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The Goat: Building the Perfect Victim, by Bill Kieffer – book review by Fred Patten.
Submitted by Fred Patten, Furry’s favorite historian and reviewer.
The Goat: Building the Perfect Victim, by Bill Kieffer
Manvel, TX, Red Ferret Press, September 2016, trade paperback $13.95 (158 [+ 1] pages), Kindle $3.99.
This book boasts – or warns – in a back-cover blurb that it delves into “the darkest, deepest reaches of human nature.” It isn’t pretty.
Frank, the narrator, seems like a total loser. He’s sullen, gloomy, depressed, works at a junk yard, and is in an abusive marital relationship. He keeps walking out on his domineering wife Kim, getting into a good relationship with some other woman, then Kim finds him, throws out the other woman, and starts her game of psychological dominance again.
He’s escaped from Kim again (only temporarily, he’s sure), gotten drunk at Phil’s Liquor Locker, and is walking back to his junker car when he sees a gang of wolfboys shoving around a gay man.
“Oh, they weren’t real wolves, but try to tell them that. The six or seven of them were trans-anthropomorphic teenagers from that private wizard school, Matthias.” (p. 18)
He decides to come to the rescue. He’s not gay himself; he’s just in the mood for a fight. (He’s previously established that he was a bully in school.) The wolfboys don’t want a real fight, so they run. The narrator finds that he’s rescued Glenn, a geeky former High School classmate of his who was even more sullen, gloomy, and depressed than he is.
Frank had always beaten Glenn up in High School, so now he rewards himself for rescuing Glenn by sodomizing him. What he doesn’t count on is that Glenn, being gay and a submissive type, likes it.
“Like I said, he was a walking victim, and he ate it up.
You could say that was our first date.” (p. 21)
There’s a lot of m/m sex, sex, and more sex. Frank wants to be a brutal dom, and Glenn, being a submissive, lets him go wilder and wilder.
“He hadn’t called the police. He was never going to call the police, it occurred to me. Glenn walked over to me as my thoughts slammed to a halt as the anger flared violently inside of me. He slowly wrapped his scarecrow arms around me as I ground my teeth. Then he started kissing my stained t-shirt, walking his lips slowly up my chest.” (p. 30)
Glenn moves in with Frank, who’s not gay but may be bi. Sometimes he brings girls home and makes Glenn watch him fucking a chick. Eventually he wonders how Glenn was supporting himself before he came along.
“Glenn got a check every two weeks for not going to work. It wasn’t disability per se, but a retainer. I wasn’t really interested, it worked out fine knowing he was always at my place, but after a while I was curious. He avoided telling me and I got all pissed off when I realized he was keeping secrets from me. Secrets are dangerous things.” (p. 31).
Well, you can guess that there’s a connection between the wizard school, Matthias; transformative magic; and the goat-man on the cover. To say what it is would be a spoiler, but the goat’s name is Cheech.
Frank starts spending a lot of time hanging around Matthias.
“My eye caught something odd on the other side of the teacher parking lot. There was a big white horse prancing around unattended on one of the fields. It was very handsome and powerful and I find myself comparing it to Cheech. It was probably just as human as Cheech, after all and that made me curious.
Just as I got close enough for the drafter to notice me, I suddenly noticed he wasn’t alone. A ninth-grader by the look of him was busy trying to get his pants back on. I looked at the horse with raised eyebrows and it glared at me, ears back, head lowered aggressively. It was very definitely a non-verbal GO AWAY.” (p. 59)
Frank, and the reader, learn the rules of – magic? Were-dom? It’s pretty intriguing what animals people can be turned into and what they can’t, and why. Frank mixes it with a lot of sex.
“That poor horse. It was disgusting.
I pictured the kid sucking my dick while Glenn had to take the horse’s cock up his ass.
That made me smile and we said our pleasant good-byes.
I beat the crap out of Glenn that night. Just because.” (p. 65)
Kim finally finds them. How do the three react to each other?
The Goat: Building the Perfect Victim (cover by Viergacht) mixes kinky sex with zoomorphs. Here is Guido’s, a restaurant that caters to zoomorphs:
“‘North?’ she said, her appearance as sudden as unexpected as Anthony’s [the manager] had been. She was merely six feet seven, six foot eight and much more slender than the bull’s. The cow moose carried a diapered human child on her hips and wore a pretty pink print dress that was dotted with small red hearts. ‘Is everything alright?’” (p. 96)
Yeah, “She put down the child, who promptly became a gangling and uncertain moose calf.” There is plenty here for the furry fan. Especially one who likes mind games and sex.
Like the article? It takes a lot of effort to share these. Please consider supporting Dogpatch Press on Patreon, where you can access exclusive stuff for just $1. Thank you – Patch
A false rumor about RMFC is repeating history from the Burned Furs.
Remember Rainfurrest? Bad behavior was blamed for the con’s demise. In 2015, vandalism caused a fatal economic issue between the con and its hotel. Popular attention focused on fetish activity, but the public didn’t care about it and the media was incredibly positive. That debate stayed between furries, but it was at least based on partial truth. That’s different from dishonesty you can see below. It connects the long-dead 2000-era Burned Furs and the end of ConFurence, with falsehoods that exploit the closing of Rocky Mountain Fur Con. It shows an agenda to divide fandom. (You may ask: why is this still happening in 2017?)
ConFurence, the first fur con, drew criticism about bad behavior. Organizers were blamed for advertising in gay lifestyle magazines to increase attendance, supposedly attracting fetishists who had nothing to do with furry fandom. Then in 2015, a fur dug up the actual 1997 “ad” that people were citing without seeing it. It wasn’t an ad, and it didn’t come from furries. The obscure ‘zine publication happened at a time when it couldn’t have influenced anyone. The rumor was a false smear.
The rumor is almost 20 years old now, but it still exists:
“we still hear stories about the early ConFurence when the organizers allowed some BDSM people in to improve attendance, with horrible results” Ask Papabear, 4/12/17 (graciously modified after discussion.)
