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Hello Papa,

I recently just got a fursuit commissioned and I really love how it came out. I posted a vid of me dancing in it on the fursuit Reddit, and one of the replies asked if my suit was one of a character from the show My Hero Academia. After I looked up the character I didn’t think they looked too alike, but I also have diagnosed OCD, with a very long history of obsessions over appearance/originality/etc. This is something that’s really bothering me. I know most people who see the suit don’t even think about this character because inherently they don’t look alike, but it’s tough to see this after getting the fursuit which cost a lot of money.

I've been having intrusive thoughts telling me that MHA is gonna sue me or something and the internet is gonna say that my character isn’t original. I know this is extremely irrational and kind of ridiculous, but it would be nice to get some insight. I will assure you though, that when you see both characters side by side, you may ask yourself why this person asked if they were alike. Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a great day! :)

EJ

* * *

Hi, EJ,

Not sure if you got my earlier email asking if you could share pics of your fursona and the My Hero Academia (MHA) character, but since I didn't hear back, I will just reply given the information I have from your email.

When it comes to copyright violation, I'm confident you have nothing to worry about. In order for you to be in clear violation, your fursona would need to have an unmistakable resemblance to the MHA character. That resemblance should not only be physical, but also be applicable to things like their behavior, background story, and even catch phrases. As you noted, "most people" who have seen your fursona have not mentioned that it looks like a pre-existing character. You are reacting, apparently, to ONE person making ONE remark about your character. This was, sadly, enough to trigger your OCD issues.

I assure you, EJ, all of this has to do with your OCD talking. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. If it makes you feel any better, I have seen out-and-out duplications of Disney characters at furcons, and nobody was ever sued. For example, I once bumped into a furry dressed as Brer Fox from Disney's Song of the South. I spoke with them briefly, and they were even imitating their speech patterns and mannerisms. This was years ago, and the furry never was sued. And this is Disney, a company well known for filing lawsuits.

Of course, MHA is not owned by Disney. The primary owner of the show is Viz Media, which is not known to be as lawsuit happy as Disney. However, they did recently win a $26 million lawsuit against 100 entities that were profiting off their shows using clear copyright infringement. Again, these were not in the same league as you and your fursuit. They were clearly profiting off stolen intellectual property, which is definitely not what you are doing.

Now, just to cover the bases, there are some circumstances to note here.
​

1. If you dress up as a copyrighted character owned by a corporation or individual and you do so for profit, then yes, you can certainly be sued for that. For example, if I dressed up as Mickey Mouse and hired myself out to children's birthday parties and charged the parents money and then Disney found out, I would be in big trouble because they would definitely have a case against me. Disney is probably the most terrifying company in this regard. They even once sued a kindergarten for painting Disney characters on the school's walls.
2. If you are drawing a character owned by someone else but you are doing so for parody or satirical purposes, you cannot be sued--usually. A lot of this has to do with one of two things: 1) trademark violation; 2) use of a real, living person's name. For example, you can't use a commercial logo, alter it slightly, and put it on some artwork or a product for sale if that altered logo could easily be confused with the real thing. Or, of course, you can't just reproduce the logo and slap it on something. One extreme example is that you can't use the Seal of the President of the United States and put it on a website or, say, a book cover, as this implies the President is endorsing that thing. Also, you couldn't, say, name your fursona "Elon Musk" and go to cons telling people to call you Elon.
3. You also can't use satire and parody if it could easily be construed as defamation, slander, or libel. But for that to happen, you would have to be portraying something egregiously hurtful for profit. This is what President Donald Jessica Trump is trying with the show South Park. It's doubtful he will win, though, because for his lawsuit he would have to show that the creators of the cartoon, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, were depicting the events in the cartoon as true and factual, which they clearly are not doing.

