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reWritten, by Jako Malan – Book Review by Fred Patten
Submitted by Fred Patten, Furry’s favorite historian and reviewer.
reWritten, by Jako Malan
Plainfield, CT, Goal Publications, April 2017, trade paperback $15.00 (200 [+2] pages).
The setting of reWritten is a world from which humans have disappeared and been replaced with anthropomorphized Mammalœ.
It’s best not to dwell on the confusing background. The Mammalœ are aware of man’s past existence:
“We are, indeed, not the first to call this world our home. Bright-eyed and naive, our earliest ancestors wandered forth as the sun set on the age of man and rose for Mammalœ. The ruins of their magnificent civilization would be both the foundation and inspiration for our own.” (p. 1)
What happened to man? It doesn’t sound like man became extinct through war, unless it was a war that didn’t include blast damage – the Mammalœ consider man’s ruins to be “magnificent”. Have the Mammalœ (the narrator is an anthro jackal; others are aardvarks, meerkats, springboks, rats, rabbits, mongooses, servals, cheetahs, etc.) evolved to replace man? That would take millions of years. Surely there wouldn’t be anything of man’s left to seem “magnificent”. The Mammalœ civilization seems like a rundown funny-animal imitation of man’s; a smoky city that includes coal power, rickety electric trams, hand-cranked automobiles for the rich; most Mammalœ riding bicycles… The Mammalœ such as the rat and zebra are all the same size, presumably human. It’s easier to just accept that man was here but is gone now, and anthro mammals (Malan is South African; so is the setting – the Mammalœ currency is even rands, not dollars) have replaced him in early-20th-century-style cities.
Professor M. (for Makwassie) van Elsburg (a jackal), head of the Department of Anthropology and History at Mammalaœ University in Bridgend (apparently a major Mammalœ city), is approached at a reception by rich Mr. Oberholzer (a hyrax), the patriarch of the Bridgend Energy Cartel. Prof. van Elsburg recognizes him as one of the most influential and notorious mobsters in Bridgend. (He flaunts it; what’s the point of being influential and notorious if everyone doesn’t know it?) Oberholzer is also interested in the history and disappearance of man, and he has a private museum in his mansion. Five months earlier he and an associate had organized an expedition to the ruins of a human city that they hoped would provide more information. The expedition disappeared; simultaneously Oberholzer’s private collection was burglarized, and his servants began being followed. Oberholzer wants Prof. van Elsburg to lead a second expedition to the ruins, to find the hoped-for information and any clues to the vanished first expedition. Elsburg objects that he’s late-middle-aged and sedentary, without any experience in exploring, but Oberholzer’s request is similar to Don Vito Corleone’s offer that can’t be refused.
“‘Take the train to the Ashton precinct.’ Mr. Oberholzer’s last instructions interrupted my train of thought. ‘That is as far as the railways will take you. In town, I will arrange for my associate to meet you. He will brief you from there onwards. I have already contacted him with the particulars of the assignment. Be vigilant, Professor. Don’t discuss your task with anyone. And don’t disappoint me.’” (pgs. 31-32)
The reader will have already seen the book’s blurbs that describe it as “an existential horror story”:
“In a world only superficially similar to our own, it asks questions that have no easy answers, and answers questions that may have been better left unasked.”
Or in other words: There are things that Mammalœ were never meant to know!
reWritten is curiously like an Indiana Jones-type adventure with attempted assassination, creepy ruins, ominous visions, betrayal, cannibalism. mental programming, body possession, flying death machines, ferocious wild carnivores, etc., as narrated by an old-fashioned slightly stuffy college professor. Little touches in his narrative reinforce this:
“Opening the tent carefully, I peeked outside. I saw nothing out of the ordinary, but could smell the burnt residue from low-grade propellant above that of trauma,” (p. 53)
He’s talking about smelling gunpowder and blood. That’s a wordy way of describing the odor of burnt gunpowder and blood.
“Having dressed myself and finished my morning prayers, I stepped out of the tent again to embrace the fourth day away from home for a second time. My nose tingled with the characteristic aroma of burning coal, above that of chicory brewing in a pot.” (p. 55)
How many explorers start their days with morning prayers? Chicory is usually considered a poor substitute for coffee when coffee is unavailable.
Prof. van Elsburg heads into the Wastelands leading a squad of five mercenaries: Dunswart, a one-eyed honey badger; Marlboro, a stringy meerkat; Xanadu, a burly Cape Buffalo; Magalies, a crazy painted dog; and Isando, an adolescent kudu. Guess what will happen to them?
“The bartender [a bulldog] nodded again; clearly, they [he and Dunswart] had some form of mutual understanding. He appeared to be cut out for his job. An ancient scar stretched across his forehead and muzzle, his arms were muscular, and his dirty apron hid the outlines of a large revolver at his hip.
‘What can I get ye?’ he asked.
‘Something strong, please,’ I replied.” (p. 39)
Here is a description of starting the expedition’s truck on a freezing day:
“Pumping the accelerator, Marlboro opened a valve under the dashboard. The engine bulged with compressed air stored from the last time it ran. One or two bitter cycles later, it spat a tongue of flame before dying. Saturated black smoke poured from the exhaust pipe just beside and above the driver’s door. I was vindicated. It was not just I who did not like the cold!” (p. 48)
The writing is wordy and florid by modern standards. I do not know if this is Malan’s natural style, or he is trying to emulate a 1910s-era slightly pedantic academic. Some of the word choices seem peculiar. “The [railway] conductor, a brown hare, leered impatiently at his pocket watch.” Leered? “An oncoming train stormed past, its obnoxious horn clefting the night.” Not “cleaving”? “Smelt” instead of “smelled”. “‘Amazing,’ lamented Isandro.” “Three rifles and a revolver bayed for her blood, […]”
Here is one of the human ruins, of a railway station:
“The glass door had shattered. We stepped right through the naked steel frame into a dark lobby with a layer of sand and debris covering the floor. The ceilings were tall and adorned with dead light fixtures.” (p. 56)
It doesn’t seem like man has been gone for more than a few centuries at most; a very short time for Mammalœ to repopulate the world.
