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Early entry for Friday! Since SDCC is going on I expect more things may show up that are worth posting tomorrow as well. New Rocco? This looks like a hoot!
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I'll have what he's having. This is starting to look like transformation week here.
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Thanks to Alecta Andromeda for contributing a first guest post.

This is a mature content book.  Please ensure that you are of legal age to purchase this material in your state or region.

I keep hoping that a new renaissance in furry erotica is upon us, bringing hot, sexy anthro copulation in increasing quality, but the search for real stars in the genre is tough one as the field still needs to find it’s legs.

On that note, I am excited to highlight an exciting name to watch. Lilith K. Duat and Maria Delynn collaborated on the E-book Balance in Chaos. It’s an oddball title with an overload of exposition in places, but overall the furry and erotic elements are well balanced and hot.

The concept itself is also quite the page turner. Anup is a corollary to Egypt’s Anubis, ruling the realm of the dead as an obsessive (and dominant!) master. Some may say that the furry aspect of this novel is light, and it is, but I have a huge thing for Jackals and always wanted to get laid by Anubis. Egypt and Greek gods are colliding in a conflict of souls and waging war over followers. Turns out as one nation invades another, the Gods of the defeated faith suffer a loss of power. The give and take of this conflict laid a great backdrop for the characters, and it was nice to go into the book with a sense of familiarity.

The plot also gives us a perfect backdrop for the sex! Anup is disciplined and moral. Discordia is a God of Chaos. While first embroiled in combat and disdain, Anup takes a sensual control of Discordia and dominates her with the sheer might of his Jackal manhood. The hesitation, the temptation, the wrongness and star crossed lover plot is a little cliche, but works every way it should.

Me personally, I like my erotica with a hint of violence and sadism (check out my own work to see me go to all sorts of nasty extremes) and Chaos and Balance gives a good dose of that. Discordia’s relationship with her brother Ares is tumultuous, leading to a few torture scenes that honestly got my rocks right off. It’s not so bad as to be out of place or a turn off for more casual readers. The violence works for the plot increasing the desire and love between the protagonists.

Overall, it’s a great read. It’s not the nonstop sex obsessed rave most people consider with a “furry” erotica, but it is nonetheless a sexy book and sure to leave you satisfied and ready for a shower!

Hotness rating 4 out of 5 knots.

– Alecta Andromeda

• Read Lillith’s book here!
• For Alecta’s blog with NSFW images and story samples, check out her Tumblr page.

Like the article? It takes a lot of effort to share these. Please consider supporting Dogpatch Press on Patreon, where you can access exclusive stuff for just $1.

Now there’s a new full-color graphic novel for young readers with the interesting title of Dog Night at the Story Zoo. It’s written by Dan Bar-El and illustrated by Vicki Nerino. Here’s how the publisher says it: “It’s Open Mic Night at the Story Zoo and the dogs are up to tell their tales in this hilarious graphic novel for young readers. At the Story Zoo, you get to tell any story you want in front of the live audience, as long as it’s about you. And tonight is dog night. So sit back, relax, and let these dogs tell their tales. We’ve got some hilarious but quite touching stories from dogs of all kinds, including a bulldog who doesn’t wanted to be judged by his looks; a bloodhound who loses her power of scent and turns to a dog called Surelick Holmes for help; an energetic poodle who saves the day with her yapping; and a stray who takes fetching to a whole new level.” Got all that? It’s available now in hardcover. [And we’ll see YOU all after a quick trip to San Diego Comic Con!]

image c. 2017 Tundra Books

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Interesting read!
http://www.syfy.com/syfywire/how-furries-became-a-fandom

-Dia

Interesting read!
http://www.syfy.com/syfywire/how-furries-became-a-fandom

-Dia

Hello everyone!

On this week's show we open with the segment that Viro had on the Savage Lovecast with Dan Savage. We discuss why Metriko was not involved (it's okay) and what our intended points were. Thanks again to Dan Savage and his team for allowing us to air this content for you to enjoy.

Our main topic is on murrsuits. We discuss the practicality and the acceptability of the murrsuit. We discuss the difference between modified fursuits and murrsuits, whether they should be worn in public, and how to take care of your suit. It's another dive into the deep end as we go into one of the more popular (and scandalous) fetishes in the furry fandom.

