Turbo is a movie about a snail who dreams of racing in the Indianapolis 500, and that totally works out for him.

Technically, there is not any rule that says a snail cannot race in the Indianapolis 500, just like there are, technically, no rules saying that a dog can’t play basketball, or that your sheepdog in the sheepdog competition has to be an actual dog (at least that one turned out pretty good), but there probably are rules stating that your race between race car drivers has to involve driving race cars. As the end of Talladega Nights pointed out, you can’t just run across the finish line and have that count; I’m sure this applies equally to whatever the technical term for snail locomotion is. [Adhesive locomotion, apparently.]

But, hey, a snail racing in the Indianapolis 500 is the premise, and this is an animated movie, so whatever. Unfortunately, the wonky premise is actually one of the better parts.

This should come as no surprise, but Roger Ebert was a personal hero of mine. The man lost his voice years ago, but he was still able to speak clearly as ever in his writing, especially the movie reviews that were his main job. He died earlier this year.

I was reminded of a line he occasionally used during Blue Sky Studios’ Epic during a scene where the villain has captured the comedy relief sidekicks and is telling them stories of his son. One of them exclaims, “Your stories are boring and torturous!” As Ebert would point out (as he did for Jason X), the movie just reviewed itself. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

Epic features some really wonderful animation, great special effects and what I’m sure would have been remarkable use of 3D technology if I’d bothered to watch the movie that way, but none of it really matters, because the story is, well, boring and torturous.

The Cartoon Brew announces that DreamWorks Animation and Netflix are teaming up for Netflix’s and TV streaming's first original TV series. Turbo F.A.S.T. (for Fast Action Stunt Team) will be a sequel to DreamWorks’ July 19, 2013 theatrical feature Turbo, about the fastest snail on Earth. Turbo F.A.S.T. “debuts exclusively this December in the United States and across the globe in the 40 countries where Netflix offers its service.”

The press release quoted by Cartoon Brew consists mostly of DreamWorks’ Jeffrey Katzenberg and Netflix’s Ted Sarandos congratulating each other, but it does say,

Turbo’s pursuit of racing greatness continues in Turbo: F.A.S.T.: an episodic animated television series that picks up where the feature film leaves off. It showcases the world-traveling exploits of our snail hero and his tricked-out racing crew as they master outrageous new stunts and challenge any villain unlucky enough to cross their path.

It also announces that DreamWorks’ features from 2013 on will be added to Netflix’s programming.

The Cartoon Brew has a preview list of animated features due out in 2013; at least those announced so far – some with trailers.

DreamWorks has released its first teaser trailer for Turbo, an animated feature about a snail obsessed with speed. It is all over the Internet; ComingSoon.net has the teaser and a plot synopsis. Ryan Reynolds voices Turbo the snail; Samuel L. Jackson is Whiplash, another snail. The feature arrives on July 19, 2013; a TV animated series is to follow.

DreamWorks Animation may be able to anthropomorphize a snail, but even they can’t make him (shouldn’t it be “it”? [or “hir”?]) cute. At least they got the eyes on the stalks right, instead of putting them under the “feelers”.

Samuel L. Jackson is the voice of Whiplash the snail. Let’s see; Samuel L. Jackson has been the voice of Tendai, a falcon in Zambezia; Rumbo, a dog in Fluke … hmmm; I guess that all of his other voice work has been as humans, such as Frozone in The Incredibles. Well, I’m sure that more anthropomorphs loom in his future.

Read more: Flayrah's crossaffliction reviews Turbo

No, it’s not another addition to the Neverending Story series… it’s Dreamworks Animation’s newest project, Turbo. The folks over at Cartoon Brew gave us a preview of the sneak-peak poster and some background on the story. [Though the write-up quotes 2012, it's actually due in 2013 -- ye ed-otter.] “Set for release in summer 2012, DreamWorks Animation’s Turbo is described as ‘a garden snail with dreams of becoming the fast snail in the world experiences a freak accident that might just allow him to realize his goal.’ Three actors have been attached to do voices: Ryan Reynolds, Marvin Duerkholz and Lil’ Mizerkk.” Dreamworks has also released higher-res versions of the main posters for the films Rise of the Guardians (coming this November) and The Croods (the new project from director Chris Sanders).

image c. 2012 Dreamworks Animation

I wasn’t as proactive as I thought I would be, and I’m pretty sure I missed a couple posted during the first of September, so apologies there. Otherwise, here was last month’s Newsbytes.