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Hello Papabear,

My name is Kreed and I'm writing today to get some advice on a problem that I've been having. Well it's not really a personal problem, but it does concern me.

A little back story. I got a job at Sonic back in September. A few months later this goofy looking guy comes in for a job. Well we hit it off and we become pretty close. In December his roomies kicked him out with only a few days notice, I come to the rescue and let him stay with me until he found a place. During that time we get closer, and I'm totally not complaining.

We haven't even known each other for over half a year and we're as close, as close can be. I wouldn't have it any other way. I missed the great friends I had in the Army, only to find a civi that became better than any of my Army buddies. I know he has my back, and I sure as hell have his. We talk computers, music, anything. I could have no idea what he says, but I listen, captivated to everything he has to say, because this man is a wealth of information. It's so fascinating.

Now comes the problem. This man watched his mom's boyfriend slowly die due to Covid. Watching his mom be completely torn apart by that. Now he got the bad news that his mom has late stage Lung cancer. When he told me a few months back, I knew it was taking all he had not to cry at work as he told me. Through my check ups on him I found out his mom is trying to prepare him for what seems like a very possible outcome with how advanced the cancer is. Problem is, he is not ready. I doubt he will be ready.

I know for certain he will be calling on, and needing his bestie by his side. Only problem is I have no clue how to handle this. I'm 32 years old. The only death I've experienced was when I was very young, or as an impartial party as an EMT. I don't know what to do.

Papabear, what do I do? I know this is devastating for him, especially since he's a self proclaimed mama's boy. How do I prepare myself for this eventuality, can I even prepare myself for it?

Thanks,
Kreed

* * *

Dear Kreed,

It's so nice to see a letter from a furry who is being a true and thoughtful friend, so thank you very much for your letter.

The first thing you need to know about comforting a friend who is grieving (or in anticipation of losing a loved one) is that you should not try to offer them advice or make them "get over it." And if you say, "Your mother is in a better place now," your friend has Papabear's permission to thump you on the head with a rubber mallet.

Some things to know about people who are grieving: 1) grieving people are not worried about their loved ones (especially if they believe in a heaven or other afterlife world, but even if they don't they know that the deceased is not suffering); they are sad for one thing only, and that is because they miss that person and know they will never see them again in this lifetime; they are sad for themselves; 2) grief has no deadline, no time limit. My late husband died 6 years ago, and even though I am getting along and have remarried, I still miss him and grieve for him in my heart. 

There ARE things you can do, however! First of all, when someone has recently lost a loved one it can often be difficult for them to function in day-to-day life. All you want to do--especially in the early weeks, months, and sometimes years--is sleep, cry, maybe eat, or, sometimes, try to numb your pain with alcohol or drugs. You can help by just assisting with routine things. Perhaps help with laundry, cooking meals, doing a bit of house cleaning, etc. And, of course, if you see them descending into dangerous habits like alcoholism, you need to get them some professional help (perhaps his church offers counseling, or you can go to a site like BetterHelp.com or call the government helpline at 800-622-HELP (https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline).

Now, since your buddy's mother is not dead (and hopefully won't be for a while), you can still offer similar support, even maybe accompanying him for visits (if that is possible). Let him know that you are there to listen to him talk about his mother and his feelings. You have no idea how much of a relief and de-stressor it can be to know that you have someone you can open up to about your grief without fear of judgment and without fear of getting cliché advice ("Buck Up!," "Hope you feel better soon!", "We all die sometime!" and other horrible phrases). Thing is, you don't have to say one word to be helpful. You have already shown what a good friend you are, and that is priceless. Just continue being there for them.

You should recognize, too, that being a comforter to a grieving person can be stressful for you, too! You can only help others when you yourself are doing okay emotionally and physically. So, do remember to take care of yourself as you help out your friend, and don't feel guilty about doing so. Along those same lines, one of the good pieces of advice I got from a couple of friends was that you should try and do something a little nice for yourself once a day, even if it is a small thing. You can kill two birds with one stone by doing something together. You could go out for an ice cream cone, play a favorite video game, go on a nature walk. Or whatever the two of you enjoy. Such distractions can help a person who is weighed down by grief, which is very exhausting mentally, physically, and emotionally. It is important to try to continue to eat well, get restful sleep, and to get some exercise.

