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Hello, Sir,

I have come here to ask you for help on a problem that has been haunting me for years and I hope you have the answer if not, don't worry I can't find it either. I would like to know how to get rid of self-esteem issues because it is very irritating for others whenever I constantly tear myself down and can't seem to treat myself with respect (as I have been told by said others) and to be honest these self esteem issues are causing some suicidal thoughts. If you can help than it would be very much appreciated and thank you for using your probably precious time reading all of this and/or I am sorry if this was too short. (First time doing any of this; sorry if I missed anything).

Best @ishes,
Wolfram

* * *

Dear Wolfram,

Sometimes I think that low self-esteem issues are an epidemic in this world. So many furries who write to me suffer from low self-esteem, including yours truly. I completely understand how overwhelming this can be and how difficult it is to overcome.

While I would not say that I am completely over my self-image issues, I can honestly say I am not as bad as I once was. Here are some things that I have done to fight against depression and anxiety caused by a low self-image.

1. Stop comparing yourself and your accomplishments to those of other people. This is the single most liberating thing you can do for yourself. You have to realize that there will ALWAYS be people smarter, more talented, richer, better looking than you are (as well as the reverse), so it is really quite pointless to always try to do better than the Joneses. Instead of worrying about others' status, simply focus on being a better and happier you. That's all that really matters. How? Well, you set goals for yourself and work towards them, but don't worry if you have setbacks or stall once in a while. Just keep trying. 

2. Stop worrying about what others say about you. Don't seek validation from others, especially those who are overcritical of you because they are trying to put you down to boost their own self-esteem (i.e., e.g. bullies). I always consider the source. If I am criticized by someone for whom I have no respect (a troll, for instance) I have learned to disregard this as unimportant (hard lesson to learn because criticism hurts, but you can do this). If you are criticized by someone you respect, first reconsider whether that respect is deserved. If not, then reevaluate that person's role in your life. If it is deserved, then try to see if that criticism was meant to be helpful. Sometimes, people we think are being overly critical are honestly trying to help us. The best way to figure this out is if the critic dishes it out in a kind and loving matter and, hopefully, also balances criticisms with compliments. 

3. Reassess how you criticize yourself. Usually, we are too hard on ourselves, even downright mean in ways we don't deserve. For instance, people have told me I am good looking, but when I look in the mirror I see all kinds of things that I criticize about myself for ("I'm going bald, I'm out of shape, I have bad skin...." and on and on). Instead of looking for BAD things to say about yourself, look for the GOOD things and focus on those. Reinforce them daily ("I am a kind and loving person." "I love my dog and take good care of him." "I work hard and am doing okay financially." "I have nice eyes and a nice smile" etc.) 

4. If you see something you don't like about yourself but it is fixable, fix it. Not happy with your body? Exercise. Have crooked teeth? Get braces (I had braces in my 40s!) Think you're not very smart? Go get some books and start reading, for Pete's sake! Think you have no talent? Pick something that interests you and start working on it (e.g., I'm taking piano lessons). 

5. If you see something that you can't fix that you don't like, give it less value in your life and make it a low priority. Are you short? Well, you can't fix that, can you? But it really isn't something that defines who you are inside. When you describe yourself, either make that one of the last things you say about yourself or don't even mention it. Are you kind of a klutz? My family and I constantly joke about how uncoordinated we are. None of us is going to be a graceful dancer, but we manage. Can't sing on key? Then don't go on "The X Factor." Know your limitations, but don't define yourself by them

6. Surround yourself as much as possible by people who love and support you for being you. This does not mean having a herd of "yes men" around you a la Donald Trump. It means that you need to recognize the people who are a positive part of your life and hold on to them; at the same time, get rid of those people in your life who bring you down (and, yes, that can often include family members).

7. This might seem a bit weird, but eating right and exercising regularly can actually do wonders for your self-esteem because when your body feels better you feel better, too.

8. Do little things to treat yourself. It doesn't have to be much, just something fun and happy that makes you feel good and worthy of doing something nice for yourself, especially if you achieve a goal. You can, say, buy yourself a new shirt. Get a delicious ice cream cone. See a movie. Or just go outside for a nice hike and enjoy nature. Any little thing you enjoy. Try to do at least one thing every day or two.

9. Get out and socialize when possible. Human beings have an innate need to be around each other. On the other hand, isolating ourselves and being a hermit can often make you depressed and lonely, which then feeds into your low self-esteem. Be with people.

