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Can You Hide in the Closet Forever without Going Crazy?
Is it okay to never, and I do mean never, come out of the closet with your family? And by okay, I am more asking for a mental okay. Hoping it won't drive me crazy to do it. Because leaving my family isn't really an option. Every job I've ever had, the money has always gone to the family because they needed it. And when I'm not working then you give your time. I really don't have a social life; I have a family. I can't leave them, but the whole family is one step away from completely homophobic, so I don't want to stay with them. I would very much appreciate some advice. If not I understand and thanks for reading. Bye.
Majora (age 18)
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Hi, Majora,
An excellent question. Can a person hide who he or she truly is forever and ever? I tried to do it for four years. I was married to a wonderful woman, but at the age of 40 I came to the earth-shaking realization that I was gay. I hid it for a long time, but though I did my best, my now-ex was/is not a stupid person. She knew something was up, and the tension got worse and worse with each passing year. Finally, there came a time when it had to come out. We were going through some old photos and she looked at me and asked what happened to us. I started to cry and just said the truth. We both cried together and what followed was very difficult for both of us (still is), but we got through it and remain friends (I’m so grateful!)
Majora, your family knows who you are as a person, and you live with them every day. No matter how hard you try, and even if you can manage it for years, eventually, the truth will be made known, either on purpose or by accident, but it will happen. At that point, several things might occur: 1) your family (and you) will pretend they don’t know the truth, which will result in anger and bitterness because the secret will be nagging at the back of everyone’s mind, or 2) there will be a lot of yelling and screaming and, if they are intolerant people, you will find yourself on the wrong side of the door (or subjected to long efforts to try to “cure” you, which is a living hell), or 3) you will discover that your family really does love you and will learn to accept you for who you are (aka a true family).
It pains me that your family dominates you so much that you don’t even have a social life. No friends? No chance to play sports or go to a party with some school buddies? Really? How awful! I understand that family is family, and it is good of you to be helping out with the financial burdens, but you have a right to be happy, as well. Now, because they depend on you for money, I would guess they are not going to toss you out the door because that would be making things difficult for them, so I’m thinking they may yell and scream and then it will all settle into tense silence with occasional unpleasant outbursts. That is not a way to live.
What you need is an intermediary, someone to whom they will listen. Not knowing what religion your family is, try taking your confession to a priest, minister, or rabbi. Hopefully, you know of one who is kind and not judgmental (i.e., won’t say you’re going to burn in Hell). If you could find such a person, discuss it with them and then have them come to your home and have a dialogue with your family. If not a religious guide, perhaps there is someone in your family (even a distant relative) who is more open about this than the rest of them and they can serve as the intermediary. Or else a school counselor or teacher, or, if available, a social worker or family counselor.
The other thing I hope you will eventually be able to do is wean yourself off this mutual dependence on the family. Having a family can be a wonderful thing, or it can feel like a ball and chain. Sounds like, for you, it is the worse of these two options. If I were you, my goal would be to gain financial independence so that I could live on my own while still helping my family as much as possible. This way, you can be your own man. No one should have to spend their life pretending they are something they are not (sadly, it happens to millions of people all over the world). Judging by your letter, you would agree with that.
The short answer to your question is this: no, I don’t think you’ll be “mentally okay” if you hide the truth from your family forever and ever. It will drive you bonkers. So, you will need to take careful, well-planned steps to escape this prison.
I hope this helps to clarify things in your mind a bit. Please write again if you have more questions.
Hugs,
Papabear
Since When I Said Hello, People Were Confused by What a Equbarottah is...I Present Pendo
Experiences with Campfire Tails?
I'm considering heading out to Oregon for Campfire Tails in July as my first furry event and thought that I would ask around for experiences and opinions. For those of you who have attended or know people who have attended, would you recommend it? I'm quite comfortable in the wilderness so I don't have any concerns about the camping aspect, but I don't yet have a read on...well, much of anything else, and information on the Campfire Tails website is a bit thin.
Thanks!
submitted by PMMeYourPMsFromMe[link] [2 comments]
For all those who loved Out of Position, todays news must have seems a bit too good to be true.