I hope this is helpful. If you have other questions, please feel free to write again.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear
​

Sheesh — The Epic! imprint from Andrews McMeel definitely manages to keep coming up with interesting Furry material for young readers. Unicorn Island is an illustrated novel written by Donna Galanti, with art by Bethany Stancliffe. “When Sam arrives in Foggy Harbor, population 3,230, all she can see is a small, boring town that’s way too far from home. And knowing that she’s stuck there all summer with her grumpy Uncle Mitch only makes things worse. But when Sam discovers a hidden trapdoor leading to a room full of strange artifacts, she realizes Foggy Harbor isn’t as sleepy as it seems. With the help of a new friend, Sam discovers an extraordinary secret beyond the fog: An island of unicorns whose fates are intertwined with hers.” It’s available now in hardcover.

image c. 2021 Andrews McMeel Publishing

TigerTails Radio Season 13 Episode 23 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf For a full preview of events and for previous episodes, please visit http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show.

Look, folks, we can’t make this stuff up. (If we could we’d be writing it instead of reporting on it!) Check out the first Adventures of Team Pom graphic novel, called Squid Happens. “When oddballs Agnes, Roberta and Ruby discover a shared passion for synchronized swimming, the trio become Team Pom. But between snack time, their favorite TV show, and raising pigeons, it can be hard to find time to practice. This crew of self-proclaimed weirdos are tired of their loser status in the pool. But on their way to gain the respect and free snacks they deserve, they stumble upon a lonely giant squid. Will he be the secret weapon they need for synchronized swimming stardom? Will they be able to outwit the sinister strangers in bowler hats, or will they end up with ink on their faces?” Anthropomorphics includes all kinds of animals… Squid Happens is written and illustrated by Isabel Roxas, and it’s available now from Flying Eye Books.

image c. 2021 Flying Eye Books

Hi, Papa Bear,

I'm having a little bit of a, I guess you could call it a "furry crisis?" I've started reading Beastars (and I've been a furry way before that, so that's not the problem), and I've noticed I'm attracted to anthropomorphic characters. Yes, I've played furry dating sims before out of boredom or curiosity and grew fond of characters or even attracted to them.

I feel like I'm rambling. Sorry for my bad wording -- I'll just cut to the chase. I'm attracted to anthros on occasion, and I'm wondering if that's the same as bestiality or zoophilia. I don't look at real animals and feel sexually attracted to them, just for reference, and I find people who are pretty disgusting.

I'm just kind of all confused about this and it's causing me some pretty bad stress, even though it isn't a bad idea. What've been your experiences with this sorta situation?

Thanks

Margo the Skunk

* * *
Dear Margo,

*Ahem* I think you will find that a majority of furries (not all) are attracted to anthros and that is a big reason we are furries. Like you, it does not mean we are into zoophilia and it is not bestiality. What it means is that we find the combination of human and animal characteristics attractive. Biologically speaking, the human attributes (such as human penises, women's breasts, the buttocks, etc.) still send a signal to our brains that this is something sexually stimulating, but, at the same time, we find physical characteristics such as fur, a fuzzy tail, a snout, claws and fangs, also very attractive. 

In my humble opinion, though, it is not just these physical characteristics that we like but also the symbolism of animalistic sex and unrestrained gratification. You see, in Anglo society, anyway (not as much in the more liberated European society) and perhaps in Asian and Hispanic cultures, there is a lot of pressure to be sexually restrained and suppressed. This is especially true if you are not cis or straight, but it also applies to regular ol' hetero libidos in action. Anthro imagery represents sexual freedom in a lot of ways. For example, anthros often don't wear clothing (heck, even in cartoons for kids, they often go without pants), which is very liberating. They can also represent animalistic craving, the urge to mate and to do so with wild abandon. It's about breaking the chains that society places on sexual behavior.

Many people--mundanes especially--confuse furry attraction with zoophilia because they don't understand furries and leap to the wrong conclusions, as you have done here, I'm afraid. To be clear, I am only addressing the sexual aspect of furry here, since that was your question, but that is not the core of being furry. It is just one aspect of it.

I hope that answers your question. Don't get psyched out about your attractions. They don't make you a bad person and they certainly don't make you a zoophile.