10. Get a pet. This might not be an option for everyone (say, if you have housing restrictions or allergies), but there is nothing that makes one feel happier than the unconditional love of a favorite pet. If I have had a bad day and come home to see Ernie the Wonder Dog so absolutely excited to see me walk through the door, you bet that makes me feel good. I love cats, too, though I don't have one right now. But when I did, I loved how they would curl up on my lap and purr and just look so content and happy because they were cuddling me.

So, there are 10 suggestions for helping your self-esteem.

Hope it helps!

Hugs,
Papabear

Vox and Adoom miss out but Kaar takes their place on tonight's episode. Join the crew before the world ends Episode -13 - Police shark is dissapoint

And speaking of the Marvel Universe going cute… “What do you get when you take one cynical anthropomorphic duck (named Howard) and cross it with the smelliest (and most annoying) mercenary in the Marvel Universe? Deadpool The Duck! When Deadpool is sent on a mission from S.H.I.E.L.D. to capture a high-profile E.T. that is rampaging across the high plains, the snatch-and-grab turns out to be much more complicated than the Merc with a Mouth anticipated. One unfortunate wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time accident later leaves Deadpool and Howard fighting for control of the cutest mercenary the Marvel Universe has ever seen! Brought to you with words by Stuart Moore (Cloak & Dagger, Thanos: Death Sentence) and art by Jacopo Camagni (Deadpool’s Secret Secret Wars). Head on over to Marvel’s page if you don’t believe it either.

image c. 2016 Marvel Comics

Japan Meeting of Furries recently happened and video's like this make me want to get my passport and go next year.
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Hello Everyone!

On this week’s show we open with a discussion on whether or not apps like Tinder or Grindr have changed what people consider the “right” number of sexual partners when considering you as a potential mate. We look at an article in Playboy by Debra Soh that delves into the Goldilocks-zone of sexual partners.

Our main topic is on Self-Care during Jealousy, and Breakups. In relationships, whether monogamous or polyamorous, closed or open, we are all bound to experience bouts of jealousy. We discuss tips and tools to employ to help get over your jealousy in a relationship to ensure that you handle yourself in a healthy, non-violent fashion. We also look at the end of a relationship and how to take care of yourself and promote closure and moving forward when you go through a breakup.

We close out the show with a question on how to approach a friend who has fallen in love with you. Should you ask them whether or not they like you or like-like you, or is it best to say nothing in an attempt to maintain the current relationship status quo?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

FA 055 Self-Care during Jealousy and Breakups - How many previous slut partners can you have before your date thinks you're a slut? How do you take care of yourself during a bout of jealousy? How about when you experience a breakup? Should you tell your best friend you're in love with them? Check yes or no on this week's Feral Attraction!

Submitted by Fred Patten, Furry’s favorite historian and reviewer.

Artstuffs, by Melody Wang
Toronto, Ontario, The artist, November 2016, $20.00 (unpaged [48 pages]).

This is not a book as much as a book-format folio of 48 pages of the artist’s color illustrations, drawings, and sketches, on thick glossy paper. There is no subject. Like most artist’s sketchbooks, this is a hodgepodge of whatever the artist has felt like drawing.

What Melody Wang has felt most like drawing is anthropomorphic animals. There are Constable Nips and Inspector Porkington, of her student film. There are rabbits, pigs, and other animals in late-Victorian dress. Even when she is sketching the plants in a greenhouse, she usually has added an anthropomorphic animal or two. Her birds, “Wingfolk”, are particularly wonderful. A couple, such as the one of a man turning into a mandrill to his young daughter’s delight, cry out for having a story behind them.

Some of these are in black-&-white linework, but most are in full color. There are experiments in pastels and linocuts as well.

Wang’s webpage at http://mellowatt.tumblr.com/ shows many of these with additional notes, including the dates when they were drawn. From the dates, these are Wang’s sketches made from September 2015 through November 2016. An exciting comment is dated Feb. 28, 2016: “A studio approached me about developing N&P as a TV series! It’s an exciting idea but understanding the business end of things has been… mildly harrowing.”

This folio may disappoint those who want a plot. Readers who just want to see what an artist feels like sketching over a year will mostly be as delighted as the young girl watching her father turn into a mandrill.

“Melody Wang spent four years in engineering school before dabbling in animation at Sheridan College. Transfixed by its dark magic, she stuck to it and currently works as a storyboard artist and illustrator in Toronto. Her mother and maternal grandparents are also artists.”

Artstuffs is available from the Stuart Ng Books catalogue.

