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submitted by rootdown
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Lately I’ve been having temptations to tell my parents I’m gay, but I want to know when’s the right time and if I should have some of my other friends that are gay come for support and back me up. Thanks for reading.

–Sniper

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Dear Sniper,

This is a great question, Sniper, thank you for writing. Let’s start with when it is NOT a good time to tell your parents.  It is not a good time to tell your parents when:

1) You are in the middle of a big fight.  The last thing you want to do is blurt out that you are gay when you and your parents are fighting about something else, as this will come across as your just wanting to hurt them at a time when emotions are already high.

2) At a special occasion, such as a wedding, birthday, anniversary, or funeral.  At those times, the attention should be on the occasion and the person(s) being celebrated, and not on your urge to come out. Doing so will not only wreck the event but make you look like an attention hog.

3) Do not come out to your parents if you know they are homophobic and have said or done things that are overtly anti-gay. If your parents are like that, coming out to them will just ruin any relationship you have with them.

4) Do not come out to your parents if you are financially or physically dependent on them and you suspect they might cut you off if they find out you are gay UNLESS you have a backup plan and can make other living arrangements.

5) Do not come out if you have a strong feeling they will not accept you as being gay.

You have a great idea in gathering up supporters who will back you up on your decision; however, you should keep them on the sidelines and not bring them with you when you tell your parents because this will make it feel to your parents as if you are, in essence, ganging up on them. If you feel comfortable telling your parents, do so in the privacy of your home, in a calm setting, and just between you and those you wish to tell.

Coming out to one’s family, when feasible, is a great thing to do. Studies show that gay men and women who are out to their families tend to be happier and psychologically healthier than those who do not. Unfortunately, it is not always a possible to come out to those who are not accepting of homosexuals.

Sniper, I’d like to recommend a book to you by Dr. Michael C. LaSala called Coming Out, Coming Home, which you can find out about at http://www.comingoutcominghome.com/.

Good luck!

Papabear

Well my NYM today is a short and simple one on, “Buying art”. My theory on the matter is, let’s put down no more than $100 for a nice piece of art that is very well made. Come on- I have art structured around my room with horses and wolves with the penises all over the place. What is with people who spend $500 for a picture that a sketch or $800 for a full piece of art that has already been mass duplicated and this is the original? 

When did the fandom turn into Picasso and Da Vinci art pieces? Just a few days ago I saw a ,”Insert your character here” type of bidding which was well into $500, ARE YOU FOR REAL? If I were to pay that much from an artist I think I would want the whole damn photo done to my liking and be in every color imaginable.

If everyone is so eager to spend money on art (who buys a lot of art) then why do these people have issues spending money to go to a con? Please discuss, I would like to hear thoughts on this matter. Do remember I don’t mind spending money on something that is worth the price tag. But what constitutes that the price is right?

submitted by Crimson-V
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Ever interested if furries are present in Poland? No need for doubts anymore, we are here, hitting 5th anniversary of one of the biggest convention in the Europe - Futerkon 2012!

submitted by loodypoo
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submitted by Ziaki
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submitted by 123not-it
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Author: Harvi We’re rebooting the podcast! Now you can take part in the Hop Inn from the beginning! When we catch up to the current episode we’ll update our iTunes Feed to point over here instead of the old, soon to be gone, site. We’ll be adding more information and links as this site progresses [...] [Series Reboot]Live From the Hop Inn Episode 206

So I came across this pretty well skilled tail and PJ maker called Kigurumi. They seem to make some well-built tails and furry PJs mostly geared to comic people, but as a furry thinks as a furry does, this looks very fandom related. The tails are big and flurry, good for grabbing and putting in your mouth. The PJs are ones I’ve seen others wear before if you’re so inclined on getting one for your night-time slumber parties this is the stop. Check it out HERE.

submitted by Phyxxation
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submitted by kanic
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submitted by SamuraiSmurfette
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submitted by Ovrgeneralizationist
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Dear Papabear,

This is my first time writing an advice column. Anyway, I'm a gay furry. Everyone knows except for my mom that I'm gay. I don't have a big family. In fact, other than my mom, the only surviving member is my sister. My sister is also gay (my mom's extremely conservative and the only reason she found out about my sister was my sister got, er, caught at it one day when she was in high school) and is legally married (my mom knows this, too, of course). She lives in California in the same city as my mom.

So, I go and see my mom, sister, and her wife pretty often. Here's the problem: when I go by myself, my sister and her mate welcome me to stay at their home. But if I bring MY mate, we aren't welcome to stay. The weird thing is, my sister and her mate have met my husbear, and they both seem to like him (I just tell my mom he's my roommate), but still they won't let us both stay with them.

I'm planning another trip up to see my family, and I want to bring my mate with me. My sister has even been so kind as to buy us both tickets to an event up there, and she said that she would even pay for a hotel room for us, but we can't stay with them.  I don't think it's that my sister doesn't want us to stay; I think it's her mate. Well, OK, I know it's her mate because I talked to my sister asking her why my mate couldn't stay and she said her mate didn't want both of us there at the same time.

What should I do? I feel very insulted, and though my mate has been very understanding, I don't think this is right at all. If my sister and HER mate came to see me, I would let them stay with us and so would my mate. Should I just pretend everything is okay and do nothing, or what? 

Sign me,
Mildly Miffed in Modesto

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Dear Miffed,

I'm wondering a little if this has to do with your not being out to your mother. Perhaps your sister's mate (and maybe your sister) think you're a bit of a coward that you haven't told your mom yet while they are obviously out of the closet and are kind of punishing you by not letting your mate stay with them. OR, perhaps (and this is a bit kinder) they aren't letting you stay because they are concerned that if your mother finds out you are staying together your mom might figure out you are gay and your secret would be out of the bag. So, question: is there only one spare room and would you and your mate be sleeping in the same room? Of course, I guess you could say your mate is sleeping on the couch. Hmmm.

Another reason could be simply that your sister's mate is merely pretending to like your mate, but she doesn't really. If that's the case, she's not being very kind to you and your mate by her discrimination. Real families often tolerate relatives or their spouses to stay with them for short periods because it is polite, even if they don't like them that much, and that's really what should be done here.

So, what do you do? Well, you could do as you say and simply go with the flow, staying at your sister's when you visit alone and in a hotel when you are with your mate. But this might be hurting your mate's feelings, even if he doesn't say so. What you should be doing, then, is sticking up for your mate's feelings and say something to the effect of, "Well, I really appreciate how you and your mate have let me stay with you in the past, that has been kind of you, but I no longer really feel welcome in your home when you don't accept my mate, so I will be staying in a hotel from now on, even when I come alone. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but you are making me feel uncomfortable, so I think it's best for all concerned."

That's not a great situation, but it is the right thing to do to stick up for your mate. After all, you may love your family but your mate is your life partner.

Good luck! Hugs!

Papabear

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