Hugs,
Papabear

We’re starting to move quickly through the year now. In just two months time, we will see the return of Furry Book Month – a celebration for the furry genre that will go through the entire month of October.
This year will see the return of the Furry Writers’ Guild’s most ambitious project to date – Oxfurred Comma. We will be back for the sequel, and this newsletter will go into some of the details about what the second edition will look like.

What?
Oxfurred Comma is an online furry writing convention, run by writers for writers.

When?
October 16-17th 2021! Exact times are not yet certain, but it will probably run to a similar format to last year, where each day ran from mid-morning to late (US time).

Where?
Online! Specifically, the FWG’s Twitch channel. There will also be plenty of discussions happening on our Telegram and Discord groups, so be sure to join those as well.

Who?
Everyone! Everyone is welcome to attend the online panels, readings, and other events. All writers – guild members or otherwise – are invited to contribute to the events as well. If you have something interesting to share, whether that’s a book reading, a panel about writing, or something else entirely, you are welcome to propose an event. Details below.

Why?
Oxfurred Comma was specifically set up last year to provide furry writers with the opportunity to network, sell, and otherwise share knowledge in a safe, online space with the cancellation of all in-person conventions because of COVID19. While some conventions are starting to return this year, we made the decision to continue Oxfurred Comma because it gives writers a much bigger platform than most conventions manage.
More than that: everyone thoroughly enjoyed last year – of course we’d bring it back for some more!

Panels and Events
A convention is made by the quality of the panels and other content.
The Oxfurred Comma staff will be providing some of that content, but we can’t do it all ourselves! We will be asking anyone who feels like they have something interesting or important to offer to the community to contribute.
If you have a good idea for a panel about any aspect of writing – let us know!
If you have a new book coming out soon and would like to do a short reading – let us know!
If you have a writing podcast and would like to do a live show during the convention – let us know!

If the response is anything like last year, then we may not be able to fit in everyone’s panels, but we shall do our best! So that we have enough time to work out a proper schedule, please send in your panel ideas by August 31st.

Please send any panel requests through to the FWG email, or directly to myself (J.F.R. Coates) on Twitter, Telegram, or Discord.

Dealer’s Den
We have not yet finalised just how we will be going about the Dealer’s Den this year. We feel that this was possibly the weakest aspect of the convention last year, and we will be working out how to improve it for this year – or a potential replacement. We absolutely want to provide people and publishers with the opportunities to promote and sell their work.
More details will come here!

More?
We are, of course, always happy to hear more thoughts and suggestions on how to make Oxfurred Comma a great success. If you have any ideas on things that can be done – be it specific events you’d like to see or whatever – then please get in contact with us. We are always happy to hear what the community thinks – after all, this convention is for you!

Of course, this isn’t all about Oxfurred Comma. We’re also bringing you the deadlines for all the anthologies we think would suit our members. Some of these deadlines are pretty close, so better get writing!

• Xenocultivars: Stories of Queer Growth – Deadline August 7th
• Arthropoda – Deadline August 7th
• SFWG’s Nightmare Fuel – Deadline September 15th
• The Nightmurr Before Yiffmas – Deadline October 1st
• Pirating Pups – Deadline November 30th
• FURWARD SLASH: A Furry Adult Techno-Horror Anthology – Deadline November 30th
• Isekai Me! – Deadline When Full
• #ohmurr! – Deadline: Ongoing
• Zooscape – Reoccurring submission period.

The Furry Writers’ Guild is also looking for books to promote.
If you are a guild member who has a book release coming up, then please get in contact with us so that we can help share this news through our social media outlets. We will be keeping an eye out for new books ourselves, but if you don’t want us to miss it, send us an email or message and we can make a note of it.

For now, we will only promote self-published books if they are from a guild member. All books through a publisher will be considered (in most circumstances, a book published through a publisher will qualify for FWG membership). This scope may well change in the future, so keep checking back to our social media feeds and blog posts for more information.

That is all for this month’s newsletter. We’re all excited for Oxfurred Comma, so please start sending in those thoughts and offers for panels and other content. We can’t wait to see what this wonderful community is able to do.

Keep safe. Keep writing!
J.F.R. Coates

It's what podcasting should be about.

This week - Savrin bonked themselves, Activision Blizzard is being sued by California, fake scrolls, and soda DRM. 

