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George Squares was faced with a dilemma last New Year’s Eve. He was enjoying the company of friends when someone made a disparaging comment about furries. He decided to step out of the furry closet and speak up, to correct his friend.

It caused a minor kerfuffle but ultimately things went well. He found himself, a few months later, as a guest speaker at a BDSM club, introducing furries to an interested audience. He then wrote about that experience for [adjective][species].

George is a good ambassador. He was able to correct some negative furry stereotypes, and give a good impression of furry to a wider audience. It’s better for him because he doesn’t need to hide his furry identity among his friends, and better for furry in general.

Outing one’s self as a furry, as George did, comes with some risk. You risk being associated with negative stereotypes about furry, and you risk being targeted by people who are anti-furry. Both happened to George, although happily those problems blew over fairly quickly.

These risks mean that many furs choose to keep their identity private*. Rather than stick their head above the parapet and risk outcast or ridicule, people tend to edit out furry elements of their lives. They might say to coworkers: “I’m taking a short holiday to Pittsburgh this summer.”

*Another reason to not be openly furry: it’s not relevant in many situations.

There is nothing wrong with this choice. It’s just a question of the balance between risk and reward. Personally, I work in one of those super-conservative old-white-men industries, and so I stay in the furry closet in that environment. (Being gay is controversial enough. I’ve had coworkers refuse to talk to me once they found out.) On the other hand, I’m open about my furriness to a few close friends.

There is a tendency for people of any minority to stay closeted if they can manage it, simply because of the unknown personal risks involved. And of course people are free to decide what is best for themselves. However there is an unfortunate outcome, one that applies to many minorities, not just furry. It’s JM’s Law:

The most visible members of a minority are rarely the best ambassadors.

 

There are several reasons why someone might be more open about their status as a minority. These include:

• They are deeply involved with a subculture, so hiding it isn’t really tenable.
• They are less concerned about the reaction of others.
• They are less self-aware, and so may not realize they have outed themselves.

None of these are bad reasons. Many of my favourite people probably fit into one or more of those categories.

An example of someone who fits into all three of these categories is Furboy Zero, a fur profiled in the Houston Press back in 2003. Furboy’s profile is not a negative one, but it’s telling that the journalist chooses to open the story with anti-social behaviour (howling at the moon) and a mention of antipsychotic drugs. The story is ostensibly about the inclusiveness and value of the furry community, but the theme is the usual “look at these weirdos who don’t fit in”.

Furboy, at 17 years old, comes across as a kid who is doing a pretty good job of dealing with a series of horrific bullying incidents at school. He would be about 30 years old now—I wasn’t able to find him leading up this article—but I would guess that furry has continued to be a safe haven and positive influence on his life. Furboy (at 17) probably couldn’t choose to hide his furriness, and unfortunately his Houston Press profile reinforces the stereotype that furries are unsocial. The masses of furries who aren’t howling at the moon, aren’t threatening to urinate on bullies, or aren’t suffering Tourette’s-like symptoms aren’t the most visible. And so Furboy becomes an unwitting furry ambassador.

There are good reasons to celebrate openness, furry or not. The choice to be open is fundamentally a personal freedom, and the expectation or social pressure to stay closeted is negative. Yet those open, visible members of a minority—like Furboy—do not always make good ambassadors. In an ideal world, nobody would choose to hide furriness, or anything else outside the mainstream. But we don’t live in an ideal world.

Minority groups tend to be invisible. Every person is assumed to be “normal”, unless proven otherwise. When a new person joins a group, that person is assumed to adhere to the norms of the group, and so their mere presence reinforces those norms even though they may be yet to share any information. It’s a perfectly natural process, but an insidious one that reinforces the marginalization of minority groups.

Consider the example of my friend visiting a new doctor, “I saw Dr Smith today”. I might naturally ask “how was he?”, making the assumption that the doctor is male, because most doctors are male. I have, unwittingly, reinforced the idea that women aren’t doctors, because my friend won’t necessarily correct me. Sometimes they will simply ignore my assumption, leaving me with the mental image of (another) male doctor. (It’s not only women that can be marginalized this way—consider the example of a male nurse—but it is usually women.)

