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Papabear,

I have recently come to realize I have some furry in me in the past years. Thankfully I'm in a relationship with someone who is also learning the same about himself. We don't have anyone here we've talked to about this, so I thought to look for a forum online to share with like minded people. 

Sadly, my first time out in a chat, I was answering another's questions and another (previously, non-commenting) got all up in arms because (yet) another got mildly offended. Not really a welcoming. Now I feel a bit gun shy about saying anything, anywhere in any company because someone is always going to be offended. 

Is there any hope?

Dubious,
Kiki

* * *

Hi, Kiki,

I'm a little confused here, so if you could clarify? Were you on some kind of furry chat and a furry was mean to you? Could you describe the situation in a little more detail?

Thanks!

Papabear

* * *

Papabear,

Sorry for the confusion. Yes on a furry chat, but I wouldn't say someone was “mean to me.” Though, it bothered me enough, when that when I came across your advice column I thoughts I'd ask. Ultimately it really boils down to a fairly new identified furry just looking for a place to talk to other like-minded people.

Lacking in a scene where I live, and no one really about to talk to... interwebs is really the only option for outward expression. My partner/owner/master (and yes, husband) and I have recently discovered we both have a bit of furry in us. (It worked out pretty great, huh?) 

Last week or so, I started perusing the web more to see more about the culture as whole. I came across a chat, joined in and immediately met people who you can admit "yes, I like to be a kitten" to. One individual was asking general questions, which I started to answer, in what I considered way mellow and vague answers. Long story short, someone not making any comments until this point, got jealous (sadly, she was without an owner). the stick that bother me was that then another lurker jumped immediately in that things should be rubbed in that offend people, etc. I tried to explain that I had no way of knowing this other had issues, and of course the latter continued their argument and even got political and religious nonsense.

I remember when aol first took the US by storm, and I am not a naive person when it comes to the internet Bottom line, I guess, is just that it really sucked to find a place where I could ask questions, get advice and just socialize with others and things got ridiculously whack. Now, over a week later, I cant believe it bothered me so. But I still find I don't really want to say anything because someone is bound to get offend at anything and everything.

Sorry, to be long winded about it. It just sucks that the first time out to get a proverbial herring slap to the face.

Thank you for your time in responding. Guess I'm just fustrated at keeping the ol mouth trap shut, especially when its about something that makes you feel good.

with thanks,

Kiki

belonging to one Capt. Lupe Del Bosque

* * *

Hi again, Kiki,

Okay, well, it sounds to Papabear that maybe you just chose the wrong place to start chatting. There are many many many chat forums and boards all over the Internet, and some are better than others. There are many flamers and trolls out there in cyberspace and you have to watch out for them. Papabear recently got burned bad by them, and I share your pain. Personal attacks from people you don’t even know are especially hurtful and cruel, and I feel there is a special place in Purgatory reserved just for those people who are haters without a cause.

But there is hope! There are some furry boards that are safe and sane. One of the places that is really great is http://furry4life.org/.  This site has been, for me, pretty drama free, especially if you choose to join (or create) a group that is more catered to your interests (I’m in the Greymuzzle group, for example).

There are also some safe places to chat on Facebook, if you join the right groups there. Furries for Life on FB (https://www.facebook.com/groups/311636512250169/) is the FB version of the site mentioned above.

So, don’t write off chatting online with furries because of one initial bad experience. Instead, try out various social sites where you can mix with furries, find which ones are best suited to you, and avoid those with lots of flaming (FYI, I recently learned that there are a lot of trolls who comment on Flayrah. Flayrah is in itself a great news site, but I would avoid commenting on their columns. I got burned bad there).

I hope this helps!

Hugs!

Papabear

Author: Isiah Jacobs Isiah offers his own thoughts and analysis on Roar as a part of a twelve-part review series. See also: Reviews of Roar 4 by Roz Gibson and Fred Patten. Find the full article here: flayrah – furry food for thought Creative Commons: Full post may be available under a free license.

Here are some links to articles about furries currently attending FurFright in Cromwell, Connecticut.

