Feed aggregator

​Hi Papabear,

My youngest nephew (16) recently opened up to me about being a furry. He hasn't settled on a fursona as of yet but identifies as either a puppy or a kitten.

He has also been opening up about a lot of trauma, bullying and troubles at home under my sister who has been quite abusive, bullying and totally just awful as a parent (see: narcissistic parent, treating child like property/emotional outlet).

I've had a number of conversations with him about boundaries, the importance of recognising appropriate and inappropriate relationships and friendships, and discussed in some small detail why he wishes to be a furry.

It's all very complex and I'm fairly confident, given my nephew has OCD, ADHD and is on the autism spectrum, that the idea of being a furry might be a way to escape awful realities and just feel loved, understood, cared for and so on.

I'm trying to figure out the best ways of helping my nephew deal with his past and current traumas... to be able to process emotions and so on... he has become very attached to me in the last two months and has placed a lot of trust in me opening up about things. I have some concerns about his online friends - especially older ones - and of course worried a little about sexualised language and content he has admitted accessing. I am also a little worried that given he has only ever really been shown love/affection/hugs from his brother and the family pets (a cat and a dog) that everything might blur into one for him i.e. that he is craving a normal family relationship with hugs and support etc but that this might then become confused in his head with sexualised relationships etc.

So I basically just want some advice on how best to approach things, to support him and ensure he doesn't internalise anxieties and embarassment so he doesn't feel like an outsider or a 'freak' or a 'weirdo'.

I also need to know a bit about boundaries myself i.e. how far to I myslef indulge his being a furry... he already asked if occasionally I replace giving him a hug with a back scratch or the like... and I'm comfortable with that so long as in his mind it isn't being sexualised as that isn't appropriate (and I have discussed that directly with him). I just don't want him to become alienated or have a massive freak out about the reality of him opening himself open as he has done if that makes sense? I basically have all of the questions and need comprehensive advice.

Anonymous in the UK

* * *

Dear Kind Uncle,

I applaud you for being such a caring and loving uncle to your nephew and for reaching out to try to find some help for him. As you know, I am not a psychologist or social worker, so it is my duty to first recommend you do a little research on professional services out there for autistic children (you may have done so already, but just to be sure...). A good place to start for UK residents such as yourself and your nephew is the National Autistic Society, which offers advice and resources. OCD Action provides guidance for those with OCD, and the ADHD Foundation is a good place to start for that concern. Fortunately, there is a lot of help available to you in your country.

But you came to Papabear because of my knowledge of furries, and I am honored to try and help you there. Many--not all--people who come to the fandom do so because they feel rejected in one way or another by society or they feel uncomfortable navigating human relationships and the complexities of said society. This is why many who have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) find their way into the fandom (about 10% to 15% of furries in surveys indicate they have autism spectrum). The fandom can offer them two things: an accepting community/environment and a way to express themselves through a fursona (or fursonas) that provides them a means to get outside themselves and communicate their emotions and feelings. I recently came across a fantastic article about this very thing. The author, Joey Thurmond, explains how the play and imagination of furry assists people in becoming their true selves and helps them break out of their shells (ironic that wearing a costume can help us reveal our true selves!)

There are scientific studies that help back this up, too. A group of social scientists and psychologists have even created the FurScience website that delves into the social phenomenon of the furry fandom, who is in it, and why they participate. One of the members of FurScience, Dr. Elizabeth Fein of Duquesne University, has investigated furries who report being on the autism spectrum. In this article on the DU website, she notes how the fandom helps with lessening anxiety, building self-esteem, and fostering feelings of being part of a community. A Pittsburgh NPR station elaborated on her findings here.

Although Dr. Fein is talking about ASD, her findings have relevance to ADHD and OCD. While these three conditions are not the same, they share some commonalities, and a Scientific American article noted that they share the same genetic roots or "brain markers." Anxiety is a key trait in all three, and I am confident in saying that the furry fandom can help many people with easing anxiety and stress.

As to what you, personally, can do for your nephew, the biggest thing is to just be there for him and be supportive as you are doing now. Furries with various anxiety disorders are actually treating themselves by discovering and participating in the furry fandom. They are seeking an outlet, and here they may have one. 