Pernicious is a good word for such a long-standing rumor. It spread by conveniently serving agendas, including for the Burned Furs, a group of puritans against “perversion” in fandom. They lasted about as long as a wet fart, but they’re still a topic because they started this kind of thing. Put them in a “stupid idea” category full of false “us vs. them” divisions against sex, sin, or “SJW’s”. (Another stupid idea: defending 2 The Ranting Gryphon because he’s “us”.) Maybe call it “hypertribalism?”
At Further Confusion 2017, I got dinner with Mark Merlino, Rod O’Riley, and Changa Lion, staff and founders of ConFurence. They graciously answered questions about how the con died after the ownership was transferred in 1999. The next owner was a Burned Fur. Meanwhile, Burned Furs spread the rumors against fetishists and just plain gay people. (They are in fandom and were never outsiders.) The rumors went so far, you could call it a malicious hoax.
From 2005, here’s a look at a Burned Fur not just passing on a rumor, but trumping up a falsehood:
“Regarding Merlino’s marketing of ConFurence to the gay community through specialty magazines, this was confirmed at ConDorCon in the mid-’90s when furry artist Lia Graf directly faced down Mr. Merlino at a convention panel (where I was in attendance) and asked him if he had been doing this. He admitted to the action and said he felt that sexual diversity would do the fandom good.”
– Calbeck, AKA Scott Malcomson, from Wikipedia. (But there was no confirmation of such marketing, as you can see.)
In 2017, here’s the same Burned Fur @Calbeck joining “Bronies For Trump” to make a new accusation about RMFC. The agenda is to blame the con’s problems on “SJW’s” and particularly on Deo. It scapegoats her alone among everything else, for her report of a threat to con security:
@HyenaGrin you don't have to take it from me. Here's a first hand account of a journalist contacting the hotel (@roycalbeck) #fur4peace #altfurry pic.twitter.com/o98CcIp9Zg
— #BroniesForTrump (@GWSSDelta) April 18, 2017There are blatant lies going around that I contacted the Denver Police and/or contacted the RMFC hotel Marriott and neither are true. https://t.co/XsdLSzmQCw
— Deo's Vult (@DeoTasDevil) April 19, 2017@navajo_leo I keep telling people just fucking ask the Denver PD and hotel. I'm out of state my phone number would be obvious.
Fatally stupid fuckers.
This accuses Deo of causing RMFC to lose support from the hotel, and it’s one of many such claims:
What we know is that Deo sent claims of “gun threats” to the police and hotel, said “threats” being a direct response of intent to defend against their own actual threat. – Calbeck on FA
Except that Deo reported to the con itself, and didn’t call the hotel. She handed responsibility to con security to do what they’re meant for. Months later her report only returned for widespread public discussion after it was reported by Dogpatch Press 12 hours before the con was canceled. The fatal security cost was caused by activity from many sides (according to the con chair) and it happened weeks earlier:
We had been approached by our hotel only 2 (maybe 3) weeks before the convention was canceled with the new costs and that was the first we had heard of them or even the possibility. – RMFC chair Sorin to Dogpatch Press on 4/18/17 (lengthy interview posting soon)
In between were many events, that even led RMFC board member Scorch to contradict Calbeck with a dubious story of the hotel “discovering” random tweets. On FA, LucanShepherd answers Scorch:
Deo and her actions are not the only influence on the sequence of events. The Raiders and upset Colorado locals and other people were involved. Both before and after Deo had any involvement… Yet you continually defend the Raiders.
For the purpose of dishonestly scapegoating Deo on Twitter, Calbeck is representing himself as a journalist… but just take his word for it:
@HyenaGrin @GWSSDelta In that I actually get paid to produce articles for a journalism outlet. Feel free to disbelieve, reality doesn't care about opinions. -:)
— Pointed Commentary (@RoyCalbeck) April 18, 2017@RoyCalbeck @GWSSDelta > evidence or examples of said journalism to go back and check.
Do you think people should just accept unverified statements on twitter?
Notice how this “actual paid journalist” NEVER SPOKE TO DEO, who he is accusing. Or to me (who he pre-emptively blocked), who did speak with her.
@GWSSDelta @DogpatchPress Dogpatch calls out an actual paid journalist for doing the most basic research, which they made zero effort to attempt. Typical clickbait.
— Pointed Commentary (@RoyCalbeck) April 19, 2017He gets paid, so it must be real? Does that apply to working for nutbag sites like World Net Daily or Infowars, and is that why he’s embarrassed to show it? How embarrassing for a “real journalist” to get owned by this hobbyist here, while he’s revealed as a common link for falsehoods about TWO cons.
It took 3 minutes for Deo to answer my hobbyist contact to her. She told me:
Calbeck just said it was my fault out of the blue. I had never heard of the guy, and for someone who calls himself a “journalist” he did zero effort at research or getting any sort of communication with me. Called me a man, said I was part of a plot, said Art Decade was my leader, all sorts of conspiracy bullshit and regular bullshit that would have been easy to fact check if only minimal effort had been attempted. Dishonest and negligent should also be used to describe this liar.
If you’d like to read more from Calbeck, visit his journal that absurdly claims:
“I don’t value ANYONE or ANYTHING more than I do HONOR.”
UPDATE:
Interesting that Calbeck and Foxler are both Burned Furs. Hmmm... ???? pic.twitter.com/fSASiEcLcK
— Deo's Vult (@DeoTasDevil) April 21, 2017With one side of the story about RMFC being dishonestly spread to scapegoat Deo entirely for everything – by 2000-era Burned Furs with friends like the Furry Raiders – smart and reasonable furs may not wish to join their “us vs. them” agenda. And perhaps it’s all “us”, but some of us are just stuck in the past. Like back in the 1930’s before it stopped being OK to be cool with nazis. So what horribly difficult solution does the “SJW” side have for settling this division, so the other side can join us in the modern world of 2017? Does it take a time machine? Ask this charming blue hyena how simple it is:
Should I get into helpful furry tips? I think this video could help a lot of furries pic.twitter.com/exxNLw5s1K
— THOTIMUS PRIME (@skippyena) April 18, 2017Listen, do you hear barking about BIAS!? Ignore that noise. But since this article talks about truth and honesty, remember that the job of journalism isn’t to report both sides. “Both sides” means equal time between a scientist and a flat-earther. The job is to report the truth. If it’s about furries and you are a furry, there is no “objectivity” for that (how many furry stories can be told by non-members?) Besides, this isn’t mass media, it’s a blog and “voice” is just as important. People who are mad about mine probably aren’t even paying 2 cents to get theirs in. (So start your own blog, or leave a comment below.)