This review is saying nothing further about the plot, or about what the expedition finds. That’s for the reader to discover. There are some real surprises and, lest I appear to not have read the ending, much of what I say earlier is contradicted. What I have described is the old-fashioned writing style and the attempt to develop a horror-tale mood:
“‘Many strange and terrible things lay in wait on these plains,’ Anzac [a hyena] said. ‘Mother told me stories that would make your skin crawl. Who knows what terrible event ended her life.’” (p. 66)
“It was a buffet of misery, and there was only one guest at this feast.” (p. 96)
reWritten (cover by Tim Jardim) is a different furry novel; supposedly “an existential horror story”, but more mysterious and portentous (and science-fictional) than frightening and horrific (and supernatural), and with an elderly, non-heroic hero who dithers more than he reacts. It’s certainly a change from the in-your-face horror novels that scream and gibber at you. I liked it; I hope you will, too.
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Elf-topia?
Among the big announcements to come out of this year’s D23 Expo (Disney’s bi-annual convention for their biggest and geekiest fans — hey, your ed-otter is one!) is news of an as-yet-untitled new CGI film from Pixar… a “suburban fantasy”. According to a preview at Entertainment Weekly, “During the fan convention’s animation panel on Friday, John Lasseter introduced director Dan Scanlon to unveil details about a new original film on Pixar’s upcoming slate, filling in one of the cryptic untitled slots on the studio’s release schedule. Lasseter described the film as ‘an adventure set in a suburban fantasy world,’ and Scanlon, who helmed Monsters University, debuted concept art showing a large winged creature flying over a small town at sunset. Set in a human-less world of elves, trolls, sprites, and ‘pretty much anything that would be on the side of a van in the ‘70s,’ the movie follows two teenage brothers whose father died when they were young; now, they’re on a quest through this mundane, modern fantasy world to somehow find a way to spend one last magical day with their father.” Oh and by the way, there are unicorns everywhere. and a dragon or two thrown into the mix as well. No word on a release date yet (or a title!), but speculation is leaning toward the summer of 2020 or 2021.
image c. 2017 The Disney Company
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Paradise Brunch Event
This furry event in Thailand looks delicious and awesome. Paradise Brunch [1] [1] https://www.facebook.com/ParadiseBrunch/
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TigerTails Radio Season 10 Episode 33
Get buzzed for Tiny Paws Con, coming to Connecticut in September.
This con’s theme is “Summer Camp.” Yay for summer camp! How about sweaty, un-air-conditioned bunkhouses? Poison ivy? MOSQUITOS? Get ready to celebrate NONE of those things at the new Tiny Paws Con. They just have the parts that don’t suck: fun and games, getting together with old friends, and making new ones. If you’re itching for that in September, Tiny Paws has the cure.
They’re so friendly, I’m sure they would even give a warm welcome to Spottacus in his Skeetersuit. (Why does Spotti have one of those? Because nobody else does!)
Tiny Paws is bringing fresh blood to the Northeast US thanks to organizers like the former founder and co-conchair of FurFright, K’gra Leopard. Give them a buzz on social media, or read on if you want to fly in for fun.
Here’s what they sent:
Summer might be winding down, but one summer camp still is offering tons of fun: Tiny Paws Con! A new convention in the light-hearted spirit of creativity and sharing with friends, this event hopes to capture the magic of everyone’s first convention.
Tiny Paws Con offers over forty dealers in The Expo (the dealer room), an amazing Gaming Lodge with events run by ConnectiCon’s Tabletop Shop and Steve Jackson Games’ MiB, fursuit games, a Fursuit Foto Shoot (a more relaxed and intimate alternative to a fursuit parade), a dance, a Charity Raffle supporting the Connecticut Humane Society, an Arts and Crafts Lounge attendees can visit and create just like they did in art class so many years ago, and more!
To their knowledge, Tiny Paws Con is also excited to be the first trying something new: a Furries of Triumph achievement book, where attendees joining in on the fun over the whole weekend can earn rewards towards the 2018 event.
Pre-registration closes on July 31st, so to save some money and help support the Connecticut Humane Society, please register today!
With over fifteen years of combined experience running FurFright and other charity fundraising, the organizers of Tiny Paws Con hope you will give them a chance with their new convention. Conventions and charities succeed only with the help and generosity of the fandom we all know and love.
Hope to see you all soon!
Visit Tiny Paws Con on their website (http://tinypawscon.org). For the most up-to-date information follow them on Twitter (@TinyPaws_Con) or Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/TinyPawsCon/).
July 21 is the deadline for conbook submissions (art/written/advertising).
July 31 is the deadline for pre-registration. The pricing is:
- Tinker: $40 (3-day admission, badge, conbook)
- Crafter: $60 (Tinker + t-shirt and raffle ticket)
- Engineer: $100 (Crafter + art prints)
- Architect: $200 (Engineer + special gift and thanks in the conbook)
Pre-registered attendees are also eligible for a drawing to be our Attendee Guest of Honor. The Attendee GOH’s membership is automatically upgraded to Architect and they also receive free Tinker admission to next year’s event. The winner will be notified prior to the convention.
