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This Plan of Cohabitation Has Many Flaws
Hi. I'm Nick, and I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. It's a bit of a mess, so I'll just start at the beginning...
I'm currently in what I would consider to be a casual, long-distance relationship with an older male that I met over a year ago. We chat constantly, text usually every day, and remain mostly in contact. He's very sweet and kind to me, which is something that I haven't gotten a lot of growing up due to my parents and their various situations; finances, relationship between them, etc. So, despite my best intentions at remaining just friends with him, I've grown rather attached to him. Several months ago, he brought up the topic of me visiting him when I turn eighteen next year, that soon turning into me staying with him for however long I'd like, and I have to admit, it's tempting. There are a few things that made me consider otherwise, however.
One of them is a rather nasty part about myself, but I'm at least honest about it. We've exchanged several pictures with each other, and I don't find him very attractive. I know that's vain and shallow, but that's just how it is. Physical attraction plays a good-sized role in how I view others, and my view of him is affected by that. That being said, I do consider myself to be attracted to the less material part of himself, being his personality, his kindness, etc. A few other problems involved would be that he admits to actively doing drugs, and while they're nothing too hard or dangerous, it's still a little discouraging when someone close to you is consistently high every time you talk. He's also not got much in the way of prospects. He currently lives with his parents, and while he's hopeful that things will change in the next few years to allow me to move in, I'm skeptical. And while we usually go together rather well, there is one part of our personalities that clash sometimes. He's more of a spiritual type of person, while I'm a bit more rigid when it comes to discussions that head in that direction. Religion, humanity, the possibility of aliens being present, these are all things that we have noticeably different opinions on, and we do drift into those topics somewhat usually.
Thus, with all that said, I'm on the fence about this. I do have a year, or more, to think this over a bit more, but I've had time to think about this for at least a month, and it's done little to help me pick an option. He and I have discussed this several times, and he usually just says that regardless of the situation, he'd always be more than happy for me to stay with him, but he's always vague on the specific details. Now, I'm not stuck on whether or not I should spend the rest of my life with him, but I haven't had any person before him that treated the same way, so he's special, however awfully clichéd that may be.
If any of that was a bit hard to understand, please let me clarify my question. With the details I've given, what do you think I should do? Am I being absurd by moving out of the house immediately to move in with a man who I've never met before in real life, but have talked with for quite a while?
Thank you in advanced PB. Looking forward to your reply.
With thanks,
Nick
* * *
Hi, Nick,
Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Yes, you are being absurd. It is ALWAYS a bad idea taking the big step of moving in with someone when you haven’t been out on a single date. Papabear does not care a sniff for whatever emails he might get about this opinion arguing for online relationships because there is a HUGE difference between chatting or even Skyping with someone online and actually dating or moving in together. I haven’t done this for a while, but here is a big BEAR GRR on the subject:
GRRR! THE INTERNET IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR REAL FACE-TO-FACE INTERACTION WITH A PERSON IN THE REAL WORLD!
It’s a very very troubling trend in this modern age to find more and more young people convinced that virtual reality = actual reality. It is simply not so. And I don’t care how amazingly “realistic” the Internet might become with virtual reality programs and high-speed video conferencing. I don’t care if some day (and this is close, actually) you will be able to put sensors on your hands (and perhaps other places) and feel the person on the other end (you can imagine the online yiffing among furries when that happens, I bet!) People can act very differently and deceptively online. Sure, they can do it in the real world, too, but it is far easier to do online. The only ONLY way to really get to know someone is to be with him or her in person.
That said, even if you had managed to date this guy, you have already checked off some things that make him less than ideal for you: 1) he is older than you by apparently a significant span of time; 2) he is still living in his parents’ house and has no immediate prospects for financial stability (you’re right to doubt whether his promises of that changing will actually happen); 3) you don’t find him attractive (it’s okay you feel this way and doesn’t make you necessarily shallow unless physical attractiveness is your only touchstone); 4) he does DRUGS, for Pete’s sake! (although you imply it is just something like marijuana, but still....) and 5) you apparently have viewpoints on some important subjects that you don’t see eye-to-eye on.
Nick, just because you are emotionally deprived at home, don’t make the mistake of leaping into the arms of the first person who gives you a few compliments and is nice to you. Even if this guy isn’t being deceptive (and my bear instinct tells me he is sincere; he strikes me as what I call a “pleasant loser”), it doesn’t mean he is a match for you. Don’t make huge life decisions like this without knowing what you are getting into. For all you know, his home life could be rotten, his parents could be awful people who might resent your being there. You could find yourself becoming a little servant boy to this guy and/or his parents. You could find out that once you move in this guy starts behaving differently. You might simply discover that his daily habits irritate the hell out of you. You don’t know.
