona.

“What were you thinking?”

Generally my mind is in one of two places; the next comic page, or hare-brained marketing schemes.  Aspiring content creators may relate to the constant drive for experimentation, improvement, and the hope for success.

During some of my many thousands of hours of drawing I listened to a podcast by Milo. I knew him as a provocateur attracting massive crowds and protesters while advocating free speech and being banned from twitter. The controversy swirling around him was many things, and entertaining was one of them.

I heard him do a live-read advertising, of all things, cars. Talk about boring. Too bad he wasn’t promoting something interesting. Like a webcomic… Like a furry webcomic. Like OUR furry webcomic!

The idea popped into my head like a Robin Williams punch line, and I laughed.

One of culture’s most controversial figures, promoting a furry comic.  The thought was so absurd, I had to at least try for it and see what would happen. I probably wouldn’t be capable of pulling off such an advertising coupe. No publicist, no ad agency, no form of professional representation.

But it turns out I could.

And I did.

Milo’s audience heard all about Dreamkeepers, and then he became a snow leopard.

If you’re concerned about social problems, and shaming others into agreement is a tactic you sometimes use, what happened next might be of interest to you.

I was called the usual assortment of smears that we’re all so familiar with, whether we’re hitting with them, or being hit by them. Fascist, alt-right, x-phobe, Nazi.

Now, was the pitchfork crowd aware that the labels they flung at me were inaccurate? I can’t say. I have difficulty reading minds.

But I know my own mind (a little), so from my perspective it was obvious those labels were wrong. I don’t identify as a fascist, and my values are incompatible with fascism. The credibility of my accusers thus dipped a bit, and not just their personal credibility. Being falsely labeled confirmed for me that these labels were used falsely, broadly, as a disingenuous social weapon.

I shrugged off the pitchforkers seeking to apply shame and control, because, no thanks. We carried on drawing things, sharing art, and having a good time.

Now remember, you are permitted to hate me for all of this, as we established at the beginning. That’s fine. I don’t identify the way you have labeled me, and you’re allowed to be upset about that.

But the takeaway here is that, even for oddly agreeable fellows like myself, social shaming tactics are losing effectiveness. The hammer still has force- but everyone has been pummeled so long, over such trivial or fallacious things, that hardened shells have become mainstream. Shame doesn’t work. That weapon has been removed from our arsenal of social correctives. And as it happens, we may have disarmed ourselves at just the wrong moment.

I’m starting to get worried about Nazis. Now, when I say that, I don’t mean Dave Rubin. (I could take ‘im.) Allow me to briefly clarify how I conceptualize “Nazi.”

I don’t use it in the colloquial sense of “person outside my political tribe.”  I’m talking about a fringe ideology that opposes individual rights, seeks to purge all disagreement from society, and minimizes historic mass murders.

The left-leaning readers are pulling their hair in frustration at that definition, thinking, “Yes you idiot, that’s what we’ve been telling you this entire time! There are actual Nazis, we’re not making this stuff up!”

I hear you, and you’re correct.

Real people exist who are Nazis.  I’m sure you can find examples who are not Dave Rubin, and they will be valid examples of very bad Nazis. There were valid examples a few years ago, and before then as well.

The existence of a few people thinking totalitarian thoughts doesn’t concern me then, nor now.   I’m concerned because of a major contextual social shift.

Moral credibility.

Up until now, mainstream society was generally Nazi-proof because of one universally accepted truism;  that Nazis were morally reprehensible. Nobody would ever vote for a Nationalist Socialist political party, because there wasn’t one single good thing about Nazis.

Or at least, there wasn’t.

The door is opening to Nazis having some mainstream appeal, and here is why.

Public perception is beginning to register Nazis as defenders of free speech.

If you disagree, just check this for yourself.  How often do you see online conversations touching on the topics of Nazis and free speech at the same time?

That proximity alone, repeated often enough, will form a link in people’s minds long after they forget the context of the arguments.

If that impression solidifies, then we have destroyed the decades-long public consensus that there is nothing good about voting for Nazis. People will start saying, “Well, I disagree with their French foreign policy, but at least somebody is defending free speech.”

