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Papabear,

I've written you before but did not get an answer, so I'm writing again in hopes you can give me some advice. 


I have been in a relationship with my BF for over a year now. I’m happy, but I find myself wanting to have sex with other guys who are physically more my type. I love my bf, but I’m sometimes not attracted to him the way I should be. I fell in love with his personality and his brain. I have told him this a little but not in so many words. I've said, "We can get healthy and lose weight together" in hopes that I will become more physically attracted to him. It is to the point now that I’m constantly looking at other guys who are physically my type and I get aroused from them and becoming less aroused with my actual bf. What should I do, Papabear?

Arkarian

* * *

Hi, Arkarian,

Sorry I misplaced or forgot your earlier letter. It does happen on occasion. Sometimes silly ol’ bear thinks he’s replied when he has not. A reminder to my readers: if you haven’t heard back from me after 2 weeks, send me a nudge. I’m not ignoring you; I sometimes just get behind or disorganized.

To the topic at paw: Well, this sucks indeed. So, you’re saying your mate is a bit on the hefty side and you are more attracted to leaner men. Was he heavy when you met him or did that come later? If so, you kinda knew what you were getting into, no? If he gained the weight later, I guess I can see how you were attracted to him at first and then got a little turned off if your preference is for lean guys. But, you say you “fell in love with his personality and brain,” which implies he was overweight to start with.

I commend you for picking a mate based on deeper traits than one based on avoirdupois, but sexual attraction is still a key part of any loving relationship. Physical intimacy brings partners closer together, and when it is absent you kind of lose that closeness. So, if you’re having a hard time feeling attracted to your partner, that’s an issue. (Another thing: you don’t mention whether your mate finds you attractive. I’m going to have to assume he does and that’s not the problem.)

Let’s be a little analytical and outline the options for you at this point:

1. You can stay with your mate, even though he stays big, and have a monogamous relationship and remain sexually unsatisfied, drooling over the sight of men you see as attractive and possibly whacking your noodle to porn for relief. Not a very happy picture.
2. You can continue to urge him to lose weight, and, if he finally does, you will be attracted to him again and everything will be fine.
3. You can decide he isn’t going to lose the weight and that it just won’t work out, leave him, and find another partner who has everything you want, from personality to physical attractiveness.
4. You can talk to your mate and see if he will be willing to have an open relationship in which you stay together as loving partners, but when you need some sexual relief you find it in other men. This can be tricky, but if you have good communication, a flexible partner, and lay some ground rules, it can work. In fact, I’ve found while living in the Palm Springs area that many partners have successful open relationships.

One thing you should bear in mind in all of this is that physical attractiveness can be fleeting. Say, for example, you go with option 3. You find another guy whom you find to be very hot today, but tomorrow he could easily gain weight like your current partner and you’re back where you started. Also, 2 could happen, if your partner feels motivated, and you could be attracted to him again.

In all of this, I am in no way dismissing your feelings about overweight men and attractiveness. We are turned on by what turns us on. I want to assure you that I in no way consider you shallow because of what you say in your letter.

Next thing: does your mate know that you are having problems being attracted to him? If not, there will come a time, soon, where you will need to bite the bullet and say what you are really feeling. It could hurt him, yes, so you have to do it in a very sensitive way, assuring him that you love a lot of things about him and that you want him to be sexually satisfied and hope that he wants the same for you. When I have talked to partners who are in this situation, the ones where it works have sensitive men who are sympathetic to their husband’s needs. One fellow said to me, “You know, I just really like to cuddle and am not into sex so much, but my partner is and I want him to be happy.” This guy understands it’s not about love but rather about carnal urges we all have. American society makes it hard for us to discuss such things openly, burying us in guilt about religion and “socially acceptable” behavior. Papabear says to that, “I fart in your general direction.” Human beings are sexual creatures. There is no shame in being sexual, as long as you are considerate and loving toward others.

I can’t choose your path for you, Arkarian, but I can present you with the choices and tell you that you should not feel guilty for your genuine emotions and needs. Next step is to decide what you want for you and then talk to your partner.