We close out the show with two questions: one on dating if you are neurologically atypical, the other on how to date someone who comes from a traditional family that does not approve of your relationship-- at what point should you dump your bride to be when their family is abusive?

For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks and, as always, be well!

FA 079 Murrsuits - SAVAGE LOVE! MURRSUITS! MUSKY HUSKIES! All this and more on this week's Feral Attraction!

This one goes out to all aquatics out there. This really looks like a sneaky Hellboy prequel as the "Creatre" looks like Abe Sapien it's also played by the same actor. "From master story teller, Guillermo del Toro, comes THE SHAPE OF WATER - an other-worldly fairy tale, set against the backdrop of Cold War era America circa 1963. In the hidden high-security government laboratory where she works, lonely Elisa (Sally Hawkins) is trapped in a life of silence and isolation. Elisa’s life is changed forever when she and co-worker Zelda (Octavia Spencer) discover a secret classified experiment. Rounding out the cast are Michael Shannon, Richard Jenkins, Michael Stuhlbarg and Doug Jones."
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*tap tap* This thing on?

Oh, yes, hi! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

A long while.

The last post of substance was by Howl back in January. My last post was…oh gosh. September 7th, last year. Ten months was an awful long time ago.

In that time, I’ve received several emails about the state of [a][s]. One of them dubbed this period “The Quiet”, which I feel is pretty accurate, even if it makes me feel a little sad.

Those emails have sat in my inbox. I’ve read them all. Each has three or four drafts prepared for it, none of which I’ve had the wherewithal to send. They’re just there, staring me right in the eye every day – I have four active email accounts, which are tiled neatly in a pinned browser tab, and [a][s] was bottom-left. It was there. Just a big, accusatory Draft.

There are even a few emails stuck in there with more in-depth questions: queries, of sorts, for the publication of articles. Each of those has been ticked with a star, GMail’s nifty way of saying, “this is important, you should probably get to it, soon.”

Sigh.

Oh, and then there’s the furry poll.

Ah jeez.

So, I owe everyone a serious, serious apology. I’ve let a lot of folks down, not least of which myself. [adjective][species] is a labor of love for me, as it is and was for so many others, and letting it fall apart like this does everyone a disservice.

Let’s sit down and see what happened, and figure out ways to fix it. Makyo’s good at a lot of things, and talking something to death is definitely one of them.

A not-so-short digression on depression and furry

Depression is a strange thing.

I’ve tried at several points to capture some sense of it in words, but nothing’s ever quite fit. Whenever I do, I find myself using a lot of ellipses, just to fill in, textually, my fumbling for words with enough meaning. I’ll come up with, “I dunno. My brain just isn’t all me. Like… It’s something else. It’s there and exerts influence on me life, but it spends an inordinate about of time trying to destroy me.”

Or poetry. I’ve tried to throw that at depression, too, but it just comes out sounding stilted and weird. I wind up talking about fire a lot. Fire and, for some reason, geese.

Which is nonsense, really, but each in such a way that seems to cover at least one small corner of depression.

Depression is big. It’s vast and terrible and empty. Completely empty, and there you are, in the middle of it, feeling bad.

There’s just no sense to it. No sense in trying to describe nothing. A “nothing” which is also nonsensical.

And yet I keep trying. We keep trying.

Much of early [a][s] was borne out of depression. The site was just a blog, the name just a play on a trend in character naming, but the writing was a piece of myself. Each post was a tiny rock to throw at this vasty nothingness. Justifying the things I like, delineating the craziness of our subculture, gushing about gender (I know, I’m sorry, I did that a lot), these were all ways for me to pound my fists against nothing at all.

A scant five months after I started the site, I crashed hard, and after that, I just buried myself in it – in the site and in furry. I found ways to get even furrier, if that was possible, just to try and fill that big ol’ nothingness.

I splashed around in great heaps of data, scrabbling at every pebble of knowledge I could find beneath the surface.

I prowled through the tangled thicket of FA and Weasyl, hunting for artists to highlight.

And I took way too many metaphors way, way too far.

And you know what? It worked.