What’s even worse, the furry community’s efforts to eradicate Nazis are making this catastrophic impression- this idea that Nazis defend free speech- correct.

If you fight Nazis by revoking their civil rights, then they will defend themselves by advocating for civil rights.

The moral high-ground is the one thing Nazis never had. It is a massively powerful weapon, and we are giving it to them, for free.

Please, let’s all stop giving Nazis the moral high ground. It’s easy. We can disarm them by simply respecting everyone’s civil rights.

Many will rush to explain that no civil rights are being violated. Perhaps you are technically correct- let’s not argue the legal minutiae outside of court. If it satisfies your desire for accuracy, every time you hear “violating civil rights” simply replace it in your mind with “deplatforming, demonetizing, censoring, and social banishment, with no criminal charges, no trial, and no recourse.”

Many of the people being purged are not Nazis at all.  Not even a little bit.  Tossing around hateful labels like ticker-tape at a parade makes these kinds of civilian casualties inevitable. And they are mounting.

The recent Furaffinity purge provides the latest examples.

People with no ties to the alt-right have had their accounts nuked, being told opaquely “you’re not the sort of person welcome in our community.”

Many just want access to their account back, even briefly, so they can save copies of favorited art, gather their posts and journals from past years, and consider if they can take their belongings to find a new home.  One where they won’t be banished for reasons that are never disclosed.

And that game is to make people in the fandom think that the net is being cast too wide and that people who don't "deserve" to be pushed out of the fandom are suffering.

QuQu and everyone else in that chatroom knows "the truth" is that altfurry IS a paraiah group.

— VƎX is a Satyr (@andreuswolf) May 21, 2018

In the furry community’s zeal to expunge “Nazis,” you might anticipate another unintended consequence.

Fearful people gravitate towards group identity, for protection.

I will let you deduce what happens when raving headhunters add notches to their belt and gloat over scalps.

A few furs will choose to live in fear.  Re-reading every tweet, anxiety spiking as they second-guess each joke, knowing one wrong move could end their social existence in the oh-so-welcoming community, but hoping the next person to be cast out will be a different member of the herd.

But for every furry who stays quiet and toes the line, more will stay quiet and drift away from the headhunters, into the opposing camp.

During the Milo fursona days every public tweet or comment bullying us would correspond to roughly ten private messages or e-mails expressing solidarity with our actions, and fear of the online mobs.

The furry community is devolving into one defined by anxiety, insecurity, and fear.

I’ll repeat it, in case you didn’t feel the psychic surge of readers around the globe nodding mutely in assent.

We are creating a climate of fear.

One where polarized factions misrepresent one another.  One where artists, working maniacally to build up a career, live in fear of being next on the chopping block, their hopes and dreams just more collateral damage.  We’re creating a community where any creator who fails to join a rigid political bloc risks being caught alone in the crossfire between the two.

On our current path, we’re only a few years away from politically segregated conventions. That will take the reciprocal ugliness and intolerance that exists online, and make it worse. We can only throw so many people out of the fandom before it generates an entire rival community. That’s a road we don’t have to go down.

Now, I’m not telling you to start liking Nazis. I don’t like them- every time I see those movies, I’m rooting for Indiana Jones.

I can see a better future for the fandom, and it doesn’t require us to join hands and sing kumbaya. Dislike some art? Explain why in a comment. See people agreeing to a bad idea? Explain why it’s bad. Want to shun a person? Use your block button, and don’t invite them to your parties.

But we have to exist together in the same society. We can curate our personal social circle- but we cannot claim personal ownership and curation rights over the entire fandom. Law abiding people, even those who disagree with us, must have access to publicly accessible social events, publicly accessible online platforms, the ability to earn revenue, and basic civil rights.

That’s a pact I can support. Even if I disagree with someone, and even if they’re a genuinely bad person, if they follow the law I won’t try to demonetize them, deplatform them, or eject them from the broader community and its gatherings.  (Openly or otherwise.)

It’s my hope we’ll move towards a future where the furry community truly is a welcoming place. Where people can disagree and have political spats, then grab a beer together, or play the latest game, or go nuts on the dance floor. A community that doesn’t mandate opinions. A community where anyone can draw anything. (Yes, even that.)