–Fred Patten

• Buy at Stuart NG Books

He’s the furry little member of the Guardians of the Galaxy, known for his foul language, more foul temper, and love of big guns that go BOOM. And now, your children can read all about him in a new Little Golden Book called Guardians of the Galaxy: Rocket to the Rescue. “Star Lord, Groot, Rocket Raccoon, and the other Guardians of the Galaxy race through the universe on another rollicking adventure. Boys and girls ages 2 to 5 will love this action-packed Little Golden Book featuring some of their favorite Marvel superheroes and villains.” We’re sure they will. Written by John Sazaklis and illustrated by Michael Atiyeh and Michael Borkowski, it’s available now over at Barnes & Noble.

image c. 2017 Little Golden Books

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A father and son search for a better life who encounter a hustling fox.  
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Hi, Papabear. 

You see, I always had a very bad relationship with my father. When I was a kid, he wasn't very present. Then, when I became a teenager, things took a turn for the worse. He discovered that I hate being touched, so he started poking me with his fingers, often while doing sounds with his mouth or making them run on my bare skin. I told him on multiple times that I hate it very politely and seriously, but he usually tries to justify his actions, or say that I am humiliating him, turning himself into a victim. He also makes fun of my English, while his is fucking shit. He also makes fun of me for liking anime, calling it stupid, and he says that it's always the same thing. Yeah sure, even if he never actually watched one, nor would it matter because my DVDs are all in English/Japanese only.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfiPsidO8ok
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP2Pt6m3yKU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yn7U1KIGeuQ

He also starts arguments for absolutely no freaking reason. 

I discovered what an emotional masochist is by your column. And he fits the bill perfectly. 

He doesn't stop being nice with his employees, even if they show a lot of disrespect towards him, while doing everything possible to alienate me and my mom (he once decided to throw away all her Halloween stuff because he apparently needed space).

Look, my father had a lot difficulties in school, while my aunt and my uncle were very good and are very successful business people today. Not only that, but my grandfather never showed any appreciation towards him, and from what I heard, told him on multiple times that he is an idiot . And let's say that his company (that he co-owns with my mom) doesn't work very well. Finally, it's also almost sure that he has Asperger's syndrome like I do.

Look, he needs to see a therapist. But I don't know how to tell him. I'm pretty sure he's gonna say that what I'm saying is nonsense, or that he doesn't have time for therapy.

Also, I realized recently that what he did to me was harassment and abuse. I almost feel like telling him that if he doesn't stop, I'm gonna leave the house and never see him again. 

How should I approach the subject with him? And how should I convince him to see a therapist? 

Lord Ikari (18; Quebec)
 
* * *
 
Hi, Lord Ikari,
 
Question about your letter: is moving out an option? Would you be able to leave and support yourself if you had to?
 
Papabear
 
* * *
 
I doubt so. But I have a part time job (around 360$ US a month without overtime and if they don't have groups, which often happens), so I guess I could try to find a cheap apartment with some roommates or a room until I graduate high school. Then, I could do a formation to become a nursing assistant. It's seven months long, and professionals told me I could get a job pretty easily, either as a part-timer or as a full-timer, because there is not a lot of bilingual guys who want to do this job. When you start, the salary is around 19.10 $ CAN (around 14.45 US) and let's say that I have some qualities that you need when doing this job (I don't get attached to people easily, I don't mind touching body fluids, and I can be pretty friendly) and I enjoyed helping people back when I was doing volunteer work.
​
There, I could decide whether I keep this job, do a formation to become a licensed practical nurse, or continue my study to become a history teacher. Both jobs interest me, but appeal to different sides of me.
 
* * *
 
Hi, Ikari,
 
It sounds like your father was emotionally abusing you, which would have given you a legal case for protection from him under the Youth Protection Act in Quebec. The thing is, you are now 18 and no longer considered a minor under the law. You might consider suing for psychological injuries, but I don’t think you want to go there and, too, while his treatment of you was unpleasant you don’t seem to be suffering any serious psychological damage (your Asperger’s is not the result of his mental abuse). I am concerned, though, about your passing phrase indicating that he was touching “bare skin,” which makes me wonder if anything he did was sexual abuse? If so, again, that might be a case for legal action.

I would also not bother to advise dad that he should get help, since he doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge this and your pushing him to do so would likely only add to the tension between the two of you.

The good news is that, at your age, you are getting ready to move on with your life, removing yourself from his influence. I would agree with the person who advised you that nursing would be an excellent option for several reasons: there is high demand for it; it can pay very well; and you also have an interest in the profession. While teaching history could have many personal rewards for you, it would be much harder to find work in that area and it wouldn’t pay as well. If you are equally interested in both, then the smart, more practical and beneficial move for you would be to pursue nursing. I don’t know what the case is in Canada, but it can be hard to get into nursing school in the U.S. because there are not many openings. In fact, it’s actually easier to get into medical school to become a doctor, so long as you can afford it. But if you can get into a Canadian school for nursing, that would be optimal and I highly encourage you to do so.

