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In 2016 Disney is going to be releasing a new movie with anthro animals, current working title 'Zootopia'
Categories: News
Death Should Teach Her There Is More to Life Than a GPA
Greetings, Papa Bear!
I stumbled across your site while browsing Fur Affinity and have been reading the letters here for about an hour or so now. After some examination I've decided I'd like to ask a question, and hope you can offer me some advice. Typically, I'd ask my mother or counselor, but I don't want to for personal reasons.
Let me inform you of a few things to get started. First, I'm a female furry [my peers and teachers do not know I am such, but that doesn't concern me] going into eleventh grade this September. I absolutely adore my school and its staff, and the adoration goes both ways, thankfully. I'm very well known and a lot is expected of me—when I'm not trying, my work is above average, and when I am I pass easily into superior levels. Teachers and principals think I'm some sort of genius, but at the same time, consider me an “old soul” for whatever reason.
I haven't really been in school for the past year, however. My father, whom I was very close to, passed away due to lung cancer. This was back in October of 2012. I watched for about a year, give or take, as he fell away into nothing and died. I don't mean for the theatrics, but that does something to a person, no matter their age. I have no regrets on that regard; I even spoke at his funeral without breaking down in the middle of what I was saying.
I consider myself to be a very powerful and strong person; however, here within does the issue lie. No matter what I—or others—think of me, my emotions are worn on my sleeve.
So enough battering around, I ought to ask my question already.
Papa Bear, I'm not very good with my own age group. I've recently gone through an awful experience and missed quite a lot. Now, I have to return to a school—albeit one I absolutely adore—full of kids I never fit quite right with. I have no friend group, only a single friend who I occasionally tag along with. Always have I ended up making myself look like someone to be revered; I demanded the respect of my peers and fancied myself better than them because of praise listed above. I've been marked as prude and snobbish, something I only inflicted on myself.
I'm rambling again, forgive me. When I return to school, what should I do? It'll be like entering it for the first time as far as other students go—almost. I don't want to be questioned about my absence the year prior though it's likely inevitable. I'm still grieving. I don't want the world expected of me by my teachers. I want to be able to move on and make friends, but not risk being hurt, which leaves me going in circles leading to nowhere.
How do I move on when my peers see me one way, though my recent experiences have changed me so much?
I'm really sorry for the long letter and hope it makes sense. I also apologize for the lack of "furry" this letter holds. Thank you for reading and replying, I'm very grateful for it.
Sincerely,
Cass
* * *
Hi, Cass,
Papabear is sorry for the loss of your father; I lost mine to bone cancer, and it was, to say the least, horrifying to watch him in his last days. It’s okay if this letter is not directly related to furry, specifically; it’s about life, so it is relevant to everyone.
Yes, your letter is a bit rambling, so let me see if the ol’ bear has this straight. You had been a high achiever in school, and then your father became very ill and you left school to be with him (I’m guessing you set up some home-schooling option in the meantime, as you are required by law to stay in school until a certain age—depending on the state—unless you have permission from your parent or guardian to drop out). Now you are returning to the same school and, since you are quite bright, expect to return to your former pattern of academic success. It sounds like, before you left, you may have had trouble making friends and now, upon your return, expect the situation to be exacerbated by your long absence and renewed feelings of alienation because of your experience with death and the fact you were out of touch for so long. So, how to make friends again, yes?
In a way, your absence may work to your advantage because you have an opportunity to recreate yourself into a more relatable person for your peers. In the past, because of your intelligence, you related more to the adults at the school. Also, you evidently enjoyed being admired by the students for your academic achievement—indeed, you state you demanded their respect. However, this likely also alienated them from you, and you are insightful enough to recognize that you perhaps deserved the labels of “prude” and “snob.” You don’t want to come across like Sheldon Cooper (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hm87ZLMMFss).
It is time for you to adjust your attitude if you wish to make lasting friendships. The loss of your father could help by putting things into perspective as to what is important in life. When the time comes for you—as it does for all of us—to move on and leave this world behind, would you like to be remembered as the intelligent woman who was revered by her peers but died without gaining their hearts, or would you rather be remembered as a kind and loving person who gave of herself in order to make the world a better place?
You have been given the gift of an intelligent mind, but what is the purpose of intelligence? Should it be worshipped by others who are not as smart? Should you be put on a pedestal because you get good grades?