First, a brief heads-up in the Hartford Courant, entitled "Learn More About The World Of Furries Tonight On FoxCT":
http://www.courant.com/hc-furries-20121025,0,2458791.photogallery
(A photo-gallery with images of fursuiters David Sutak and Jason Miclette)

And second, the video report itself, on FoxCT, entitled "Inside The World Of Furries":
http://www.ctnow.com/news/hc-inside-the-world-of-furries-20121026,0,1736217.htmlstory

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What are some of the positives of tradition? In last week’s episode, we talked about how the Church might react to real life furries and also discussed the negative reaction to change that can show up in the Church. This week, as sort of a balance, we wonder about the good side of tradition and ritual, and how they benefit the Church.

Metadata and Credits WagzTail Podcast 2.0 Episode 33
Runtime: 30m
Cast: Levi, JWingy, Wolfin
Editor: Silent
Format: 128kbps ABR split-stereo MP3
Copyright: © 2012 WagzTail.com. Some Rights Reserved. This podcast is released by WagzTail.com as CC BY-ND 3.0. If distributed with a facility that has an existing agreement in place with a Professional Rights Organisation (PRO), file a cue sheet for 30:00 to Fabien Renoult (BMI) 1.67%, Josquin des Pres (BMI) 1.67%, WagzTail.com 96.67%. Rights have been acquired to all content for national and international broadcast and web release with no royalties due. Podcast image by Alex Bruda, used with permission. Episode 33 - What are some of the positives of tradition? In last week's episode, we talked about how the Church might react to real life furries and also discussed the negative reaction to change that can show up in the Church. This week, as sort of a balance,

Welp, I'm heading oout to Cromwell CT for the day! Luckily its only about an hour long drive....Pickin up my friends Bacon and Spiral first, then we'll be heading out. So excited. If anyone else is gonna be there, feel free to come find us! Me(Fusion),Bacon, and Spiral

If you aren't going, I'll be sure to post all my pictures/video tomorrow!

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Author: Fred Weber gets a co-author in this second of Baen Books’ series of Star Kingdom books for Young Adults, and the sequel to Weber’s A Beautiful Friendship, reviewed here last October. This new series is a prequel to Weber’s immensely popular Honor Harrington series of military science-fiction. This new series is set about 350 [...]

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Author: Sonious Sometimes furries plan more then just the weekend for their conventions, some even staying until late Monday or Tuesday morning. Those attending FurFright in Connecticut this weekend might be well-advised not to stick around for too long, as two major storm systems are looking to converge somewhere along the east coast. Many in [...]

Author: Fred Hot on the heels of the news of Disney partnering with luxury fashion clothes designers to create exclusive duds for attenuated versions of Mickey, Minnie, Daisy, Goofy, and other classic Disney characters, comes this news that Disney is also partnering with Japanese toymaker Bandai to smooch said classic Disney characters together into a [...]

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Author: Isiah Jacobs Isiah had the chance to interview most of the contributors to annual adult anthology Heat 9, published by Sofawolf; some could not be reached. Related interviews: Whyte Yote & Alastair Wildfire – Camron & Vantid – Alopex – Huskyteer – Kandrel & Scappo Isiah Jacobs: Good evening, Nimrais, thank you so much [...]

Author: Higgs Raccoon Two fursuits, built by Temperance of Komickrazi Studios, have appeared in a music video for Australian heavy-metal band “DZ Deathrays”. The video, for the song “Cops Capacity”, depicts two anthropomorphic German Shepherds in police uniforms, abusing their authority. Calgary-based costumer Temperance was contacted in mid-August and commissioned to build the ‘two “Angry [...]

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So Ive been pondering this lately.

So, the fandom has been popping up all over the place in the media lately, and not just in a "they have sex in these suits" kinda of way. Music videos, popular photography back up dancers in live performances.

While these might not be actual people in the fandom, they still make people curious about the fandom.
more exposure= more potential furries.

Does the fandom seem like its becoming more socially accepted in media? If it is more accepted will it grow? Does it have the potential to be an "in" thing?

Ive brought this up to other furs before and ive gotten mixed responses about how "they dont want the fandom to be popular" , "there will be too many noobs and annoying people" (lol like there isnt already)

TL;DR Do you think the fandom is getting more popular in a postive light and in the event that it is do you think it will be a good or bad thing for the fandom.