In world like that, it’ll be awfully hard for Nazis to pose as free-speech defenders.  I won’t have to worry about culture siding with them.  I can laugh at the occasional outrageous Nazi fursuiter, and then continue living in a society that stands for individual rights and against totalitarian social purges- regardless of who is doing the purging. A society where silly people can advocate crazy ideas which the majority will never take seriously, because the ideas crumble under scrutiny. Where we can create any sort of fiction imaginable.

It’s just a hope, not instructions. You’re free to agree or disagree. I’ll still greet you with a smile if you ever decide to swing by, and support your right to viably participate in the community, your right to contribute color, life, and stupid opinions. If I don’t support those rights for you, god knows nobody will support them for me.  I think we can do that much for one another.

– Dave Lillie

 

UPDATE 5/22/18: who could have predicted this would trigger disingenuous concern trolling? 

This was published to raise questions. Dave Lillie’s Gab post that disrespected the readers (and the clearly communicated intention to add an editor note) made a question about honesty. Another was how badly would altfurries behave about it?

Their chat didn’t give Dave Lillie much credit for an honest opinion without a trolling agenda.  And they couldn’t wait to push their own.

After bringing up a trolling agenda, they couldn’t help themselves from showing what hate is at the root of theirs:

No surprises here. Even an attempt at looking as bland and reasonable as possible comes with hate from altfurries.

Perhaps Dave Lillie would like me to legitimize it by patiently discussing about why grown-ups don’t do that.

But I prefer speaking to everyone who already knows it.  (Why act like “moral credibility” is supposed to be the burden of the targets?) Acting like grown-ups isn’t a big expectation. You could call it A Simple Hope.

Have fun trying to post comments and crying oppression when they go to the trash, guys. (That means 4 that came in between 9-11 PM sourced from the altfurry chat egging them on.) Bad faith trolls will never be welcome here, even if they pretend to speak nicely in public.  Playing obvious games is a terrible way for hate group members to present themselves as victims. Exposing them might not prevent nazis from existing, but it helps make sure they don’t get anywhere.

Thoughts from regular readers:

re: the Dreamkeepers "we're not alt-right I promise" article on @DogpatchPress pic.twitter.com/uTuEyjVGUE

— Piper Ridley (@ReadingRidley) May 21, 2018

so the reason they drew a white supremacist fanart is "for the lulz" and also we should be nicer to nazis?

— Piper Ridley (@ReadingRidley) May 21, 2018

Also the argument that people think Nazis stand for free speech. Like, I don’t know anyone who thinks that. What world is he living on?

— Fuzz (@FuzzWolf) May 22, 2018

They don't offer anything to the discussion besides gleefully admitting again, they conspired with a bigot to make more money for themselves.

— SYXG98 (@SYXG98) May 21, 2018

'Freedom of speech' goes both ways, and people keep forgetting that.

— zʇᴉlqʞuI AC2018 (@Inkblitzer) May 21, 2018

Patch, why'd you invite these guys to the potluck? pic.twitter.com/so13Ht4qGl

— Be Good Have Fun Launch Nazis Into The Sun (@XydexxUnicorn) May 21, 2018

I don't care if they cry censorship because they've lied before and they'll do it again. It's what they do.

— Be Good Have Fun Launch Nazis Into The Sun (@XydexxUnicorn) May 21, 2018

A "centrist" who collaborates/enables can't just cop out by complaining "guilt by association" like they aren't choosing to associate. And anyone who says "you turned me into a hater by calling me a hater" is a manipulative liar.

— Dogpatch Press (@DogpatchPress) May 21, 2018

How does one, who's an adult change their minds from thinking Nazi's were not so bad, to yeah, they bad? How do you wrap that around your brain stem and come to that conclusion to have even thought they were ok to begin with. I mean..really? Well not another dime from me FTG.

— The Ebony Gorilla (@EbonyGorilla) May 22, 2018

The man reason why I wouldn't is, my credibility isn't worth a buck for one additional reader, follower, or fan.