Since you already know your fears are "irrational," I hope the above provides a bit more support for an argument you already understand: You are not going to get in trouble with your fursuit because: 1) it really is not that similar to the cartoon character, according to you and most other people, 2) you are not doing anything for profit, and 3) you are not doing anything that can be construed as libelous, slanderous, or defamatory.

You're fine. Relax and enjoy your new fursuit!

Bear Hugs!
Papabear

Welcome to "Fresh Fur!" Our bi-weekly installment going over the newest game releases, and which ones you can expect to find anthros/furries in!

Check the list below for all the games we could find with animal/anthro influences and characters.

Major New Releases for the Weeks of September 1-13, 2025:

• Metal Eden (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, PC) - September 2
• Hell is Us (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, PC) - September 4
• Hollow Knight: Silksong (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, Switch, Switch 2) - September 4
• Cronos: The New Dawn (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, Switch 2, PC) - September 5
• Everybody's Golf Hot Shots (PS5, Switch, PC) - September 5
• NBA 2K26 (PS5, PS4, Xbox Series X|S, Xbox One, Switch, Switch 2, PC) - September 5
• Knights of the Crusades (PC) - September 6
• Bubsy: The Purrfect Collection (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, Switch, PC) - September 9
• Firefighting Simulator: Ignite (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, PC) - September 9
• Shape of Dreams (PC) - September 10
• Garfield Kart 2: All You Can Drift (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, PC) - September 10
• Borderlands 4 (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, PC) - September 12
• Gloomy Eyes (PS5, Xbox Series X|S, Switch, PC) - September 12
• NHL 26 (PS5, Xbox Series X|S) - September 12

*Bolded games have furry/animal influences/characters

Furry & Animal Steam Game Finds:

These games were found in the New Releases section of Steam this week and will be updated as more come out throughout the week!

MOOBARKFLUFF! Click here to send us a comment or message about the show!

Welcome to another episode of BFFT! We have all the staff here as Rayne and Ziggy join us from their new home in Chile’! This episode has it all: jokes, puns, silliness, movie review, furry news, upcoming events, and our regular Taebyn wackiness!  Listening to this episode will lighten your heart and make you chuckle at least for a little while. So tune in for another amazing(?) episode of BFFT! Moobarkfluff everyfur!

This podcast contains adult language and adult topics. It is rated M for Mature. Listener discretion is advised.

Support the show

Thanks to all our listeners and to our staff: Bearly Normal, Rayne Raccoon, Taebyn, Cheetaro, TickTock, and Ziggy the Meme Weasel.

You can send us a message on Telegram at BFFT Chat, or via email at: bearlyfurcasting@gmail.com

Bearly Furcasting S6E6 - 6 x 6

Surprising absolutely no one (but quite possibly delighting many!), it’s been announced that Bluey and her canine friends and family will be coming to movie screens — and now, we have a release date for it! This is from Variety: “The CG-animated feature film based on the hit Australian animated children’s series is set for a global theatrical release on Aug. 6, 2027. After hitting theaters, the Bluey film will be available to stream on Disney+ and on ABC iview and ABC Kids in Australia. The Bluey movie is written and directed by series creator Joe Brumm and is a Ludo Studio production. It will feature voice talent from the series, including Melanie Zanetti as Bluey’s mom Chilli and David McCormack as dad Bandit. Richard Jeffrey (Bluey Seasons 1-3) will co-direct with Amber Naismith (Happy Feet, The Lego Movie) producing. Series composer Joff Bush will provide the score.” Not much information yet about the plot, but stay tooned.