If you would like to send a few cents to help me be a REAL PAID JOUNRALIST or get better at being savage, please visit Dogpatch Press on Patreon. You can access exclusive stuff for just $1, and support furry writing by all of the team, from opinions to book reviews.
Listen to the Masked One!
More tie-in stuff coming our way as we get closer to the release of Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol.2. Now Marvel Press give us a new hardcover illustrated book called Rocket’s Rules. “Ever wonder how to navigate a quantum asteroid field? Escape a deep-space maximum-security prison? Insult a powerful adversary without anyone catching on? You’re in luck! In this ultimate intergalactic survival guide, Rocket covers everything you need to know – including what it takes to be a good member of a team. So pay attention and read up!” It hits the shelves (like a missile!) right before the movie comes out, but you can pre-order it now over at Simon & Schuster. [Tip #1: Don’t call him a raccoon!]
image c. 2017 Marvel Press
Music Video: The Easter Bunny
FA 067 Sexuality and Gender Expression Ft. Debra Soh - Is sex on the first date a good way to open up other things than your asshole? Debra Soh joins us to discuss gender and sexuality: how much hate mail does it take for our inbox to explode? Do two bott
Hello Everyone!
We open this week with a discussion on disclosure when dating. A recent study shows that sexual stimuli inspire people to be more vulnerable and forthcoming on themselves and their desires and interests in a partner when it comes to dating and long-term relationships. We discuss this phenomenon and go through why sex may not be as bad on a first date.
Our main topic is a discussion on Sexuality and Gender Expression with Debra Soh! Debra is a sex researcher and neuroscientist who writes a weekly column for Playboy and has been published in several other outlets, from Scientific American to the LA Times to the Globe and Mail. You can read a separate interview that Debra had in Quillette earlier this year if you are further interested in her background and areas of focus.
As a sexologist, Debra focuses on why people have the sexual interests they have and if there is cause, neurologically, for there to be a predisposition (or even if these paraphilias are hard-wired into the brain). She discusses recent research and findings in these areas, as well as whether this can be applied to gender identity. We also discuss some of the more taboo paraphilias, including "cub" attraction within the fandom.
Debra invites all listeners that have questions for her, or if you want to keep up with her recent publications, to visit her Twitter page, @debra_soh. We would like to thank Debra for coming on and sharing her expertise in this.
We close out the show a question from a listener who is in a long distance relationship with someone who is entirely incompatible in physical appearance, fetishes, and sexual roles. Do two tops make a bottom, or should the listener break up? Debra helps us out on this involved question.
For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.
Thanks and, as always, be well!
FA 067 Sexuality and Gender Expression Ft. Debra Soh - Is sex on the first date a good way to open up other things than your asshole? Debra Soh joins us to discuss gender and sexuality: how much hate mail does it take for our inbox to explode? Do two bottoms make a top? All this, and more, on this week's Feral AttractionA Brief History of Cartoon Animals Punching Nazis
Dogpatch Press welcomes Arrkay of furry channel Culturally F’d.
Nazi-panic got you down? It seems these days everywhere you look there seems to be some sour racists ruining someone’s day. Don’t worry, we’re here to help.
Working on Culturally F’d gives me a great outlet to explore anthropomorphic animals throughout history and media. So after the public twitter discussions about whether or not it’s ok to punch nazis, I recalled some historical examples that helped. Throughout the 1930s and 1940s, there was a huge push in propaganda on all fronts. They encouraged spending money on war-bonds, saving fats and scrap metals, starting community “victory” gardens, empowering a new female workforce, perpetuating false-optimism of a short war, warning against spies listening in, and attempting to shape public opinion and spark a sense of national identity. The military’s of the world commissioned animators to help influence public opinion during a time when Nazi Germany was beginning it’s invasions, and it was becoming clear to more and more governments that the Axis powers were not slowing down or stopping.
Propaganda like these were created to help sway public opinion, and to paint a caricature of the enemies. This was at times, incredibly offensive and racist, and it’s important we don’t forget that and that we don’t repeat it again.
We’re going to start with Animated Shorts, which were created to precede or follow newsreels of current events, often part of a pre-show for a larger, longer feature presentation in the movie theatre.
Wartime propaganda animations were explored here on Dogpatch before in “Did the Axis Have Any Funny Animals? – WWII history from Fred Patten.” (UPDATE: Fred also wrote an extended history of Propaganda representing both sides of the war in this 2012 Flayrah article “Talking Animals in World War II Propaganda” Thanks Fred.)
“Donald Duck Nazi Episode with Prologue Speech (der Fuehrer’s Face 1943)” This one has an excellent lead in.
“Der Fuehrer’s Face (originally titled Donald Duck in Nutzi Land) is a 1943 American animated propaganda short film produced by Walt Disney Productions and released in 1943 by RKO Radio Pictures. The cartoon, which features Donald Duck in a nightmare setting working at a factory in Nazi Germany, was made in an effort to sell war bonds and is an example of American propaganda during World War II. The film was directed by Jack Kinney and written by Joe Grant and Dick Huemer from the original music by Oliver Wallace…
Der Fuehrer’s Face won the Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film at the 15th Academy Awards. It was the only Donald Duck film to receive the honor, although eight other films were also nominated. In 1994, it was voted Number 22 of “the 50 Greatest Cartoons” of all time by members of the animation field. However, because of the propagandistic nature of the short, and the depiction of Donald Duck as a Nazi (albeit a reluctant one), Disney kept the film out of general circulation after its original release. Its first home video release came in 2004 with the release of the third wave of the Walt Disney Treasures DVD sets.”