I’m not saying that if you get the opportunity to date and see this guy on a regular basis in person you shouldn’t take a chance, but do not go from long-distance relationship to living together in one fell swoop (or even a swell foop). That would be very unwise.
Sometimes it seems to Papabear that the younger generation rushes into things far too readily, especially when it comes to relationships. At 17, you have a lot of time to date people and find that you have more options than you think. So, when it comes to a mate, be picky. You’ll never find someone who meets 100% of your criteria, but you can certainly come a helluva lot closer than this guy, and you deserve a good match.
Hope that helps,
Papabear
Anthrocon 2013 travelers affected by air traffic difficulties
More African-Americans get involved in Anthrocon every year.
http://www.newpittsburghcourieronline.com/index.php/featured-news/metro/14812-more-african-americans-get-involved-in-anthrocon-every-year
by J.L. Martello
For New Pittsburgh Courier
The Anthrocon convention (or con for short) is dedicated to anamorphic people with animal traits and animals with human traits. The con was started in Albany, N.Y., in 1997 and didn’t come to Pittsburgh until 2006. Anthrocon has grown every year in Pittsburgh with record breaking numbers and has become the largest con of its type in the world.
5-year-old Dra Thompson of Swissvale plays ball with a Dog fur suiter called "Scrubs" outside the Westin Hotel. Dra ran up to many of the furries getting photos taken by his mother of all of the ones he could.
As most people would think, this con is not just about furries and or people dressed up as animals. Suiters, who dress up as different animal-human characters, are the best known. There are several different things that make up Anthrocon. There are artists, cartoonists, video game designers, musicians and comic writers just to name a few.
There are artists who sketch and draw characters--their own they create and other people’s who want what is called a badge (a small drawing with the name of the character on it drawn in a different way than it has already been done).
17-year-old Morgan Taylor from Baltimore, character name "Meri Ympyra," made her own suit and draws other furries as well as many animal human characters. She stands holding the head of her character.
An African-American artist, 17-year-old Morgan Taylor from Baltimore, talks about how she got into Anthrocon saying, “It started when I was young. I used to draw furry critters and stuff like that and I thought that I was the only one until my dad brought me to Pittsburgh last year and I found out that there was a whole bunch of other furries and people like me.”
Morgan made her own suit in about a week and only cost her around $100. Morgan or “Meri” shares how it feels from being herself and how it feels when she gets in her furry suit by saying, “I’m usually shy and now I feel like I am kind of outgoing, I can talk to people, actually, and that is kind of a huge relief for me so I love doing this a lot.”
17-year-old Morgan Taylor from Baltimore, character's name "Meri Ympyra" in her full fur suit.
Known as "Hixbi Fox," a 27-year-old African-American male and "Jazz," a 23-year-old African-American female cat woman, pose for a photograph together.
Many of the furries like to stay in character like a 27-year-old African-American male from Louisiana that goes by “Hixbi Fox” and a 23-year-old African-American female from Boston that goes by “Jazz.”
Hixbi Fox says, “What got me into fur suiting was I come from an Anima background and you dress up as other people and you’re famous for being someone else. In this fandom you are popular because you are yourself. This is my character and I designed it and I am popular because people like that character.”
Jazz is dressed like Catwoman as a joke. She is a fur suitor during the day and a cat woman at night. Jazz explains why she got involved in the con saying, “my friends showed me this con--I am usually a Boston Anima person--but I always felt a connection into being a cat, being like a cat, acting like a cat, doing things like a cat identifying basically with cats and cat people. So this is like, oh, there are actually people who do this for a living where they literary make themselves in the form of anamorphic beings and I said, ‘oh, I am going to find this’.”
Hixbi Fox explains his suit took a month to design and about six months to build and cost around $2,200. Hixbi says, “Only about 20 percent of the fandom is suit, other people support by doing artwork, music, stories--so this is not a big part of the fandom and usually it all comes to a common goal. We are trying to help other animals and have a good fellowship.”
"Jazz" in her fur character.
The Anthrocon Convention picks an animal or animal-related charity to raise money for every year. This year the charity was Equine Angels Rescue who rescues horses from being mistreated. The con roaised more than $31,000 for the charity this year.