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Southpawscast 

LINKS
Telegram fan chat: https://t.me/joinchat/P2iJg8tyj-KNGaci

Episode 495 - Fun With Your Friends - It's what podcasting should be about. This week - Savrin bonked themselves, Activision Blizzard is being sued by California, fake scrolls, and soda DRM.  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Southpawscast  LINKSTelegram f

Comic artist Yehudi Mercado is back with another graphic novel for young folks. (We talked about him recently!) This time he’s illustrating for writer Matthew Cody as they bring us the first book of Cat Ninja. “Beware, villains! Cat Ninja may appear to be nothing more than a silly internet meme. But he is evil’s greatest enemy, and the silent master of Kat Fu and carpet scratching! Raised from a kitten by a kindly old ninja master, Claude now spends his days as the pampered house cat of an eleven-year-old boy. But when trouble arises, Claude dons his mask and springs into action as Cat Ninja — Metro City’s secret protector! In Book 1 of the series, follow our feline hero’s early exploits as he tries to keep his secret identity under wraps while thwarting the evil plans of slimy thugs, rampaging robots, and a certain rodent nemesis who lives under the same roof!” Simon & Schuster have a preview on paw.

image c. 2021 Andrews McMeel Publishing

MOOBARKFLUFF! Click here to send us a comment or message about the show!

We pay another visit to Lux's Transfurmation Station to turn Taebyn into something very useful. Did any Fur go to the Beach this week? Can puns be leveled? Is the Australian Mint something to eat? What are the probabilities that Taebyn will choose a queen?  All these questions, and more, will be answered on this weeks episode!  So Tune In and Bark along! Moobarkfluff!

Want BFFT Merch? Go to: https://www.bonfire.com/store/bearly-furcasting/

Support the show

Thanks to all our listeners and to our staff: Bearly Normal, Rayne Raccoon, Taebyn, Cheetaro, TickTock, and Ziggy the Meme Weasel.

You can send us a message on Telegram at BFFT Chat, or via email at: bearlyfurcasting@gmail.com

Bearly Furcasting S2E14 - TransFURmation Station, Japanese Maples, News, Math, and Fun

Source link: 极兽聚的动态-哔哩哔哩 (bilibili.com) China’s largest furry convention, Super Furry Fusion has just announced the cancellation of this year’s event slated on Aug 1, following consultation with local authorities since the presence of the COVID-19 Delta variant in the neighbouring province of Jiangsu. Dear attendees, we are very sorry to inform you that after consultation […]

… or at least you’ve heard of it by now. Love is a series of hardcover graphic novels written by Frederic Brremaud and Federico Bertolucci. Each one is a wordless story of death and survival in the wilderness, following a particular animal. The latest is called Love: The Mastiff. “A loyal Australian hunting dog finds himself alone in the outback when his master is bitten by a poisonous snake. He must venture across the dangerous outback to find his way home alone.” The Magnetic Press web site has several preview pages and even a trailer.

image c. 2021 Magnetic Press

As the Tokyo Summer Olympics approaches, Australian supermarket chain Woolworths is in for a surprise. Their Aussie Heroes‘ mascot characters had became a hot furry fandom tourist hotspot. The Hockey and Surfing Kangaroos, as well as Sydney Paralympics 2000 mascot Lizzie, adorned the designs front and centre. It came in the forms of stickers, comic […]

Canadian convention Anthro East Coast, or AEC, has recently confirmed that the furcon will close, and its parent company will disband by September. This came after the furcon has announced their search for a new chairperson in April after their former leader stepped down in March. Reaching out for more planning volunteers always have left […]

The Internet has been going crazy now that the news has been released that a new Pokemon live action TV series is in early development at Netflix. Here’s what Variety had to say: “As the project is still in its early days, no details are available about the plot. However, sources say that Joe Henderson is attached to write and executive produce. Henderson currently serves as co-showrunner and executive producer on the popular Netflix series Lucifer… Sources also say that the project would be a live-action series akin to the Detective Pikachu film starring Ryan Reynolds and Justice Smith that was released in 2019… The move to develop an original Netflix Pokemon series comes as the streamer has made itself the home to multiple existing Pokemon shows, including Pokemon: Indigo League and Pokemon Journeys among others… Netflix has been moving into more live-action adaptations of anime titles as well, including the upcoming Cowboy Bebop and One Piece live-action shows.” Hope we find out more soon!

image c. 2021 Warner Brothers

TigerTails Radio Season 13 Episode 22 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf For a full preview of events and for previous episodes, please visit http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show.