At least, after a fashion. I started to feel fulfillment. I started filling my weekends with writing. I got in trouble with JM for writing an article on a tablet in a plane just so that I could get it up on a Wednesday. I started to gain energy just from the act of spending energy on something I loved wholeheartedly.

I was also tackling depression in more tangible ways, of course. I started on meds and dug into the task of finding something to help make that nothingness more livable. Meds, after all, don’t just sweep it away, and they certainly don’t make me any less myself, but they do help me perceive where I am. They’re a fine set of glasses for helping me see which things I’m burning myself up over are real, and which are just phantoms in that empty space – Makyo, after all, means ‘ghost cave’.

I started transition, too, which helped improve my life in so many ways that I could did write a several posts about it. I won’t gush about it too much more, here.

Not all of this flailing was healthy, natch. I started drinking heavily, because that’d soften the edges of nothing. I started withdrawing from friends because they weren’t there in the nothing with me.

And it all got to be too much. A few weeks after my last substantial post here, I collapsed in the kitchen, and there was a whole lot more nothing than I was used to. At Mountain Crest, the mental health clinic in Fort Collins, I was taken into an office for a few hours to talk about meds, alcohol, interactions, and so on.

With my new-found sobriety (or at least moderation) under my belt, I started getting back into the furry thing, the healthier way of filling a tiny corner that infinitely empty space with meaning.

And [a][s] sat here.

I ran or helped run six panels at FC, was art track lead, and got to spend time with five other members of the polycule being huge furry nerds.

I started editing a furry fiction anthology, Arcana, based around the major arcana of the RWS tarot deck.

I ran for – and was elected – president of the Furry Writers’ Guild.

And [a][s] still sat here.

Those few months when I was burning too bright in an attempt to light up vast, crenellated spaces of nothing caught up with me. I borrowed a little too much time from the future and that nothing started winning out. Again.

Anyway.

All of the stuff that I loved felt poisoned to me, tainted by the fact that I burned so hard in an attempt to light up all this nothing a little better. I started feeling forced to like these things because I was trammeled by this indescribably empty space with them.

But I had I forgot that I do love them. Earnestly and with all my heart.

I love [a][s]. I love the FWG. I love Arcana and that I can work on it. I love writing a thousand unapologetic words about my relationship with furry and depression. I love furry.

I just need to engage in a healthy  manner.

I have my own lessons to take from this, but those are mine. Let’s talk about us, and our lessons. Well, lesson: [adjective][species] must change.

This is pretty obvious, if only from a personal point of view. I need to be able to engage with it in a more healthy manner. No more article-a-week, and definitely no more no-articles-for-ten-months.

This could also mean that my role as editor needs to shift. I would more than happily share that role. I could even step down, if a convincing argument was made.

But above even that, [a][s] itself needs to change. We need to have a conversation about what needs this resource fills.

• What roles does the project play within the fandom, now that it’s been around for for five and a half years?
• Are articles and data still the best way to engage with an audience, or should we branch out?
• Is the voice of the project too broad, or not broad enough?
• Should the project try to expand, or reduce its scope? Should it spin off new projects, or should it – and we need to admit this as a possibility – decide that 5 years was a good run and draw a line at the end of the page?

[a][s] is a good thing. I’ll always stand by that. It became a resource for talking about the fandom from several different angles. Writers picked up their own voices and added them into this weird and weirdly wonderful stream of posts that ran on for years.

So. With the idea that [a][s] should remain a good thing, what are our next steps?

The comments are open, of course, but please do feel free to email me directly, hit me up on twitter, or on mastodon if you would like!

Person gets turned into their mascot costume? I did not expect this.
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Submitted by Fred Patten, Furry’s favorite historian and reviewer.

reWritten, by Jako Malan
Plainfield, CT, Goal Publications, April 2017, trade paperback $15.00 (200 [+2] pages).

The setting of reWritten is a world from which humans have disappeared and been replaced with anthropomorphized Mammalœ.