This next video is from my home and native land – at least commissioned by the Canadian government. Disney studios created “The Thrifty Pig.” From 1941:
“The Thrifty Pig is an educational short animated film released in 1941. Its aim was to educate the Canadians about war bonds during the World War 2. The Thrifty Pig features reused and reconfigured animation from Three Little Pigs (1933).”
Daffy The Commando, 1943
Most of the cartoon involves a series of comedic mishaps with Daffy foiling Von Vulture, but it’s the ending that makes this cartoon extremely memorable. Daffy Duck is fired out of a cannon and lands right in Berlin where Adolf Hitler is making a speech; as Hitler is just rambling on in a nonsensical mix of English and German (with a stereotypical German accent), Daffy whacks him with a cartoon mallet, causing Hitler to cry like a baby.
Bugs Bunny also went out of his way to play trickster against a German, and dresses as Stalin to frighten Hitler himself in “Herr Meet Hare” 1945
Some neat trivia for this cartoon from the Wikipedia page:
Daniel Goldmark cites the cartoon as a significant precursor to What’s Opera, Doc? (1957) and a source for its visual imagery. After running off, Bugs re-enters the scene dressed as Brünnhilde. The costume includes a blonde wig with braids and a Viking-style helmet. Bugs rides on a white horse, visually based on the Clydesdale horse. Musically, the scene is accompanied by the “Pilgrim’s Chorus” from the “Tannhäuser” (1845).
On the other side of the German front, the Soviet Union was also hard at work making propaganda animations. The ones I could find don’t have nazi’s getting punched, but I thought they were noteworthy. Some of Europes leaders are depicted here as dogs in “Adolf the Dog Trainer and His Pooches” from 1941 and “Fascist jackboots shall not trample our Motherland” from the same year where Hitler is angry pig stomping through Europe.
Films intended for the public were often meant to build morale. They allowed Americans to release their anger and frustration through ridicule and crude humor. Since the 1940’s, Nazis have been the but end of jokes, the go-to bad guys for films. I always thought it was funny that in most PG13 films, violence is not allowed except against aliens or nazis.
In my next article for this series, we will look at a different kind of propaganda. A type more accessible to furries and is still a powerful tool to sway public opinion today. We will be exploring the war-time propaganda of Dr. Seuss, and some more recent webcomics relevant to the alt-right discussion we have within our own fandom.
Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel, “Culturally F’d” where we explore anthropomorphic animals throughout history, culture and mass media. If these articles get enough traffic I may adapt them to YouTube.
Last week we discussed the History of Redwall, so in this week’s F’d Up Date, Rusty takes a crack at those pesky “Raiders” that keep assaulting his peaceful abbey.
We’re also nominated for three 2016 Ursa Major Awards. “17 Misconceptions about Furries and the Furry Fandom” (Patch was a contributing writer) – and “Burned Furs and How You Perceive Porn feat. Feral Attraction” are both nominated under “Best Non-Fiction”. The channel itself is nominated for “Best Website”. So head over to www.ursamajorawards.com to vote!
– Arrkay
Commercial: Racing Faces
"You love the intoxication of the speed, the roar of the engines, the smell of gasoline and burnt rubber? Then you are exactly right here! Because here everyone can become a racing driver. Well, almost everyone. Whether it is a frog, a squirrel, a lion, an orangutan or a pig, all the animals in the Opel become a racing driver." This ad was made the "The Mill" [1] which is the same effects house that worked on many seasons of Doctor Who. Here is a making of: https://youtu.be/0jq64gXi7uo Also by The Mill: https://youtu.be/nd1MrTqnDd0 [1] http://www.themill.com/
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What’s Yiffin’? – April 2017 edition of syndicated furry news.
Greetings, Dogpatch Press readers. We hope you’ve been enjoying the run of What’s Yiffin’? on this website; it’s time for April’s edition! One thing you’ll realize over the course of watching our show is sometimes events happen so close to production time that we can’t include them in the show and they are delegated to next month’s release. The firestorm surrounding RMFC is an example of one such event. Literally a day or two after we wrapped up this episode that whole mess happened, sort of like how the story about 2 Gryphon was pushed back to this month for the same reason. Speaking of 2, here’s the news that’s fit to print!
More details and some additional insight from the show’s writers:
2 UNLIMITED
Furry Hall of Fame (yes, it’s apparently a thing) inductee “2 The Ranting Gryphon” was recently let go by Anthrocon’s board of directors, ending a near two decade run of stand-up comedy shows starting as far back as 2002. Uncle Kage, a personal friend of 2, voted against removing him from the entertainment lineup. However this did not seem to shift the tables in 2’s favor, as the majority still spoke and the majority said “get out”. It’s important to note that 2 has not been banned from the convention. He just doesn’t have any stage time for a show this year.
2’s style of humor has often been compared to that of George Carlin, due to it’s vulgar yet socially poignant nature. When word got out that he was dismissed, he blamed the fandom’s shift in taste on “SJW’s” (Social Justice Warriors, far-left liberals who are strongly in favor of political correctness and racial/class issues). There was also a stray Twitter account involved named “@0ffensiveFacts” that had been dead for a year and previously had some interesting things to say about Jewish people. Naturally, these kinds of accusations result in drawing attention to the content in question. People began to scrutinize 2’s material to try and see why this paragon of the fandom was kicked out of said fandom’s largest convention.
“What is sexual molestation? The physical nature of it is obvious, but what what does it represent emotionally to the victim? A loss of control. Helplessness. Perhaps some pain. Being forced to do something you don’t want to. Shame and embarrassment. These are all unpleasant things. But they’re also unpleasant things that most people experience nearly every day from their bosses or co-workers at their jobs or from teachers and other students at school.”