— The Ebony Gorilla (@EbonyGorilla) May 22, 2018

I've seen this going on for a long time. I turned a blind eye, hoping they'd come around eventually. I had high hopes for their @DogpatchPress article today. I'm crushed to see those hopes dashed.

— Princess Meat Grinder - Fletcher (@ArcticFletcher) May 21, 2018

Like the article? It takes a lot of effort to share these. Please consider supporting Dogpatch Press on Patreon.  You can access exclusive stuff for just $1, or get Con*Tact Caffeine Soap as a reward.  They’re a popular furry business seen in dealer dens. Be an extra-perky patron – or just order direct from Con*Tact.

And another self-published book we found through Xlibris, this one geared more toward young readers. What I Want to Be from A To Z is written and illustrated by Janis Arnold. We’ll let her describe it: “‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ At some point in their young lives, this question is heard by most children. My poetry book, What I Want to Be from A–Z, is a fun way to learn about a variety of careers. Each poem contains vocabulary that will help children learn about a career. When children become familiar with a rhyming book, they begin to make predictions, which is an important part of early reading skills. My two main characters are foxes—a female English red fox named Fiona and an American gray fox named Fernando. While reading through the book, the reader will view, on some of the poems, one of the foxes dressed up for that career.” It’s interesting (and rather heartening) to note that the pictures do not always conform to older ideals of what jobs are best for a man or a woman. Both these foxes seem equally capable of doing whatever they want!

image c. 2018 Xlibris

Back in our totally not rebuilt from scratch again at the last minute studio, we complete a much simpler roundup and get back to our usual silly news stories.

Download MP3

Watch Video Link Roundup:

• Mothers Day BLFC Tweet
• Brush: A Fox Tale Animated Short Film
• Anti-sex trafficking law FOSTA is hurting online sex educators, too
• Anthrocon 2018 Travel Discounts
• Awesome naga cosplay
• SwiftOnSecurity commissions a Planesona

News:

• Mad Scientists Taught a Predatory Spider to Jump for Them and Now We’re All Probably Doomed
• Dog shoots man in US while ‘horsing around’ with owner on sofa
• Kidnapper Accused of Using Alligator to Hold Man Captive
• Possibly Tipsy Man Loves Cheap Costco Beer So Much, He Made A Commercial For It
• Firefighters receive training in removing butt plugs and penis rings
• When Oregon Fans Make The “O” Symbol, They’re Screaming “Vagina” In American Sign Language, New York Times Reports
• Toys ‘r Us Selling off domain names

Emails:

• Revik_Da_Vulf – “Hey Furcast! (If possible, please read on air (March 3rd))”
• Xeno – “Starting a podcast!”

FC-295 Gator Aid - Back in our totally not rebuilt from scratch again at the last minute studio, we complete a much simpler roundup and get back to our usual silly news stories.

Back in our totally not rebuilt from scratch again at the last minute studio, we complete a much simpler roundup and get back to our usual silly news stories.

Download MP3

Link Roundup:

• Mothers Day BLFC Tweet
• Brush: A Fox Tale Animated Short Film
• Anti-sex trafficking law FOSTA is hurting online sex educators, too
• Anthrocon 2018 Travel Discounts
• Awesome naga cosplay
• SwiftOnSecurity commissions a Planesona

News:

• Mad Scientists Taught a Predatory Spider to Jump for Them and Now We’re All Probably Doomed
• Dog shoots man in US while ‘horsing around’ with owner on sofa
• Kidnapper Accused of Using Alligator to Hold Man Captive
• Possibly Tipsy Man Loves Cheap Costco Beer So Much, He Made A Commercial For It
• Firefighters receive training in removing butt plugs and penis rings
• When Oregon Fans Make The “O” Symbol, They’re Screaming “Vagina” In American Sign Language, New York Times Reports
• Toys ‘r Us Selling off domain names

Emails:

• Revik_Da_Vulf – “Hey Furcast! (If possible, please read on air (March 3rd))”
• Xeno – “Starting a podcast!”