An inspiring, humorous full-color graphic novel for young readers, with some cool facts to learn about insects thrown in for good measure! It’s Burt The Beetle Doesn’t Bite, written and illustrated by Ashley Spires. “Meet Burt, a ten-lined june beetle. He’s sure he belongs in the category of bugs with superpower-like abilities. No, he can’t carry 50 times his weight, like ants. No, he’s not able to spray paralyzing venom, like some termites. No, he can’t release a bad smell to repel predators, like stink bugs. What june beetles are known for is chasing porch lights and flailing their legs in the air — does that count? Hmm … Maybe Burt will just have to accept the truth. June beetles don’t have any special abilities. But when some other bugs find themselves in perilous trouble that even their superpowers can’t get them out of, Burt suddenly realizes there is one thing that he can do to save his friends — and it’s something that only a june beetle can do!” Available now in trade paperback from Kids Can Press.

image c. 2021 Kids Can Press

Hi, Papa Bear,

I'm glad to hear you're doing well, and also glad to hear you're getting a chance to visit relatives.

Well, about what I wanted to ask... As you might guess from the length of this email, it might be a much simpler question, but I provided quite a bit of context so maybe you can help me identify a pattern here. Some of it does get explicit and heavy, so I would suggest reading this at a time when you're sure you won't get too phased, when and if you do.

How do you stop yourself from wanting to be a hero of a rescuer to your friends, before it only gets overbearing for them? And in the case of the second story I share with you, how can one really forgive oneself for not having done what was best to do?

It seems as though as if attempting to have a hero, rescuer or guru complex has been doing nothing but harm, in the sense that I've been getting results that were the polar opposite of what I was expecting, and in several occasions it has been precisely because I didn't stop to listen to people or to think about the situation that they were in before I made my own assessment of what I thought I should say to them.

Almost a month ago, a friend that I had been out of touch with since 2017, and that I had been trying to get back in touch with since 2019, added me on Discord and we were going to catch up; however, when I asked her how things were going when she last messaged me, came the subject of her marriage, which had went far from well. As a matter of fact, she was divorced and she didn't want to talk about it, but I kept asking. As she finally began to open up, it was clear she had been in a physically abusive relationship. I feel bad admitting to this now, but I've always had this firm belief that if someone gets into an abusive relationship, it's partly their own responsibility, because they're indirectly looking to have someone else take control of their lives--because they don't have faith in themselves, or whatever may be the case, but I believe it's a subconscious choice that stems out of poor self esteem, since abusers don't abuse people who are assertive, but people who are weak.

Anyway, as she told me more about her story, I didn't give her any signs that I was actually listening. As a matter of fact, I kept on trying to find comparisons between the kind of abuse she lived and the kind that I experienced (which was much milder in comparison, definitely not the same situation); and ultimately, she opened up about something she didn't want to bring up to begin with, and I didn't listen because I was too focused on wanting to share my own experiences, and I suppose that it was to attempt to make it look like I had learned things that I could share with her... And well, she has virtually not talked back to me ever since and it's not difficult to see why now.

I don't know why she still hasn't removed me yet, but I have a feeling that I've ruined things beyond repair, or at least I have no idea how I can repair any of it. I sent her an apology without trying to dip too much exactly into what went wrong (for the sake of not rubbing salt into the wound) but I doubt that's made things any better, and without any feedback, I don't know if she's taking temporary distance from me, or if she wants me to be the one who makes the decision to walk away.

(This next part is a bit explicit and it contains (albeit unintentional) animal cruelty...)

And today, I had the displeasure to witness how a puppy got ran over (or rather... Crushed ) by a pickup truck, and I couldn't react fast enough, I couldn't yell to the driver in time for him to stop the truck, and I could have because he was parking... I had no better idea than to yell at him angrily for what he did when he stepped out of the truck, and he got angry at me because I just told him off instead of trying to help, and he attempted to fight me, before checking in on the dog and then just driving off. I didn't even think of taking the license plate number. The owner's daughter was crying, I got up close to them to try and offer moral support but by then I noticed there was nothing I could do and... I just felt so useless and stupid. I wanted to play hero by showing this driver my outrage and all I did was giving him a reason for him to drive off, and the one thing I could have done which was to take his license plate number, I didn't think of until he was gone.