To register, visit this webpage: http://tinypawscon.org/index.php/registration/attendee-registration/pre-registration
Fill in the form and on the second page submit your payment via Paypal.
Dealer registration is currently in Wait List mode.
(Note: Dealers who apply for or currently are registered as a business in the State of Connecticut receive a $20 discount on the price of their table.)
Half-tables start at $65 (higher prices for sponsor levels).
Full tables start at $105 (higher prices for sponsor levels).
Dealer table prices include 3-day admission to the convention, a conbook, and badge. Full table dealers may also register one Assistant starting at $10 (no further discount due to having a CT sales permit).
For more information regarding dealer registration, visit: http://tinypawscon.org/index.php/registration/dealer-registration
Like the article? It takes a lot of effort to share these. Please consider supporting Dogpatch Press on Patreon, where you can access exclusive stuff for just $1.
Disney Like You Haven’t Seen Before
Cyclops Print Works is the home of the Disney Fine Art Collectors Editions. On their web site you’ll find a collection of limited edition serigraph prints (in large sizes) from various Disney animated works — many of them anthropomorphic, including the already-famous print below by Zootopia co-director Byron Howard. All of them are for sale, but some of them (such as an amazing print by Tom Whalen of characters from The Great Mouse Detective) have already sold out and may not be printed again. Sign up on their mailing list to find out when they’ll be introducing new prints to the line.
image c. 2017 by Byron Howard
Getting Over the Fear of Toxic People
I don't know if you remember me, specially with the new name, but maybe my email will remind you.
You helped me become a whole person, to get out of an abusive relationship that scarred me for life, and to begin to love myself.
I took a huge step in recovery last week by finally closing the book on that ex you saved me from years ago. It was scary, a bit upsetting to see him living so happily after destroying me, but I felt a million times lighter and content.
Unfortunately the same day I lost someone very close to me in a very ugly way. I was standing up for my other friends when he was acting out of line, and the things he said ... all I could see was the words flying out of the shitty people in my lives mouths.
He was a totally different person, he didn't care about any of us, he accused me of so many things and took my most personal and fragile parts I trusted in him and used them as knives against me.
I already lost a major portion of my friend group last year due to us growing apart so I'm down to less than 10 friends.
I'm scared, papa bear. I've seen what he's done to people in the past. We were never close but we were growing closer until he just ... snapped. I changed all my passwords but I'm so, so terrified he's going to find the one place I didn't or he's going to spread stuff about me just like his old friends and exes from years past.
I JUST healed from my ex doing that to me.... I can't bear to go through it again with someone I knew and trusted and loved for over 10 years.
And now I might have to move and leave what few friends I have left behind. We're not close enough to keep in touch and I'd have to move back into the house where my exs abuse happened.
I don't know if I can....
I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid I'll loose my irl friends and my online ones will follow. I'm so afraid my future friends will have my ex friend fill their heads with bullshit. I'm so afraid to have to live in that house again but it's beginning to be my only option.
I just.... Do you have any advice on how to strengthen friendships, make new friends, and live without fear of being sabotaged?
If I can strengthen the friendships I have and make new ones I won't have to be so afraid, but I can't comprehend relationships and how to meet people.
Debbie
* * *
Hi, Debbie,
Forgive me if I'm repeating myself. I thought I had responded to this letter but now I'm not sure if I did. So, I'm writing again (or for the first time!) Forgive a senile old bear....
Since you don't provide any background, I cannot guess why this other "friend" would snap and suddenly attack you. But this makes two toxic people who have come into your life, which makes me wonder if perhaps you are having difficulty determining what sorts of people are good friend material and what sorts of people are toxic. The other side of this is that you seem to also have trouble realizing who isn't toxic (i.e., true friends).
Hon, true friends will always stick by you and will not listen to the venomous lies spouting from the mouths of toxic people. If you lose any friends because of some lying jerk, then they weren't good friends to begin with and you are better off without them. In fact, this might be a litmus test to determine for you who are your friends and who are not, so that might turn out to be a good thing. Don't worry about it.
One thing Papabear has learned in his 50+ years is to not worry a damn about what other people think. If you know in your heart you are a good person who tries to do the right thing, then that is all that matters. Again, the people who are wise and not shallow will perceive this goodness in you and want to be your friend. Treat your friends well (that's how you strengthen friendships) and shun your enemies. And if you are concerned about your passwords or anything, just make it a routine to change your passwords once a month. If you get attacked online, inform that website's administrators. Keep records of any harassment you get from toxic people.
Making new friends? Big topic, but, in brief, look for people who share your interests and take an interest in their lives. You should expect the same from them. The danger is always one-way "friendships," which aren't so much friendships as people using you. With practice and experience, you will develop a kind of sixth sense about other people. I quickly get a feeling about others as to whether or not they are worth my time. The ones who aren't exude a kind of "creepy" vibe that makes me back off right away. You'll get better at this as time goes on.
Strengthening friendships you currently have mostly involves doing your best to make time to work on the friendship. The more time you spend with someone, the stronger the relationship will become.
As for the fear of being sabotaged: hey, it happens. Even when you get good at judging other people, occasionally a troll or, let's face it, psychopath will weedle themselves into your life. All you can do is cut them off as soon as you recognize them for what they are beneath the mask. Control your fear by realizing that shit happens and you can't prevent it from happening, but you CAN control how you react to said shit and this will make you a stronger person.
Hugs,
Papabear
Sexy, Scaly, and Shiny, Inc.