BUT!!! You are also right to exercise caution. As noted, there are a lot of adult things in the fandom, and there are also some dangerous people, just as there are anywhere on the internet. Trolls and other abusers are not stupid; they discover this entire community filled with very vulnerable youngsters who make easy targets for them to attack. The best thing for you to do here is to monitor internet and phone behavior, educate your nephew about the potential dangers of ALL social media, but do not impose drastic restrictions (e.g., "I forbid you to chat online with furries." Such strategies cause rebellion and resentment.) And the best way you can manage this is by telling your nephew that you support their furriness and you want there to be no secrets between the two of you. Tell him there is no need to be embarrassed about being a furry and that you hope he will talk to you all about it and about his adventures. So, go ahead and "indulge" him in his furriness, but also be on top of things and monitor what he is doing to the best of your ability. The things you can teach him about boundaries and the hazards of the internet will apply to both his online furry behavior and his online behavior in general, so it's all good.

If you feel up for it, take him to a furcon. Unfortunately, because of Covid, this is a bit problematic lately, but some cons have moved online for now, including ConFuzzled and Wild North, which is having an online con in October. Hopefully, next year the cons will be live.

As for your concerns about your nephew becoming alienated or a social outcast--don't worry about it just yet. Allow him to perform therapy on himself through the furry fandom and partner this with traditional help and advice from the resources I provided above. This is a lifelong journey for him (and you), and I think you are just the best uncle ever for striving so hard to help this young man.

Please write again if I have missed addressing any of your concerns or if you have further questions.

Furry Hugs,
Papabear

Roo and Firebreath talk with Kanthara about animation in the furry fandom!





NOW LISTEN!
SHOW NOTES
SPECIAL THANKS

Kanthara - Check out their website at http://kantharadraws.com/

PATREON LOVE
The following people have decided this month’s Fur What It’s Worth is worth actual cash! THANK YOU!

Uber Supporters

Sly

Premium Tier Supporters



Jarle, the Spirit Wolf

Get Stickered Tier Supporters

Nuka goes here  

Kit, Jake Fox, Nuka (Picture Pending), Ichi Okami

Fancy Supporter Tier



Rifka, the San Francisco Treat and Baldrik and Adilor and Luno

Deluxe Supporters Tier

 

Guardian Lion and Koru Colt (Yes, him), Ashton Sergal, Harlan Fox

Plus Tier Supporters

Skylos
Snares
Simone Parker
Ausi Kat
Chaphogriff
Lygris
Tomori Boba
Bubblewhip
GW
Moss

McRib Tier Supporters

August Otter

 
MUSIC

Opening Theme: RetroSpecter – Cloud Fields (RetroSpecter Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2018. ©2011-2018 Fur What It’s Worth. Based on Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Century Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Closing Theme: RetroSpecter – Cloud Fields (RetroSpecter Chill Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2018. ©2011-2018 Fur What It’s Worth. Based on Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Chill Out Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!) S9 Episode 11 – Animated Animals - Roo and Firebreath talk with Kanthara about animation in the furry fandom! - NOW LISTEN! SHOW NOTES SPECIAL THANKS Kanthara - Check out their website at http://kantharadraws.com/ - PATREON LOVE

Not since the 1980s have anthropomorphic animals and the Olympics come together more than in the news out of Australia in the past few weeks. As the Summer Olympics get ready to begin after a year’s delay due to the global pandemic, one artist has brought some furry thunder for the teams Down Under. Australian artist Landeg was […]

FinFur Animus 2021 cancelled First in Europe, in view of rising local COVID-19 cases and the increasing prevalence of the Delta variant globally, Finnish convention FinFur Animus has cancelled their event this year. In a statement released Tuesday (July 13) however, they say a ‘smaller one or two-day gathering’ that’s held in the same original […]

TigerTails Radio Season 13 Episode 21 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf For a full preview of events and for previous episodes, please visit http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show.

The Tale of the Outcasts is a new black & white manga series written and illustrated by Makoto Hoshino. The publishers describe it like this: “An engrossing new fantasy manga series in which a downtrodden orphan girl develops an unexpected friendship with a beastly immortal… This is the story of Wisteria, an orphaned girl lost in darkness, and Marbas, an immortal being who shares her loneliness. The unlikely companions met on a quiet, uneventful night, and they set off together in search of the light. What begins as a chance meeting on the edge of the late nineteenth-century British Empire soon becomes a full-fledged journey to find their place in the world.” The first two volumes are available now from Seven Seas Entertainment, with more on the way.

image c. 2021 Seven Seas Entertainment

Dear Papa Bear,

I keep thinking that everything I do isn’t good enough, whether it’s creating artwork or music, writing code or stories, or just generally doing anything that requires imagination. I get frustrated, angry, and tend to ragequit when my imagination just abandons ship as soon as i try to use it to do anything creative, usually resulting in either nothing or an unfinished product. This generally leads to me thinking about how I’m not good enough, among other self-criticism.