Once you get established with a good job, you will be free of standing under your father’s shadow. At that point, if you wish to try and help him, you can try to nudge him toward therapy while not having to pay an emotional price if he resists you. That’s something you can’t do right now, so I would not pursue it at this time.

I hope that all makes sense, and wish you good luck in your educational and career pursuits!!!
 
Hugs,
Papabear

Fred Patten‘s Furry Fandom Conventions, 1989-2015 is out.

Until now, if you looked up “furry” at a mainstream book store, you might find a tiny handful of drawing, costume making or novelty books, but little about the fans themselves. You would have to sift the sands of the internet. This kind of recognition has been a long time coming. (We had TV specials in the early 90’s!)

Fred says:

“This is the first study of furry fandom published by a publisher outside of the furry specialty press itself. It indicates that furry fandom is becoming an accepted subject for academic study. Dr. Kathy Gerbasi of the IARP introduces it (she wanted to write a Furword rather than a Foreword.) I worked on this for more than three years.”

Furry Fandom Conventions, 1989-2015 is from McFarland, a well-known publisher of histories and academic reference books.  It’s $39.95, with 242 pages, illustrated in black-&-white and 8 pages in color, with an index and over 50 illustrations of furry con graphics.  It covers all furry fandom conventions around the world, from the first in January 1989 to the end of 2015.

Data about conventions could be a ‘read between the lines’ experience for those seeking a narrative story of the roots, and how this crazy thing blew up.  Get it as a companion for more great things to come in publishing this year. Cleis Press is publishing Joe Strike’s Furry Nation, and Grubbs Grizzly has his Furry Book in the works. This is what comes after “The Year of Furry” in 2016 (with Zootopia, the Fursonas movie, and positive press like never before.)

And how can I not mention furry publishing?  2017 is also bringing Thurston Howl’s Furries Among Us II. (I loved getting invited to contribute!)  It will expand the first essay collection that won the Ursa Major, and even led the award committee to establish a new award for nonfiction.

Buy Fred’s book here from McFarland.

Book description:

Furry fandom—an adult social group interested in anthropomorphic animals in art, literature and culture—has grown since the 1980s to include an estimated 50,000 “furries.” Their largest annual convention drew more than 6,000 attendees in 2015, including 1,000 dressed in “fur suits” or mascot-type animal costumes. Conventions typically include awards, organizations, art, literature and movies, encompassing a wide range of creative pursuits beyond animal costuming.

This study of the furry subculture presents a history of the oft-misunderstood group and lists all conventions around the world from 1989 through 2015, including organizers, guests of honor and donations to charity.

About the Author:

Fred Patten is a noted expert with awards in animation and science fiction, and is one of the founders of the social subcultures of furry fandom and Japanese anime fandom. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

We’ve previously mentioned the works of fiction writer Brandon Blankenburg. Recently we came across a new book of his from 2016: Jesse’s Conveyence moves a bit away from the author’s usual “natural history horror” works… or does it? “Terry is writing a book about a schizophrenic whose hallucinations of Jesse, a talking kangaroo, forces the protagonist to change his life. For Terry, the book is to be his greatest achievement. However, the more he writes, the more his own life and outlook changes. The line between reality and fiction blur when Terry begins thinking of Jesse as more than a character in his book.” Jesse’s Conveyence is available now for the Kindle reader.

image c. 2017 by Brandon Blankenburg

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More wonderful Gobelins shorts ... I want this short to be a series.
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Remember Caytlin Vilbrandt, creator of the comic Tamberlane? [We talked about her recently!] Well it turns out that she is a member of an artist collective known as My Dreamy Star, which features fantasy and furry art on any number of useful objects like key-chains, pillows, and t-shirts (as well as more traditional items like art prints and stickers). Among the other artists on paw is Hollulu, well-known across the Internet as the animator of a series of music videos for the band The Mystery Skulls. Visit the My Dreamy Star web site to see their full roster of artists and all the nerdy products they have to sell!

image c. 2017 My Dreamy Star

Managed to get Fayroe out of his house remodeling stupor to pull off a normal show. We also have an extended email segment.