Joe Strike has made a name for himself with his recently published non-fiction book Furry Nation (which has been getting a good deal of attention, of course). But on a side note, Mr. Strike also recently commissioned his first fur-suit — or rather scale-suit, perhaps, as it is an anthro komodo dragon named Komos. Joe then hooked up with fellow writer Oliver Coombes and created Komos & Goldie, an action-adventure crime drama comic series that is decidedly for Mature Audiences Only. “Saurian servant of Circe herself! Sheela-Na-Gig, Celtic sex-goddess, reincarnated! He’s scaly, she’s shiny — together they’re deadly!” And they work to fight organized crime in their own way: Outside of the law, and with more than a bit of magick thrown in. Most of the black & white comic is illustrated by well-known furry and underground comic artist Kjartan Arnorsson. It’s available on-line and also in good-old paper fashion, and both include lots of extra illustrations of the characters by various artists.
image c. 2017 by MaryMouse
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FC-272 Defensive Lubrication - A packed studio for a packed show. I'd type up a better description but typing with paws is hard.
A packed studio for a packed show. I’d type up a better description but typing with paws is hard.
Watch Video Link Roundup:- Picnic Table Boat
- @kriscrittah draws Chelsea Manning a fursona
- Taur.io
- Vix is almost at 10,000 Subscribers
- Google DeepMind
- The Healthy Benefit to Masturbation
- Phabit device rewards your daily exercise by keeping a plant alive
- 10-Year-Old’s Pet Goat Saves Her Entire Family From Dying
- Thousands Of Slime Eels Spill Onto Oregon Highway In Gross, Gooey Crash
- Catholics To Rally In Prayer Against First Satanic Monument On Public Land In U.S. History
- Tech-Related Questions – Jake (a Husky)
- Actually, I don’t need THAT help – Doxxy
- CJ Husky: the “can haz” paradox (not the wolf) – Shawn
FC-272 Defensive Lubrication - A packed studio for a packed show. I'd type up a better description but typing with paws is hard.
A packed studio for a packed show. I’d type up a better description but typing with paws is hard.
Watch Video Link Roundup:- Picnic Table Boat
- @kriscrittah draws Chelsea Manning a fursona
- Taur.io
- Vix is almost at 10,000 Subscribers
- Google DeepMind
- The Healthy Benefit to Masturbation
- Phabit device rewards your daily exercise by keeping a plant alive
- 10-Year-Old’s Pet Goat Saves Her Entire Family From Dying
- Thousands Of Slime Eels Spill Onto Oregon Highway In Gross, Gooey Crash
- Catholics To Rally In Prayer Against First Satanic Monument On Public Land In U.S. History
- Tech-Related Questions – Jake (a Husky)
- Actually, I don’t need THAT help – Doxxy
- CJ Husky: the “can haz” paradox (not the wolf) – Shawn
[Live] Defensive Lubrication
A packed studio for a packed show. I’d type up a better description but typing with paws is hard.
Link Roundup:- Picnic Table Boat
- @kriscrittah draws Chelsea Manning a fursona
- Taur.io
- Vix is almost at 10,000 Subscribers
- Google DeepMind
- The Healthy Benefit to Masturbation
- Phabit device rewards your daily exercise by keeping a plant alive
- 10-Year-Old’s Pet Goat Saves Her Entire Family From Dying
- Thousands Of Slime Eels Spill Onto Oregon Highway In Gross, Gooey Crash
- Catholics To Rally In Prayer Against First Satanic Monument On Public Land In U.S. History
- Tech-Related Questions – Jake (a Husky)
- Actually, I don’t need THAT help – Doxxy
- CJ Husky: the “can haz” paradox (not the wolf) – Shawn
Ep 169 - Firecast! - We did this live on Youtube, but here it is in au…
We did this live on Youtube, but here it is in audioform! Go here if you prefer the youtube: https://youtu.be/HTHxjIAoHRI Ep 169 - Firecast! - We did this live on Youtube, but here it is in au…
PlayStation: Tooth and Tail
"Tooth and Tail releases on September 12th -- Lead the revolution with an army of flamethrowing Boars, mustard gas-lobbing Skunks, and paratrooper-puking Owls. From Pocketwatch Games, the creators of Monaco: What’s Yours Is Mine, Tooth and Tail is a Real-Time Strategy game featuring an extensive Single Player Campaign, Online Competitive Play, Split Screen, Replays, and more. Build a base, lead your army, eat your enemies!" Squirrels as 'zerglings'? I'm in.
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When He Puts Friends above His Mate
I'm in a relationship that I would describe as stable and really makes the both of us happy, but recently we've had a bit of a falling out. It started with my first impressions of one of his friends, basically overseeing his rant concerning transgenders, for the sake of accuracy he referenced them as 'dumbasses who get upset easily and deserve to die.' I was annoyed by the whole thing but chose to not say anything as I didn't see the conflict being worth it.
Hours later my mate was depressed and was trying to vent and I advised him to be cautious where he stayed and who he was with, as he's trying to find a temporary place to stay and his previous company had abused him. The friend in question had offered to let my mate stay with him a while back and made a passive aggressive response to that advice I had given, seeing it as an attack against him and I had responded in a very dismissive manner as I wasn't in the mood for arguments.
Days after all of this, both my mate and his friend are upset with me because I had an issue with how the guy was acting and the violent words he would easily pass around. Both of them are trying to state that my impressions of him are wrong and that him being dyslexic is a reason to excuse everything negative that he says, I disagree with this as well. To others I'd imagine that this seems like a small issue, but I feel like it's really crippled our relationship, with my mate ignoring me a bit and indirectly stating that he trusts his friends over me now. I was wondering, how I would go about trying to repair our relationship and get past this?
Asthenia
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Dear Asthenia,
Well, first of all, being dyslexic does not cause people to say nasty things such as hoping transgender people die. Dyslexia is simply a condition that makes it difficult to read and interpret other symbols such as numbers. Therefore *annoying buzzer sound*--ech! Wrong!