image c. 2025 Ludo Studios

A dog from the future explains a pleasant interstellar society in this sci-fi audio series. This series explores the topics of transhumanism, animal uplift, space travel, realistic artificial intelligence, terraforming, and a future you'd want to live in. Allison & The Cool New Spaceship Body https://shipfolk.neocities.org/Shipfolk.html Music: "Dew" by Jinpa https://soundcloud.com/user-975748551-495337716 Writing & Narration: Tempe O'Kun https://www.furaffinity.net/user/tempo321/ Puplift has been nominated for a Cóyotl Award! https://coyotlawards.com/2021-coyotl-awards-reading-list/ Merch, Sweet Tees and stuff: https://culturally-fd-merchandise.creator-spring.com/ Support Culturally F'd: https://www.patreon.com/culturallyfd Listen in on TEMPO TALKS with Tempe O'Kun https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIPk-itLl1jPyIK2c7mK-LpbvfDNqfcSW Check out Tempe O'Kun's books "Sixes Wild" and "Windfall" here: http://furplanet.com/shop/?affillink=YOUTU2907 Here's a playlist of his other Culturally F'd videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIPk-itLl1jPS7tnT4hdJwBI-CeLF8Kb_

The concept of Gold Gold Adventure Gold is an intriguing one. You play as a God-like overseer watching over a growing kingdom meant to do one thing: acquire more and more gold through various means. Whether this is by selling goods, completing dungeon quests, or enticing generous adventurers into your tavern and other market stalls, your omnipotent powers are constantly used to build on, upgrade, and expand your settlement, whilst also making sure it doesn’t fall to the nearly nightly hordes of monsters that try and attack it if you don’t keep them at bay. All the while you’re also joined by a God-beast of your choosing that acts as a “boots on the ground” being that wreaks havoc on enemies, or assists adventurers in their quests. This is still an early access game, so I’m taking that into account in this review. 

TigerTails Radio Season 16 Episode 33 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf Join the Telegram Chat: https://t.me/+yold2C77m0I1MmM0 Visit the website at http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of any song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show. Credits: Opening music: Magic by Hedge Haiden (Double Hedge Studios) Character art: Fitzroy Fox - https://www.furaffinity.net/user/lunara-toons / https://bsky.app/profile/fitzroyfox.bsky.social Background art: Charleston Rat - https://www.furaffinity.net/user/charlestonrat / https://bsky.app/profile/charlestonrat.bsky.social If you like what we do and wish to throw some pennies our way to support us, please consider sending a little tip our way. https://streamlabs.com/tigertailsradio/tip * Please note, tips are made to support TigerTails Radio and are assumed as made with good faith, so are therefore non-refundable. Thank you for your support and understanding.

It’s a brand new day. You wake up and get out of bed in time to go about your daily business. You feed the animals, an assortment of cows, sheep and chickens.You go out and water the crops. Harvest anything you can and then promptly decide to go into town. Along the way you find colorful flowers and weeds to cut down and interesting looking rocks to smash. Once in town, you visit with the townsfolk, say hi and buy food and feed from the different shops. Maybe while this is happening, you have a run in with an old friend who wants to tell you something or share some exciting news. When the day is spent, you return to your farm and turn in for the evening, excited for the weekly bazaar to start back up the next day.

Look, we don’t know where this came from either — but here it is! Mutant Cats, the graphic novel. “Mutant Labs is your typical science lab. They do work on rockets, gene splicing, finding cures, and you know…inter-dimensional energy type stuff. The company is currently working on their potentially biggest breakthrough yet: a renewable energy device strong enough to power an entire city block, but small enough to fit into the palm of your paw: about the size of a ball of yarn, and comprised of a powerful synthetic thread that draws power from alternate planes of existence. It’s complicated, but it works, trust us. So what’s this great innovation called? Mutant Labs are currently calling it: The Cluster. But with all great inventions, hubris is always a problem. The Mutant Labs higher-ups want the Cluster ready for market “yesterday”, forcing project leader Flux and his team of idiot geniuses to scramble and cut some corners to get it working in time for the big event. But taking shortcuts can be dangerous when you’re working with that inter-dimensional energy type stuff. With realities overlapping, we’ve now entered the Mutantverse. And let me tell you, it’s a real cluster fu@%.” What we do know is it was written by Matthew Medney and Morgan Rosenblum, with illustration by Alex Arizmendi. And it’s available now from Gungnir.