The preceding quote comes from a rant blog post on 2’s website from 2012. This isn’t “edgy” humor. This isn’t even humor at all. What this is, is someone who’s never been through the trauma of molestation, before thinking he can be an edgelord about it and look “cool” by telling people to just walk it off. 2, I don’t know how much money you make doing stand-up, so I don’t know if you’ve ever held a job before, but when someone comes home and goes “man the boss really screwed us today”… the boss didn’t literally screw anyone.
2’s response to this criticism was to double-down on his fame, and say when this all blows over he’ll still have 25,000 people watching his videos. (Referring to the number of subscribers on his YouTube channel). That’s not how it works, 2. You have 25,000 subscribers, but most of your content gets about 400 views on average. To put this into perspective this dumb fake news show will average about 200 and the up and coming Gatorbox channel only has 1,000 followers. Your comedy career is fishtailing in a very dangerous manner, 2, and as entertainers ourselves we can only caution you about the next steps you take because — in regards to your career — they very well might be your last ones. Show some humility.
STILL CAN’T ENJOY HER SANDWICH
Nick Robinson, better known as “the guy from Polygon’s Car Boys who isn’t Griffin McElroy”, is an Internet comedian and videographer. The aforementioned Car Boys is arguably his most popular work, but he works on other projects for Polygon as well. Nick is not a furry, but he’s certainly aware of our culture and its memes. Toward the end of last month he tweeted out a joke about how everyone masturbated to Krystal from Star Fox Adventures “and anyone who acts like they didn’t … is lying to you”. Simple enough. Not the funniest thing we heard that month, but still a solid 5/10 performance from a guy whose usual schtick is commentating a game where he drives a school bus into a spinning hammer.
This tweet would be unmentionable, had it not been for the fact that it attracted — of all people — Feminist Frequency, who were quick to shame Nick and everyone else for participating in this. “Nobody in our office feels that way about Krystal,” the tweet chain began. What, did Anita Sarkeesian herself go around personally asking everyone in the Frequency offices if they jerked off to a cartoon fox from some awful early 00’s video game, or something? Their message to Nick (and presumably everyone else) continued: “she’s literally trapped in a crystal. Finding a female character who is damseled and stripped of her agency arousing is kinda gross. Attitudes like this are indicative of just how male-dominated gaming culture remains.”
Good lord, all this hub-bub over a groaner of a joke. Congratulations, you’ve now propelled Nick and his joke into the spotlight, while shining another that serves to show the world how ridiculous you are that you can’t understand humor. Was the joke sexist? Of course it was, but we don’t see any contrary publications getting into people’s faces for saying gross things about that Guzma character from the latest Pokémon game. Fantastic double standard there. Also, nowhere in Nick’s tweet did he mention anything about getting off on the fact that she’s “in bondage”. We don’t even think her damsel status crosses the minds of the weirdos who obsess over her. We’re 100% certain the only thing they’re focused on is right there on Krystal’s chest.
Everyone has jerked off to Krystal at least once in their lives. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to you.
SOME DAYS YOU’RE THE DOG
Every year Bad Dragon releases a joke product on April Fool’s Day that’s available for only 24 hours. This year they continued the tradition by releasing a massive 10 inch silicone fire hydrant. The hydrant, 11 inches around at its widest point, was offered in bright red or safety yellow and ran you a cool $100 (plus shipping). Previous years’ toys have included silicone crowbars (“The Freeman”), shot glasses, bowling pins, flashlights… and a human penis billed as “The Ultimate Pleasure”. The What’s Yiffin’? staff (all two of us) agree that “The Ultimate Pleasure” was their funniest one.
Anyways, a hundred bucks in the year of Our Lord 2017 landed you one rubbery fire hydrant, plus matching collectible “Teeny Weeny” and plastic keychain hydrants. The hydrant also came with a free liquid tube upgrade. You know, for shooting water out of it… because it’s a fire hydrant. Get it? Bad Dragon’s sale and store page for the hydrant include the disclaimer that these “toys” are for “novelty purposes only”. But you know people are going to disregard that (LINK IS NSFW).
If you missed out on nabbing yourself one of the hydrants, then you’re out of luck. You’ll have to turn to the secondhand Bad Dragon collectors’ market and pay an inflated collectors’ price. We don’t actually know if there’s a secondhand market for Bad Dragon toys, but none of us are willing to put that term in our search history, especially with congress apparently getting ready to sell that information to anyone with deep enough pockets. No thanks.
WORLD’S CHILLEST MANAGER
2017’s Texas Furry Fiesta took place at the end of last month. The good news is nobody crapped in a place they weren’t supposed to, and nobody blacked out from drug use or had the cops called on them, so all in all it was a good convention. Good by 2017 standards, at least. Furry conventions that take place at hotels are always full of strange people, but often times we forget about the everyman in these situations – people who just so happen to be staying at the same hotel at the same time either for business or personal leisure purposes. Nicola Craig, one such normie, was a guest at the Intercontinental Dallas hotel during the weekend of Furry Fiesta. She left some choice words for the management in a review posted to TripAdvisor.
“Paid $330 a night and it sucked, this place was dirty and had a furry convention on with no warning to other guests. manager is an [sic] BAD. I do not recommend. Also they are on priceline for 89 a night. Wouldn’t even bother. Manager should be fired”
Naturally, she left all one-star reviews for every available amenity category. So, two things. One, hotels don’t usually “warn” people about conventions. If you’re this concerned over sharing a hotel with a convention, most venues have schedules posted on their official websites. If they don’t, you could always call them and ask. Two, you probably should’ve booked on Priceline you idiot. Speaking of calling people, this entitled winner was so displeased with her experience that she apparently did call the hotel at some point and demanded to speak to a manager, because that manager, Stefan Huber, responded to her TripAdvisor review. He reminded Nicola who’s court she was playing on:
“I have to admit that I am offended by this review for several reasons. I don’t understand how you, particularly as a travel agent, can feel right about insisting on certain guests being better than others … you are harming our reputation simply because I would not compensate you for your guests’ expectations to be surrounded by “like” individuals.”