It’s best not to dwell on the confusing background. The Mammalœ are aware of man’s past existence:

“We are, indeed, not the first to call this world our home. Bright-eyed and naive, our earliest ancestors wandered forth as the sun set on the age of man and rose for Mammalœ. The ruins of their magnificent civilization would be both the foundation and inspiration for our own.” (p. 1)

What happened to man? It doesn’t sound like man became extinct through war, unless it was a war that didn’t include blast damage – the Mammalœ consider man’s ruins to be “magnificent”. Have the Mammalœ (the narrator is an anthro jackal; others are aardvarks, meerkats, springboks, rats, rabbits, mongooses, servals, cheetahs, etc.) evolved to replace man? That would take millions of years. Surely there wouldn’t be anything of man’s left to seem “magnificent”. The Mammalœ civilization seems like a rundown funny-animal imitation of man’s; a smoky city that includes coal power, rickety electric trams, hand-cranked automobiles for the rich; most Mammalœ riding bicycles… The Mammalœ such as the rat and zebra are all the same size, presumably human. It’s easier to just accept that man was here but is gone now, and anthro mammals (Malan is South African; so is the setting – the Mammalœ currency is even rands, not dollars) have replaced him in early-20th-century-style cities.

Professor M. (for Makwassie) van Elsburg (a jackal), head of the Department of Anthropology and History at Mammalaœ University in Bridgend (apparently a major Mammalœ city), is approached at a reception by rich Mr. Oberholzer (a hyrax), the patriarch of the Bridgend Energy Cartel. Prof. van Elsburg recognizes him as one of the most influential and notorious mobsters in Bridgend. (He flaunts it; what’s the point of being influential and notorious if everyone doesn’t know it?) Oberholzer is also interested in the history and disappearance of man, and he has a private museum in his mansion. Five months earlier he and an associate had organized an expedition to the ruins of a human city that they hoped would provide more information. The expedition disappeared; simultaneously Oberholzer’s private collection was burglarized, and his servants began being followed. Oberholzer wants Prof. van Elsburg to lead a second expedition to the ruins, to find the hoped-for information and any clues to the vanished first expedition. Elsburg objects that he’s late-middle-aged and sedentary, without any experience in exploring, but Oberholzer’s request is similar to Don Vito Corleone’s offer that can’t be refused.

“‘Take the train to the Ashton precinct.’ Mr. Oberholzer’s last instructions interrupted my train of thought. ‘That is as far as the railways will take you. In town, I will arrange for my associate to meet you. He will brief you from there onwards. I have already contacted him with the particulars of the assignment. Be vigilant, Professor. Don’t discuss your task with anyone. And don’t disappoint me.’” (pgs. 31-32)

The reader will have already seen the book’s blurbs that describe it as “an existential horror story”:

“In a world only superficially similar to our own, it asks questions that have no easy answers, and answers questions that may have been better left unasked.”

Or in other words: There are things that Mammalœ were never meant to know!

reWritten is curiously like an Indiana Jones-type adventure with attempted assassination, creepy ruins, ominous visions, betrayal, cannibalism. mental programming, body possession, flying death machines, ferocious wild carnivores, etc., as narrated by an old-fashioned slightly stuffy college professor. Little touches in his narrative reinforce this:

“Opening the tent carefully, I peeked outside. I saw nothing out of the ordinary, but could smell the burnt residue from low-grade propellant above that of trauma,” (p. 53)

He’s talking about smelling gunpowder and blood. That’s a wordy way of describing the odor of burnt gunpowder and blood.

“Having dressed myself and finished my morning prayers, I stepped out of the tent again to embrace the fourth day away from home for a second time. My nose tingled with the characteristic aroma of burning coal, above that of chicory brewing in a pot.” (p. 55)

How many explorers start their days with morning prayers? Chicory is usually considered a poor substitute for coffee when coffee is unavailable.

Prof. van Elsburg heads into the Wastelands leading a squad of five mercenaries: Dunswart, a one-eyed honey badger; Marlboro, a stringy meerkat; Xanadu, a burly Cape Buffalo; Magalies, a crazy painted dog; and Isando, an adolescent kudu. Guess what will happen to them?

“The bartender [a bulldog] nodded again; clearly, they [he and Dunswart] had some form of mutual understanding. He appeared to be cut out for his job. An ancient scar stretched across his forehead and muzzle, his arms were muscular, and his dirty apron hid the outlines of a large revolver at his hip.

‘What can I get ye?’ he asked.

