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Furry Reddit - Sat 27 Jul 2013 - 14:45
Categories: News

Online Relationships

Love ◦  Sex ◦  Fur - Sat 27 Jul 2013 - 13:00

A version of this article originally appeared on [adjective][species] in December, 2011. It has been updated and edited to better fit LSF.

I spent a night a while back cooking dinner for my fiancé (now husband), who was sick with the flu and a sinus infection. Though I was either cooking or working, we had a few moments of banality together, talking about work or taking NyQuil for the night. Eventually, I sent him to bed before he could start another TV show; I was feeling jealous that I was working so much and he had taken the day off. We said our goodnights and our I-love-yous, and he left to go lay down. As he did so, I was immediately struck by how weird the whole evening was to me, then fascinated that such would be the case. The whole night was totally mundane, as are so many others, but it took place in person: something relatively unique to me and seemingly uncommon in the circles in which I hang out in the fandom. Even all of my relationships that weren\’t strictly based online still had some interaction in that arena, and I think there are a few good reasons for this.

Furry is really important to me. Like, really, really important. I\’ve thoroughly entrenched myself in the fandom, have lived it for more than a decade, and relish every moment of my interactions with it. That\’s the whole reason I started these projects, really: the act of writing helps me understand what this is and why it\’s important to me, and the act of sharing what I write is one way that I feel I can give back to the community that has meant so much to me. I\’ve written about a lot, lately, and I feel that my topics have been fairly diverse, but not without their common threads. Of course, there\’s the difference between how we feel and how we act, and the importance of a character separate from our selves, but what I think is the most important attribute of our fandom is the way we interact and the relationships we form with each other in the context of furry. There is a reason that the most-used tag on [a][s] is the \”social interaction\” tag. Second to that is, of course, \”Internet\”, and the obvious combination of the two leads us to online relationships – that is, dating – which play an outsized role in our community.

I am no stranger to online relationships. Far from it, in fact: I think I can say that my online relationships outnumber my in-person relationships two or even three to one. One of the big draws to having a relationship online in a culture that is based in large part on the Internet is that you gain the advantage of the selection bias: by interacting in a primarily furry setting, you have at your disposal for potential partners primarily furries. A good part of a relationship lies in having a good deal in common with your partner, and that is handily built into the fandom. You likely have a group of people with similar levels of technological aptitude, a ready-made shared interest in anthropomorphics, and you don’t have to explain your activities to your partner. That you share this ahead of time makes a good case for dating within the fandom. It\’s simply easier, perhaps healthier to be in a relationship with another furry.

I went through a relationship with a non-furry a few years ago, and while I cared for my partner deeply, there was always this thing we could never quite share. It\’s not that we didn\’t have other things in common, nor that we didn\’t talk about furry. It was that there was this bond that I shared with other people that I could just never share with her, not without her becoming a part of the fandom, which is something I could never force her to do and she did not seem interested in doing on her own. I still care for her and do miss some aspects of going out with a non-fur: particularly, I miss the fact that it often caused me to step back and take a look at the things that I was doing or saying or thinking as part of this subculture from and outside perspective. While I\’ve always considered myself a fairly introspective person, I can honestly say that this was probably the first time that I had started to really look into what furry meant to me, particularly because either it or my relationship was on the line. The relationship didn\’t last and was probably never meant to, with this and other differences keeping us apart.

Another thing that that relationship lacked was not only the interaction between the two parties on a personal level, but interaction on a character level. Even though JD and I rarely talk online (he’s a terrible speller – sorry hon!), we still have this multi-layered relationship that may be essential for a couple within the fandom. For furries, you have to interact well as a couple not only on a personal level, but as characters and vice versa, and this is one of the reasons several of my other relationships did not work out quite as well as either party had hoped. Although things may have been spectacular or mind blowing online, you’re just not really an eFox or iWolf in person (well…probably). Species aside, our characters are very much front-stage constructs, in the Erving Goffman sense. We build up these characters to emphasize or even take on attributes that may be lacking in us, and that\’s what helps to make them a separate entity from our true self. It\’s amazing to think back on all of the wonderful times I have had over the years in the relationships I\’ve been a part of and realize that, when thought of that way, it\’s like watching two people completely separate from ourselves fall in love: my iFox to your eWhatever, and you and I are only the narrators, or perhaps the readers of a story.