image c. 2025 Gungnir Entertainment

Getting lost in a new item-filled, minigame packed, decorating encouraged experience is always exciting. There are visuals to be delighted by, characters to meet, and fresh grass to spread out your newly acquired trinkets on. One such game that just pounced its way onto Steam is Kimono Cats, developed by HumaNature Games and published by RedDeer.Games. In it, you pop prize bubbles with darts that then reward you with coins or a bevy of other fun experiences to take part in, which lead to you and your purrfect partner building a customizable village of fantastically fun decorations that you can show off to other players. I had a great time sitting back and enjoying the cozy, casual nature of the Kimono Cats, and think it’s an overall very well-developed and paced experience.

I had such an unexpected surprise when I was scrolling Steam’s new releases and spotted Bean Beasts' release! It’s been quite a while since I played a tower defense game and Bean Beasts definitely ticked all the boxes for intriguing me. I instantly picked it up, had it installed, and was setting up my first defensive run in probably the fastest impulse decision possible, and you can ask Daxel, I don’t make a ton of fast impulses when it comes to buying games. Was it the cute blue lizard main character riding his trusty turtle steed? Was it the dog beast galloping by your side, defending you with all his might? Maybe it was the feeling of impending doom with a giant dinosaur looming just over the horizon, roaring to challenge those who enter his domain. Who’s to say? All I knew was I was in it to win it, and Bean Beasts was scratching the itch of conquest.

More furry graphic novels for young readers: This time it’s the Duck and Moose series by writer and artist Kirk Reedstrom. First up is Duck Moves In! “Moose loves peace and quiet, relaxing, living alone, and spring! He can’t wait for the arrival of sun, flowers, and… a new neighbor?! Duck just landed himself a new home. He loves parties, karaoke, and living with — and on — Moose’s head. Moose tries everything he can to send Duck away, but he soon finds that this persistent neighbor might just be the best thing spring could bring.” All this and more (like Moose Blasts Off!) are available now from Penguin Random House.

image c. 2025 Penguin Random House

It’s September, and I just staggered back from Dragon Con with a (fortunately mild) case of con crud. I also just moved to another state, so if you have contacted the guild about something and haven’t heard back, please reach out again. It might have slipped between the cracks in all the chaos of moving.

We’re getting really close to October, which means Furry Book Month! That means we’re now collecting submissions for this year’s Furry Book Bundle! Please remember that you MUST be a current member of the FWG to submit your book. If you’re not, this might be a good time to apply.

We are taking submissions for both a general audiences and an 18+ book bundle until Sept. 27, 2025. To submit your novel for consideration, please keep the following qualifications in mind:

The author must be a member of the Furry Writers’ Guild.
The story must be self-published.
The story must be a novel.
The story must be a stand-alone or first in a series (no sequels).
The story must be furry.
The story cannot have been included in a previous bundle.

The bundles will be available on Gumroad for pay-what-you-want (minimum price of $10), with proceeds split evenly between all contributing authors and the FWG. Please get your entries in before September 26th, since we want the bundle to go live on October 1st. We would like to include around ten novels per bundle. Since we want to showcase as wide a variety of writers as possible, we are more likely to choose submissions by authors who have not been featured in a previous bundle.

To submit your book, use this link: https://forms.gle/6efvMSDVQTVpvqGu8

We’ll also be revving up for the Furry Novel Jam in October, for those of us who need a way to help reach our writing goals. Furry Novel Jam goes year-round for those who want to participate, though! You can find out more on the FWG Discord and join in. I took the opportunity of a new month to start my own daily writing goal yesterday. Only 400 words, but it’s progress! I hope your writing is going well too.