My question is this: How do I improve my imagination so that I can think that I’m worth more as a person?

Becquerel (aged 14)

* * *

Dear Becquerel,

Unless you have aphantasia, a rare condition in which a person literally cannot picture things in their mind, then you have an imagination. But even if it were true that you have no creative imagination, you do not need to have one to be a worthwhile person, nor do you need to do anything artistic to live a fulfilling life. Many people contribute to society in other ways besides the arts. So, even if you don't have any talent in art, music, or literature (and I can't say whether or not this might be the case, having never read or seen anything you have created), it doesn't mean you do not have value.

That said, artists are always their own worst critics. Writers hate their writing, often throwing out their compositions. Artists burn their paintings. Musicians have tantrums and quit composing. It's all because they judge themselves too harshly. Sometimes it helps to hear other voices to give you feedback. I don't mean family or friends because if they say nice things you'll just think, "Well, they're being nice because they are family/friends." I mean joining an art group or writing group. If you're a musician looking for support, you can try some of the musician groups on Facebook listed here, or, if you want to get some fandom support, you might try Fuzznet, a furry music and support collective. If you're an artist, there are a lot of online groups you can join to chat and ask for feedback from other artists (an example would be FurReal at on Facebook), or just build a network of artist friends to chat with and talk about your progress. And same goes for writers groups, too, of course. Just do a little searching online and you will find lots of writing groups, both furry and not.

So, now that I have hopefully dismantled (or at least put a dent in) your notions that you A) have no imagination and B) are only a worthwhile person if you do, here are some tips on improving your creativity:
 

1. Whenever an idea pops into your head or you've had a cool dream and just woke up, write down your dream/fantasy before you forget it. Keep journals by your bed or on your desk; keep a pocket journal in your, er, pocket.
2. Expose yourself to new people and new situations and information. Be a sponge about what is going on around you. And I don't mean watch lots of TV or bop around on the internet. I mean have real-life experiences interacting with real people (hopefully, this is easier with the easing of Covid). Be open to all that is out there. Don't filter or censor it.
3. Play games. Yes, you heard right. The act of playing--whether it is going outside and playing touch football or having a round of D&D with your nerdy friends--stimulates your mind.
4. Free write/free draw. That is, sit down and write whatever is in your head without censoring yourself. Just let it flow. Then, put it aside and look at it again a couple of days later. A lot of what you write might be unusable, but you will surprise yourself with some of the things you come up with that are actually quite good. The same is said for scribbling. Just scribble scribble scribble all kinds of drawings and doodles.
5. Teach others what you know. You will be astounded how the act of teaching and explaining your work and processes will help solidify them in your brain, helping you to think more clearly and even point out some things you are doing right or wrong.

All of these things have something in common: turning off your inner critic. By allowing ideas to flow unhindered, you break down the damn that is holding back an entire reservoir of creativity.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Papabear

This week there's Olympic fursonas, games difficulty discourse swings back around, accessibility discussions are had, please don't eat horse dewormer, and the Steam Deck is revealed.

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Southpawscast 

LINKS
Coins Australia - https://www.coinsaustralia.com.au/shop/item/2020-tokyo-olympics-2-five-coin-collection
Steven Spohn's thread on gaming accessibility - https://twitter.com/stevenspohn/status/1415031199165190146
If you aren't a horse or dog do not take this - https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/jul/16/huge-study-supporting-ivermectin-as-covid-treatment-withdrawn-over-ethical-concerns?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other
Telegram fan chat~ https://t.me/joinchat/P2iJg8tyj-KNGaci 

Episode 494 - Government Fursonas - This week there's Olympic fursonas, games difficulty discourse swings back around, accessibility discussions are had, please don't eat horse dewormer, and the Steam Deck is revealed.Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Sout

