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[Papabear notes: The letter below contains a lot of mature talk about sex play and is not suitable for readers under 18 years of age.]

Hi Papabear, 

My problem has to do with my husband. We haven’t been married for long—only a couple months now—but ever since I started dating him he has had 1 big problem that hurts me: he is like any other man and likes to “fap off” and look at porn. This wouldn’t bother me if it didn’t affect our sex life. If he even does it ones a week he cannot finish with me; as a woman, this hurts a lot and makes me feel like I am not good enough. We have talked about it. I have looked it up and it does happen to men who have been fapping off for a long time; the only advice we get is for him to stop. 

That’s a problem; he doesn’t stop. He does it behind my back, when I am asleep, or even when I am just distracted. It's now become him seeing if he cannot get caught, but nearly all the time I do catch him. He did it while I was sick, thinking I was "so out of it" he wouldn’t be caught. I told him I couldn’t take it anymore and said it was over. He begged and pleaded, and I decided to trust him again, but once again he did it. 

I don't want to end it. With everything else he is a great man, though a little bad tempered. I'm not going to be that young couple who get divorced because they cannot work something out. I do love him, but now this has become a fetish for him. 

I know some will say have sex more, but, sadly, living with my family (we do plan to move out) it's difficult. Sorry about this being a sex subject, but I am out of ideas with googling this sh** 

Flufflepuff (22, U.K.)

* * *

Hi, Flufflepuff,

A couple questions first, if I may. 

Have you thought about seeing a sex counselor? These are therapists who specialize in couples' intimate relationships.

How often does he fap vs. how often do the two of you have sex? It sounds as if he was doing this before you moved in with family? Or did he always do it? 

What kind of pornography does he look at? This is pretty important.

When the two of you do have sex, what do you do? Is it pretty vanilla or do you experiment with fetishes and role playing?

Did he have sexual partners before you? What do you know of his sexual history? And what of yours? Is he your first sexual partner?

Thank you. Answering these questions will help with my reply.

Hugs,

Papabear

* * *

Hello Papabear, 

Sadly I don't think we can afford any therapists for this and he wouldn’t even talk to one if we tried since he is a closed person. As for the amount he faps, I have no idea. If I ask him he will lie. We have sex from 0 times a week to God knows how many. It’s never the same. We do tend to role play often, but thanks to both of us being overweight it tends to just be the normal positions and our weights do put us off sometimes as his legs get sore. 

He mainly looks at furry porn; mainly of our species together. He reads more than looking at porn and likes to play a text-based porno game. He is very much story-based with his porn and in sex. If there is no role play it wouldn’t happen.

I am his first girlfriend; been together for 3-4 years, and he has always been bad for fapping off. Before we moved here we had been together for a year and he never came when we had sex. Thankfully, with lack of privacy, he didn’t get to play with himself so much and has managed to finish while we are, but now he is back to doing it again. Sadly now he has a fetish of not being caught.

Flufflepuff

* * *

Hi, Flufflepuff,

Thank you for your straightforward answers, and it is okay to ask questions about sex; that’s one of the many things this column covers. It’s a very central topic to any healthy relationship.

It is interesting to me that you knew about his addiction to porn and self-abuse before you married, yet you went ahead with the wedding anyway. Were you thinking, perhaps, that being married would make a difference? Not so, obviously; not any more than marrying an alcoholic or drug addict would cause him to become clean and sober after the celebrated nuptials.

And that is how you should treat this situation. Your husband has an addiction to porn. Why did he develop such an addiction? Your answers to my questions helped me to figure this out. For one thing, it is the weight issue. Actual, real-world sex may be uncomfortable for him because he is so large, and may be rather awkward because you, too, are a large person. One solution there might be sexual positions. Conventional missionary is not the friend of couples with big bellies (although using pillows to prop up the hips may help). Here is a good article on positions you may try that could be easier on his legs and afford better access. http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/69_love_tip.html.