It’s not just gender of course. I have lost track of the number of people at work who have asked me about my “wife”. This leaves me with a choice. I will usually correct a peer or underling, and usually say nothing to a superior or a client (because I don’t want to potentially introduce tension to the relationship). By failing to correct people, I am reinforcing the idea that gay people aren’t present in [super-conservative old-white-man industry].

For another example, imagine a typical furry. He will be male, because male is the most common furry gender. But what is the most common furry sexual orientation? Most people would probably say “gay” or “bi”, however that’s wrong – furries are most likely to be heterosexual. The preponderance of men means that most furry relationships are gay, which makes gay furries more visible. The effect is that straight furries are often invisible.

Homosexuality was a largely invisible minority in the late 20th century, becoming more visible (give or take, at least in the western world) in the years and decades following the Stonewall riots. The existence of visible gay bars and pride parades helped erase the perception that homosexuality was a mental illness. However the overtly sexual nature of these events meant that homosexuality became associated with sexual deviance, acceptable but not “normal”.

There has been a seachange in attitudes towards homosexuality since then. Research has shown this has been largely due to “cohort replacement“, meaning that people started to see homosexuals as part of their day-to-day social groups. People with homosexual friends or colleagues are much more likely, for example, to support equal marriage.

Essentially, people discovered that they knew (previously invisible) homosexuals. Those homosexuals who took the risk to be open about their sexuality acted as ambassadors, and the risks associated with being open became smaller as homosexuality became more visible, and more normal. Homosexuality nowadays is relatively uncontroversial, and a similar seachange seems to be underway for trans people. Ambassadors such as Caitlyn Jenner provide a non-confrontational mainstream counterexample to the stereotype that to be trans is to something other than “normal”.

(Not everyone agrees with this. Many people disagree with my suggestion that Jenner is a positive example, or that the admittance of homosexual relationships into the mainstream is a good thing.

A simple version of the argument is that normalization of LGBTQ people comes at the cost of the radical aspects of queer culture:

“Minimizing gayness has been the linchpin of assimilation, the central tactic in obtaining access to conservative institutions like military service and marriage.”
– from Slate

 

The full argument is more nuanced that I give credit for here. Read the article.)

The seachange in public attitudes towards homosexuality is an example of “in-group favouritism”. In-group favouritism is a human social phenomenon where members of one’s social network receive preferential treatment compared to outsiders. Put simply, people discovered that some of their friends are gay.

(For those interested in reading more about in-group favouritsm, there is a terrific essay by Dr Stephen Reysen in Furries Among Us that looks at the social psychology behind the furry in-group. You can read the [adjective][species] review of Furries Among Us here.)

The trick to being a good ambassador then, is to present a conservative version of yourself, something firmly within the mainstream. This will help you be accepted as part of the “in-group”, and therefore you will be treated with kindness and respect. That will probably mean withholding aspects that are less “normal”.

I am aware that this suggestion can sound a bit two-faced and self-negating. Ideally we would all express ourselves in whatever way works for us, in all circumstances. Rather than looking at it those negative terms, I prefer to think of it more as “gaming” the psychology of human society. Benevolent manipulation, if you like.

As an example of this, I’d like to compare two of my favourite authors, Karl Ove Knausgaard and Christopher Isherwood. Both write from a personal, observational perspective. Knausgaard is straight; Isherwood is gay.

Knausgaard feels there is a masculinity crisis in modern society. He feels that men are less able to be free about their interests, and are being forced into genderless collaborative roles that don’t allow for full masculine expression. Knausgaard has no real interest in child-rearing and would prefer to be an old-school isolated breadwinner, but feels that he must engage with gender equality norms for fear of being considered misogynistic. As he explores this idea, he writes vividly, and very personally, about his emotional, romantic, and sex life.