Fox and Burger Podcast #12: Indonesian Furs, How Cons Unites Furs + More Feat Chirros and Claud. ---- In this episode of the Fox and Burger podcast, we’re going back to Indonesia, but this time with two tour guides! Meet Chirros and Claud. Chirros is white rhinoceros who has been in the fandom since 2009 and is the current con chair. Claud, a tiger, joined in 2017 and has been staffing for Pawai since 2018. We’ll be asking our two tour guides questions about Pawai and about public perception of the furry fandom in Indonesia. So without further ado, let’s give them a big awoo! ---- Time Stamps: 00:00 Section 1: Introduction 00:00 Podcast intro 01:35 Guests introduction 03:18 Section 2: Guest Spotlight: Pawai 03:44 What were your roles for Pawai? 04:35 What was the impetus for starting Pawai? 05:16 Twitter question: What’s the history behind Pawai? 06:59 When did Claud come into the picture? 08:00 What makes Pawai special? 11:05 What was the venue like for Pawai 2019? 14:03 How is Pawai run? (division of labor) 16:08 Twitter question: Any plans for a virtual Pawai? 17:18 What was your favorite moment at Pawai? 20:01 Section 3: Comparing and Contrasting Fandoms: How are furries perceived in Indonesia? 20:18 How does the general public view furries in Indonesia? 23:16 How is fursuiting in Indonesia? 28:00 How does Indonesian culture mix with furry culture? 33:11 How do furries in Indonesia gather? (impact of geography) 37:16 Where do you see Pawai in 3 years? 40:44 Social media shoutout 41:33 Podcast outro ---- Social Media: Our official Twitter: https://twitter.com/foxandburger Fox: https://twitter.com/foxnakh https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCK9xoFQrxFTNPMjmXfUg2cg Burger: https://twitter.com/L1ghtningRunner http://www.youtube.com/c/LightningRunner Chirros: https://twitter.com/kidrhinoboy https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3RdSvOLhXoHc2jKBqi0CZQ Claud: https://twitter.com/LeTigre_C ---- Footage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuPp5Rwm07I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eipHFFxRKuM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_UIISregp4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Llhs2FMLtxY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj4DLzuYIDA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTz04WPVL1Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck2Ob6DVzcY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuKppNScL90 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpYzSOIw__k Other pictures and video provided by Chirros, Claud, Giphy, Pixabay, and hosts' personal footage. Intro/Outro Music: Aioli by Andrew Langdon.

Look, we’re just gonna let the folks at Source Point Press explain THIS one… “Ten years after a freak incident at the zoo, Yuki finds herself attending a prestigious college on the road to success, unaware that a panda bear from that fateful day has been hunting her down to exact bloody revenge. Nothing can prepare you for this outrageous comedy filled with epic fights, awkward romance, supernatural powers, and plenty of zigs and zags. Put up your pigtails! Sharpen your claws!” Written by Graham Misiurak and illustrated by A. L. Jones, Yuki vs. Panda is available now as either a physical comic or a free PDF. And, you have GOT to see the trailer for the animated series as well…

image c. 2021 Source Point Press

MOOBARKFLUFF! Click here to send us a comment or message about the show!

This week we have no guest so Bearly and Taebyn have lots of fun. We visit Lux's new Transfurmation Station Lab, hear more about Japanese Maples, learn more math and tell some horrible jokes. So a typical podcast for Taebyn and Bearly.  Join us for a puptacular time!   Moobarkfluff!

Support the show

Thanks to all our listeners and to our staff: Bearly Normal, Rayne Raccoon, Taebyn, Cheetaro, TickTock, and Ziggy the Meme Weasel.

You can send us a message on Telegram at BFFT Chat, or via email at: bearlyfurcasting@gmail.com

Bearly Furcasting S2E12 - The Past, Transfurmation Station, Jokes and Math

Sábado, 10 de Julio, 2021 de Nuestro Salvador Jesucristo, Guayaquil, Ecuador-Iberoamérica (Cartas del cielo son escritas por Iván Valarezo) On SABBATH the OATH SWORN to Isaac’s powers enriches ISRAEL and YOU (gentiles) with the entire EARTH: Graciously, our heavenly Father’s holy

A new full-color graphic novel for young folks, written and illustrated by Kaeti Vandorn: It’s called Monster Friends. “Two friends: one big, one little. One old, one young. One grumpy, one cheerful. Both: Monsters! Reggie’s plan is to spend the whole summer brooding over his latest adventure gone wrong. But his friendly and curious neighbor, Emily, won’t let him sit alone and unhappy in his house forever! Despite their differences, these two monsters make the perfect pair of explorers. And with a map to make, a beach party to plan, and a sea monster to find, Reggie will have to learn to talk about his feelings and let new friends in!” Find out how, now, in hardcover from Random House.