I am reminded of the story of Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe (based on an old story and one with which you might be familiar). Faustus makes a deal with the devil: he gives Satan his soul and, in exchange, receives the knowledge of the universe. Instead of doing something good with this knowledge, he becomes a show off, wowing people with what, to them, are incredible magic tricks in order to gain their admiration. Wasting his gift, he refuses to repent and is taken off to Hell by play’s end.
Like Faustus, your intelligence is (though less demonically) a gift. It was not given to you so that you may strut around and feel important in comparison to your teenaged peers. It was given to you so that you might do something good in the world. Everything that we have in this world is given to us, including our brains and our lives—they are all on loan. The only thing that is truly ours is the spirit within us that gives us the ability of free choice, gives us our character.
Who you are, therefore, is not determined by your intelligence, Cass, but by your choices in how to use that intelligence. If you use it merely to gain attention and praise, then you are not really the admirable person you wish to be; if you use it to help others, then you will become a person worthy of true respect and friendship.
One way to achieve the latter would be to become a tutor. Since school is so easy for you, you can use the extra time you don’t need for studying to help other people who need it. Talk to your school and explore ways that you can help. There may be other opportunities at your school, too, where you can help others.
In doing this, you will reinvent your image and people will see you as a kind person who has changed since she was last at school. You will also interact with more people as you get involved in tutoring in other activities, which will likely lead to friendships. Finally, doing this type of work can help you, personally, because when you start applying to universities you can list it in your application. Universities are more likely to admit students who have well-rounded high school experiences that deal with more than just academic achievement.
As for the last part of your letter, I am not really sure why you think you are at risk of being hurt. If people ask you about your absence, tell them what happened. You were taking care of your father during his final months. If anything, this will get you much sympathy from your peers. Allow others to express their sympathy, thank them kindly, and tell them that you will be okay and that you have grown because of the experience.
Hopefully, that is true. There is a lot more to life than getting A’s on high school tests.
I wish you luck,
Papabear
I stumbled across your site while browsing Fur Affinity and have been reading the letters here for about an hour or so now. After some examination I've decided I'd like to ask a question, and hope you can offer me some advice. Typically, I'd ask my mother or counselor, but I don't want to for personal reasons.
Let me inform you of a few things to get started. First, I'm a female furry [my peers and teachers do not know I am such, but that doesn't concern me] going into eleventh grade this September. I absolutely adore my school and its staff, and the adoration goes both ways, thankfully. I'm very well known and a lot is expected of me—when I'm not trying, my work is above average, and when I am I pass easily into superior levels. Teachers and principals think I'm some sort of genius, but at the same time, consider me an “old soul” for whatever reason.
I haven't really been in school for the past year, however. My father, whom I was very close to, passed away due to lung cancer. This was back in October of 2012. I watched for about a year, give or take, as he fell away into nothing and died. I don't mean for the theatrics, but that does something to a person, no matter their age. I have no regrets on that regard; I even spoke at his funeral without breaking down in the middle of what I was saying.
I consider myself to be a very powerful and strong person; however, here within does the issue lie. No matter what I—or others—think of me, my emotions are worn on my sleeve.
So enough battering around, I ought to ask my question already.
Papa Bear, I'm not very good with my own age group. I've recently gone through an awful experience and missed quite a lot. Now, I have to return to a school—albeit one I absolutely adore—full of kids I never fit quite right with. I have no friend group, only a single friend who I occasionally tag along with. Always have I ended up making myself look like someone to be revered; I demanded the respect of my peers and fancied myself better than them because of praise listed above. I've been marked as prude and snobbish, something I only inflicted on myself.
I'm rambling again, forgive me. When I return to school, what should I do? It'll be like entering it for the first time as far as other students go—almost. I don't want to be questioned about my absence the year prior though it's likely inevitable. I'm still grieving. I don't want the world expected of me by my teachers. I want to be able to move on and make friends, but not risk being hurt, which leaves me going in circles leading to nowhere.
How do I move on when my peers see me one way, though my recent experiences have changed me so much?
I'm really sorry for the long letter and hope it makes sense. I also apologize for the lack of "furry" this letter holds. Thank you for reading and replying, I'm very grateful for it.