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Watch Video Link Roundup:

• Mark Hamill has begun dubbing Donald Trump’s tweets as the Joker
• Telegram’s CEO confirms that app will get audio calls
• Zootopia 2, sequel confirmed
• @BransonReese on Cartoons, Furries, and Henry Rollins
• Wolf Sanctuary lets you watch the Northern Lights while you cuddle with wolves

News:

• Time to nominate the 2016 Ursa Major Awards
• Pornhub’s 2016 Year in Review
• Scientists Turn Mice Into Bloodthirsty Predators By Shining Lasers On Their Brains
• Virtual Reality Smell Porn: Get A Big Whiff Of The Future
• These Brazilian vampire bats have started feeding on humans for the first time
• Police Looking For Man Who Stole Two Pizzas Dressed As Beer Bottle
• California man fights DUI charge for driving under influence of caffeine

Emails:

• Xia – “Furcast”
• WisperKity – “CJ’s Party Bus, IRL”
• Lightning Wing – “Hello Furcast”
• Wind – “Possibly Therian”
• Koneko – “How Many is Two Many?”

FC-256 Bluetooth Musk - Managed to get Fayroe out of his house remodeling stupor to pull off a normal show. We also have an extended email segment.

Managed to get Fayroe out of his house remodeling stupor to pull off a normal show. We also have an extended email segment.

Download MP3

Watch Video Link Roundup:

• Mark Hamill has begun dubbing Donald Trump’s tweets as the Joker
• Telegram’s CEO confirms that app will get audio calls
• Zootopia 2, sequel confirmed
• @BransonReese on Cartoons, Furries, and Henry Rollins
• Wolf Sanctuary lets you watch the Northern Lights while you cuddle with wolves

News:

• Time to nominate the 2016 Ursa Major Awards
• Pornhub’s 2016 Year in Review
• Scientists Turn Mice Into Bloodthirsty Predators By Shining Lasers On Their Brains
• Virtual Reality Smell Porn: Get A Big Whiff Of The Future
• These Brazilian vampire bats have started feeding on humans for the first time
• Police Looking For Man Who Stole Two Pizzas Dressed As Beer Bottle
• California man fights DUI charge for driving under influence of caffeine

Emails:

• Xia – “Furcast”
• WisperKity – “CJ’s Party Bus, IRL”
• Lightning Wing – “Hello Furcast”
• Wind – “Possibly Therian”
• Koneko – “How Many is Two Many?”

FC-256 Bluetooth Musk - Managed to get Fayroe out of his house remodeling stupor to pull off a normal show. We also have an extended email segment.

Managed to get Fayroe out of his house remodeling stupor to pull off a normal show. We also have an extended email segment.

Download MP3

Link Roundup:

• Mark Hamill has begun dubbing Donald Trump’s tweets as the Joker
• Telegram’s CEO confirms that app will get audio calls
• Zootopia 2, sequel confirmed
• @BransonReese on Cartoons, Furries, and Henry Rollins
• Wolf Sanctuary lets you watch the Northern Lights while you cuddle with wolves

News:

• Time to nominate the 2016 Ursa Major Awards
• Pornhub’s 2016 Year in Review
• Scientists Turn Mice Into Bloodthirsty Predators By Shining Lasers On Their Brains
• Virtual Reality Smell Porn: Get A Big Whiff Of The Future
• These Brazilian vampire bats have started feeding on humans for the first time
• Police Looking For Man Who Stole Two Pizzas Dressed As Beer Bottle
• California man fights DUI charge for driving under influence of caffeine

Emails:

• Xia – “Furcast”
• WisperKity – “CJ’s Party Bus, IRL”
• Lightning Wing – “Hello Furcast”
• Wind – “Possibly Therian”
• Koneko – “How Many is Two Many?”

[Live] Bluetooth Musk

RH Potter is an artist from the Pacific Northwest — one who is known for her very distinctive style of line and color. She describes herself as: “An illustrator and storyteller. The two are intertwined for me; storybook and cover illustrations are my first love, with comic art and animation coming a close second. I love the deceptive simplicity of the Zen aesthetic and of Japanese and Chinese calligraphy, the crisp clean lines of ink on paper, shapes and pattern. I don’t like telling people what they should see in my work; I believe that every piece should tell its own story without outside interference.” On her web site you’ll find lots of her designs available as prints, stickers, and even custom tattoo designs!

image c. 2017 RH Potter

Fuzz and Savrin face the nightmare reality of 2017 with a con report from FC, Savrin's thoughts on the Winter 2017 anime season, and then we read some emails. We'll keep at it. You do too. Resist. Want to help support the show? We have a Patreon! www.patreon.com/knotcast Episode 336 - Not A Traditionally American Podcast