More than just these separate aspects of our personas, however, are the barriers inherent in online interaction, particularly in a furry setting. The best, and also quite possibly the worst thing about online interaction is that, being primarily text based, you have the ability to construct your avatar moreso than usual. You have the ability to reread what you\’re about to say, and the ability to build a reply that is carefully designed with the other party in mind. It comes as a shock interacting with someone in real life after having only had the ability to interact with them online for so long. This is, of course, especially true when there are additional levels of fantasy involved in your interactions, one of the most salient (non-species) examples being gender play: not only are you constructing your front-stage avatar with this additional type of foresight, but you are changing a very basic fact about yourself in the process. Gender roles are complicated things that have their tie-ins even with role-play online as animal people, and when those roles are inverted or otherwise changed between the two settings of online and off, the interaction between the parties of the relationship is put at risk. Even so, it\’s important to have that interaction between both character and self within the relationship in both contexts. James is still my dog, and I\’m still his…whatever species I am that day, even though we\’re both grown man-shapes working our day jobs and taking care of each other when we get sick.

All of this relies on technology, though. It relies on the fact that we, as a group, tend to be some fairly tech-savvy people. We are some pretty tech-literate folk, and that just adds to our relationships with each other. It takes a certain type of willingness to embed a portion of our lives in this thin layer of technology that hovers over, beneath, and through everything else, and a certain type of person to find the thought of that enjoyable as compared to perhaps going out to a bar in an attempt to pick up a date.

This is not to say that we\’re all nerds or anything. In fact, I\’m pretty sure that much of the stigma that affects \”nerds\” outside the fandom translates to within it as well. Rather, we are a group of people that has embraced the technology around us and made it part of our lives, even if we don\’t necessarily know, or even care how it works. We may not always be cutting edge, but we are contemporary with our generations, and maybe even a little ahead of the game, in general, and that may just serve as the basis for much of the social interaction within our subculture, and the relationships within that, taking at least second-seat to our interest in anthropomorphising animals.

I should emphasize that I am hardly against online relationships in any way, given my history and current situation. In the long run, I feel that I am who I am today in large part because of them. The way I work has shifted with my circumstances, and though I don\’t really take part in all that I used to, that\’s still a big part of who I am. I\’m one of those \”all experiences are beneficial\” foxes. I think that any chance we, as furries, get to share in the closeness of our bonds to each other and our characters\’ relationships is worth taking, for sure. Online relationships have become almost an integral part of our fandom and it would be strange to see the culture without them in the fore. Love itself is too big a topic for a lay-fox like myself to even begin to comprehend; I\’m simply glad that I had and have the chance to experience so much of it with such an awesome crowd, both on the \’net and off.

Categories: News

????!! (There She Is!!)

Furry Reddit - Sat 27 Jul 2013 - 03:12
Categories: News

Scouting

Furry Reddit - Sat 27 Jul 2013 - 02:22
Categories: News

Lookin for a custom Antro for me

Furry Reddit - Sat 27 Jul 2013 - 02:09

i need someone to make an anthro for myself if you can help me please message me?

submitted by GriffinMan101
[link] [3 comments]
Categories: News

KnotCast: Episode 226 – A Quickie

Furry News Network - Fri 26 Jul 2013 - 23:38
Author: KnotCast@foxstuffers.com This week on Knotcast, Savrin and Shiva are a duo as Fuzz is out sick from some long-tail Anthrocon Con Crud. We catch up on the last few weeks of our lives and tackle a small handful of emails. Use our coupon code ‘knot’ at AdamEve.com for a great deal! Episode 226 – [...] KnotCast: Episode 226 – A Quickie
Categories: News

Need help on colors...

Furry Reddit - Fri 26 Jul 2013 - 19:48
Categories: News

Looking for a good fursuit maker that designs a good Ferret head for a full suit.

Furry Reddit - Fri 26 Jul 2013 - 16:06

Just looking for some info pics and links to a good maker. Because what i can see some are good with some types of animals not much others..

submitted by IronFox1288
[link] [4 comments]
Categories: News

Episode 25: Striker left alone with a guita

Claws & Convo - Fri 26 Jul 2013 - 15:58
Striker is left alone with his guitar.
[video coming soon...]