The con has so many different parts to it besides what they call suiting. There are several different concerts that help benefit the charity of the con for that year. There are workshops on puppet-making as well as puppetry, table game competitions in full suits, video gaming, panels from designing to making and wearing a fur suit, to animation. There are always special guests and panelists. Some of this year’s guests were Mercedes Lackey, Larry Dixon and Tom Minton.
Artist only known as "Kizzy" holds up some of her work at the artists’ alley.
You cannot see who many people are because of the fur suits, however, there are a large number of Blacks involved in the con at all levels. An artist named “Kizzy” from Sacramento, Calif., was one of the hundreds of artist in what the con calls the Artists’ Alley which is a hall in the convention center set up for artists to draw characters and sell their work.
“Kizzy,” a 23-year-old African-American woman at Anthrocon for the first time says, “My friends said, ‘Hey, you draw and you draw pretty well and you like animals. Why not come down to this furry convention?” So I was a little freaked out by the costumes at some point but everybody here is so fun and nice and I love letting them see my art and seeing everyone else’s art was really amazing.”
Artist Cooper Bogan known as "Keyoki" working on some of her pieces.
Another African-American female artist, Cooper Bogan “Keyoki” who draws characters, designs and makes suits and has come to about five Anthrocons says, “There seems to be more families coming to cons and it is nice to see young people having fun with their families doing family activities and family bonding. You know, it is really nice to see.”
Artist Cooper Bogan known as "Keyoki" holds up one of her finished pieces she has drawn.
Kids with furry "Black Wolf" are, left: Henry, 5 years old, right, Jordan, 7 years old, and being held by "Black Wolf” is Alea Coleman, 4 years old. The kids are from Morningside.
Meri Ympyra, middle, with friends "Ollie", left, and "Quincy" acting playful and funny as they are in character.OH
JUST READ THE REST OF THE ARTICLE ON THE WEBSITE, IT'S LIKE 10 WHOLE PAGES -_-
Anthrocon: The furry Pittsburgh I never knew
http://www.chicagonow.com/listing-toward-forty/2013/07/anthrocon-furry-furries-pittsburgh/
By Kim Z Dale, Monday at 1:44 pm
Anthrocon is the world's largest convention for furries and their fans. Anthrocon is for people who love animal characters with human features and, more notoriously, people who like to dress like such animals. The Antrocon furry convention has been held in Pittsburgh since 2006. Sorry, Chicago. Anthrocon looks like much a lot more fun than our annual International Mister Leather conference. (Although I'm sure the IML participants would disagree.)
I was first introduced to the world of furries with the "Fur and Loathing" episode of CSI. At the time it was just another quirky story line on a guilty pleasure show. When the episode aired I was in Pittsburgh, and the furries were not. Well, I'm sure there were some, but there was no 1,000 person Anthrocon fursuit parade in which to see them.
In 2009 my best friend from high school told me she was going to Pittsburgh for something called "Anthrocon." Her husband, a comic book artist and animator, was an invited guest. When I got her message I was mostly disappointed about the fact that she'd be visiting Pittsburgh when I now lived in Chicago, but when I saw her pictures I was also disappointed for missing out on the furry spectacle of Anthrocon.Later that year I joined Twitter for the second time. (The first time I didn't "get" it.) One of the people I ended up following was @burghbaby. Her blog burghbaby.com is full of amazing pictures. Usually Michelle's photos are of her daughter, her pets, and delicious looking food, but once a year she posts many pictures of the furries of Anthrocon.
Anthrocon first came to Pittsburgh in 2006. I left Pittsburgh in 2005. Like Trader Joe's, Five Guys and Ethiopian food, Anthrocon is one more fun thing Pittsburgh has gotten since I left. If they'd just manage to get better public transportation and taxis that can actually be hailed they may lure me back. Until then I'll just experience Anthrocon vicariously though people like @burghbaby.
You can see more of Michelle's Anthrocon 2013 pictures here and here. Click around for her past years' pictures too.
A Modern Fable: Pirates and Furries Converge
http://6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/09/a-modern-fable-pirates-and-furries-converge/
I was in Pittsburgh over the Fourth of July weekend, walking along Penn Avenue in what is now called the “cultural district” of downtown. Having grown up in Pittsburgh in the 1970s, I was struck by two sights. First, an unusually large number of people wearing Pirates gear. The Pirates haven’t had a winning season since 1992, which happens to be the year after the team traded Barry Bonds. It seems like a lot longer since I’ve seen so many adults in Pirates jerseys and caps on the streets of Pittsburgh.