Knausgaard makes a good argument, and My Struggle is a terrific read, should you have the stomach for six volumes of Scandinavian navel-gazing. But he doesn’t know how good he has it: on one hand he is complaining about how gender norms constrain his self-expression, on the other hand he is able to explore gender and sex with a freedom that is only available to heterosexual men.

In the literary world, being male is “normal”, and so Knausgaard’s works are considered mainstream. A female version of the same book, with the same honesty, would be branded “feminist”, and would be marketed to a niche audience, if at all. Knausgaard’s success, the success that allows him to observe the limits of his gender in the 21st century, is ironically predicated on the fact that he is male. He should, as the kids say, check his privilege.

Isherwood is similarly observational. (“I am a camera with its shutter open, quite passive, recording, not thinking.”) His status as a gay man in the mid-20th century means that he cannot be open or direct about his romantic or sex life. So he weakly implies gay relationships in his books, and obvious as they are in hindsight they were not recognised at the time. He was accepted into the mainstream and hailed as one of the great writers of his generation.

Isherwood’s approach is self-limiting, but necessary. If he had gone the full Knausgaard, his works would either never have been published, or marginalized as a curiosity. He would have been best known for the sexual content of his work. His decision to present his work such that it was seen as mainstream (or “normal”), was a compromise. In my opinion that compromise was a worthy one.

Isherwood is a good ambassador for gay men. His books provided a non-confrontational introduction to the emotional life of a gay man, something that was in short supply in the mid 20th century.

Similarly, George Squares is a good ambassador to furry. He outed himself as a furry in a moderate way, and downplayed any controversial or radical aspects of our community. Once he was accepted into the in-group as a furry, he was able to give a fuller picture. (This included a good-natured discussion on the relative merits of human versus animal penises in furry pornography.)

Like George, a good furry ambassador is one who—initially at least—presents a counterpoint to negative stereotypes. This will create non-furry advocates who will go on to correct and inform others, as undoubtedly those who attended George’s talk have done. Even better, those advocates will come across as unusually trustworthy, because they cannot be assumed to be acting in their own self-interest.

A non-confrontational image for furry has a cumulative effect. Good ambassadors are role models for other furries who may be considering being open, which may reduce some of the fear associated with outing one’s self. They can also show new furries that our community is not something to be feared, and that they can identify as a furry without having to identify with some of the more extreme stereotypes.

Coming out as a furry does hold some personal risk, in at least some situations. That risk should always inform the decision to be open or closeted. But the benefits to the furry community should be considered as well. Open furries are our ambassadors: they help define who we are.

submitted by dreamingwanderer
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Where are you from? What state do you live in if you're in the US? If you're not from the US then what country do you live in?

Edit: It's cool to see the different countries around the world that are home to furries!

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submitted by MrMagoo22
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Just wondering if any one is interested in setting up a furry company.

Here is how it works: https://www.halowaypoint.com/en-us/community/spartan-companies

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Furclubbing: “A repeat/regular nightclub event by furries for furries.”  It’s a New Thing that’s been spreading since the late 2000’s.  This kind of dance party is independent from conventions.  This builds on the growth of cons, and takes things farther. It’s more ambitious than events that happen once, house parties, or informal meets.  Those can stay inner-focused for friends who already […]

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The title doesn't have much to do with anything, really. It has been 298 episodes though, so we thought we'd learn a new trick and have a friend join us over Skype. Emdefmek joins us as the first ever guest we've had over the net to discuss RainFurrest's dilemma, Zootopia, TotalBiscuit's terminal cancer diagnosis, Them's Fighting Herds, and a whole handful of emails and asks. Also Jeeves corrects us. We greatly appreciate all of our patrons. If you like the show and want to support it, you can do so at www.patreon.com/knotcast - We'll think you're pretty keen. Episode 298 - Fistjacking

submitted by TaiHusky
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Idk if this is okay or not, but whatever.