‘Something strong, please,’ I replied.” (p. 39)

Here is a description of starting the expedition’s truck on a freezing day:

“Pumping the accelerator, Marlboro opened a valve under the dashboard. The engine bulged with compressed air stored from the last time it ran. One or two bitter cycles later, it spat a tongue of flame before dying. Saturated black smoke poured from the exhaust pipe just beside and above the driver’s door. I was vindicated. It was not just I who did not like the cold!” (p. 48)

The writing is wordy and florid by modern standards. I do not know if this is Malan’s natural style, or he is trying to emulate a 1910s-era slightly pedantic academic. Some of the word choices seem peculiar. “The [railway] conductor, a brown hare, leered impatiently at his pocket watch.” Leered? “An oncoming train stormed past, its obnoxious horn clefting the night.” Not “cleaving”? “Smelt” instead of “smelled”. “‘Amazing,’ lamented Isandro.” “Three rifles and a revolver bayed for her blood, […]”

Here is one of the human ruins, of a railway station:

“The glass door had shattered. We stepped right through the naked steel frame into a dark lobby with a layer of sand and debris covering the floor. The ceilings were tall and adorned with dead light fixtures.” (p. 56)

It doesn’t seem like man has been gone for more than a few centuries at most; a very short time for Mammalœ to repopulate the world.

This review is saying nothing further about the plot, or about what the expedition finds. That’s for the reader to discover. There are some real surprises and, lest I appear to not have read the ending, much of what I say earlier is contradicted. What I have described is the old-fashioned writing style and the attempt to develop a horror-tale mood:

“‘Many strange and terrible things lay in wait on these plains,’ Anzac [a hyena] said. ‘Mother told me stories that would make your skin crawl. Who knows what terrible event ended her life.’” (p. 66)

“It was a buffet of misery, and there was only one guest at this feast.” (p. 96)

reWritten (cover by Tim Jardim) is a different furry novel; supposedly “an existential horror story”, but more mysterious and portentous (and science-fictional) than frightening and horrific (and supernatural), and with an elderly, non-heroic hero who dithers more than he reacts. It’s certainly a change from the in-your-face horror novels that scream and gibber at you. I liked it; I hope you will, too.

–Fred Patten

• Buy at Rabbit Valley
• Buy at Jaffa Books
• Buy at Goal Publications

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Among the big announcements to come out of this year’s D23 Expo (Disney’s bi-annual convention for their biggest and geekiest fans — hey, your ed-otter is one!) is news of an as-yet-untitled new CGI film from Pixar… a “suburban fantasy”. According to a preview at Entertainment Weekly, “During the fan convention’s animation panel on Friday, John Lasseter introduced director Dan Scanlon to unveil details about a new original film on Pixar’s upcoming slate, filling in one of the cryptic untitled slots on the studio’s release schedule. Lasseter described the film as ‘an adventure set in a suburban fantasy world,’ and Scanlon, who helmed Monsters University, debuted concept art showing a large winged creature flying over a small town at sunset. Set in a human-less world of elves, trolls, sprites, and ‘pretty much anything that would be on the side of a van in the ‘70s,’ the movie follows two teenage brothers whose father died when they were young; now, they’re on a quest through this mundane, modern fantasy world to somehow find a way to spend one last magical day with their father.” Oh and by the way, there are unicorns everywhere. and a dragon or two thrown into the mix as well. No word on a release date yet (or a title!), but speculation is leaning toward the summer of 2020 or 2021.

image c. 2017 The Disney Company

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This furry event in Thailand looks delicious and awesome. Paradise Brunch [1] [1] https://www.facebook.com/ParadiseBrunch/
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This con’s theme is “Summer Camp.” Yay for summer camp! How about sweaty, un-air-conditioned bunkhouses? Poison ivy? MOSQUITOS?  Get ready to celebrate NONE of those things at the new Tiny Paws Con. They just have the parts that don’t suck: fun and games, getting together with old friends, and making new ones. If you’re itching for that in September, Tiny Paws has the cure.

They’re so friendly, I’m sure they would even give a warm welcome to Spottacus in his Skeetersuit. (Why does Spotti have one of those? Because nobody else does!)

Tiny Paws is bringing fresh blood to the Northeast US thanks to organizers like the former founder and co-conchair of FurFright, K’gra Leopard.  Give them a buzz on social media, or read on if you want to fly in for fun.