I personally see it being something that could bring a lot to the fandom.

What does r/furry think???

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As some of my readers know, Papabear is working, along with several furiends, to launch the American Furry Association. Recently, a story about the AFA was posted on Flayrah. There were many negative comments about the idea of the AFA posted after the article, including some personal attacks on me basically calling me incompetent. At first, I responded to the attacks, but that was a mistake because it just resulted in more hateful responses, so I withdrew them from the comments board.

This was not my first negative experience with the fandom. When I first started this column, it was noticed by the hosts of FurCast, who quickly began mocking me and my efforts. I called into the show and they apologized, but I had to wonder, still, why furries (and humans in general, let's face it) feel a need to hurt people, especially people who are trying to do some good in the world? 

I think people are questioning my motivation. I suspect that people are just thinking that I'm out to get attention and to be a popufur. Let me tell you all, then, why I do this.

When I was a cub, I was very much the outcast. People made fun of me all the time and I had few friends. It got so bad that, when I was a freshman in college, I felt so discouraged and alone that I bought four bottles of sleeping pills, swallowed them all, and went to bed, fully intending to die. Fortunately for me, I overdid the dose so much that my body rejected all the medication. I vomited heavily in my sleep so hard I woke up a roommate who quickly took me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. I spent many years after that trying to come around and be positive again about life.

Then, when I turned 40, I came to the late realization that I was gay. I struggled with this for some time until I finally confessed to my then-wife, which led to my divorce. It has been nearly three years since my divorce, and I am still struggling with it. 

In both cases I felt very alone and in pain. My mother was very angry with me for a long time for my suicide attempt. Many people wouldn't talk to me. Later, when I discovered I was gay, I experienced the strange sensation of going from a majority in this country (white, straight, Christian) to a minority (gay, well still white LOL, but pagan). I have questioned everything about my life, including God.

I am now 47, and I am just now beginning to feel like my life is getting under control again, but it has been a very lonely road in many cases.

In the fandom, I have made some very good friends. I find furries, for the most part, to be good people who have extended their paws to me and given me a hug.

When a number of the younger furries began asking my advice, I thought that maybe my experiences and what I have learned could help them. I talked to them online, and, eventually, I started "Ask Papabear." My only motivation is to help furries who are in pain and share with them what I have learned from my own pain so that they don't feel alone as I did.

Let me please emphasize here that I make NO money on the column, I do not EVER charge for my advice. Indeed, because I spend money advertising, this is COSTING me money. The idea for selling some Papabear items was to recover some of my advertising costs, but no one is buying them, so it doesn't matter.

I also started seeking other ways I could help. I had a number of ideas, such as starting my own furcon and starting a furry arts school, but after exploring the idea I concluded they really wouldn't work for one reason or another (people are criticizing me for "not following through" with these plans, but why would I want to spend money on an idea that was not viable?) But then I had the idea for the AFA, which is a nonprofit to help other furries. I am still working on this idea, hoping to get it launched next year, but I am optimistic.

The AFA, too, is not something I make money on. I have paid over $200 in fees of my own money so far and anticipate paying upwards of another $900 of my own cash before it is up and running.

The reason for the AFA is the same as my column: I want to help. It hurts me deeply that so many furries out there seem threatened by a project that is so well meaning, but I guess that is just the way of the world.

I want you all to know that I am going to proceed, with help, on my goal of forming a national furry organization. There will always be detractors, there will always be people who will question me and think, for some bizarre reason I cannot comprehend, that I am out to do some sort of evil upon the furry world. That really does hurt my feelings. I guess some people just like hurting others. But it will not break my resolve to help the good furries out there who want it.

It is my hope that at least some of you will understand what I am trying to do.

Love you,
Papabear

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Rubes is a single-panel gag cartoon series created by Leigh Rubin. Many of his cartoons have been collected in a book called The Wild and Twisted World of Rubes, available on his web site. There you can also order his 2013 Rubes desk calender, called Zoo in a Box. And to top it off, with a purchase of the Zoo on the Go app you can receive a daily Rubes cartoon sent right to your mobile phone. There’s a free trial available on the web site too.

image c. 2012 Leigh Rubin