What is even more concerning is that your mate trusts his friends over you. If you are his mate, you should be the one he trusts and cherishes the most. You take precedence over other friends. If that is no longer true, then, by default, you are no longer his mate but are actually lower in priority than his other friends. This is made even more apparent by his ignoring you on occasion.
If I were you, I would have a sit-down with him and tell him that if you are no longer a priority and if he likes his friends more than you, then it's over.
Sorry,
Papabear
What’s Yiffin’? – July 2017 edition of syndicated furry news.
2017 is officially halfway over, and boy has it been one hell of a year for the fandom. We’ve covered the official demise of Rainfurrest, 2’s fall from grace and subsequent cancellation at Anthrocon, and more than one fake bomb threat being called into a convention… and we still have six months left to go! Fret not, because while we’ve collected four more of the top stories in the fandom to present to you today most of them aren’t that soul crushing. Most.
BIGGEST LITTLE SH*T SHOW
Furries in Reno rejoiced last month as Biggest Little Fur Con (“BLFC”) took place to the tune of approximately 5,100 attendees. This was a jump of more than 1,500 people compared to 2016’s turnout making 2017’s convention the largest on record. This rapid growth could not have come at a worse time however, because BLFC took place hot on the heels of — and around the same geographic location as — the smoldering remains of Rocky Mountain Fur Con which crashed and burned in a mess of fascist/anti-fascist drama, threats of violence, and some bizarre sovereign citizen lawsuit thing that ended up propelling law blogger The Boozy Barrister into fandom stardom. To this day none of this makes any sense to the What’s Yiffin’ news team, but the important takeaway is that there was plenty of lingering animosity that bled over into BLFC.
BLFC had your standard “big convention” issues with things like spills and accidents and “The Floor 21 Incident“, but there were bigger problems publicly in the form of certain furs electing to use the convention as a platform for political demonstrations. Pictures began circulating of furs taking the convention’s theme of “kaiju” and twisting it onto its head by emblazoning prop buildings with “FASCISM” before stomping on them or kicking them over. Issues of a Communist zine titled “The Cultural Barxist” began cropping up in communal places at the convention with articles meant to incite politically-charged violence against others.
These are the growing pains of a convention stretching very large very quickly, and BLFC would be wise to nip this in the bud and completely put a stop to dissemination of political materials at their con altogether; people do not attend furry conventions to be lectured to politically no matter which side or argument is being presented. No arm bands, no flags, no leaflets; none of that — and punch some holes in the badges of people who willingly disobey the rules. For the sake and future of BLFC, the con organizers have some important choices and decisions to make regarding how they should carry onward for 2018’s convention, the dates of which are already announced. We wish them the best of luck in coming to an agreeable situation that puts the best interests of their general attendees front and center.
GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT!
You ever accidentally wander into that section of YouTube devoted to weird fetish videos? Things like videos of women in stilettos stepping on watermelons, or people changing pudding-filled diapers on baby dolls? It’s pretty obvious what purpose videos such as these serve but banning them from the service has always been a sort of gray area because technically it’s “not” porn. Reptile Channel (not to be confused with HerpersTV’s “The Reptile Channel”) is one of the many YouTube accounts that occupies this No Man’s Land of strange and cringey fetish material.
In a story originally cracked by Dogpatch Press it was determined that Reptile Channel may potentially be owned and operated by JonahVore, a voreaphile whose antagonistic and potentially illegal content has resulted in multiple bans and suspensions all over the Internet. You see, reptiles often swallow their food whole. Hopefully that’s something you’ve already been aware of, however Reptile Channel takes pleasure in showcasing these animals feeding with just a little too much gusto and borderlines on straight up animal cruelty. Hiding behind the veneer of “this is for herpetological/educational purposes” the channel has thus far gotten away with showcasing some rather brutal content.
The link to JonahVore came about by a tip from FurAffinity user Tanookicatoon who compared historical post information with crossposts on websites such as YouTube, Patreon, and a vore forum called “Big Gulp”. Additionally, Big Gulp had been running advertisements for the forum using lingo like “some [videos] you might remember” which raised a red flag to Tanookicatoon. The aforementioned forum ads disappeared once this was pointed out, and Big Gulp’s primary administrator Strega has declined to comment on the person(s) behind the channel.
Currently, Reptile Channel is still online and uploading content.
ANTHROCON’S NEW CHAIR
Pittsburgh’s Anthrocon is “THE” furry convention; it’s among the longest running conventions in the United States and for quite some time has been the barometer against which all other conventions are measured against. Anthrocon has the biggest turnouts, the most media exposure, and the biggest guests. You name it, they’ve got it — and now if “mobility scooters” is something you’re going to try and name Anthrocon’s got those as well. Prior to the convention the organizers announced via Twitter that they were partnering up with Scootaround to provide powerchairs to the physically impaired at Anthrocon this year.
Some responses to the Tweet took lighthearted jabs at con chair Uncle Kage, who’s getting up there in years, but here at What’s Yiffin’ we elected to take the low-hanging fruit and make some good ol’ fashioned fat fur jokes. That’s gotta be the case, because if there’s an attendee with a chronic condition or injury chances are they already own a chair and have brought it with them; the only people likely to use Anthrocon’s chairs would be the same people who use the ones at Walmart. But hey, jokes aside increasing the accessibility of their convention is certainly a step in the right direction if this is what Anthrocon needs to maintain its edge in the fandom.
Besides, what else are you going to do with a powerchair at a fur con? Bad Dragon jousting?