Here’s what they sent:

Summer might be winding down, but one summer camp still is offering tons of fun: Tiny Paws Con! A new convention in the light-hearted spirit of creativity and sharing with friends, this event hopes to capture the magic of everyone’s first convention.

Tiny Paws Con offers over forty dealers in The Expo (the dealer room), an amazing Gaming Lodge with events run by ConnectiCon’s Tabletop Shop and Steve Jackson Games’ MiB, fursuit games, a Fursuit Foto Shoot (a more relaxed and intimate alternative to a fursuit parade), a dance, a Charity Raffle supporting the Connecticut Humane Society, an Arts and Crafts Lounge attendees can visit and create just like they did in art class so many years ago, and more!

To their knowledge, Tiny Paws Con is also excited to be the first trying something new: a Furries of Triumph achievement book, where attendees joining in on the fun over the whole weekend can earn rewards towards the 2018 event.

Pre-registration closes on July 31st, so to save some money and help support the Connecticut Humane Society, please register today!

With over fifteen years of combined experience running FurFright and other charity fundraising, the organizers of Tiny Paws Con hope you will give them a chance with their new convention. Conventions and charities succeed only with the help and generosity of the fandom we all know and love.

Hope to see you all soon!

Visit Tiny Paws Con on their website (http://tinypawscon.org). For the most up-to-date information follow them on Twitter (@TinyPaws_Con) or Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/TinyPawsCon/).

July 21 is the deadline for conbook submissions (art/written/advertising).

July 31 is the deadline for pre-registration. The pricing is:

• Tinker: $40 (3-day admission, badge, conbook)
• Crafter: $60 (Tinker + t-shirt and raffle ticket)
• Engineer: $100 (Crafter + art prints)
• Architect: $200 (Engineer + special gift and thanks in the conbook)

Pre-registered attendees are also eligible for a drawing to be our Attendee Guest of Honor. The Attendee GOH’s membership is automatically upgraded to Architect and they also receive free Tinker admission to next year’s event. The winner will be notified prior to the convention.

To register, visit this webpage: http://tinypawscon.org/index.php/registration/attendee-registration/pre-registration

Fill in the form and on the second page submit your payment via Paypal.

Dealer registration is currently in Wait List mode.

(Note: Dealers who apply for or currently are registered as a business in the State of Connecticut receive a $20 discount on the price of their table.)

Half-tables start at $65 (higher prices for sponsor levels).

Full tables start at $105 (higher prices for sponsor levels).

Dealer table prices include 3-day admission to the convention, a conbook, and badge. Full table dealers may also register one Assistant starting at $10 (no further discount due to having a CT sales permit).

For more information regarding dealer registration, visit: http://tinypawscon.org/index.php/registration/dealer-registration

Like the article? It takes a lot of effort to share these. Please consider supporting Dogpatch Press on Patreon, where you can access exclusive stuff for just $1.

Cyclops Print Works is the home of the Disney Fine Art Collectors Editions. On their web site you’ll find a collection of limited edition serigraph prints (in large sizes) from various Disney animated works — many of them anthropomorphic, including the already-famous print below by Zootopia co-director Byron Howard. All of them are for sale, but some of them (such as an amazing print by Tom Whalen of characters from The Great Mouse Detective) have already sold out and may not be printed again. Sign up on their mailing list to find out when they’ll be introducing new prints to the line.

image c. 2017 by Byron Howard

Hello, Papabear,

I don't know if you remember me, specially with the new name, but maybe my email will remind you.

You helped me become a whole person, to get out of an abusive relationship that scarred me for life, and to begin to love myself.

I took a huge step in recovery last week by finally closing the book on that ex you saved me from years ago. It was scary, a bit upsetting to see him living so happily after destroying me, but I felt a million times lighter and content.

Unfortunately the same day I lost someone very close to me in a very ugly way. I was standing up for my other friends when he was acting out of line, and the things he said ... all I could see was the words flying out of the shitty people in my lives mouths.

He was a totally different person, he didn't care about any of us, he accused me of so many things and took my most personal and fragile parts I trusted in him and used them as knives against me.