But amid the black and gold, I noticed a statistically significant number of people in full animal costumes. I’d see somebody dressed as a kind of space wolf on one street corner, then a minute later a woman with kitten ears and paws would pass by. I could only assume that they were part of a promotion at the Pirates game. Then I saw this lean, barfly-looking guy with a mildly disgusted look on his face, dressed all in black and threading his way through a throng of Pirates fans in front of a bar. I assumed he was going to get a beer, but he passed right by the pub. He was wearing a huge skunk tail that hung down to his ankles.
I saw another guy having a cigarette outside the convention center. He had fox ears, a matching tail and big fur boots, and I asked him what was going on. He told me he was in town for Anthrocon — a convention for fans of anthropomorphism, commonly known as furries.
It was a perfect alignment of misunderstood subcultures: Pirates fans and furries. The furries’ ascendancy seems the more assured of the two. Although the Pirates had the best record in baseball the weekend I was in Pittsburgh — which hasn’t happened this late in the summer since I can’t remember — Anthrocon was having its strongest convention ever, having grown to more than 5,000 furries since it started in Albany for a few hundred like-minded anthropomorphs in the late ’90s. This year, The Post-Gazette estimated, Anthrocon would bring an estimated $6.2 million to the city. The attendees would also try for the world record for the largest parade of people in fur suits.
I will admit to knowing little about the furries, though when I was there they seemed to be in a better collective mood than the Pirates fans. The Bucs, it must be noted, dropped two of three to the Phillies last weekend.
Watching You At Night
Smaller Totems is an on-line full-color graphic story created by Roby Duncan (writer) and Lewis Lain (illustrator). The concept is straightforward: What if the plushie animals we keep with us actually housed powerful spirits? And what if those spirits were tasked with protecting us from evil forces that try to bring us nightmares every night? Besides the main story, the creators also encourage readers to send in pictures of their favorite plushies and any stories associated with them — you might just get them put into the comic’s storyline. Check it out on-line at their web site.
image c. 2013 smallertotems.com
At what point is a good time to get into fursuiting?
Hello fuzzies!
I have a question for y'all. Basically, I am in love with fursuits, fursuiters, etc, etc, and I really want to get into it. The "problem" (and thus point of this post) is that I have only just recently found the fandom within the last couple months or so. Basically, I have heard some of the members, who have been involved longer in our local fur group, talk about new furs wanting suits as some kind of joke, something like "oh, you've been here for 2 months and you want a suit? ha, good luck with that."
I'm torn because I know what the answer should be. I shouldn't care what they think and do what I want to do with it. I know I'll love it, I love the performing, and the smiles it brings to people, and I want to do that.
What's holding me back is that I don't want people to look down on my character because they have some stigma about me getting into it too early. I want people to love my character...
So what do you all think? Am I over-analyzing this (probably)? Has anyone else encountered this kind of thing?
submitted by fursuitsRkewl[link] [24 comments]
"The Anthrocon 2013 Piano Man" summary (if anyone has videos of the event, please post!)
Made my first yarn tail! (Technically incomplete but I have no intention of using this one. Just a "I wonder if I can do it" thing.)
Thinking about making an image with 3D models but don't know what program to use...advice?
I was thinking of trying G-mod but I don't have the slightest idea of how to use it...but I've seen some good stuff made with it.
There is also people who make furry models in Second life but that's not really what Im going for...
Does anyone know a good program that I can use?
submitted by the_bi_lizard[link] [7 comments]
Looking for an artist
I posted a little challenge on fchan a while ago, sadly my comment was accidentally deleted. I was wondering if anybody knew who the artist of the response I got might be.
The response I got back: (NSFW) http://fchan.us/src/m_1371701540132_immediatecum.jpg
submitted by Qaz81[link] [comment]
Is anyone interested in a furry minecraft server?
I have a server I set up a while ago for the UKFur forum, but I never really got much of a response. I'm desperately looking for players :)
The server is totally vanilla, no plugins or anything (but there is an hourly backup)
Rules are fairly lax, pretty much no hate speak and no greifing.
I do host the server myself, and I'm in the UK so for you non-UK furs it might be a tiny bit laggy, but you're still welcome to come on and try the server!
If you do want to play, just send me a message with your Minecraft Username and I'll whitelist you and give you the server address!
Thanks!
submitted by beboshoulddie[link] [19 comments]
Need some Help...
I'm really interested in creating a fursona for myself, but I'm not very good at drawing. Does anyone know a furry creator game or a Deviant Artist who takes requests?
submitted by captaintaco2345[link] [4 comments]
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/AcWG0q4.jpg){kind=link}
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/mvvy91v.jpg){kind=link}