Here are the current open markets for your short stories:
Plott Hound – Deadline September 15, 2025
Indecent Exposure – Deadline December 22, 2025
This Is Halloween – Deadline When Full
Children Of The Night – Deadline When Full

Please also check out the latest book releases from our members:
Meeting Dominique, by Royce Day, Released May 1, 2025.
Dragon’s Soul, by J.F.R. Coates, Released June 7, 2025.
Two Strikes and I’m Out, by Michael H. Payne (poetry), Released June 16, 2025.
Tales from the Guild: Blood and Water, Released June 30, 2025.
A Portrait for Tomorrow, by Raynarde, Released June 30, 2025.
Winterfall, by Lauren Rivers, Released July 15, 2025.
The Bones Behind the Glass, by Renard Avec-Histoire, Released August 18, 2025.
Gravitational Pull, by Ty Fox, Released August 19, 2025.
Legend of Ahya: A Divinity Decayed [Book 5], by Matthew Colvath, Releasing Nov. 30, 2025.

Happy writing!
Kate Shaw

TigerTails Radio Season 16 Episode 32 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf Join the Telegram Chat: https://t.me/+yold2C77m0I1MmM0 Visit the website at http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of any song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show. Credits: Opening music: Magic by Hedge Haiden (Double Hedge Studios) Character art: Fitzroy Fox - https://www.furaffinity.net/user/lunara-toons / https://bsky.app/profile/fitzroyfox.bsky.social Background art: Charleston Rat - https://www.furaffinity.net/user/charlestonrat / https://bsky.app/profile/charlestonrat.bsky.social If you like what we do and wish to throw some pennies our way to support us, please consider sending a little tip our way. https://streamlabs.com/tigertailsradio/tip * Please note, tips are made to support TigerTails Radio and are assumed as made with good faith, so are therefore non-refundable. Thank you for your support and understanding.

Gamescom 2025 has come and gone and, with it, a slew of new and exciting games for gamers of all types to get excited over! While the show itself was just OK - I do feel like Geoff Keighley has a weird track record where one show is bad but the next show is good - the games shown were anything but just OK and I want to take some time and, well, highlight some of the more notable ones that were showcased this year, along with news we’ve all been waiting for (Spoilers: It’s not Half-Life 3).

Hey Papa Bear,

Here in Ho Chi Minh City, everyone is poor lol, but I recently noticed that all the furries I see tend to be really rich. Like, they are buying everything they see in the mall, at street stands, at the Ben Thanh market, everywhere! I guess I was just wondering.... How do you furries make all these damn dong (Vietnamese dollars for y'all Yankees)?! Like, are y'all computer programmers? NASA engineers? Facebook marketers? I don't understand. In my small village (Da Nang), everybody farms papaya or banana or another tropical fruit, and we don't make shit for cash, bruh. HELP ME. WHERE DOES THE MONEY COME FROM???? I want one of those fancy fursuits with the fans and the scent emiters and the sexy butt plugs that are also tails.... Anyway, thanks, Papabear, I love you and I want to get CRACKED by a BIG BEAR ASAP XD (you know what I'm saying....) Love you, big guy.

Sincerely,
VietTiger (age 22)

* * *

Hi, VietTiger,

Are these furries tourists or are they Vietnamese furries? I'm not too clear on that point. If they are tourists from the USA, Canada, and Europe, then they probably have more cash on hand than your average Vietnamese person. Also, if they are tourists, right away it means they have the cash available to travel across the globe, which means they have money to buy stuff for fun. If you mean that you are watching furries from other countries online, then these are also likely to be people from the U.S. and Europe/U.K. because that is where the majority of furries live. Again, they will tend to have more cash than a Vietnamese citizen. The average Vietnamese makes about $US 320 per month; the average American makes about $US 5,000 monthly.

When it comes to American citizens (let's stick with those for now, since it is the population with which I am most familiar), you will find income levels ranging from quite poor to very well-to-do people. Furries work all kinds of jobs from minimum-wage service jobs to high-tech jobs, academic positions, and people in the sciences. Yes, many furries work in IT fields, and, indeed, the running joke is that "Furries run the Internet." Many furries are very much into high tech work, while others are very artsy, and still others are both techy AND artsy.