Sincerely,
Cass
* * *
Hi, Cass,
Papabear is sorry for the loss of your father; I lost mine to bone cancer, and it was, to say the least, horrifying to watch him in his last days. It’s okay if this letter is not directly related to furry, specifically; it’s about life, so it is relevant to everyone.
Yes, your letter is a bit rambling, so let me see if the ol’ bear has this straight. You had been a high achiever in school, and then your father became very ill and you left school to be with him (I’m guessing you set up some home-schooling option in the meantime, as you are required by law to stay in school until a certain age—depending on the state—unless you have permission from your parent or guardian to drop out). Now you are returning to the same school and, since you are quite bright, expect to return to your former pattern of academic success. It sounds like, before you left, you may have had trouble making friends and now, upon your return, expect the situation to be exacerbated by your long absence and renewed feelings of alienation because of your experience with death and the fact you were out of touch for so long. So, how to make friends again, yes?
In a way, your absence may work to your advantage because you have an opportunity to recreate yourself into a more relatable person for your peers. In the past, because of your intelligence, you related more to the adults at the school. Also, you evidently enjoyed being admired by the students for your academic achievement—indeed, you state you demanded their respect. However, this likely also alienated them from you, and you are insightful enough to recognize that you perhaps deserved the labels of “prude” and “snob.” You don’t want to come across like Sheldon Cooper (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hm87ZLMMFss).
It is time for you to adjust your attitude if you wish to make lasting friendships. The loss of your father could help by putting things into perspective as to what is important in life. When the time comes for you—as it does for all of us—to move on and leave this world behind, would you like to be remembered as the intelligent woman who was revered by her peers but died without gaining their hearts, or would you rather be remembered as a kind and loving person who gave of herself in order to make the world a better place?
You have been given the gift of an intelligent mind, but what is the purpose of intelligence? Should it be worshipped by others who are not as smart? Should you be put on a pedestal because you get good grades?
I am reminded of the story of Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe (based on an old story and one with which you might be familiar). Faustus makes a deal with the devil: he gives Satan his soul and, in exchange, receives the knowledge of the universe. Instead of doing something good with this knowledge, he becomes a show off, wowing people with what, to them, are incredible magic tricks in order to gain their admiration. Wasting his gift, he refuses to repent and is taken off to Hell by play’s end.
Like Faustus, your intelligence is (though less demonically) a gift. It was not given to you so that you may strut around and feel important in comparison to your teenaged peers. It was given to you so that you might do something good in the world. Everything that we have in this world is given to us, including our brains and our lives—they are all on loan. The only thing that is truly ours is the spirit within us that gives us the ability of free choice, gives us our character.
Who you are, therefore, is not determined by your intelligence, Cass, but by your choices in how to use that intelligence. If you use it merely to gain attention and praise, then you are not really the admirable person you wish to be; if you use it to help others, then you will become a person worthy of true respect and friendship.
One way to achieve the latter would be to become a tutor. Since school is so easy for you, you can use the extra time you don’t need for studying to help other people who need it. Talk to your school and explore ways that you can help. There may be other opportunities at your school, too, where you can help others.
In doing this, you will reinvent your image and people will see you as a kind person who has changed since she was last at school. You will also interact with more people as you get involved in tutoring in other activities, which will likely lead to friendships. Finally, doing this type of work can help you, personally, because when you start applying to universities you can list it in your application. Universities are more likely to admit students who have well-rounded high school experiences that deal with more than just academic achievement.
As for the last part of your letter, I am not really sure why you think you are at risk of being hurt. If people ask you about your absence, tell them what happened. You were taking care of your father during his final months. If anything, this will get you much sympathy from your peers. Allow others to express their sympathy, thank them kindly, and tell them that you will be okay and that you have grown because of the experience.
Hopefully, that is true. There is a lot more to life than getting A’s on high school tests.
I wish you luck,
Papabear
Designed my male fursona. What do you think?
Categories: News
Woodblock Artist Creates Fighting Game with Furry Flair
Not long ago artist Jed Henry created posted Japanese wood block paintings of various Nintendo characters. Later on he teamed up with wood block print artist David Bull for a kickstarted page to create actual prints of his work which had a very successful Kickstarter campaign. Now Jed has taken things a step further by creating a fighting game using the Japanese wood block style. "Edo Superstar" is a fighting game that is being developed for iOS and Android platforms specifically for use with touch controls. Unlike most games on these devices there will be no virtual controls instead the player simply interacts with the characters themselves.