CRACKED CASHES IN
Former comedy-website-turned-“hey-we-can-complain-about-politics-too” rag Cracked Magazine recently published another article about the furry fandom titled “5 Things I Learned Attending a Furry Convention“. Unlike the last time we took some cheap pot shots at Cracked, this time around the article was written by Mark “Firebird” Hill. No, just because his nickname is Firebird doesn’t make him one of us; chances are this normie is just a fan of the Pontiac car and named himself after that.
A quick look through Mark’s work reveals that he’s previously written Pulitzer Prize winning articles such as “7 Secret (And Stupid) Rules For Working For President Trump” and “5 Movie Plots That No Longer Make Sense Post-Trump”. Like we said this is what Cracked has become in this day and age so we can’t say we’re not at least a little bit apprehensive about what this dude has to say about the fandom. (Full disclosure, we just cherry-picked some antagonistic article titles. Mark has also written about normal things that doesn’t involve the current President like movies and video games.)
Mark chose Fur-Eh! in Edmonton as his convention du jour and that’s a good thing too because had he come to the United States and gone to something like Biggest Little Fur Con he probably would’ve written a totally different article. Despite this, throughout his piece Mark kept hitting on this point that fur cons are allegedly a good place to score drugs which is a pretty crummy punchline to harp on when #4 on his list is literally “The Media Hasn’t Been Kind to Furries”. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too, and we’re assuming this isn’t a joke in and of itself because A) that kind of humor is a bit too out of Cracked’s reach these days and B) he keeps up the gag for the entire article.
Spoiler alert: After all this, Mark’s #1 is “wow you guys totally won’t believe this but furries are normal people too!” Gee, that ending wasn’t hamfisted at all!
That’s a wrap on last month’s top fandom stories. That’s all we’ve got, hope you enjoyed it! Because we’ve been asked about it, the Ursa Major Award winners were not included in this month’s edition because they were announced on July 1st. Since this happened right at the start of the month we’ll be covering them in August’s edition of the show. Make sure you’ve subscribed to Gatorbox on YouTube and Twitch so you’ll catch it!
– André “Dracokon” Kon & Rob “Roastmaster” Maestro
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Blacksad Noir | Episode 52
Hot Dish Vol. 2, Edited by Dark End – Book Review by Fred Patten
Submitted by Fred Patten, Furry’s favorite historian and reviewer.
Hot Dish. Volume 2, edited by Dark End. Illustrated.
St. Paul, MN, Sofawolf Press, December 2016, trade paperback $17.95 (viii + 307 pages)
Hot Dish #2 is an anthology intended for an adult audience only and contains some explicit sexual scenes of various sexual orientations. It is not for sale to persons under the age of 18. (publisher’s rating)
Hot Dish #1 (edited by Alopex) was published in March 2013. Sofawolf described it as “Hot Dish is a collection of stories about the romantic and erotic relationships between characters of disparate species and sexual orientations. It is a hearty portion of quality fiction which was too long to fit into our yearly adult anthology, Heat.” It won the 2013 Cóyotl Award for Best Anthology.
Hot Dish #2 does not have only stories that were too long for Heat. Sofawolf solicited stories especially for it during 2014. But otherwise this is a good description of Hot Dish #2: eight long novelettes of romantic and erotic s-f & fantasy relationships with humanoid animals, each illustrated by one of three artists. Romance and eroticism are presented in an extremely wide range of backgrounds and emotions.
These eight novelettes are so lengthy that each feels almost like a short novel. This is a long review.
“Loops and Knots” by Tempe O’Kun (illustrated by Anyare) is a time-travel comedy. Tess, a jackal, and Erik, her golden retriever mad scientist/hippie lover, can’t get enough of each other. So Eric turns their large refrigerator into a time machine and brings his one-week-future self to join them for three-way fun-&-games. When Tess is too tired and needs a break, she gets an erotic thrill watching present-Ertk and future-Erik making love to himself.
“‘It’s more like retro-chronal masturbation, really.’ Erik draped a blanket over her lap.” (p. 10)
“Still in a post-orgasmic daze, Tess watched her boyfriend’s temporal tryst. His silken shag blended together, every shade of gold shining in the autumn sun. His muzzle locked with itself. Feeling an odd pang of jealousy, she crossed her arms. ‘You’re completely shameless, aren’t you?’
[…]
She pressed a hand to her forehead, trying not to smile. ‘Oh, all right. Go fuck yourself.’” (p. 17)
It’s very lewd, very sticky, and very funny.
“Spaces to Breathe” by Slip-Wolf (illustrated by Kalahari; also the book’s cover by Merystic) is an intriguing story, but ultimately unconvincing. Earlan Rokeh is a young otter technician on an exploratory spaceship with a mixed species crew, investigating a large “artefact” drifting in space for over two hundred years. They bring with them Kaenshi, a mystery Seracete alien who may know what the artefact contains. She wears a lifelike female wolf body suit to conceal her true form. The body suit has been created by Dr. Harmun Cirjus, a real wolf. The body suit is realistic enough (including a vagina) that Earlan and Cirjus both fall in lust/love with her. Supposedly Kaenshi’s true form – the reason a body suit is necessary — is so shocking that she fears nobody would want to have anything to do with her, but Earlan proves faithful.
Earlan is an earnest, naïve adolescent tech-geek who is required by the story to fall in lust with any attractive female mammal. Several flashbacks to his pre-mission life make the teenage tech-geek persona more convincing, but the lover persona less convincing. Dr. Cirjus must know what her true form looks like; why does he fall in lust/love with the body suit he’s made for her? I didn’t buy the original Pygmalion legend and I don’t buy this reworking of it. The story is not helped by such poor proofreading as a lack of commas (“Kaenji what of the systems on the artefact?” Dr. Cirjus intoned), incorrect pronouns, and run-on sentences (“Her and that coyote first officer of hers didn’t know how to follow orders properly and it surprised Cirjus that this was one of the Tribes Commission’s most highly rated crew.”)