For some information on furry incomes, check out this link: 1.5 Income - Furscience. And here is some data on furry employment: 1.6 Employment - Furscience

Meanwhile, back in Vietnam, yes, many people work in agriculture. While you earn less, you also don't have to spend as much to get by. If a person makes about $1,200 a month in Vietnam, they can live very comfortably; in the USA, you need about five times that to be comfortable.

So, let's get to the core of what you're really asking, which, I believe, is something like, "How can I buy a fursuit (and other furry stuff) when I live in Vietnam and don't make a lot of money?" I have a couple of ideas that might lower costs for you:

1. Find a Vietnamese fursuit maker. In America, you can commission makers from Southeast Asia, but there is an additional cost for the shipping and (thanks to Donald "Fucknuts" Trump), tariffs (although those may soon be ending). Anyway, if you can find someone local, perhaps you can pick up the suit yourself. You can also negotiate with them and perhaps they can give you a good deal seeing as you are a fellow countryman. I'm just speculating, but maybe?
2. Go with a partial fursuit. Just get the head, paws, and tail instead of a full body suit and you will save a lot of money and still look great.
3. Start even smaller and just get ears and a tail. They will get you in the furry mood without spending a lot.
4. Learn to sew and make your own fursuit. There are lessons available on YouTube.
5. Get a Kigurumi, which are popular and fun to wear and fairly inexpensive.
6. If you have a friend who can sew and make fursuits, see if you can get them to help you.

Don't be too envious of Americans, by the way. We are on the precipice of a hard economic downturn that will plunge us into a recession or depression soon. The U.S. economy is dying, thanks to the Orange Turd and his followers, and as the country falls apart, you won't be seeing many furries spending lots of money anymore. Those days may very well be gone soon.

If you have a good internet connection in Da Nang, you might consider exploring the virtual reality world of VRchat and SecondLife. While fursuits will likely be popular for a long time, the solution for many furries who can't afford furcons or getting suits made is to create an avatar for the online world. While furries are still to be found in SecondLife, increasingly, it is VRchat that is becoming the preferred place to be a virtual furry. The big difference between SecondLife and VRchat is that VRchat offers a 3D experience, but you can only do that if you have VR goggles (about $300 and up). Now, you don't HAVE to have the goggles to be in VRchat, but most people do. 

• Here's a tutorial on how to get started on SecondLife: How To Get Started in Second Life - New User Tutorial
• Here's a tutorial on how to get started on VRchat: How to get started with VRChat Updated for 2023

I hope this helps you, at least a little. Remember, you can be a furry and not own a fursuit. The majority of furries are without fursuit. You can explore drawing, gaming, writing, or simply social networking and text RPGs. There are a lot of options to have fun in the furry fandom.

Good Luck!

Bear Hugs!
Papabear

P.S. *I blush at your compliment*

MOOBARKFLUFF! Click here to send us a comment or message about the show!

Welcome to another episode of BFFT! On this episode we wish Rayne Raccoon a fond farewell as he is moving to Chile. We will miss you locally Rayne! We also have a discussion about Pi, go over some events coming up, play a VERY obvious game of this and that from Taebyn, Cheetaro gives their take on the 2008 film;  The Tales of Despereaux streaming on Netflix, and Taebyn rants about Paramount Plus. So tune in for another amazing(?) episode of BFFT! Moobarkfluff everyfur!

Click here for article about the Indiana Pi Bill.

This podcast contains adult language and adult topics. It is rated M for Mature. Listener discretion is advised.

Support the show

Thanks to all our listeners and to our staff: Bearly Normal, Rayne Raccoon, Taebyn, Cheetaro, TickTock, and Ziggy the Meme Weasel.

You can send us a message on Telegram at BFFT Chat, or via email at: bearlyfurcasting@gmail.com

Bearly Furcasting S6E5 - 100 Degrees!

