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Author: Higgs Raccoon Alan Berlin, known in the furry community as Alan T. Panda, has been sentenced to six to twelve years in prison. In May, he had been convicted of trying to arrange a sexual encounter with a 15-year-old boy. Through online chats, Berlin had attempted to arrange a meeting with the boy, with [...]

One of the things I’ve noticed more and more as I continue to grow up – not sure I’d call myself a grown-up, yet – is the way in which the divisions in our life become both less clear and more profuse as time goes on.  I think my first intimation of this came at about the time I was finishing up middle school (8th grade, in my district), and started secretly reading up on this whole “gay” thing, on the suspicion that I might fall into that category.

It wasn’t a really easy thing for me to accept about myself at the time, as I suppose it rarely is for a kid in the southwest States.  Colorado is a unique state in that, while much of its area is of a more conservative, Christian character and not generally accepting of homosexuality, there is a stretch that goes from about Fort Collins on down south of Denver along the front range that tends to be more socially liberal and less religiously oriented overall, and certainly more open to differences in sexual orientation than the surrounding areas.  I spent a lot of time growing up in that front-range area where most of those around me likely would’ve been okay if I had come out, and some of them would have probably rushed to tell me just how okay it is to be gay: Boulder, as a town, is almost intrusively cool with it.  Even so, there was this sensation that if I were to leave the Denver-Boulder area, I would be immediately be set upon by both protesters and perpetrators of hate crimes both.

What can I say, I was a dramatic kid.

That’s why I started reading about it more and more.  I started to look into my preconception that there was this line drawn around my home cities in fat sharpie on the map, with the insides colored pink, and the outsides a horrible, soul-sucking blackness.  That sense didn’t jive with what I started to experience at school, middle school being a particularly difficult portion of life to deal with.  There were kids in school would would, it seemed, readily beat me up for being gay, and there were people whom I met from outside of Boulder that seemed perfectly reasonable and nice about the whole thing.  Of course, the whole concept didn’t stand up to the slightest bit of scrutiny as soon as I started to look outside of my personal experience.

My big breaking point, however, came when I found the Kinsey scale, which divides sexual orientation into seven degrees, from 0 – Completely Heterosexual to 6 – Completely Homosexual.  Before then, bisexuals were something of a myth to me, and much of that was due to the way I originally came out when I frequented forums as a kid.  One started bi as a way to test the waters, see if everything was alright, and then one jumped in with a big “ha ha oh just kidding I was gay the whole time”.  Anyone who stayed bisexual, I was told, just wanted to have sex with guys, whether they were male or female.  Such was life in the middle of America as a pre-teen, I guess.

Once I had found the Kinsey scale, though, things changed drastically.  It wasn’t just that the scale had been named after and promoted by a man with a ‘Dr.’ in front of his name, though that certainly helped, and it wasn’t just that the scale was built so that there was a number in the center without having the maximum value be an odd number (as a child, I had an irrational hatred of odd numbers).  Rather, it was that there was such a thing as a non-binary aspect to this portion of my existence.  I had been, until then, convinced through the doxa I was immersed in and my own lucubration that there really were only two choices in life: male and female, gay and straight, hamburger and cheeseburger.

After that, my interest only grew.  I can’t honestly say that I jumped directly into the study of non-binary modes expression and identification, but as I continued on to high school and even beyond, into college, I kept finding things that were not as simple as I had previously imagined them to be.  I suppose everyone goes through such a period in their life, but for me, it always seemed to come back to that original “discovery” that much of which we assume to be binary through the workings of social doxa or our own incomplete comprehension of the matter is, in fact, a gradient, a cline, a continuum.

The next big stepping stone for me, in terms of comprehension, came after I started to read up more and more about gender disparity and transgender issues, for even though I dated a wonderful trans guy in high school, I still had little to go on in terms of really trying to understand those issues.  I understood the whole concept of gender identity versus biological sex, and I even had some inkling to there being some sense of non-duality through my scant interactions (at that point), with intersex and hermaphroditic individuals; however, some portion of my mind kept catching on the snag that there really were only two sexes and two gender identities, and that transgender folk simply had a mismatch somewhere in there.