Categories: News
Chatzy party! Come join!
It's pretty chill, yiff allowed. http://us10.chatzy.com/27057752938358
submitted by Megdadragon[link] [1 comment]
Categories: News
Dragons Help You Learn
Jump Start is a creative company best known for designing and developing games that help to teach young children the basics of reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic. Since 1991 they’ve released several lines of teaching games under the banners of Jump Start and Math Blaster. More recently though, Jump Start has hitched up with Dreamworks Animation to create a new line of teaching software and on-line games based on the Madagascar series of animated movies. Yes, kids even learn from the penguins! The first release is called Madagascar Preschool Surf n Slide. Even more recently, there’s a new line of on-line games based on How to Train Your Dragon called School of Dragons. Check it all out at the Jump Start web site.
image c. 2013 Jump Start, Dreamworks Animation
Categories: News
I guess I won't be sleeping tonight...
Categories: News
Furry Needs to Reconnect After Being Under His Parents' Thumbs
Um... Hello Papabear,
I've never done an online advice thing like this before so putting myself out there like this is kind of unnerving, but hear me out anyway alright? Basically, I am pretty typical in the furry world, but not so much anywhere else. I have been interested in the furry fandom since just before high school and have been involved in it with relatively low activity for all of high school. A few years prior to this, though, I discovered on a few accounts my interest in men. I never really had an internal conflict or whatever at this point since it was pretty much just a sexual desire paired with something I knew would never be accepted where I live. Of course, in terms of how it affected me, it just meant I was honest with myself when experimenting with things online such as pornography and sexual urges. I didn't really feel the need to ever be coaxed out of the closet at all until the furry fandom came along and treated me as an equal per se.
I just sort of found out about it all through random keywords appearing in random internet jokes, such as yiff, fetish, etc. When looking into things further, I found out about the chat rooms on deviantart.com which eventually led to me making a good number of friends that I talked to quite regularly and even a 2 month internet boyfriend. Since I couldn't fully be myself at school at the time, I would come home to talk to them and often enjoy some casual role play and yiff whenever. However, these habits were sort of forced out of me the following year, considering I applied and was accepted into a boarding school where school would keep me busy for my last three years of school (I just graduated in May). While I did learn to experiment sexually in my comfort zone at school (boys' dorm) with others as opposed to from behind a computer screen, I lost the vital connections I had with internet friends I used to vent everything to. I did make some fun friends at boarding school, but through various situations, very few of them stuck around in the end, so the end of my senior year often felt lonely at times.
Keep in mind, I was able to come out during my sophomore year at my school, but after the hype and extravagance of coming out of the closet wore off, people weren't really so interested in me. It's worth mentioning that during the summer between my sophomore and junior years after having just come out at school, I ended up attempting to come out to my parents as well. This, of course, didn't go well at all. They didn't get that mad, but they were firm in their beliefs of right and wrong and more or less just said that they didn't believe me. So, there was a long period of being cut off from all communication with the outside world and long Jesus talks followed by anti-gay counseling, which didn't last long anyways because I had to return to school for the following school year.
At first, I went along with the whole trying to turn my life around thing, but I just ended up hating myself more and more because of it. I remembered how much I wanted to get out of the rigid tradition of the South that had always been forced on me. Essentially, my parents had originally presented my options as "change" or forget about any further financial support (i.e. college) from them in the future. In fact, I almost wasn't allowed to return to my school the next year because I had to also admit that I had been sexually active there. Other measures taken were to try to monitor my computer more closely and shut off the internet at a certain time at night while I was at home. In fact, that cut-off rule is still in place most of the time while I'm at home these days. Additionally, my mom is always on Facebook and if I add any new friends or join any kinds of groups (furry or not), she pretty much gets a notification right away. (When I was living away at school, she would sometimes call and yell at me simply because she did not like the content of my status update, albeit I have always refrained from public use of directly inappropriate content and profanity on account of my other family members seeing.)