“The Theorist” by Huskyteer (illustrated by Anyare) is a pastiche of the Victorian uproar over the theory of natural selection, with cats rather than man as the “divine” creation. Leo Mountjoy is a feline scientist who has theorized the evolution of all species. Even though he does not deny the existence of God, he is aware that almost everyone else is “on the side of the angels”. In private life, Leo’s wife Felicity almost died from the difficult birth of their child, and the doctors assure Leo that another pregnancy will be fatal to her. Leo has never felt homosexual, but when Noel Tate, a young fan of his theory, indicates a physical interest as well in Leo, he accepts it as a means of relieving his bodily needs while remaining romantically faithful to Felicity. Of course, it doesn’t stop there…
It would be possible to rewrite “The Theorist” with humans instead of cats, but Huskyteer does an excellent job of adding enough feline attributes to make this a furry story. Printing in this civilization consists of raised symbols read by paws instead of inked symbols read with eyes:
“It was raining when he left, fat drops pattering on his hat and overcoat. He caught the last train and buried himself behind the pages of his newspaper; flicking his wet tail and ears. He studied the print with fierce absorption, running the sensitive pad of his finger across the pattern of lines and dots. Halfway down, the text was interrupted by a cartoon. Under his pads, he suddenly recognized his own features, crudely drawn and transplanted upon the body of a black and white cat.
He did not bother reading the caption.
Leo realized that his claws were out and had scored the paper, rendering the second and third pages illegible. He snorted, and a drip fell from his whiskers. Outside the train, the dairy farms around London would be giving way to the trout and salmon lakes of the south. He let his claws work in and out of the fabric of his carpet bag instead.” (p. 81)
But most of all, she makes Leo, Felicity, Noel, and one other such sympathetic and appealing characters that you will not care whether they are cats or humans. It’s touching and very satisfying.
“The Favor of the Gods” is by Kyell Gold (illustrated by Kalahari). Gold is one of the top writers in furry fandom, but I can’t decide which I like better here; the story or its background?
The story is set in the ancient mythological Greek town of Taxos, a favorite of the Greek gods and where most of their half-animal children live. “When everyone is somebody, then no one’s anybody”, as W. S. Gilbert wrote, so being a grandson of Hermes doesn’t get Teknas, an apprentice carpenter, any special privileges:
“Before anyone else (such as Giles) could start, Teknas told the selector the story of how Hermes had traveled to a distant land and taken on a shape he’d seen there, something between a fox and wolf. ‘And he fathered our ancestors on a maiden named Kaothus, and so we took our name from her,’” (pgs. 110-111)
Teknas is a coyote, and that’s what coyotes are doing in ancient Greece. But he’s not the only coyote; Hermes has been lusty. Taxos is also the home of anthro bulls, foxes, sheep, rabbits – you name it, besides humans. I’m tempted to just quote background and not get to the plot at all:
“Most of Taxos worked in the orchards and fields, rising before Teknas and returning during the mid-afternoon heat while he still labored in Master Risto’s workshop. […] and then he found the small cluster of coyotes standing near the fox families, a veritable storm of wagging tails.” (p. 108)
Teknas is in love (or adolescent lust) with Thea, who wants a feather from the famous Pegasus, who is visiting Taxos. Teknos hopes that the flying horse has shed one, but he finds that the flying horse is actually Galatea, Pegasus’ granddaughter – and she develops a crush on him. Teknas pretends to reciprocate to get the feather, and there’s some graphic … is it bestiality between a flying mare and an anthro coyote? Teknas isn’t too worried because a lusty male taking advantage of an innocent female is a proud tradition of ancient Greece; but this is a granddaughter of Pegasus, which makes her a (favorite) great-granddaughter of Poseidon:
“I’m sorry, he cries, but the god’s eyes do not relent, boring deep into his own. ‘I SHOULDST KEEP THOU HERE, AS A TOY FOR AMPHITRITE’S CHILDREN.’ The Nereids holding him draw back their lips and grin in glee. ‘BUT FOR ONE OF HERMES’, SOMETHING MORE … EDUCATIONAL IS IN ORDER.’” (p. 131)
What does Poseidon do to Teknas? And what does Hermes do about it? Read “The Favor of the Gods” and find out. Teknas and Galatea are two very physically different but sympathetically presented adolescents.
“The Hound and the Tree” by Kandrel (illustrated by Black Teagan) is set twenty years after the hounds have destroyed civilization. It’s narrated by Alex, an anthro wolf, a lone survivor who may have gone a little crazy from loneliness. He names a tree “Roger” for companionship:
“I had been sweeping up Roger’s discarded leaves – he really was a pig. All that slurry got slippery when it rained. I’d had more than a few undignified face-plants, and under those leaves was steel. Home was a platform, built before the hounds. I’d found it not long after I’d escaped from that crowded train car. Near the scaffolding I’d climbed up into the sky, signs advertised the new ‘Alfland Arcology.’ It was one of the most ambitious projects ever started. In it, a million and a half people would be able to live, work, and enjoy the very greatest of life above the old city. All that had ever been finished was the stilts and platforms upon which the arcology was planned to be built. This was home now – whole square miles of suspended steel, with the occasional crown of a tree pushing its way through, like Roger. It was safety. It was isolation. It was also hell on the knees when I slipped. Steel did not forgive. So up went the leaves, into a pile, then down into the below. I’d cleaned the front of my little hut and out towards the trail. Not that anyone would be coming down it. They never did, but it was good to be prepared in case they did.” (p. 144)
Someone finally does come down the trail:
“She was running – sprinting really — through through the twilight-dark forest. In my view, she was just a reddish blob, but I could clearly make out the posture. Two arms, two legs, one tail, so definitely not one of the pack. I tracked her from camera three, then to camera eight, then to camera one as she stopped against Roger’s roots to catch her breath. This was the closest any survivor had come to Roger and I with the pack on their tail. This time, I could see it, watch what happened. Before, they’d always been too far away, and only after weeks of searching after a hunt would I find the sad little bundle of clothes and scavenged gear. This time, I’d finally learn what hounds could do,” (p. 146)
Alex saves Lee, the wolf woman, and since they’ve both been alone for years, they have lots of sex. To add any more plot would give too much away.