We can feel the heat coming off that burn all the way from where we are. The 13th Amendment made it illegal to own people like that. We’d kill to know how blasted Nicola became upon reading Mr. Huber’s response, but sadly this is where the paper trail ends. We may never know. One thing we do know, however, is that next year Nicola and her “like individuals” won’t be there ruining the fun for everyone at Furry Fiesta 2018; they’ll be staying a Motel 6 or something instead.
And that’s what April has to offer! We sincerely hope you enjoyed this installment of What’s Yiffin’?, and if you did please consider giving us a subscription on YouTube and a follow on Twitch. What’s Yiffin’? is broadcast as a part of the show Gatorbox, which is live every Friday night at 9PM (US Central). What’s Yiffin’? is performed on the first Friday of every month. Take care, and we hope everyone has a fantastic Easter weekend!
– André “Dracokon” Kon & Rob “Roastmaster” Maestro
Like the article? It takes a lot of effort to share these. Please consider supporting Dogpatch Press on Patreon, where you can access exclusive stuff for just $1. Want to do something REALLY awesome? Ask two friends to share the link. Thank you – Patch
April is Furry Poetry Month – guest post by Shining River.
In the United States and Canada, the month of April is celebrated as National Poetry Month, a tradition in the United States since 1996 and in Canada since 1998. Many literary magazines, libraries, authors, schools, and websites participate in this in a wide variety of ways. Since 2015, writers of the furry community have been celebrating their own version of this, which we may now call Furry Poetry Month.
The writing of poetry by furries, whether they be dedicated writers or occasional writers of poems, is not just a recent development. Poems can be found online in the Usenet newsgroup alt.lifestyle.furry, of the 1990’s. A once-active site that featured furry literature was Anthrozine. Starting as early as their second issue in 2005, twenty-six furry poems were published over the years that the site was maintained by Michael Bard and Quentin Long.
Poetry probably appeared on Fur Affinity user pages soon after it’s beginning in 2005. Over the years, approximately eight groups have been created to feature poetry and other writing. Most of these groups have had little activity in recent months, some of them not for several years. The Poets Guild began in 2009 features two poetry anthologies and four dozen individual poems that are posted on the site. Their activity declined for a year or so but has recently had an increase in posting. The most active FA group for poetry at this time is Poetic Furs. Begun in 2015, they have featured an interview with a different poet each month.
Over the years there have been some printed versions of furry poetry. This writer still has his copy of the 1999 Conifur NorthWest furcon con book and we find on page 41-42 what might best be described as a rap, but it’s still poetry, titled “I Am The Very Model Of A Furry Individual” by Mee-Shee. Another example was the first volume of Allasso in 2012, edited by Brian Lee Cook, which contained seven poems along with fiction short stories.
More recently, poetry has been featured on Adjective Species. Their first publishing of a furry poem, “Whiskey Sour”, by Lunostophiles, appeared in 2013.
In March of 2015 an essay written by this writer, titled “Finding the Animals in Modern Poetry”, was followed by the creation of the “Inaugural Adjective Species Poetry Collection”. It was curated by Lunostophiles. This featured original animal themed poems from thirteen writers of the furry community. The following year in April, Adjective Species published another essay by this writer, “Finding the Animals in Cowboy Poetry”, which was soon followed by the “Second Adjective Species Poetry Collection”, with nine poems contributed. This was curated by a prominent furry writer, Poetigress. Also at that time seven original poems written by Poetigress were published over three days.
The Furry Writers Guild was founded in 2010 to be a group for writers to share their experiences and to provide information about writing and publishing. In April of 2015 on their site forum, a new discussion board for poetry was created. Also at this time, Laura “Munchkin” Govednik and Altivo Overo developed the idea for a book of poetry featuring animal themed poems from Furry Writers Guild writers. The sales of the book would be donated to an animal charity. This successful project, titled “Civilized Beasts”, appeared in December 2015, published by Weasel Press.
In 2016, the project was begun again, as reported here on Dogpatch Press. Poem submissions are closed at this time and the release of the new book has not yet been announced.
Finally, the enjoyment of poetry does not have to be just a solitary, silent, experience. There are many un-traditional ways of creating and experiencing poetry. Recitation and performance of poetry occasionally occurs in the furry community. Fursuiter rap performances on Youtube are a good example, and this writer enjoyed poetry readings by two furry writers at Rainfurrest 2015. You might find a way to poetically express yourself with some of these activities: https://www.poets.org/national-poetry-month/30-ways-celebrate-national-poetry-month
Poetry comes in many shapes, sizes, and colors, much like the fursuits of the furry community. Poetry written by others can put into words the ideas and emotions that we ourselves may not have the skill to express. Poetry that we write can be a way to gather together our thoughts and emotions and get a clear look at them. Somewhere out there in the world there is a poem, or maybe many poems, that is good for each one of us.
– Shining River
Tiger Like A Tank
Later this month, Magnetic Press will be releasing the next installment of the Klaw series entitled Klaw: The Second Cycle. Once again it’s a hardcover graphic novel written by Antoine Ozanam and illustrated by Joël Jurion. As you may recall, in the first issue of Klaw we met young Angel Tomassini, who discovers several scary things at once: When he’s angry he turns into an anthro-tiger, and his father is a vicious crime boss, and there is a whole society of were-creatures who do not always have each others’ best interests at heart. And now: “The second volume in the series follows Angel and his girlfriend Lisa as they flee across the globe from the many dangerous forces that would steal their were-animal spirit for their own nefarious, criminal use. As if spotting and defending themselves from these hidden enemies isn’t hard enough, they also have to keep their own delicate control of their powers in check… innocent lives can get caught in the crossfire, and all the power in the world is useless if you can’t protect your friends and loved ones…” Check out the preview pages.
image c. 2017 Magnetic Press
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TigerTails Radio Season 10 Episode 20
Look for Love for the Right Reasons
The situation is not dire I'm just simply questioning. I've always been a little bi-curious but usually been pretty good at ignoring it until it went away. That was, until I attended my first furry con and I saw the happy couples and I felt that I wanted that.