The actual moment came when I found a funny looking poster of a stick figure (which I wasn’t able to find, exactly, but here is the closest I came up with) which described not only biological sex and gender identity as gradients, but also gender expression, along with the familiar sexual orientation.  ”Whoa,” I thought, “Here I was going about this all wrong, and in much the same way as before!”.  It wasn’t so much that I had rediscovered gradients in life, as that I really started to comprehend the multidimensional nature of what is often taken for granted, if not declared outright to be the norm.  Gender, when I was growing up, meant boy and girl, penis and vagina, the simplest explanation.  When I started to get older, I started to understand that there was such a thing as gender separate from biological sex, but only in a psychopathological context, when they did not match up and it caused identity issues.  It took a goofy stick figure poster to knock me into the sense that there were multifarious dimensions to what had previously been a relatively simple concept for me to understand, insofar as I was capable of doing so.  I was A. Square finally comprehending that there was a third, possibly even a fourth dimension.

In both of these instances – discovering gradients and discovering new dimension in definition – I found myself applying these new-found ways of looking at things to the world around me.  I was lucky, though, in that the world around me took place largely online in the form of interacting with animal people.  The benefits of interacting online so much are myriad, but the two most pertinent ones are that I was a) able to do research quickly and easily and b) able to investigate the “paper trail” that I and so many others had left behind.  In short, my almost subconscious reaction to learning these new things was to immediately try to apply them to furry.

Like all such slippery concepts, I wound up going down quite a few blind alleys, barking up a quite a few empty trees, and several other appropriate metaphors too numerous to list here.  I tried to apply these concepts either too liberally, or not liberally enough, to the world around me and found some ways in which they were more helpful than not in explaining the ways in which I and others interacted with the fandom and with our own understandings of or identifications with anthropomorphics.

In fact, in the last paragraph, I touch on at least two very important gradients and dimensions of character that have come up time and time again: anthropomorphics and, for many, identification with a subculture built off this interest in anthropomorphic art, role playing, and character creation.  Within those, as within all aspects of membership and identity, are at least three different dimensions making up one’s association: interest, participation, and creation.  Interest, of course, is how much one is interested in such a thing, how much they read up on it, how much they take in.  Participation, on the other hand, is how much that person actively integrates themselves into the thing they are interested in: creating an account on FA, browsing art, favoriting images, watching artists, leaving comments.  Finally, there’s the aspect of creation.  Beyond simple participation, this is the means by which someone can contribute, give back, post to FA, and gain the participation of others in turn.  All of these may be thought of as gradients, where the levels with which one may show interest, participate, and offer up unique creations.

These are, of course, just simple examples of the varying dimensions and gradients with which one can interact with the fandom, of course, and there are just as many, if not more ways to identify with anthropomorphic animals outside of just the furry fandom.  As I was writing all this, I started to think that, in at least one way, it all sounded familiar.  It took me a moment to place where, but the further back I looked in my past, the closer it seemed to get until finally, I remembered.  FurCodes.

With how much time I spent thinking about those things, it’s remarkable that I was unable to really internalize the whole concept of gradients and dimensions in so many aspects of my life (no one ever accused me of having an over-abundance of intelligence).  These simple, one-line codes of letters and symbols are an accurate summary of much of what I was talking about just a few paragraphs up.  For every thing in our life that we take to be black or white, true or false, totally binary, there is a good chance that it is not nearly so simple, but embodies a full spectrum of hues, saturations, and values.  I plowed through the process of creating a code again and came up with the following, answering relatively truthfully:

FCA3amr A- C++ D+ H+ M++ P R T W+ Z Sm+ RLCT a cl+++ d! e++ f+ h+++ iwf+++ j+ p+ sm+

None of this should really be of any surprise, of course, but a few things caught my eye and offer a good example to prove my final point.  It feels as though it has been a really long time since Zines and Doom have felt pertinent, and the division of age into entire decades seems almost quaint these days.  Age, it seems, has not exactly treated the FurCode very well.  That is the final, most important of gradients or dimensions out there to take into account: time.  All of the things I have mentioned so far in this post – sexuality, gender, association with the fandom and anthropomorphics – and really most everything out there has this aspect of time tied to it that is so rarely thought about.  All of the things that we hold to be solid and true in life are tied to time in one way or another (some of which seem a little surprising).