Hey guys, I've been on reddit for a while, but just recently started considering myself a "furry" (honestly I'm still not sure). I don't have a fursona yet because I can't draw worth a crap, but I like the idea of anthropomorphic animals (not sure if that counts lmao).

I like video games, movies, and some TV Shows (SU, Black-ish, etc.)

You guys seem pretty cool, bye!

Sorry if this was hard to read, I just woke up and my brain is still kinda tired, if that makes any sense.

submitted by smashfan63
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So for the last 18 years I have been completely straight. But you stupid furries lured me in with adorable animals and showed me that there are other people like me who would love to be an anthro animal.

After being an official furry for about a year and a half, you people changed me. Such a welcoming and open community, you showed me that it doesn't matter what someone is, all that matters is who you love. So my pseudo 'coming out' here, just wanted to tell all you fuzzbutts that my best friend that I've been with for almost 15 months and I are now partners for life.

You converted me over the last year and now because of you bunch of rascals I now have a boyfriend after 18 years of being straight. I feel so free now!

In conclusion, I LOVE YOU /U/LIGHTINGTECHIE! You are my little wolf!

Some bonus art of /u/LightingTechie and I. We have a really awesome one coming in a few weeks.

• https://i.imgur.com/WwEsY9r.jpg
• https://i.imgur.com/qjM3mAm.png

So damn all of you for making me bisexual. I'm using my main Reddit account also because I have no shame. To be completely honest I should have seen this coming. Look out /u/Yiffing_Time there is a new furry couple in town, and thanks for your relationship advice!

submitted by GrayBoltWolf
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It is recommended you read Part One before you continue on reading this. Sorry this took so long to come out with, I've been busy with school and other personal stuff. As always, feel free to comment with reviews or edits. I do not own Sky and Lucario. Sky is the fursona of /u/scamer38 and Lucario is the fursona of /u/Lucario117. And now, enjoy the story!

The next morning, Sky walked down the stairs of the inn, ignoring the stares of all of the furries around him.

He got to the bar and told the dingo bartender, “Get me a chocolate milkshake, extra calcium.”

“Um, what exactly is a milkshake?” The bartender asked, setting a newly cleaned glass down.

“That’s right, I forgot. You won’t have it for at least a decade.” Sky rebuked himself. “Just get me some coffee with extra milk.” The dingo did so.

“Care to tell me why everyone’s looking at me?” Sky asked suddenly.

“Well, it’s probably because you look so much like Baroose, the town’s git. You might say he’s the meanest cheetah in these parts.” The bartender went back to cleaning, whistling.

“And you’re not scared of him?”

“Well, I’ve been around plenty of these parts. I know how to get out of these situations.” He chuckled a bit.

"I like you. What's your name?" The cheetah stuck his hand out. The dingo shook it. "Victor's the name. Drinking's the game."

"So Victor, what can I do around these parts?"

"Well we have a brothel nearby. There's the casino and of course, the bar right here." Victor patted the counter as Sky got his coffee.

A vixen nearby overheard their conversation. "Oh, so you're interested in the brothel? I can take you there now." She leaned into Sky's lap, effectively revealing much of herself.

"Not interested, thank you very much." The cheetah forced her out.

"I can get another lady." The vixen suggested, placing herself in Sky's lap again.

"I said I'm not interested, you whore." Sky took the vixen off his lap rather forcibly. "Now go away." The vixen finally took his words to heart and walked away, finding another male within several seconds.

"Do we have a celibate here?" Victor asked Sky.

"No, I'm just not interested in ladies. Is there a drugstore nearby?" Sky replied.

"Just a couple houses from here. Can't miss it."

"Thanks."

Lucario had to sneak behind the bar to get at their barrel of water. It wasn't the hottest or the cleanest but it would do to get this horse dung off of him. After he was finished, he figured he might as well hang out at the local casino. He could get his drink there and he could try his luck on the slot machines.

He walked in, getting his money ready when he spotted a familiar coyote sitting at a table playing poker with a bottle of whiskey. Unfortunately, before Lucario could back out, Clyde saw him.