I guess my question is what should I do about this possible budding bisexuality. Might it be legit or am I simply starved for affection and looking to open new avenues for romance, how would I know what it is? Should explore it how could I start?
Thanks in advance :)
Lyle (age 21)
* * *
Dear Lyle,
There is no such thing as 100% straight or 100% gay. We all lie somewhere in the middle, although we usually lean one way or another. Those who call themselves bisexual feel they are about halfway between the two extremes.
When it comes to relationships, disregard race, nationality, religion, money, and sex. Look at the person. It is a person you truly fall in love with, not their outer shell (those who do fall for the shell are always disappointed in the end). If you fall in love with someone who is male or female and you get along in all the important ways (and the sex is good), then you will have a happy relationship.
Whether you are bi or "starved for affection" or simply really horny, I cannot tell from such a brief missive as you have sent. But I can tell you that you shouldn't grasp onto a relationship because you want sex or even because you want affection. Genuine relationships aren't about you satisfying your needs. In other words, do not go into a relationship for selfish reasons. Do so because you are in love and bringing the other person happiness is just as important as the happiness they bring you.
Hugs,
Papabear
The King of Las Vegas, by John Van Stry – book review by Fred Patten
Submitted by Fred Patten, Furry’s favorite historian and reviewer.
The King of Las Vegas, by John Van Stry
Seattle, WA, CreateSpace, March 2016, trade paperback $10.99 (234 pages), Kindle $3.99.
John Van Stry has written four Hammer Commission novels; The Hammer Commission, Wolf Killer, Loose Ends, and The King of Las Vegas. They are set in a world where demons, devils, monsters, and vampires are real. Three of the four feature Mark Levin, a demon-devil-monster-vampire hunter for the FBI and Interpol who is a monster himself. Mark and his French partner Jake are minor characters in The King of Las Vegas, which features a rakshasa.
A traditional rakshasa is an Indian (Hindustani) demon, usually described as a huge fanged cannibal who can shape-shift and live hundreds of years. In Van Stry’s novel, it’s a tiger-striped shape-shifter who can turn into a tiger (not a were-tiger; the distinction becomes important in the story) that happens to be a good guy. Rafael is an American college student on vacation in India who is captured and enslaved by a Rakshasa (Van Stry sometimes capitalizes it) and is turned into one himself.
Eleven years later Rafael escapes to American Catholic missionaries in India, and is turned over by them to Mark and Jake. When they determine that Rafael doesn’t want to prey on anyone, he just wants to return to America, they help him out. As a rakshasa, he needs lots of meat, he feeds on strong emotions, and he has to be near tigers. The best place in America for that is Las Vegas – the casinos provide plenty of cheap meals, the gamblers provide the strong emotions, he can pass his tiger stripes as makeup or tattoos for an act, and several Las Vegas attractions and magicians have live tigers.
Van Stry makes the rakshasas part of civilization. The Indian government encourages them to settle along the Indian-Chinese border to discourage Chinese invasion. Rafael’s abusive slave-master has used his Rakshasa powers to make himself a billionaire, and Rafael sues him for enough to make himself independently wealthy.
So Rafael settles in Las Vegas. He can’t go back to college, but he’s not hurting. He’s got all the money he needs. His head-to-toe tiger stripes make him popular with the girls. He can wander through the casinos and drink in the excitement and joy, filtering out the negative emotions like greed and disappointment. Later he uses his shape-changing ability to become a popular Elvis imitator, and he has all the positive emotions he could need.
Here Rafael discovers that he has matured further as a rakshasa without the supernatural power of his former master holding him back. (This also displays CreateSpace’s lack of proofreading.)
“He opened his eyes and looked down at his body. He was covered in fur, but not the light coat he’d had after Janet, no this was the fur of a tiger, and it matched the patterns of his markings.
Examining the palms of his hands, and the soles of his feel [sic.]. he now had dark pads, his fingernails and toenails had disappeared, and when he flexed his fingers, long wicked claws slid out of their hiding places in his fingertips.
Standing up then, he moved across the room in almost a glide as he came to the mirror and looked himself over. He felt stronger than he had before, more balanced, more in tune with his being. Then he noticed his face.
He had a tiger’s head.
He looked a bit closer and longer, it wasn’t actually a real tiger’s head, but it was close. It was a bit more humanoid, and more sized to fit his body. Turning to look at his profile and take the time to admire himself, he noticed he had a tail now as well.” (pgs. 67-68)
Tigers are also very territorial, and Rafael settles into Las Vegas as his city. So he isn’t happy when he senses the death and corruption that he associates with vampires.
“He caught a whiff of it then. He froze, the hairs on the back of his neck starting to rise, and looked around carefully sniffing at the air. Tt was faint; he could just barely detect it. Seeing that there was no one around, he shifted into his full rakshasa form, that he’d achieved for the first time only just hours ago. He grumbled a little as the seat of his trousers split, he’d forgotten about the tail, and his clothing felt a little tighter now, with the fur sprouting from his skin, but with the tiger’s head, came the much stronger tiger’s sense of smell.” (p. 74)
Rafael scents the vampire and gets rid of it and its followers. Then Rafael and his girlfriend Janet Hoskins find another vampire. And another. Las Vegas turns out to be the vampire capital of America. And Sonny Capridella, the Godfather of all the vampires (who also controls the drug dealers and all organized crime in Las Vegas) sets them all to finding out who is conducting a one-monster war against the Vampire Mob.
I don’t review werewolf horror fiction, but The King of Las Vegas (cover by eBook Launch — prices start at $349) is more of a furry superhero against vampires/the Mob action thriller. Problems: besides the lack of proofreading mentioned above, there is Jake’s pathetic French accent:
“‘He is not being zee rude,’ Jake said leaning forward and flashing a rather devastating smile. ‘Your boyfriend, he has zee powers zat make him zee most powerful being in zee city. Zat comes with a responsibility, no? So it is for zee best zat he always remember what he is. It is safer for all involved, most especially for himself.’” (p. 184)
If you want something besides pure furry fiction and you like a good-monster superhero fighting vampires who are also gangsters, try The King of Las Vegas.