The fact is, my parents don't trust me. I don't really blame them. I wouldn't trust me either at this point. In their rigid view of what is right and wrong, going online to meet people for even the most casual of conversations is just wrong and creepy. I know that they love me a lot, but they completely block out any ideas of me being interested in men at all and always point out the appeal of my various female friends as if nothing ever happened. They obviously don't know about the furry fandom or anything so attempting to frequent websites like deviantart or FurAffinity is always risky. My room is positioned so that they could walk in at any moment and see what I'm doing online or not. Thankfully, I'll be moving away to college soon, but there are still some problems.
First off, my experience with general "LGBT community" groups apart from furries hasn't been very positive. They are usually based around a specific friend group and they are interested in more campy, typical gay things. I found that I felt almost as invisible as I was at my old school before I had ever come out in the first place... That being said, I feel more at home as an individual with furries and online geek groups where it isn't so much about what sexual label we wear as it is about what we are interested in, sexual or not. I've become a huge fan of various furry artists and have even had a few requests done. I absolutely love anthro characters and quickly formulated my own fursona (I have always been cuddly so my close relatives always called me "Bear") and subscribed to get the latest info on what was going on in the fandom. It is my dream to go to Anthrocon as well and I have at least 20 albums from furry/chiptunes artists like Renard from lapfoxtrax.com loaded on my iPod and can't seem to get enough. I really do love everything about it. I feel that since I have been able to at least chat with some people, I was able to expand my horizons and learn about other ways of life. "Furry" for me was more about a collective psychology based on the ideas of trying to be ironically more human(e) towards one another. Granted, with a love of animals and fantasy characters, the actual animal part of it all came naturally too. It is complicated and not exactly something I'd want to explain to anyone unless they had a similar positive experience with the fandom. (That rules out my parents.)
Anyways, here is my primary dilemma. As I mentioned before, the friends I had online have kinda been separated over time and I've lost contact with all but one of them. With my parents being so invasive as well as demanding to read my texts sometimes, it has pushed away even some of my IRL friends. They say that they are afraid to text me because my parents don't respect my privacy. Then again, they feel justified because I'm wrong anyway. Essentially, I want to get out and go to furry conventions and live it up and have friends to go to these events with and have fun, but right now I just don't have any. I'll be attending the University of Alabama, but I don't know of any resources or furmeets or anything that I could hook into there. I just want to get my feet rooted back in the things I have neglected through high school or have lost contact with. I owe it to myself after working so hard to experiment with relationships I feel comfortable and open in as opposed to just sleeping around in a dormitory. I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that I miss the companionship and feeling like I was a part of a more open "family."
I moved away from most of my relatives due to my dad's job at a young age, so at home it is just me and my parents. (My brother recently moved out after graduating college with a bachelor's degree.) The prime opportunity to connect with furries in real life and online once again would be when I'm in college and available to do more on my own, after all, and I don't want to wait until I'm old and gray to get back in either. So, could you help direct me to some way of meeting fellow furries in my area for the sake of going to cons together as well as getting started as a more active member of the fandom as a whole? I was never good at making art or music, but I want to be more involved somehow. I think I will finally have the wiggle room to do something about this when I'm living at my apartment in college. At least, that's what I'm hoping for...
Thanks Papa. I hope this wasn't too long or boring!
Sincerely,
Tony the fellow bear
P.S. Any advice about dealing with invasive parents is welcome as well.
* * *
Dear Tony,
My goodness, I hope that writing that letter was a good catharsis for you. And I am sorry that your parents are so oppressive and cannot accept you for you. Unfortunately, that attitude is a lot more common in the world than it should be. They don’t realize that constantly monitoring your behavior and controlling you is damaging their relationship with their son. They also don’t realize that, by doing this, they are doing nothing that is going to change who you are. It just doesn’t work that way. Makes about as much sense as forcing one’s 5-foot-tall son to shoot hoops every day in the hopes that he will eventually become an NBA superstar.
Really, your only hope, when it comes to your parents, is to become independent of them so that they can no longer control you, which is what college will help you do. Keep your head low until you can finish a degree and get your first job. After that, be an example to your parents that you are a good, hard-working man and that being gay is just one aspect of who you are. Depending on their mindset, and the size of their hearts, it should eventually dawn on them that they should love you no matter your sexual orientation. If their hearts never open up, then that is just a tragedy, but you will need to recognize that it is not a reflection upon you but upon their lack of character, sorry to say.