Dear Papabear,
I recently lost my job, and I’m struggling more than I know how to explain. I had a real passion for it, and it was something I worked very hard to gain. For once, I felt like I was on the right track, building something, making progress. It gave me purpose, momentum, a reason to believe I was finally doing something worthwhile with my life. And now it’s gone, I wasn't cut out for it, I found it way too difficult and they got rid of me because I wasn't capable of keeping up with it.

Since losing it, I feel like I’ve screwed up everything. Not just my job, but my whole future. I keep thinking: what if this was my only shot? What if I’ve made myself unemployable? I'm scared that I’ve made the wrong choices, that I’ve let people down, and that I’ve ruined something I worked so hard for. I feel like I’ve failed before I ever really got started, and that I've somehow screwed my life up this much.

To make things harder, my boyfriend from the US is dealing with depression. And I love him a lot. But I feel so helpless. I can tell he’s in pain, and I want to help him, and show him he's not alone. It's like I'm watching the life slowly get sucked out of someone and it makes me feel like I’m crumbling too. I can barely get through the day myself, and that makes me feel like I’m failing him as well. I want to be his safe place, but I can’t even be my own right now.

Then there’s this pressure I've started to carry around constantly ever since I hit 25, I just feel different now. My cousin’s already a dad. He has a house, a job, a family. Meanwhile, I feel like I’m still trying to figure out how to stand up straight. I start asking myself: am I wasting time? Should I be more focused on getting my life “together”? Am I being foolish for trying to make a long-distance relationship work while everything else is falling apart? Am I *ever* going to make any of this work or is this just a pipe dream that I need to let go of?

Some days I think: maybe I’m just not cut out for this. Maybe I’ve been lying to myself about what I’m capable of and I don’t know what direction to go in anymore. I don’t want to give up, but it’s hard to find hope when everything feels so heavy and uncertain.

I guess I’m just asking: what do I do from here?

* * *

Dear Glyn,

Everyone in this world will experience a unique journey of some kind. No two lives will be the same, so the first thing you need to do is absolve yourself of the onus that your life should be like someone else's. Just because you don't have a job right now, aren't married with kids and a mortgage, and doing all the things society says are measures of "success" doesn't mean you are lost. You haven't "screwed up" just because you have had some setbacks. Indeed, for all you know, losing that job might turn out to be a blessing. What if you had stayed in that job, doing what was expected of you, working the weekly grind, paying your taxes, etc., and because you were doing that you never discovered that your real talent lay somewhere else entirely? Maybe now you have an opportunity to explore other options.

So, first lesson above was "Don't compare yourself to others, and don't compete with them." Second lesson is to put aside what is expected of you and try to explore what you really want to do. You write that you had a passion for that job, but your bosses apparently felt you were struggling too much to keep up. That might be because they were poor managers and gave you too much to do, or it might be that you really couldn't manage the job. If the former is the case, then perhaps you can find similar work with another company and do better there; if the latter is the case, then it may be time to explore other career paths.

You are far from unique in switching careers. In fact, it is the norm. Check out this article, for example, which states, among other things, that the average person will change careers 7 times and hold 12 different jobs. The fact that you are 25 and just changing careers for the first time probably even puts you below the curve.

So, you lost one job. That's okay. You haven't let anyone down; pretty much everyone loses a job at some point in their lives. You only let others down if you stop trying. Don't give up. You have options. You could look for temporary work in various fields to see what might suit you; you could hire a career counselor; you could go back to school; you could start freelancing in your field of choice and become self-employed. I assure you, that job you lost was not your only shot. You are young and have a LOT of living yet to do.