On the opposite end of the issue—interestingly enough!—there was a recent study that fat men (and I won’t apologize for using the word) are much longer lasting in bed. A September 2014 study explained that this is because men with a higher body mass index have higher levels of the female sex hormone estradiol, which inhibits men from achieving orgasms too quickly (lean, muscular men ejaculated over 7 minutes sooner than chubby guys on average, according to the study). This was quite the contrary to conventional wisdom about overweight men and sex.

So if you, perhaps, tire out before he achieves orgasm, it is possible you misconstrue it to mean that he can’t climax with you as well as he does watching porn, when really it is a matter of timing (he can fap off to porn for much longer periods, relaxing because he knows he doesn’t have to rush and reach your expectations). In other words, it may be more relaxing for him to sit and masturbate to pornography, knowing that no one is putting pressure on him to ejaculate until he is ready to do so.

In this scenario, my advice to you for improved sex would be to experiment with making love in a no-pressure way. That is, start being amorous with him, add lots of heavy petting and kissing at a leisurely rate. Then tell your husband not to worry about having an orgasm. You want this to be just a sensual time of being naked together and enjoying the touch and taste of each other. Make sure he is relaxed and make sure you have at least an hour or more for lovemaking. The pleasure of lovemaking is mostly found in the foreplay and with sharing yourself physically and emotionally with the other person. Do not put so much emphasis on the climax; that’s just the cherry on top of the hot fudge sundae. 

It is important to remember here that your husband has been making love to you; it’s just that he has been having some problems with the final step. Also, you don’t say he is cheating on you with other people, and that is a very significant point to make. He loves you and doesn’t want to break up with you. So, back off the pressure a bit on the orgasm and concentrate on the lovemaking itself for a while.

Now, another thing you can do, too, is add toys and other appurtenances. Thanks to naughty-minded inventors the world over, there are a plethora of devices you can employ that could make real sex with you much more fun for him than watching porn alone (which only stimulates the eyes and ears). For example, there are electro-stimulation devices that can be quite exciting, or, given his fantasy of being caught, he might be into bound-and-gagged or kidnapping fantasies. Obviously, too, he likes furotica, so you might suggest the two of you sit down and scroll through the supplies listed at Bad Dragon to see what tickles his fancy.

Going back to the idea of porn addiction. My belief is that your husband got into pornography because he wasn’t having sex in real life (you’re the first and only unrelated woman in his life). By the time he met you, he was already getting his gratification from the computer screen, so the habit was very hard to break. As with any addiction, the solution is usually not breaking it off cold turkey. Instead, work on weaning him off the bad habits and replacing them with good habits. You can do this by finding ways (some of which are suggested above) of making real sex more attractive than online sex. 

Remember, here, that this guy is very much stimulated mentally; that is, his preferred porn is a text fantasy, so this stuff is really in his head. One suggestion here: try sexual encounters in absolute darkness, or blindfolded, where he can feel what’s going on but can’t see a thing. He also likes nervous tension—the fantasy of outwitting people and fapping while not being caught. In this case, another stimulation technique might be edging. This is a skill of bringing your partner almost to climax, but not allowing him to have an orgasm, and doing this to him repeatedly. That’ll get him going, trust me. Another thing you can try: next time you catch him online, sneak up on him in the nude and start petting him erotically. When he stops typing, tell him to keep doing what he’s doing while you do erotic things to him. What you are doing with these techniques is inserting yourself into his fantasies. If done correctly and with patience, eventually the two different pleasures will become one.

Other than saying your feelings are hurt when he doesn’t climax with you, you don’t say much about your own sexual preferences. So I will just say here, briefly, to keep your own sexual needs in mind as well because they are, of course, as important as his. Try to work them into the process of weaning him off the online porn and into real-life sex with you.

I hope this advice helps you, Flufflepuff. You clearly love this man and he loves you, too. That gives you a solid foundation to build on. There is nothing in your letter I see as unsolvable. It might take some work (and ALL relationships are work), but I believe you can do a lot to make your sex life a lot more satisfying.

Hugs,

Papabear

This could be a question for any group of people, but I'm going to specifically ask you furs. This could be anything!

So what haven't you done? Why?
Some examples could be drawing art, going to cons, et cetera.

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Er... hello.