The coyote walked up to him, grabbed Lucario's long ears and dragged him to a seat in the middle of the room, all eyes on him. Clyde pushed a banjo into Lucario's paws and pointed a gun at him. The scent of alcohol was on his breath.

"Play it." He commanded.

"Play what?" The pokemon whimpered.

"An upbeat tune. Do it before I shoot." Scared, Lucario began to play the banjo. The coyote smiled and went back to his game.

Meanwhile, a Tsisqua was riding into town. The avian looked around carefully as he headed into the sheriff’s office. The stranger opened the door and found the shepherd dog having a small snooze. The Tsisiqua took out his rope and set to work.

After the supplies were dropped off at the DOSAT, Sky figured he might as well check out the casino there. He could win some money, put it in a bank with interest and pick up a bigger sum within several hundred years.

As the cheetah walked into the casino, he saw Clyde stick a banjo into a Lucario’s arms. Sky joined Clyde’s table without the coyote noticing. When the coyote saw the cheetah, he grew interested.

“Hello there. Who are you?” Clyde asked.

“I’m Sky. And I’m here to play poker.”

The coyote let him in the game and the pangolin there said nothing. The wolf dealer played out two card to each furry. They all set their poker faces, all except Sky. When he saw his cards, a small worry frown appeared on his brow.

Heh. He can’t keep a straight poker face. And look at my cards. I’ve got a good hand. Clyde thought.

“Sky bets first." The dealer said.

"$100," Sky put in a chip marking the lowest bid.

"Raise to $200." The next avian said.

"I fold," quitted the next bovine.

Clyde smiled. "I raise to $500."

Sky raised to $600. The rounds of betting happened as the three cards came out face up, an eight, a nine, and a jack, all spades. A very rare output in poker. These were the cards that would match up with each player's hand to make the winning hand.

By the time the last bet was in order, Clyde was sure the cheetah would lose. Why this stranger had a terrible poker face! Every time he made a bet, it would always be followed by little furrows in his forehead as if he wasn't sure what to do next.

He's so bad I might as well take all of his money. Clyde thought as the bet came around to him.

"Say Sky, how 'bout a little game?" The coyote moved all of his chips in the pot. "All in. How 'bout you?"

"Sure." Again, the cheetah was hesitant but he followed through with putting all of his chips in the center. When he was done, the pot was worth over 50,000 dollars.

"But first, I need to do something before you show the hands. This music is annoying me." Sky walked over to the Lucario who stopped playing the banjo.

"C- can I help you sir?" Lucario whimpered, fearing the shot of a gun.

"Yes you may. I want you to stop playing that banjo. You're not really good." Sky ordered.

"But what about him? He'll shoot me if I stop." Lucario pointed to Clyde who was steaming over the delay in the game.

"I'll tell him not to. If you want extra protection, feel free to stay behind me. Anything to stop that banjo playing." The cheetah took the banjo, leaned it on a wall and walked back to the table, the pokemon behind him.

Clyde took out his gun but Sky took his out as well. "I'm rather fast drawing. Do you want to take any chances? Don't shoot the banjo player, it's not his fault he's terrible."

"For your information, that was quality!" The coyote yelled.

"Please calm down or I'll escort you from the table and take away the pot." The dealer stepped in between them. Both of them nodded and put their guns away. They took their seats, Lucario hiding behind Sky.

"Please show your hand."

The coyote gave his card to the dealer who turned them over, revealing a seven of hearts and a ten of diamonds. It looked like Clyde had this in the bag, a straight being the fourth best hand in the game with a probability of occurring of .4%.

Sky gave the dealer his cards, all worry from his face gone. The dealer turned them over.

submitted by topaz_colite
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For anyone curious of what I have, combined its been fever, headache, ear ache, stomach pain, loss of appetite, loss of sleep and loss of motivation...

...so not really fun :/

submitted by Eddyoshi
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