Episode 17.5 (2014-02-10)
How Should He Choose Between Family and Boyfriend?
Insomnia doodle! Yay! Snow leopard cub
If He Only Had the Nerve
Zebra furry. Hi all
Hi I have been learning more of the fandom and was wondering if there were other zebra fursonas? I'm 21/m/zebra/straight( even tho user name says wolf) (First post on reddit) nice to meet you and feel free to say hi
submitted by wolf102[link] [29 comments]
Camp Feral.
I have been wanting to go to a fur con for a long time but they are all so far away from me and I never have the money to go, but this one called Camp Feral happens to be one that I might be able to attend so I thought I would come on and see if anyone has ever been in the years past or if you are planning to go this year?
submitted by XdinosXgoXrawrX[link] [4 comments]
Drew a picture of my sona to match the weather
Redesigned a long time character of mine, very proud of it. Meet Shadow Spectrum. :)
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/xh3X4T9.jpg){kind=link}
Furstarter Week in Review 2-9-14
This week’s illustration is from the kickstarter for the Dragon Scale playing card deck by Jessica Feinberg
A handful of new video games, several “fun and interesting but not actually relevant” projects. A bit of a slow week…
New Projects
For a “complete” list of furry/fur-friendly crowdfunding projects, check out the Project Page!
Books/PrintOn a Sunny Disney Afternoon (Ends: 4/3/2014)
A book exploring the first 20 years of Disney TV animation.
Lots of books on Disney animation, but they usually focus on feature films…
The Stellar Life of Jpeg the Robot Dog (Ends: 3/6/2014)
Quirky children’s book about a robot dog and his space adventures
Fur Isle Convention (Ends: 3/31/2014)
A new furry con to be held on Halloween on the Isle of Wight!
Edmonton Brony Expo (Ends: 4/2/2014)
Bronycon launching in Alberta, Canada
Mai Mai Miracle (Ends: 3/7/2014)
It’s not quite Studio Gibli, but some of the same talent, a sweet slice of life anime with a red panda somewhere in there. No, not really very furry. Still. Red panda.
Werewolf: Hunted ()
A werewolf movie told with a sympathetic view of the monster. Nice werewolf masks!
EvoCreo (Ends: 3/7/2014)
Monster collector/battle game with a cute anthro wolf sidekick
This seems really derivative, in graphics and game play, but the anthro wolfy thing’s pretty durn cute
F.A.R.M. (Ends: 3/21/2014)
Barnyard animals meet Call of Duty in this FPS
Slow start and awkward video, this seems like a no-starter, but amusing as a project
Legends of the Dragonlords (Ends: 3/8/2014): Animal companion RPG video game, kind of ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ meets Pokemon, but…there is nothing that is right about this kickstarter page, it screams “19 year old’s first project.”
…Also by FurriesAcrotomicFX’s Effects Makeup (Patreon Ongoing Funding): Makeup and appliance work by fursuit artist Curry Creimire
…Just For FunBukkake! The Card Game (Ends: 3/6/2014): Immature and absurd, style over substance and the style is “silly.” But fun to pull out at parties.
Menswear Dog Collection (Ends: 4/5/2014): Finally! If you’ve been LONGING for a chance to dress your shiba inu up as the eleventh Doctor, carpe that diem!
If He Only Had the Nerve
This month, with the second issue of the 5-issue mini-series Tales from Oz, Zenescope Entertainment focuses on the Oz fans’ favorite furry when Grimm Fairy Tales Presents Tales from Oz: Cowardly Lion hits the shelves. (Whew, long title!) According to the preview at Previews World: “No race in Oz is more fierce or proud than the Kavari. Their traditions go back hundreds of years and both Thane and Thorne have been born into tribal royalty as the son of the chief. Competition against each other since birth for the right to rule the tribe their rivalry reaches its climax when they both fall in love with the same woman…and must fight each other to the death to determine who will win her hand.” This full-color issue was written by Joe Brusha and illustrated by Miguel Mendonca. The furriest of several variant covers were created by Marat Mychaels and Harvey Tolibao.
image c. 2014 by Harvey Tolibao