I was dead-set, utterly convinced that I was straight, then that I was gay, and for a period after that, that I was bi.  I was totally comfortable in my gender in terms of how it matched up with my biological sex, and then I was thrown into a whirlwind of confusion.  I was definitely sure that I would always have a ‘Zine or two pertaining to the fandom, that I would always be a wizard on a MUCK, that I would always be FCFp3dwa.

Clearly, this isn’t the case.  Time is a tricky thing, and yet, if I take a step back and take a look at the trajectory of my membership to the fandom and my association with anthropomorphics, I have no trouble in understanding or even appreciating that time is just another dimension of character, whether literally in the sense that my character is constituted of various different aspects of myself at a particular time, or more metaphorically, that time is a part of defining my sense of character.

There are so many different dimensions and gradients in character, and within association to the fandom and to one’s personal character or characters.  I’ve listed a few, such as species and time, or the means of interaction that we have with the fandom, whether it’s interest, participation, or creation.  What other aspects are there?  Are any of these particularly pertinent in your own situation?  I’d like to see some comments with some of your own stories as to what dimensions you’ve found important in your lives, and what things have surprised you by being a sliding scale instead of a duality.

(time as the most important dimension and gradient out there)

* For those who are curious, here is my code decoded.

Papa Bear,

I'm having a bit of trouble with one of my male friends, I have a mate who I love dearly and I would never want to hurt him ever, but my friend came out to me recently that he loved me (he's been a close friend of mine since kindergarten). I told him I'm sorry but I would never cheat on my mate. He said it was ok and we're still close friends (not close as in really really close but close as in best friends) and we still hang out, but there's always that underlying feeling like he's still looking at me in “that way” like he really loves me and it sorta makes me uneasy. Am I just being a little bit too paranoid or should I say something? I still only think of him as a close friend and I don't wanna hurt him. Can you help me?

Thank you,

Sparkplug the Fox

* * *

Dear Sparkplug,

Some people have trouble finding even one person to love them and might envy your quandry, but Papabear knows where you’re coming from. You’re afraid that, even though your friend said it was okay that you were loyal to your mate, he might not really mean it, and he is making eyes at you, trying to convey a message.

You might be right, though; it might just be in your head. If that’s the case, then that’s a signal that, subconsciously, you might want him to want you, since you are just imagining that he is giving you the look. Reading between the lines here (which is not easy), Papabear gets a sense that you are trying to convince yourself that you prefer loyalty to your mate over taking a relationship that goes back to kindergarten to the next level. (Be honest, didn’t that thought at least cross your mind?) In other words, Papabear supsects you love your long time friend, too, which, of course, makes you feel guilty (uneasy).

If this is the case, then you need to take a deep, long look into your own heart and decide what you really want, and, once decided, act upon it one way or the other. That is something Papabear can’t do for you.

If, on the other paw, it is NOT in your head and he IS making eyes at you and you truly DON’T want him as more than a friend, then this is a problem just waiting to boil over and explode into a very awkward situation, or worse. In that case, you need to bring someone else into the equation: your boyfriend. You should not keep this issue to yourself and the secretive glances of your friend. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him, honestly, what has happened and what your concerns are. He is involved in this situation, too, and needs to know about it. You are part of a couple, and a couple talks to each other and makes decisions together. Your boyfriend might bring insights into this that you had not even considered.  Talk to him, come to a consensus, and then act accordingly.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear

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I ask this only because I've tried my FA account yet I do not have a lot of watchers and here commission posts seem to usually get kicked off the front page rather quickly. So where do you guys think the best place to advertise commissions is?

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Fan of Rukis’s books? Well the new “Unconditional ” is ready for pre-release and WILL BE shipped to you as FurPlanet will only have limited copies at AC 2012. So if your into stalking Reis and Marcus then don’t miss out on this deal HERE: ( http://furplanet.com/shop/item.aspx?itemid=594 )! Just thinking of  all those hot scenes just make my sheath pop out now.

You know, besides r/furry. =)

So far, all I've really been exposed to are Fur Affinity and e621. (Though sometimes I wish I'd never heard of the latter, haha!)

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I'm hosting a rave, and I own a two-story old office building. Would this be fine? I've never had a rave there before. There aren't cubicles, It's a big open carpet space. any Ideas?