Like the article? It takes a lot of effort to share these. Please consider supporting Dogpatch Press on Patreon, where you can access exclusive stuff for just $1. Thank you – Patch
Episode 346 - Sympathy For The Devil
Book of the Month: Intimate Little Secrets
Art by Teagan Gavet
April 2017’s Book of the Month is Rechan’s short story collection, Intimate Little Secrets.
From just a fleeting spark to the last burning coals, relationships burn our fingers and set our passions aflame. Even when extinguished, the embers can still smolder and scorch.
When Luis’s ex comes back into his life, the cost of what he wants might mean the loss of something more. Jacob needs peace with his family, an order perhaps too tall for Desiree to provide. Marjani must make amends for an indiscretion. A confession falls apart, leaving Janine caught in the gears of a messy arrangement. Strait-laced Conner has to navigate a new world both confusing and rife with hurt feelings.
In these nine stories, imperfect people brave the fire for moments of perfection.
Intimate Little Secrets is available now in print from FurPlanet and DRM-free ebook from Bad Dog Books, and may be available on Amazon and other ebook retailers.
S6 Episode 14 – The Dirty and Sinful - Porn. It's an undeniable part of the furry fandom. But what is the relationship it has to the fandom? Fenryk joins Roo and Tugs in studio to discuss this topic which strikes at the heart of almost every single furry
NOW LISTEN!
Reminder! We're up for the Ursa Major Award!
If feel we are worthy of this award, check out how to vote out at www.ursamajorwards.org.
Show Notes
Special Thanks
Fenryk Wolffe, our guest
Anonydog
Blaze
Docos
Phoenix the Fox, for the email and suggesting this episode's topic
Lyra the fox
Clunk
Snares
Levvy the Freaky Fennec Fox
Seiichi Raccoon
Mfalme Lion, for email and the ident
Kyn
Miski
Music
Opening Theme: Husky In Denial – Cloud Fields (Century Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2015. ©2015 Fur What It’s Worth and Husky in Denial. Based on Fredrik Miller– Cloud Fields (Radio Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Some music was provided by Kevin MacLeod at Incompetech.com. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License. We used the following pieces:
Spy Glass
Space News Music: Fredrik Miller – Orbit. USA: Bandcamp, 2013. Used with permission. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Closing Theme: Husky In Denial – Cloud Fields (Headnodic Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2015. ©2015 Fur What It’s Worth and Husky in Denial. Based on Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Chill Out Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Some of our sexy music was from Bensound. You can get it at this link or at Bensound.com.
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Next episode: While our episode on porn is in post-production, we are taking comments on our next episode: Zoophilia versus Beastiality and its relationship with the fandom. It's a sensitive topic and one almost everyone has an opinion on. Send yours by April 20, 2017!
Did you read this far? That isn't a woman moaning. We're furries. Those are two turtles mating. That's the sound turtles make when they mate. S6 Episode 14 – The Dirty and Sinful - Porn. It's an undeniable part of the furry fandom. But what is the relationship it has to the fandom? Fenryk joins Roo and Tugs in studio to discuss this topic which strikes at the heart of almost every single furry
Never Fear
After a rather disastrous live action movie (which they had nothing to do with!), American Mythology Comics have decided that Underdog deserves a new coat of paint — and a new comic book series all his own. Created in 1964 by W. Watts Biggers for Total Television, the original Underdog animated series told the story of an anthro dog (known only as “Shoeshine Boy”) who had the secret ability to transform into the flying caped crime-fighter known as Underdog. Now, many years later, American Mythology present the new full-color comic written by Batton Lash and illustrated by Bill Galvan. It’s hitting the shelves this month, and Previews World has an interview with the creators.
image c. 2017 American Mythology
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FC-263 Technicolor Zoo - In this busy episode we feature multiple interviews about recent convention ending drama, following that up with loads of other news & links.
In this busy episode we feature multiple interviews about recent convention ending drama, following that up with loads of other news & links.
Watch Video Interviews:- First, our friends @Digivolve and @Rawr_Jesse join us for some insight on RMFC’s timeline.
- Then we were joined by @BoozyBarrister. A lawyer, blogger and confirmed badger furry, to talk about his blog’s writeup of the RMFC Cease and Desist letter.
- RMFC Related News & Links:
- [Dogpatch Press] Rocky Mountain Fur Con backs neo-nazis, sex offender to intimidate critic for reporting threat.
- [Flayrah] Rocky Mountain Fur Con canceled following neo-Nazi associations, tax irregularities
- [Lawyers And Liquor] Free Furry of The Land: When SovCits and Furries Collide
- [Rolling Stone] Does the Furry Community Have a Nazi Problem?
- FA User RhubarbTheBear’s Boozy Barrister Badger Jingle
- What Killed Rainfurrest 2016 – Trappa Explains at VancouFur 2016
- Furry Psychology with Nuka at Texas Furry Fiesta 2017
- WiFi Sex Toy can be hacked
- How Does a Centaur Eat?
- Draw A Centaur Day is April 16th!
- Tables Turned On Drunk Driver
- Neural Network Generated Pickup Lines
- Woman Brings Therapy Dog to MCFC
- Spawts’s Cardboard Cutout has a Twitter Handle
- CSI Fur Fest: The Unsolved Case of the Gas Attack at a Furry Convention
- How Cats Became Our Feline Overlords (feat. It’s Okay To Be Smart)
- Digital Media Primer with Monty Montgomery
- Update: Sozan’s life is still a disaster
- MFF staff reassures they do audit for multiple bookings
- Engineer ‘Marries’ Robot He Built And It’s Totally Not Creepy At All
- Tyrannosaurus rex was a sensitive lover, new dinosaur discovery suggests
- Artificial Intelligence Systems Are Learning Our Racism And Sexism
- Cheeky Hackers Trigger All Of Dallas’ Emergency Sirens Simultaneously
- Being A Night Owl Might Be Written In Your Genes