I already lost a major portion of my friend group last year due to us growing apart so I'm down to less than 10 friends.

I'm scared, papa bear. I've seen what he's done to people in the past. We were never close but we were growing closer until he just ... snapped. I changed all my passwords but I'm so, so terrified he's going to find the one place I didn't or he's going to spread stuff about me just like his old friends and exes from years past.

I JUST healed from my ex doing that to me.... I can't bear to go through it again with someone I knew and trusted and loved for over 10 years.

And now I might have to move and leave what few friends I have left behind. We're not close enough to keep in touch and I'd have to move back into the house where my exs abuse happened.

I don't know if I can....

I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid I'll loose my irl friends and my online ones will follow. I'm so afraid my future friends will have my ex friend fill their heads with bullshit. I'm so afraid to have to live in that house again but it's beginning to be my only option.

I just.... Do you have any advice on how to strengthen friendships, make new friends, and live without fear of being sabotaged?

If I can strengthen the friendships I have and make new ones I won't have to be so afraid, but I can't comprehend relationships and how to meet people.

Debbie

* * *

Hi, Debbie,

Forgive me if I'm repeating myself. I thought I had responded to this letter but now I'm not sure if I did. So, I'm writing again (or for the first time!) Forgive a senile old bear....

Since you don't provide any background, I cannot guess why this other "friend" would snap and suddenly attack you. But this makes two toxic people who have come into your life, which makes me wonder if perhaps you are having difficulty determining what sorts of people are good friend material and what sorts of people are toxic. The other side of this is that you seem to also have trouble realizing who isn't toxic (i.e., true friends).

Hon, true friends will always stick by you and will not listen to the venomous lies spouting from the mouths of toxic people. If you lose any friends because of some lying jerk, then they weren't good friends to begin with and you are better off without them. In fact, this might be a litmus test to determine for you who are your friends and who are not, so that might turn out to be a good thing. Don't worry about it.

One thing Papabear has learned in his 50+ years is to not worry a damn about what other people think. If you know in your heart you are a good person who tries to do the right thing, then that is all that matters. Again, the people who are wise and not shallow will perceive this goodness in you and want to be your friend. Treat your friends well (that's how you strengthen friendships) and shun your enemies. And if you are concerned about your passwords or anything, just make it a routine to change your passwords once a month. If you get attacked online, inform that website's administrators. Keep records of any harassment you get from toxic people.

Making new friends? Big topic, but, in brief, look for people who share your interests and take an interest in their lives. You should expect the same from them. The danger is always one-way "friendships," which aren't so much friendships as people using you. With practice and experience, you will develop a kind of sixth sense about other people. I quickly get a feeling about others as to whether or not they are worth my time. The ones who aren't exude a kind of "creepy" vibe that makes me back off right away. You'll get better at this as time goes on.

Strengthening friendships you currently have mostly involves doing your best to make time to work on the friendship. The more time you spend with someone, the stronger the relationship will become.

As for the fear of being sabotaged: hey, it happens. Even when you get good at judging other people, occasionally a troll or, let's face it, psychopath will weedle themselves into your life. All you can do is cut them off as soon as you recognize them for what they are beneath the mask. Control your fear by realizing that shit happens and you can't prevent it from happening, but you CAN control how you react to said shit and this will make you a stronger person.

Hugs,
Papabear

Joe Strike has made a name for himself with his recently published non-fiction book Furry Nation (which has been getting a good deal of attention, of course). But on a side note, Mr. Strike also recently commissioned his first fur-suit — or rather scale-suit, perhaps, as it is an anthro komodo dragon named Komos. Joe then hooked up with fellow writer Oliver Coombes and created Komos & Goldie, an action-adventure crime drama comic series that is decidedly for Mature Audiences Only. “Saurian servant of Circe herself! Sheela-Na-Gig, Celtic sex-goddess, reincarnated! He’s scaly, she’s shiny — together they’re deadly!” And they work to fight organized crime in their own way: Outside of the law, and with more than a bit of magick thrown in. Most of the black & white comic is illustrated by well-known furry and underground comic artist Kjartan Arnorsson. It’s available on-line and also in good-old paper fashion, and both include lots of extra illustrations of the characters by various artists.

image c. 2017 by MaryMouse

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