Some quick (and rather sneaky) advice on getting around your parents’ invasiveness: buy your own laptop (you can get very good ones for about $260 these days, which still blows my mind) so you don’t have to worry about any parental controls or spying programs they may have installed on the computer you currently use, and open up new accounts on your favorite sites. Meanwhile, keep your old accounts—the ones your parents have access to—open and occasionally post benign messages there. Essentially, the old accounts become decoys.
Is this all lying to your parents? Yes, it is. But it’s not lying to them because you are doing drugs, getting drunk, and committing crimes; it’s lying to them because they have judged and sentenced you to their own kind of prison when you have done nothing wrong. Denying someone the right to be him- or herself is, to my mind, one of the worst things you can do to another human being, especially when it is perpetrated against one’s own child.
So, you are off to the University of Alabama. Let’s see what’s in your neck of the woods *flips through his furry black book.* Well, of course, there is Rocket City Furmeet in Huntsville. The 2013 convention was postponed until 2014 because the organizers couldn’t find a hotel, but they are working on it. And to start getting in touch with nearby furries, I would suggest you join Bamafurs at http://www.bamafurs.org. Their website has great forums and boards where you can discover all the events around the state.
I love how you said “I owe it to myself” to get “my feet rooted back in the things I have neglected.” That shows Papabear you have not allowed your experience with your parents to beat down your spirit. YES! You DO owe it to yourself to be who you want to be and pursue the friendships and experiences you want to pursue. With an attitude like that, Papabear has great confidence that you will do just that.
Now what you have to eliminate is any remaining guilt. That whole line where you say “I don’t really blame them” for not trusting you? Drop that crap. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have no obligation to uphold their oppressive standards of behavior if you do not believe in them. There is nothing morally wrong about being gay or bi or whatever, nor is there anything wrong with being a furry. Heck, even the Pope himself recently said he didn’t have the right to judge gay people.
Work and study hard. Have the courage to be yourself. Be a good person, treat others with kindness, and you will have a good life.
And look for the paw prints in the path before you, and your spirit bear will show you the way.
Papabear
I've never done an online advice thing like this before so putting myself out there like this is kind of unnerving, but hear me out anyway alright? Basically, I am pretty typical in the furry world, but not so much anywhere else. I have been interested in the furry fandom since just before high school and have been involved in it with relatively low activity for all of high school. A few years prior to this, though, I discovered on a few accounts my interest in men. I never really had an internal conflict or whatever at this point since it was pretty much just a sexual desire paired with something I knew would never be accepted where I live. Of course, in terms of how it affected me, it just meant I was honest with myself when experimenting with things online such as pornography and sexual urges. I didn't really feel the need to ever be coaxed out of the closet at all until the furry fandom came along and treated me as an equal per se.
I just sort of found out about it all through random keywords appearing in random internet jokes, such as yiff, fetish, etc. When looking into things further, I found out about the chat rooms on deviantart.com which eventually led to me making a good number of friends that I talked to quite regularly and even a 2 month internet boyfriend. Since I couldn't fully be myself at school at the time, I would come home to talk to them and often enjoy some casual role play and yiff whenever. However, these habits were sort of forced out of me the following year, considering I applied and was accepted into a boarding school where school would keep me busy for my last three years of school (I just graduated in May). While I did learn to experiment sexually in my comfort zone at school (boys' dorm) with others as opposed to from behind a computer screen, I lost the vital connections I had with internet friends I used to vent everything to. I did make some fun friends at boarding school, but through various situations, very few of them stuck around in the end, so the end of my senior year often felt lonely at times.
Keep in mind, I was able to come out during my sophomore year at my school, but after the hype and extravagance of coming out of the closet wore off, people weren't really so interested in me. It's worth mentioning that during the summer between my sophomore and junior years after having just come out at school, I ended up attempting to come out to my parents as well. This, of course, didn't go well at all. They didn't get that mad, but they were firm in their beliefs of right and wrong and more or less just said that they didn't believe me. So, there was a long period of being cut off from all communication with the outside world and long Jesus talks followed by anti-gay counseling, which didn't last long anyways because I had to return to school for the following school year.