Now... As you might have noticed I have a bit of a problem with brevity. I don't know how many of these details I could have spared, I often have this idea in my head than in order to get a proper grasp of the situation, the listener should have all the context available, but I don't know how much of all of this that I've told you was gratuitous or not.

If you've read this far, I would also like to ask you how I can convey a point to someone (someone that I want to have input from about something), without needing to barrage them with so much stuff for the sake of giving them context.

I hope you're doing well, I'm sorry if this was too heavy to read, I guess I'll find out when I read your response.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to have a space to talk about this stuff.

Regards,
Mihael / Jun / Kyū

* * *

Dear Mihael (or Jun or Kyū):

Thank you for writing a very important letter, and I apologize for my delayed reply. What you've written here is highly relevant to what I do as the "Ask Papabear" advice columnist. You might have noted that I have a Disclaimer page that explicitly points out that I do not have a degree in psychology or social work and that if you have a serious issue you should see a professional therapist for help. The column was started innocently enough to be about informing furries on the ins and outs of the fandom, but it has become much more than that.

I take this column extremely seriously when it comes to responding to people with relationship or health issues. I draw on my decades of personal experiences that include everything from weddings and divorces to parental abuse and attempted suicide, but even with all my best intentions, I do not always get it right. Sometimes, you have to recognize that you are in over your head and you should just give the person a hug and let them go. I'll give you an example. I was living in Michigan, and I was at a Meijer store and bumped into a former coworker I had worked with at a publishing house. Her clothes were stained and unkempt. I started talking with her, and she proceeded to tell me how her life had gone south. People, she said, were spying on her, conspiring against her, even burning down her mobile home and she was now homeless. The more I listened, the more I realized that she was suffering from extreme paranoia. She was not a well woman. I wanted to do something, but I didn't know what. After talking for what must have been about 20 or more minutes, I wished her well and left the store. Later, I talked to one of my friends who had also been there at my old job, and she wisely said, "There are some things you can't fix and shouldn't try to because it is beyond your ability to help." That's a tough pill to swallow, but it is true.

You can't rescue everyone, and it is not your job to do so. Now, don't think that I mean you shouldn't try to be a friend. After my husbear Jim died in 2015, I learned about the two types of friends who try to console you. One type tries to "cure" you of your grief and, eventually, tells you that you should "try to move on." This is the worst possible thing you can say to a grieving person because the reason would-be consolers do this, quite frankly, is that they don't want to hear about your grief anymore. They want you to be happy only because you are making them sad. The other type of friend is the one who won't try--you might think this is ironic--to offer you advice or force you to feel better. These are the people who give you a shoulder to cry on. They listen and hug you. They offer to make you a meal or (as my dear friend Bart did) accompany you to a concert to try and give you a little something fun to do, a break from your grief.

So, to answer your first question, don't try to be a hero or rescuer. DO be a friend. Real, true friends are the most precious gift anyone could have.

About the friend who was in an abusive relationship. I think you know by now, but I want to make clear that it is never the fault of the abused person when they are in an abusive relationship. I cannot stress that enough. There are three things you should do if this ever happens again: 1) Listen. 2) Listen. 3) Listen. Keep your focus on the other person and do not go into rescue mode. Be there for the other person. 

Here's the next point I need to vehemently stress that you might find surprising: If you believe that your neighbor is being victimized, do not call the police unless you see violence occurring right in front of you and you fear for the immediate safety and life of someone (just as you should for any violent crime). Here is why: you could actually make the problem worse and put the abused person in more serious danger. Imagine this scene. You contact the police and they visit your neighbor's house and the husband opens the door. The police say there have been reports of domestic violence. Without any evidence (or being caught in the act), they can't just walk into the house and rescue the wife. So, the husband tells the police to get out of his house unless they have a warrant, and then turns on his wife and beats her for calling the cops. I've heard many stories, too, in which police arrive at a scene and don't believe the woman when she says she is being punched or raped. 