image c. 2021 Random House

Howloween Canadian convention Howloween recently announced that their vice chairman Temrin is stepping down. They say she did so to refocus on her personal life goals. Western Pennsylvania Furry Weekend (WPAFW) To the US, West Pennsylvania Furry Weekend is pushing back pre-registrations for their 2021 event, until at least July 14. The furcon says that […]

A couple years ago we told you about Star Beasts, an independent comic series written by Stephanie Young and illustrated by Allyson Lassiter. Well now Oni Press have picked up the series and compiled it together into a new softcover graphic novel. “Bandit is a pup on Earth who leaves his family to join the secret order of the Star Beasts – cosmic creatures sworn to protect Earth and spread goodness throughout the universe. Only thing is, he’s having trouble fitting in. But when powerful relics are suddenly stolen, the Star Beasts must band together to find the deadly galactic fossils before Pluto’s evil emperor, Khaos Krill – he wants to build the Novataur, an ancient monster that could wipe out all of Earth’s species!” Look for it on shelves later this month.

image c. 2021 Oni Press

TigerTails Radio Season 13 Episode 20 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf For a full preview of events and for previous episodes, please visit http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show.

With the furry fandom continuously spreading and developing along the Internet’s wave since the 80s, there has been an increasing amount of initiatives that aim to bring furry fandom news to the broader community. Alongside developed furry news outlets like Dogpatch Press, Furry News Network (FNN) and Flayrah that’s popular within the Western furry fandom, […]

Sometimes the simplest and most true-to-life stories are the most interesting and educational. Such might well be the case with the new graphic novel from Remy Lai called Pawcasso. (Gotta love that title.) “Every Saturday, Pawcasso trots into town with a basket, a shopping list, and cash in paw to buy groceries for his family. One day, he passes eleven-year-old Jo, peering out the window of her house, bored and lonely. Astonished by the sight of an adorable basket-toting dog on his own, Jo follows Pawcasso, and when she’s seen alongside him by a group of kids from her school, they mistake her for Pawcasso’s owner. Excited to make new friends, Jo reluctantly hides the truth and agrees to let “her” dog model for an art class the kids attend. What could go wrong? But what starts as a Chihuahua-sized lie quickly grows Great Dane-sized when animal control receives complaints about a dog roaming the streets off-leash. With Pawcasso’s freedom at stake, is Jo willing to spill the truth and risk her new friendships?” There are preview pages over at the publisher’s web site.

image c. 2021 Henry Holt & Company

We're uncancelled just in time for us to be cancelled I guess. It's been a while. Savrin had a birthday and has a garden. Shiva had a war with rats. We also talk about curating your online experience when it comes to nsfw you don't like, who is 'British', and Texas' mythologized history.

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Southpawscast 

LINKS
The gardening videos Savrin watched - https://www.youtube.com/c/Selfsufficientme
Texas: The Great Theft - https://store.deepvellum.org/products/texas-the-great-theft
Telegram Fan Chat - https://t.me/joinchat/P2iJg8tyj-KNGaci 

Episode 493 - The Healing Power - We're uncancelled just in time for us to be cancelled I guess. It's been a while. Savrin had a birthday and has a garden. Shiva had a war with rats. We also talk about curating your online experience when it comes to nsfw

MOOBARKFLUFF! Click here to send us a comment or message about the show!

Grubbs Gizzly joins us to discuss his website; Ask Papa Bear, his involvement in the Fandom, and just have a great chat with Bearly and Taebyn.  Do you put mustard on your bologna sandwhiches? How about pickles on a PB&J?   Taebyn and Bearly re-enact a joke from several months ago. What do you call a fur artist? Taebyn tries to teach Bearly a thing and does not succeed. We hear a Grimm Fairy Tale, and ask a few This or That questions, so join us for a rip roaring time of jocularity!  Moobarkfluff!

 If you would like to send a question to papa bear, go to www.AskPapaBear.com

If you want to see the video of Papa Bear singing at FC here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEuRpX9GRj8

Support the show

Thanks to all our listeners and to our staff: Bearly Normal, Rayne Raccoon, Taebyn, Cheetaro, TickTock, and Ziggy the Meme Weasel.

You can send us a message on Telegram at BFFT Chat, or via email at: bearlyfurcasting@gmail.com

Bearly Furcasting S2E11 - Grubbs Grizzly, Media, Five Minute Furs, Grimm Fairy Tale, This or That