At first, I went along with the whole trying to turn my life around thing, but I just ended up hating myself more and more because of it. I remembered how much I wanted to get out of the rigid tradition of the South that had always been forced on me. Essentially, my parents had originally presented my options as "change" or forget about any further financial support (i.e. college) from them in the future. In fact, I almost wasn't allowed to return to my school the next year because I had to also admit that I had been sexually active there. Other measures taken were to try to monitor my computer more closely and shut off the internet at a certain time at night while I was at home. In fact, that cut-off rule is still in place most of the time while I'm at home these days. Additionally, my mom is always on Facebook and if I add any new friends or join any kinds of groups (furry or not), she pretty much gets a notification right away. (When I was living away at school, she would sometimes call and yell at me simply because she did not like the content of my status update, albeit I have always refrained from public use of directly inappropriate content and profanity on account of my other family members seeing.)
The fact is, my parents don't trust me. I don't really blame them. I wouldn't trust me either at this point. In their rigid view of what is right and wrong, going online to meet people for even the most casual of conversations is just wrong and creepy. I know that they love me a lot, but they completely block out any ideas of me being interested in men at all and always point out the appeal of my various female friends as if nothing ever happened. They obviously don't know about the furry fandom or anything so attempting to frequent websites like deviantart or FurAffinity is always risky. My room is positioned so that they could walk in at any moment and see what I'm doing online or not. Thankfully, I'll be moving away to college soon, but there are still some problems.
First off, my experience with general "LGBT community" groups apart from furries hasn't been very positive. They are usually based around a specific friend group and they are interested in more campy, typical gay things. I found that I felt almost as invisible as I was at my old school before I had ever come out in the first place... That being said, I feel more at home as an individual with furries and online geek groups where it isn't so much about what sexual label we wear as it is about what we are interested in, sexual or not. I've become a huge fan of various furry artists and have even had a few requests done. I absolutely love anthro characters and quickly formulated my own fursona (I have always been cuddly so my close relatives always called me "Bear") and subscribed to get the latest info on what was going on in the fandom. It is my dream to go to Anthrocon as well and I have at least 20 albums from furry/chiptunes artists like Renard from lapfoxtrax.com loaded on my iPod and can't seem to get enough. I really do love everything about it. I feel that since I have been able to at least chat with some people, I was able to expand my horizons and learn about other ways of life. "Furry" for me was more about a collective psychology based on the ideas of trying to be ironically more human(e) towards one another. Granted, with a love of animals and fantasy characters, the actual animal part of it all came naturally too. It is complicated and not exactly something I'd want to explain to anyone unless they had a similar positive experience with the fandom. (That rules out my parents.)
Anyways, here is my primary dilemma. As I mentioned before, the friends I had online have kinda been separated over time and I've lost contact with all but one of them. With my parents being so invasive as well as demanding to read my texts sometimes, it has pushed away even some of my IRL friends. They say that they are afraid to text me because my parents don't respect my privacy. Then again, they feel justified because I'm wrong anyway. Essentially, I want to get out and go to furry conventions and live it up and have friends to go to these events with and have fun, but right now I just don't have any. I'll be attending the University of Alabama, but I don't know of any resources or furmeets or anything that I could hook into there. I just want to get my feet rooted back in the things I have neglected through high school or have lost contact with. I owe it to myself after working so hard to experiment with relationships I feel comfortable and open in as opposed to just sleeping around in a dormitory. I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that I miss the companionship and feeling like I was a part of a more open "family."
I moved away from most of my relatives due to my dad's job at a young age, so at home it is just me and my parents. (My brother recently moved out after graduating college with a bachelor's degree.) The prime opportunity to connect with furries in real life and online once again would be when I'm in college and available to do more on my own, after all, and I don't want to wait until I'm old and gray to get back in either. So, could you help direct me to some way of meeting fellow furries in my area for the sake of going to cons together as well as getting started as a more active member of the fandom as a whole? I was never good at making art or music, but I want to be more involved somehow. I think I will finally have the wiggle room to do something about this when I'm living at my apartment in college. At least, that's what I'm hoping for...
Thanks Papa. I hope this wasn't too long or boring!
Sincerely,
Tony the fellow bear
P.S. Any advice about dealing with invasive parents is welcome as well.