Furries at SF Pride
http://www.flayrah.com/5123/furries-san-francisco-pride-2013

Musical Russion Furry Foundation releases compilation
http://www.flayrah.com/5173/musical-russian-furry-foundation-releases-2012-compilation

Categories: Podcasts

THIS IS THUNDER

Furry Reddit - Fri 26 Jul 2013 - 14:37
Categories: News

'Murica

Furry Reddit - Fri 26 Jul 2013 - 14:19
Categories: News

Portal badge for FA:U from Unyko

Furry Reddit - Fri 26 Jul 2013 - 12:08
Categories: News

What Is the "True" Definition of Otherkin and Therian?

Ask Papabear - Fri 26 Jul 2013 - 11:01
Hi Mr. Bear,

I'm looking to get a better knowledge of the Otherkin / Therian groups. 

The main issues is all info I've found are basically just pieces of other "religions / way of thought" that are twisted to fit in the context.

I know your Paganist therefore I'm pretty sure you'll understand my "request."

I would like to know if you are aware of any site / forum / FB group that have information's about Therian and/or Otherkins that is just not Twisted info from other believes systems.

Or are they just that, an amalgam of other believes "twisted" into something "new"?

Thank you to have too the time to my question.

Best regards,

Anonymous

* * *

Greetings,

I signed you as “Anonymous” to protect your identity more than just your fursona name because I want to respond to your letter on the website. 

Papabear hears you saying that you are searching for what is the “ultimate” truth or definition of a Therian and for Otherkin because the sites you are finding on the Web are “twisted” to fit the perspective, I suppose, of each particular site’s creator.

This might be news to you, hon, but all belief systems are “twisted” to fit the views of those who create them. Whether you are talking about a religion, a philosophy, or a belief in elves or werewolves or, as I believe, a spiritual connection to them, these are all worldviews that come from us and, therefore, are all “twisted” based upon our experiences and our character.

Papabear’s understanding, when it comes to Otherkin, is that they believe they harbor the spirits of elves or fairies, or sometimes creatures like dragons or demons, that have originated from another world or parallel universe (well, that is one interpretation; there are others, probably); and Therians believe they can, in some manner, transform into another creature, sometimes physically, sometimes spiritually/mentally, depending on what they are, or simply that they, too, harbor the spirit of an animal within them, but these animals are based on creatures we see in this world, such as wolves or bears, instead of “mythological” beings. Some Therians believe in the idea that one can become a Therian and others believe you are born Therian. A better explanation can be found in the excellent Wikifur website at http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Otherkin. Even within the Otherkin and the Therian communities, there is debate about what it means to be an Otherkin or Therian; some people even say there is no big difference between the two (Granny Smith vs. Fuji Apples, instead of apples vs. oranges). 

In short, you will never find an ultimate truth about either one because there is none. This is not an atypical phenomenon in our world, either. People seem intent upon dividing themselves into every more individuated groups based upon their interpretations. That’s why, for example, the Christian Church divided into Catholics and Protestants, and then the Protestants further divided themselves into various denominations ad infinauseum.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it is a good thing that people keep wondering about their world and coming up with new ways to try to understand it. This indicates a dynamic search for the Truth rather than a stagnant one. If you are a seeker of Truth, it would benefit you to learn about all of these schools of thought and then, once you have gathered the information, consider it carefully and draw your own conclusions. 

Remember, a well-considered and hard-earned belief system is better than a belief system that is simply parroted based upon what others have told you to believe. The information you get from books or the Web or from listening to others speak is the brick and mortar you can use to construct your own faith and philosophy. Some bricks you will find good and solid (e.g., The Golden Rule), while others you may wish to discard (e.g., priests can earn money, nuns cannot). The structure you may build might even have to be torn down once or twice and rebuilt again and again until you are happy with the results. (Then, as they say in my corner of the world, “It’s time to decorate!” JK)

So, no, Papabear does not know of any website that will satisfy your question about Otherkin and Therians. What is beautiful is you have the power inside you to discover your own truth.

Hugs,

Papabear