As for your long-distance boyfriend--yes, LDRs are very challenging; yes, if you're not in a good place yourself, it is much more challenging to help others. Just as with the job, though, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. It is not up to you to solve your boyfriend's problems with depression. All you need to do--and all anyone should expect you to do for someone you care about--is be there and listen. That's what relationships are about: leaning on each other in bad times and celebrating good times. You are struggling and so is he. This is a time when you are both lucky enough to have a sympathetic and loving ear to speak to, a shoulder to cry on. Let him talk to you, and you, in turn, should talk to him and share your troubles. You can even cry together. That makes for a beautiful and compassionate relationship, knowing the two of you can be there for each other. That's the job you signed up for. You're not necessarily a "fixer." You're a friend and a confidante. Fortunately, modern tech makes that possible even when you are thousands of miles apart. You can do a video chat on WhatsApp and it's almost like being there. As long as you are there for him to listen and care, you are not failing him.

Our modern society often acts like life is a race towards a goal and if you're not in peak condition and running as fast as you can, you're letting down your team.

Bullshit.

Life is not a race. It's a dance. The purpose of the dance isn't to cross the ballroom floor and exit the room; it's to enjoy the movement, the graceful circles, dips, and sways, which are all the more fun if you have a partner but can be awesome even as a solo (with a nod to Alan Watts). You were not put on this earth to have a career, build a family, buy a house, and hoard money for retirement. While some of those might be involved in the dance, none of them are essential. No, the purpose of life is to discover your humanity and the awesomeness of creation and of life. Other than that, the only necessary things are eating, sleeping, breathing, and excreting waste. 

Stop trying to achieve goals and fulfill expectations and learn to simply live.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear

​

This is not so much a question as an update to an update, and a sign for others to not give up hope.

Fifteen years ago, I left a relationship that was highly toxic and borderline abusive. I resolved to enjoy myself in all sorts of ways, and I wrote asking if this was normal or if I was overreacting.

Not long after that, the Universe dropped a Dragon in my lap. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

We are still going strong nearly twelve years on. We now live together, with two other roommates, in an almost frighteningly harmonious arrangement. It helps that we're all mature, sane adults with similar interests, and the other two are a couple who have been together even longer than I and my Dragon.

It's not perfect, it takes work from all of us in concert, but it is a comfortable and equitable arrangement for all of us.

Never say never, and don't stress out if you don't find The One©. Life's what happens while you're busy making other plans.

Stilghar

* * *

Hi, Stilghar,

Thanks for the happy news update!

​Papabear

Hi Papabear,

Since 3 years ago I noticed that I haven't done anything with my life. The only things I do are home school, piano, gaming, and drawing. I don't have any friends, except a few from a big online gaming platform.

Here recently I've been wanting to join a forum, like one for people who are also interested in the furry hobby, and I ask you if you know of anything good. I was originally on FA (not a great site for minors; I was 13) and I didn't like the site, but that was the only one I knew. I would be looking for friends in real life, but I don't go out much. Love too, though.

I'm not that great at writing, so I'm going to leave it off there. One extra question though: Does dragnuki sound good as a combo word of dragon and tanuki?

Fern the Dragon Tanuki

* * *

Hi, Fern,

I think that the safest places for you right now at your age would be mainstream social media such as Facebook that restricts porn and other adult stuff. For example, on Facebook there is a group called Clean, Straight Furries ((2) Clean, Straight Furries | Facebook) that should be quite safe. I believe they are fine with minors joining, and they are fine with LGBTQ people despite the title of the group (I'm a member despite being gay). There are over 5,000 members in that group, so it should be a pretty safe place to start.

As for "not doing anything with your life," you're only 16, so give yourself a break. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, including school, piano, art, and gaming. Since you're home schooled, you probably spend a bit too much time at home. I would recommend you try to find some outside activities of some kind, whether that is sport, charity work, or simply finding a social club of some sort. You need to get out of the house more, I think, and online furry activities will not help much with that. It's much easier to make friends if you're actually meeting people face-to-face in the real world.

As to the last question, yes, dragnuki sounds like a portmanteau of dragon and tanuki. There's nothing wrong with that.

Hope that helps!

Stay Fuzzy!

Papabear​