Originally, I'd written up a good half-page of (attempted) comedic dialog, illustrating my internal struggle to come up with an introduction that represented myself. After a bit of pedantic synonym switching and rephrasing, I headed onto the subreddit to post this cheap shot at originality, when I suddenly realised that;

A. As nice as people are on /r/furry, writing about my thought process as an introduction to the group, would probably be regarded as a bit weird...

B. and the fact that's the kind of thing I would do describes me better than anything I could possibly write anyway.

So... I'm a socially inept Brit, who's been hovering around the fandom for a while now. As a pretty typical teen, I'm into video-games and sleeping. Sandbox games are my scene, as I would say that being creative and working towards long-term goals is more rewarding than running around like a lunatic, clicking on things. If you asked anyone who's played with me however, they'd probably say that I'm just embarrassed about being thrashed by all the 12 year olds on FPS's. Don't believe them. They're all unimaginative liers.

Animal-wise, I've always had a soft-spot for wolves, but especially foxes which have been my favourite animal for longer than I can remember (at least 24 hrs). I don't really know why, I think Robin Hood had some kind of influence on me, but it seems the "D word" was banned as of earlier today, so I guess I'll avoid that topic.

Considering I set out here to write a brief, concise version of my previous introduction, of which I've now exceeded the word count, you could say that perhaps I'm not the kind of person who learns well from their mistakes. But at least it's no longer half a page of me suffering with writers block. So there's that.

But I can see the virtual "stop talking" signs being raised, so I guess what I'm trying to say is... I know very little about the fandom, but you seriously look like one of the friendliest, welcoming and mentally sane groups of people I've ever come across on the internet... and er... Can I hang out with you? Please?

...also... does this mean that I get a free hug? ?d-0

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On video: “Louis the Lion battles for racing supremacy in the first ever Frantic Furry 500!” Sometimes I joke about my low interest in sports. (Sorry, Canadians!) I’d love it if the teams were all mascots, while one sports guy runs around for laughs. I imagine mascots worry about being upstaged by fursuiters. But the furries showed they’re good sports […]

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These are some of the reasons I moved to California.   But for all the furs who are now dealing with this I give you this pony video.

 

 

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January’s Book of the Month, Spirit Hunters – Book 1: The Way of the Fox, is written by FWG member Paul Kidd.

“There is a vessel without sides, ever full, yet ever empty.
There is a river without end. Ever still, yet ever flowing.
Fathomless, it is the origin of all things…”

The Sacred Islands: A medieval land of noble samurai and animal spirits. Of scheming nobles, of magic and ancient mystery.

Kitsune Sura, a wandering fox priestess, assembles a group of would-be monster hunters. Penniless and carefree, they travel from palaces to villages, seeking out dangerous mysteries.

A fox, two samurai and a shy and gracious rat go forth on a career of bizarre adventures. The Spirit Hunters battle ghosts, tangle with magic and delve into terrifying puzzles. They must even survive the horrors of kitsune cuisine.

These are the first three adventures of the Spirit Hunters saga. Bright, funny and exciting – these are tales of cunning monsters, flashing swords, stalwart samurai, faithful rats – and the rather dodgy antics of a fox.

Spirit Hunters:
Delightful romps in a gorgeous magical Japanese otherwhen.

“Trust me – I’m a fox!”

Ebook available from Amazon. Print version available from Lulu.

 

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Hiya folks! I felt that with some negativity going around right now, now is a good time to get some positive energy flowing in the sub again! So smile, be happy!

Post any feel-good furry-related news, videos, photos or stories you have here! Don't be shy!

I'll kick this off by linking an adorable video posted awhile ago by ZestHusky! AKA /u/MeepleMeerkat

Edit: Keep posting! Lets get it going!

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Hello you fuzzy people! My name is Flux and I'm a wolf. :) I'm new to Reddit and I'm looking for some new fur friends!

A little bit about me, I'm 17 years old, currently a senior in high school, and live in the US. I've been a furry for a couple of years now but was never very active in the community, but I'm ready to change that. Also, I play a LOT of PC games. :P You can usually find me playing TF2, CSGO, Arma, and sometimes some other games. If you want to chat feel free to PM me or check out my FurAffinity OR add me on Steam

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