As noted in a Brick Underground article: "It’s very dangerous to call the police if you don’t know that’s something the person who’s being victimized really wants," explains Lorien Castelle, director of prevention at the New York State Coalition Against Domsetic Violence (NYSCADV). "Because there can be dire consequences if the police are called and then the victim is blamed for them showing up. Sometimes the violence escalates." She adds: "The problem is that all of our systems are a little bit broken, and people don't always understand domestic violence in the way they need to in order to responsibly help. Quite often, when the police get called, it starts this ripple-out effect of services and systems involved in a person's life, all of which tend to assume that once a victim leaves the home, they'll be safer. But women living apart from their abusers experience nearly four times the amount of physical assault, sexual assault, and stalking than they do when they live with their abuser."
​
The Office on Women's Health provides a list of resources concerning domestic violence at https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/get-help/state-resources. You can do some research and discreetly offer the information to the victim, as well as offering them a sympathetic ear.

The same can be true when you think someone might be suicidal. I have made this mistake once. Years ago, I was chatting with a furry. They told me with increasing earnestness that they were going to kill themselves. Alarmed--and knowing where they lived--I contacted the local police. The officers showed up at his door and he got rid of them. Then, he called me and read me the riot act and never spoke to me again. Now, that wasn't an incident involving my column, but I sure learned my lesson. When someone writes to "Ask Papabear" and expresses suicidal thoughts, I urge them to call the national suicide hotline for help, and then I step out of the way. If you are unsure what to do, you yourself can contact domestic abuse or suicide prevention hotlines and ask them for advice on what you can do to help victims. ALWAYS seek guidance from the people who have training and expertise in such matters. 

Regarding the puppy incident: this is really a whole nuther animal, so to speak, and worthy of a separate column, but let's address it here and now. Let's not get into the whole thing about your yelling at the guy who hit the animal, causing an argument without results. Here is what you need to know about car/animal accidents....

• It can make a difference whether it is a domestic animal/pet vs. a wild animal (e.g., deer, possum, raccoon, etc.). In the United States, pets and livestock are considered private property under the law, and running over them, injuring, or killing them must be reported to the local police (and/or animal control). 
• If you hit and injure an animal such as a cat or dog, pull over, check on the animal, and call the police. If the owner is nearby, obviously tell them. Also, if there is damage to your car, contact your insurance company. Take pictures, record information (if you are just a witness, yes, get a license plate and get ID of the driver if you can). 
• If you are the driver, you may be liable for any veterinarian or other expenses, especially if you take possession of the animal and/or take it to a vet.
• If the dog or cat was running around without the owner controlling it, you probably will not get into any legal trouble. If you deliberately or recklessly hit the animal, then you could be sued by the owner and get charged by police for animal cruelty. If you leave the scene, you can also be charged with causing property damage without informing the owner.
• The same applies if you hit a livestock animal, such as a goat, chicken, or cow.
• If you hit a wild animal, such as a deer or other animal, the issue about damaging or destroying private property goes away, but you still have some obligations to fulfill. Obviously, if you hit a large animal like a deer, it can cause damage to your car and--hopefully not--injure passengers and driver. Call your insurance company, make sure people get medical attention if needed, and report the incident to the state police or highway patrol. With smaller animals, you can report such incidents, too. Check your local laws, though, because these vary state to state. ​

Here is a good article all about hitting pets. https://pethelpful.com/pet-ownership/I-Hit-a-Dog-with-My-Car-What-Am-I-Legally-Required-to-Do.

One does not play the hero by yelling at someone you believe has done something wrong. If you witness something that is criminal behavior or dangerous and violent, the thing to do is not take matters in your own hands. Ask for help.

I hope this helps. 

Hugs,
Papabear

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Beeton Nukicoon joins us this week to discuss his life in the fandom, his YouTube channel and things in general. Taebyn raps math, we talk about paper, are socks the new easter eggs? And what of the Oregon State Fair? Are numbers non-exclusive? How much paper is thrown at people during a ticker tape parade? All in all we have a suuuuper great time with an episode fraught with puns.  Can things get any crazier? Will you have a flungledingle? How Mu is it? E! You will only know if you listen! Join us for fun, frolic, and fantastic tom foolery this week.   Moobarkfluff!

To find Beeton's YouTube click here. 

To hear the song collab with Regdeh, click HERE

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Bearly Furcasting S2E13 - Beeton Nukicoon, Flungledingle, Entropy Rock Rap, Story

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image c. 2021 Harper Collins

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image c. 2021 Andrews McMeel