I’ve quoted this at length to show you what Kandrel’s writing is like. It’s very rich and descriptive – but it could be condensed 50% or more. It is well-written, but it never escapes Alex’s overwhelming loneliness. So much solo-wolf background becomes annoying; the reader gets impatient for some action. It’s also very much a funny-animal story that could easily feature humans. It feels like the main characters are given fur and tails just to fit this story into a furry anthology.
“The Years of Living Dangerously Happy” by Patrick “Bahumat” Rochefort (illustrated by Kalahari) is a pas de trois between Colin, otter; Katey, gemsbok; and Stellan, mule. Ten years ago, they all lived at Silverbell Lake Lodge, a rustic forest fishing chalet that was home and business for them. Six years ago, Katey and Stellan left for the city to pursue their research, leaving Colin, who cared for the lodge and its environment more than the others, to continue to run it in their absence. Now they have come back to sell it; both his business and his home. Their reunion goes from politely strained to wildly erotic.
Unlike “The Hound and the Tree”, this is an excellent furry story. Colin is not just an otter; he could not be anything but an otter:
“He ran down the dock and dove from it in a clean, tense arc. Colin knifed through the surface with ease and with hardly a splash.
Hitting the water was like being born again.
The cool sunlit water closed around him, and Colin came alive in a way few people ever knew anymore. The water closed around his mind just as much as his body, reducing his thoughts and his perceptions to natural essentials. […] There, under the surface of the water, he was just an otter. And otters were For Fishing.” (p. 174)
Katey and Stellan need the money from the sale of the lodge to complete their research to make Stellan, and other sterile mules, fertile:
“‘You were going to tell me about having kids,’ Colin prompted, after a while.
Katey closed her eyes. ‘It’s why we need the money, Colin. Stellan’s sperm is mostly no good, but about one in ten thousand is viable. Isolating those from the rest is possible, but it’s expensive and difficult. We’ve come up with a way, repurposing the technology they use for livestock breeding. Basically we make microscopic chips that measure and weigh the sperm, and all the bad ones get chucked. Only the ones that are viable get kept. We can do it, Stellan and I. Already filed the patents. But actually building the chips is going to cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars. Then there’s IVF fees to get a viable fetus. Then we look at government approval.’” (p. 187)
The anthro animals are convincing. Their emotions are convincing. The sex is basically humanoid and joyous.
“Cold Sleep” by Faora Meridian (illustrated by Black Teagan) is the emotional opposite. The main characters are Engineers Brishen, an older vular (fox) with graying russet fur, and Tariku, his young new partner. They are part of the engineering team on the Dreamflight space station, desperately trying to save the last remnants of the vular race after its extinction on the planet Vularim.
The corruption has killed (agonizingly and horribly) almost all the vular. Brishen is emotionally exhausted, desperately keeping alive a wife and daughter in cold sleep pods for over two decades. When Brishen’s friend and veteran partner Barriken is killed, he is assigned the idealistic engineering graduate Tariku, just out of the crèche, as his new partner. Since this story is in Hot Dish, the reader can guess that Tariku will renew Brishen’s spirit through a homosexual uplift.
“Cold Sleep” is well-written, but it wallows in bleak despair. This is another story that could be easily rewritten to make the vular humans.
“Reunion” by Sisco Polaris (illustrated by Anyare) is mostly flashback, framed by a beginning and end at a high-school’s ten-year reunion. Damien, a tiger former sports jock, is married to Cheryl, a cheetah former cheerleader. She henpecks him savagely; he meekly takes it. At the reunion, Damien slips into a long flashback to when he was a 17-year-old student and spent all his time trying to get Cheryl to spread her legs; beating up Josh Henderson, a nerdy chubby bunny; and having his cock sucked by a mystery cocksucker. There’s more to “Reunion”, but it feels like 36 pages of nonstop cocksucking. This is a very male story. The story cleverly sets up how Damien could get his cock sucked for months without knowing who the mystery cocksucker is. There are clues, but the revelation back at the reunion is designed to surprise you. The story is with more animal-headed humans.
So: If you don’t care for lots of in-your-face adult sex, don’t read Hot Dish. “Loops and Knots”, “The Theorist”, “The Favor of the Gods”, “The Years of Living Dangerously Happy”, and “Reunion” are all feel-good stories. “The Hound and the Tree” and “Cold Sleep” are designed to be intellectually satisfying but emotional downers. The anthology skillfully blends them among the others. These seven are all well-written, making Hot Dish 2 definitely worth the $17.95 price – if you don’t mind lots of sex. Only “Spaces to Breathe” ought to be better.
As you can tell, I don’t care for funny-animal stories where the characters could be humans just as easily as anthro animals. If you don’t care, you’ll like Hot Dish 2 a lot better.
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