[Live] Gator Aid

Hey Papabear, 

So, my names Kayne, I'm 22 and I been a furry for about ten years or so now. I always wanted to fursuit and be active in the community. I finally ordered my suit and all that and I'm really excited for it. But, in my haste to get my suit I overlooked some details that really started bumming me out later. 1. I'm thick. I'm 5'6 245 lbs, (167 cm 111 kg) and though I'm well proportioned, I have a gut, I dislike said gut.(Even though my boyfriend loves it) and I'm worried how it'll look in fursuit. I don't want my stomach to be sticking out while I'm in suit and it look bad. I work out in the sun all day so I'm not concerned with heat or stamina, I'm concerned with my appearance in suit. My question is, do you think it'll be really noticeable in Fullsuit that I have this bigger sized belly?

With Regards,
Kayne

* * *

Dear Kayne,

Hmm, will your belly be visible.... If it is form-fitting, the fursuit will definitely show the belly, especially if your fursona is, say, a reptile and there is no fur to sort of hide it. If it is baggy and doesn't fit well, it will hide the belly but look bad, like a cheap mascot suit or something bought from a Halloween costume store.  One thing you could do, if you are so inclined, is add clothing to your fursuit that will help disguise the underlying physique.  You could, for example, wear a trenchcoat, a cape, or a robe.  But if you do that, you might as well have just gotten a partial and saved yourself some money.

I'm not really sure why this bothers you. You walk around all day in your human form with your belly, so why should that be different in a fursuit? Also, many fursonas look more adorable if they are, shall we say, foofy. Heck, I ADDED a lot of padding to my fursuit because bears are not skinny and I thought it looked better. Too, many furries love cushy, round fursuits, so this certainly will not detract from your popularity. It might even add to it.

But, if you REALLY want a clear-cut reply from me, send Papabear a photo. Hard to tell with just text.

And if you are self-conscious about your weight (or just wish to be healthier), I don't think you need Papabear to tell you what you need to do.

I'm sure you'll be fine!

Foofy Hugs!
Papabear

Papabear,

So I understand this has been covered many times, but there is a big problem for me that I'd like to address, and that's that my parents think fursuiting is dumb. I joined the fandom when I was 11, and I've been hiding my interest about it. When I first showed my dad my fursona, he said it was "dumb" and that I should be spending more time doing work. It hurts because I've been saving money to get a fursuit, but every time something comes up where I have to use my savings, and I start all over.

The main point is that my parents don't like the idea of me spending so much time on what I love, because they think it's a dumb concept, and that it's too expensive. I am feeling down about it, and I'd really like a little help, even if it's just telling me best ways to save up.

Anonymous (age 14)

* * *

Dear Furiend,

We have two questions here: how to address your parents and how to get money for a fursuit. Your parents believe that work is more important than your "dumb" interest in furries. You don't specify why they think it is dumb, but it sounds like they see your interests as frivolous and you should be focusing on studying and, I suppose, getting a job, even though you are only fourteen. This is a problem that is widespread in modern American society. Parents no longer see the value of hobbies and play. Instead, they take away play too early and, if anything, allow for only structured activities such as being on a soccer team or taking dance lessons.

But playing is important. In fact, there are scientific studies that show it is important and all young people should indulge in play (and 14 is not too old to do so). Here is a paper all about the importance of play in physical, social, and emotional development. Play can take all kinds of forms, and indulging in being active in the fandom is just one, but a legitimate one. Therefore, it is not "dumb." People who grew up being allowed to have unstructured play grow up to be healthier and more sociable than those who do not. It can even help with your creative and cognitive skills. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack (or Jill) a dull boy/girl."

Life is not all about work. It is not all about school. Play is important.

As for raising money for a fursuit, well, yes, they can be expensive. Instead of buying a new, full suit, how about getting a used one or a partial? You'll save a lot. As for the money you'll still need, do you have a way to make a little money? Do yard work or other chores or dog walking? Saving money is all about discipline. I'm not sure what you mean by "something comes up" that forces you to spend money you are saving, but if the "something" is not an emergency, then you need to learn how to prioritize. What is more important? Saving for your furry hobby or spending money on something else? If furry is more important, then don't waste money on things that are not essential.

Hope that helps, and good luck!

Papabear