* * *
Dear Tony,
My goodness, I hope that writing that letter was a good catharsis for you. And I am sorry that your parents are so oppressive and cannot accept you for you. Unfortunately, that attitude is a lot more common in the world than it should be. They don’t realize that constantly monitoring your behavior and controlling you is damaging their relationship with their son. They also don’t realize that, by doing this, they are doing nothing that is going to change who you are. It just doesn’t work that way. Makes about as much sense as forcing one’s 5-foot-tall son to shoot hoops every day in the hopes that he will eventually become an NBA superstar.
Really, your only hope, when it comes to your parents, is to become independent of them so that they can no longer control you, which is what college will help you do. Keep your head low until you can finish a degree and get your first job. After that, be an example to your parents that you are a good, hard-working man and that being gay is just one aspect of who you are. Depending on their mindset, and the size of their hearts, it should eventually dawn on them that they should love you no matter your sexual orientation. If their hearts never open up, then that is just a tragedy, but you will need to recognize that it is not a reflection upon you but upon their lack of character, sorry to say.
Some quick (and rather sneaky) advice on getting around your parents’ invasiveness: buy your own laptop (you can get very good ones for about $260 these days, which still blows my mind) so you don’t have to worry about any parental controls or spying programs they may have installed on the computer you currently use, and open up new accounts on your favorite sites. Meanwhile, keep your old accounts—the ones your parents have access to—open and occasionally post benign messages there. Essentially, the old accounts become decoys.
Is this all lying to your parents? Yes, it is. But it’s not lying to them because you are doing drugs, getting drunk, and committing crimes; it’s lying to them because they have judged and sentenced you to their own kind of prison when you have done nothing wrong. Denying someone the right to be him- or herself is, to my mind, one of the worst things you can do to another human being, especially when it is perpetrated against one’s own child.
So, you are off to the University of Alabama. Let’s see what’s in your neck of the woods *flips through his furry black book.* Well, of course, there is Rocket City Furmeet in Huntsville. The 2013 convention was postponed until 2014 because the organizers couldn’t find a hotel, but they are working on it. And to start getting in touch with nearby furries, I would suggest you join Bamafurs at http://www.bamafurs.org. Their website has great forums and boards where you can discover all the events around the state.
I love how you said “I owe it to myself” to get “my feet rooted back in the things I have neglected.” That shows Papabear you have not allowed your experience with your parents to beat down your spirit. YES! You DO owe it to yourself to be who you want to be and pursue the friendships and experiences you want to pursue. With an attitude like that, Papabear has great confidence that you will do just that.
Now what you have to eliminate is any remaining guilt. That whole line where you say “I don’t really blame them” for not trusting you? Drop that crap. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have no obligation to uphold their oppressive standards of behavior if you do not believe in them. There is nothing morally wrong about being gay or bi or whatever, nor is there anything wrong with being a furry. Heck, even the Pope himself recently said he didn’t have the right to judge gay people.
Work and study hard. Have the courage to be yourself. Be a good person, treat others with kindness, and you will have a good life.
And look for the paw prints in the path before you, and your spirit bear will show you the way.
Papabear
My First Attempt at a Canine Head
Through 3 days of studying and practice, I think I might finally have the first step down :3 Thanks to everyone that helped me out a while back, giving me links to various places. I found many tutorials and various other things to help me get this far this quickly, I wasn't expecting being able to draw a full head this soon into learning, but thanks to your help I am.
Please, DO Critisize me, I want to know what I can fix and what still needs to be done! I know there are no eyes, but that's because I haven't learned that far into it to know how to do details such as that, just basic shapes and the like. And I'm sorry about it not being very big, But it was just spur of the moment while playing Mahjong on SL With a friend :P
Pic: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/11301957/
Edit: Finished it up while sitting here, added the rest of his shoulder and colored
Pic: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/11302428/
submitted by Asylix[link] [7 comments]
Categories: News
A Wingful of Mangoes -- Fur Affinity [dot] net
![A Wingful of Mangoes -- Fur Affinity [dot] net](http://d.thumbs.redditmedia.com/shQRNzTyGNN9kl9Q.jpg "A Wingful of Mangoes -- Fur Affinity [dot] net")
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/lIELsEn.jpg){kind=link}
Categories: News
How Does One Find a Furry to Love?
Author: Hi Papabear, it’s me again.The relationship took a turn for the worse. He only wanted sex, like I feared, and I broke it off. He ended up missing me, so when he contacted me I told him all about myself, and he “changed his mind” very abruptly. So I think I’m done trying to […]
Categories: News