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Papa Bear,

I'm having a bit of trouble with one of my male friends, I have a mate who I love dearly and I would never want to hurt him ever, but my friend came out to me recently that he loved me (he's been a close friend of mine since kindergarten). I told him I'm sorry but I would never cheat on my mate. He said it was ok and we're still close friends (not close as in really really close but close as in best friends) and we still hang out, but there's always that underlying feeling like he's still looking at me in “that way” like he really loves me and it sorta makes me uneasy. Am I just being a little bit too paranoid or should I say something? I still only think of him as a close friend and I don't wanna hurt him. Can you help me?

Thank you,

Sparkplug the Fox

* * *

Dear Sparkplug,

Some people have trouble finding even one person to love them and might envy your quandry, but Papabear knows where you’re coming from. You’re afraid that, even though your friend said it was okay that you were loyal to your mate, he might not really mean it, and he is making eyes at you, trying to convey a message.

You might be right, though; it might just be in your head. If that’s the case, then that’s a signal that, subconsciously, you might want him to want you, since you are just imagining that he is giving you the look. Reading between the lines here (which is not easy), Papabear gets a sense that you are trying to convince yourself that you prefer loyalty to your mate over taking a relationship that goes back to kindergarten to the next level. (Be honest, didn’t that thought at least cross your mind?) In other words, Papabear supsects you love your long time friend, too, which, of course, makes you feel guilty (uneasy).

If this is the case, then you need to take a deep, long look into your own heart and decide what you really want, and, once decided, act upon it one way or the other. That is something Papabear can’t do for you.

If, on the other paw, it is NOT in your head and he IS making eyes at you and you truly DON’T want him as more than a friend, then this is a problem just waiting to boil over and explode into a very awkward situation, or worse. In that case, you need to bring someone else into the equation: your boyfriend. You should not keep this issue to yourself and the secretive glances of your friend. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him, honestly, what has happened and what your concerns are. He is involved in this situation, too, and needs to know about it. You are part of a couple, and a couple talks to each other and makes decisions together. Your boyfriend might bring insights into this that you had not even considered.  Talk to him, come to a consensus, and then act accordingly.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear

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I ask this only because I've tried my FA account yet I do not have a lot of watchers and here commission posts seem to usually get kicked off the front page rather quickly. So where do you guys think the best place to advertise commissions is?

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Fan of Rukis’s books? Well the new “Unconditional ” is ready for pre-release and WILL BE shipped to you as FurPlanet will only have limited copies at AC 2012. So if your into stalking Reis and Marcus then don’t miss out on this deal HERE: ( http://furplanet.com/shop/item.aspx?itemid=594 )! Just thinking of  all those hot scenes just make my sheath pop out now.

You know, besides r/furry. =)

So far, all I've really been exposed to are Fur Affinity and e621. (Though sometimes I wish I'd never heard of the latter, haha!)

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I'm hosting a rave, and I own a two-story old office building. Would this be fine? I've never had a rave there before. There aren't cubicles, It's a big open carpet space. any Ideas?

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Roo, Elias, YuurYuu and Nezzy just have fun talking about stuff and critque a description of the furry fandom by one of their listeners.  The ending song is a piano piece performed by YuurYuu.  Watch Nezzy on her FA at: http://www.furaffinity.net S2 Episode 5 – The Open Door - Roo, Elias, YuurYuu and Nezzy just have fun talking about stuff and critque a description of the furry fandom by one of their listeners.  The ending song is a piano piece performed by YuurYuu.  Watch Nezzy on her FA at: http

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Papabear,

So I’ve got this fur-friend who lives nearby. He's sweet, he really is, but he is ever so obsessive. 

I've known him since last autumn, and due to we both having gone through a tough growth, we both consider each other furry brothers. 

We spent the past New Year's together with another fur. He and another fur later became mates, and after a stormy relationship (due to him being extremely suspicious about everything) that other fur broke up with him because he was stressing him out and he was pretty much living his life, not his own. 

After that, my fur brother got upset and refused to ever talk with him again. (Just like he refuses to talk to anyone he's had a past relationship with.)

Now, I'm VERY good friends with the person that broke up with him, and we've sort of wanted to get it on with each other, but as I’ve promised him not to, even if they weren't together anymore.

And even before they became mates, we talked regularly together, and he was EXTREMELY obsessive over me, and had moments where he went "You like him more than me, don't you? Say it!" even though I’ve told him several times that I don't put my friends on a ranking list.

As both he and I are fans of the annual Eurovision Song Contest (Europes most popular TV-show), I spent the Eurovision week together with him and he kept spying on me. Whenever I went to the bathroom or the like, he sneaked onto my laptop to read conversation logs, so I had to put a password on my laptop and lock it every time I went somewhere. And it didn't stop there. He kept sneak peeking over to my laptop screen whenever we were both in his couch, and he got upset whenever I tried to shield his vision from my screen. And whenever he wasn't trying to spy on my screen, he asked me like every 10 seconds, what I was doing, who I was talking to and what we were talking about. He even wouldn't let me send texts without asking who I was texting. It felt like I was in a "Big Brother is watching you" community. 

Now, while I was visiting him, I told him that I had plans to move in together with the fur who used to be his mate because where I currently live, the two furs that live here are moving out (they're a couple and obviously want to live their own life) and I can't stand the neighbours upstairs. They're noisy, got no respect whatsoever etc. And if left alone, that's when my bad thoughts creep up on me. (I've got a depression since 10 years back). Anyhow, when I told him that, he told me he might not ever be able to talk to me again. And later that evening, he texted me (even though I was 2 meters away) and said it might be the best if we part ways. And the next day he acted as if everything was fine. And that next day was when I was going home as well, and when I got home, I was so exhausted from EVERYTHING that had happened, and I still am. I've honestly pondered if it'd be best to cut ties with him. He's stressing me out as hell, and trying to help him just makes my own depression seem to get worse.

I'm afraid that if I let this go on the bubble will burst and I'll take everything I've kept inside out on someone.

What would be the best thing for me to do?

--Anonymous

* * * 

Dear Anonymous,

Papabear believes you already know what to do, but I will add a little advice to an uncharacteristically short response from the ol’ bear. Since you care about this furry, you can try sitting him down and saying, “Look, you know I care about you, but your obsessive spying on me shows that you do not trust me, and when there is no trust in a relationship—ANY kind of relationship—then it is doomed to fail. Because you mean a lot to me, I am giving you a chance: stop spying on me and being suspicious of me and we can continue to be friends. If you can’t, then you are correct in what you said in your text message to me: we need to go our separate ways.”

See what he says to that. If he agrees to try and do better, then give him another chance. If he improves, then great! Your friendship can continue. If not, then you have your answer. Same if he rejects your proposal outright.

Your friend is clearly very disturbed. He could probably benefit from counseling, but the kind of help he would need is far beyond what you can provide. Not only that, but you have your own issues to deal with (your depression) and being in this unhealthy relationship can only harm you if it continues the way it has been. You need to surround yourself, as much as possible, with loving and caring people, not people who stress you out and make your life miserable.

Before you cut him out, talk to him one more time and give him a chance. This is always the right thing to do, but judging by what you have told Papabear, I frankly don’t think he will change that easily. Therefore, protect your own sanity and well-being. You’ll know what to do.

Hugs,

Papabear 

Do you personally show any actions that would make you seem more animalistic/furry? As my friends call me, "kitty" because i streach like one, although ive told them im a canine. Or my ears twitch or prick very noticibly towards a sound. Tell me if this is normal, or just something diffrent :3 what have you fellow furries noticed before?

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