Hugs,

Papabear

submitted by Feral1991
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Same as always! Follow this link and hit Ctrl + F to search for Salem's Game. The password is Morphicon with a capital M.

Game will feature furry cards as well as the standards, and will be open to 15 people, and will last to 20 points.

WE WILL BE PLAYING MULTIPLE GAMES. Average play time for us is about 3 hours, although today and tomorrow we'll probably be playing longer!

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Author: rodney@In-Fur-Nation Turns out that the original Alpha and Omega (from 2010) was successful enough to “spawn” a sequel — at least a 44-minute direct-to-video sequel, Alpha and Omega 2: A Howl-iday Adventure. According to Cartoon Brew (never very kind to standard Hollywood fare), the sequel is again directed by Richard Rich. It was animated […]

submitted by lastres0rt
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submitted by ant1991331
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Author: Hi Papabear. I never really thought I needed to seek out advice, but after reading some of your letters out of curiosity, I can’t help but feel like it’s time I sent one of my own. Creativity seems to escape me. I’ve tried writing and drawing a fair bit, and despite the praise I’ve […]

I'll be going to my first furmeet in London at the end of this month, is there anyone here I can expect there? Also, I have no idea what it's going to be like so I'm really nervous, any tips?

submitted by JontanD
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How would a society of birds live? Bats and dragons too, we suppose. Maybe we cheat a little in this episode in our ponderings and imaginings, but regardless, come listen to the last of the furry world episodes.

Next week we return to Wolfin’s favorite subject. Longtime listeners will know what that is!

Metadata and Credits WagzTail Podcast 2.0 Episode 98

Runtime: 30m

Cast: Detheros, Levi, Wolfin

Editor: Levi

Format: 128kbps ABR split-stereo MP3 Copyright: © 2013 WagzTail.com. Some Rights Reserved. This podcast is released by WagzTail.com as CC BY-ND 3.0. If distributed with a facility that has an existing agreement in place with a Professional Rights Organisation (PRO), file a cue sheet for 26:00 to Fabien Renoult (BMI) 1.67%, Josquin des Pres (BMI) 1.67%, WagzTail.com 96.67%. Rights have been acquired to all content for national and international broadcast and web release with no royalties due. Podcast image belongs to Jasper Golangco, used with permission. Air-Dwelling Societies - How would a society of birds live? Bats and dragons too, we suppose. Maybe we cheat a little in this episode in our ponderings and imaginings, but regardless, come listen to the last of the furry world episodes.

Extremely fashionable clothes that all your friends will want to ask you about. Large focus on canines and that cool menace attitude. It’s the kind of clothing design you would not feel embarrassed seeing someone else wear.

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We are a small time clothing company that hopes to make the community just a little bit more fashionable. We strive to design clothing that can be worn and appreciated anywhere, even outside of conventions and local meetups.All of our clothes are made in the USA and we fulfill all orders from our location in Phoenix, AZ. Our shirts are professionally screen printed on soft American Apparel shirts. We could cut corners with cheaper printing solutions or lower quality shirts... but we don't want to sell anything we wouldn't wear ourselves!Our design work is meant to forward the ambitions of the Hyena Agenda. Look sharp, it's already begun!Rating

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submitted by bleeble_blooble
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Sega has announced that it has teamed up with Genao Productions to bring a brand new Sonic Cartoon called Sonic Boom! The cartoon has an initial order of fifty-two episodes that will be roughly eleven minuets long much like Adventure Time or Regular Show. So far the show is said to follow Sonic and Tails as they search for adventure and fight against long time nemesis, Dr. Eggman. Due to the released teaser image, it looks like Knuckles and Amy will be in the show as well. I'm not to sure what to think of the shadows of Sonic and Knuckles, but it has been a long time since the last time we had a sonic cartoon. Check out the Sega Blog for more information!

Hot off the heals of the Nintendo Direct conference, Sega’s iconic hedgehog was announced to return to the new Smash Bros game for the Wii U and 3DS. From the looks of the Trailer, Sonic will retain his move set from Brawl. I for one am super excited for Sonic to return to the fight, and this means I can finally get that dream match between Mario, Megaman, and Sonic finally! More images and the trailer can be found on the Smash Bros site.