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Roo, Elias, YuurYuu and Nezzy just have fun talking about stuff and critque a description of the furry fandom by one of their listeners.  The ending song is a piano piece performed by YuurYuu.  Watch Nezzy on her FA at: http://www.furaffinity.net S2 Episode 5 – The Open Door - Roo, Elias, YuurYuu and Nezzy just have fun talking about stuff and critque a description of the furry fandom by one of their listeners.  The ending song is a piano piece performed by YuurYuu.  Watch Nezzy on her FA at: http

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Papabear,

So I’ve got this fur-friend who lives nearby. He's sweet, he really is, but he is ever so obsessive. 

I've known him since last autumn, and due to we both having gone through a tough growth, we both consider each other furry brothers. 

We spent the past New Year's together with another fur. He and another fur later became mates, and after a stormy relationship (due to him being extremely suspicious about everything) that other fur broke up with him because he was stressing him out and he was pretty much living his life, not his own. 

After that, my fur brother got upset and refused to ever talk with him again. (Just like he refuses to talk to anyone he's had a past relationship with.)

Now, I'm VERY good friends with the person that broke up with him, and we've sort of wanted to get it on with each other, but as I’ve promised him not to, even if they weren't together anymore.

And even before they became mates, we talked regularly together, and he was EXTREMELY obsessive over me, and had moments where he went "You like him more than me, don't you? Say it!" even though I’ve told him several times that I don't put my friends on a ranking list.

As both he and I are fans of the annual Eurovision Song Contest (Europes most popular TV-show), I spent the Eurovision week together with him and he kept spying on me. Whenever I went to the bathroom or the like, he sneaked onto my laptop to read conversation logs, so I had to put a password on my laptop and lock it every time I went somewhere. And it didn't stop there. He kept sneak peeking over to my laptop screen whenever we were both in his couch, and he got upset whenever I tried to shield his vision from my screen. And whenever he wasn't trying to spy on my screen, he asked me like every 10 seconds, what I was doing, who I was talking to and what we were talking about. He even wouldn't let me send texts without asking who I was texting. It felt like I was in a "Big Brother is watching you" community. 

Now, while I was visiting him, I told him that I had plans to move in together with the fur who used to be his mate because where I currently live, the two furs that live here are moving out (they're a couple and obviously want to live their own life) and I can't stand the neighbours upstairs. They're noisy, got no respect whatsoever etc. And if left alone, that's when my bad thoughts creep up on me. (I've got a depression since 10 years back). Anyhow, when I told him that, he told me he might not ever be able to talk to me again. And later that evening, he texted me (even though I was 2 meters away) and said it might be the best if we part ways. And the next day he acted as if everything was fine. And that next day was when I was going home as well, and when I got home, I was so exhausted from EVERYTHING that had happened, and I still am. I've honestly pondered if it'd be best to cut ties with him. He's stressing me out as hell, and trying to help him just makes my own depression seem to get worse.

I'm afraid that if I let this go on the bubble will burst and I'll take everything I've kept inside out on someone.

What would be the best thing for me to do?

--Anonymous

* * * 

Dear Anonymous,

Papabear believes you already know what to do, but I will add a little advice to an uncharacteristically short response from the ol’ bear. Since you care about this furry, you can try sitting him down and saying, “Look, you know I care about you, but your obsessive spying on me shows that you do not trust me, and when there is no trust in a relationship—ANY kind of relationship—then it is doomed to fail. Because you mean a lot to me, I am giving you a chance: stop spying on me and being suspicious of me and we can continue to be friends. If you can’t, then you are correct in what you said in your text message to me: we need to go our separate ways.”

See what he says to that. If he agrees to try and do better, then give him another chance. If he improves, then great! Your friendship can continue. If not, then you have your answer. Same if he rejects your proposal outright.

Your friend is clearly very disturbed. He could probably benefit from counseling, but the kind of help he would need is far beyond what you can provide. Not only that, but you have your own issues to deal with (your depression) and being in this unhealthy relationship can only harm you if it continues the way it has been. You need to surround yourself, as much as possible, with loving and caring people, not people who stress you out and make your life miserable.

Before you cut him out, talk to him one more time and give him a chance. This is always the right thing to do, but judging by what you have told Papabear, I frankly don’t think he will change that easily. Therefore, protect your own sanity and well-being. You’ll know what to do.

Hugs,

Papabear