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Hi Papa Bear,

I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy who I love deeply but find some of his indirect actions hurtful and upsetting, and one has been bothering me a lot lately, though I wonder if I am taking it harder than I should. 

We have been together for almost a year, but he has never gotten any commissioned art (or any kind of gift) for me, not even for special occasions, but continues to purchase art of him and his roommate in non-intimate scenes and has even asked me permission to get some adult themed art with another. I had mentioned before about 6 months into our relationship that it bothered me that he chose to get art of others instead of me, even though I always depict myself with him as first choice and have gotten many of us, but the situation has not changed and he continues to spend a lot of money on art of him and others. My friends think its a really bad sign.

Am I taking it to hard? What should I do? He's currently on deployment and won't be back for at least 6 more months, so a face-to-face is impossible and our communication is from periodic messages over social media.

Thanks for your time.

- T

* * *

Hi, T,

Papabear would tend to agree with your friends. Not only because he has not gotten a commission for you even though he has done so for others, but even more so because he apparently hasn’t gotten you ANY kind of gift even though it has been about a year. No birthday gift? No holiday gift? Valentine? Christmas? Nothing? 

While I’m not big on material things, one can express his or her love for another in ways that are thoughtful and not expensive, such as a handmade present of some sort. For example (and I don’t mean this to brag, but it still touches my heart), my mate, for my last birthday, got a friend of his who knows about old radios to put new tubes into my grandparents’ 1930s-era radio so that it once more could play music after decades of being a paperweight. He surprised me with it on my birthday morning. His friend fixed it for him as a favor and it didn’t cost him anything, but to me it was worth a million bucks because it was so thoughtful.

Now, if your boyfriend were not the type to get gifts at all, even for his family or other friends, I wouldn’t be worried because he is just not the gift-giving type. That’s okay. But what we have here is his consideration and thoughtfulness for others and a complete lack of thoughtfulness for you in this regard.

Unless you are leaving something out? There is this possibility: does he do thoughtful acts for you that he wouldn’t do for others? Such as making you your favorite meal for dinner? Pampering you with a foot massage? Leaving you love notes? If he does stuff like that, then I wouldn’t worry about gifts. It could be that he has a separate standard for people he loves, and that standard is the gift of thoughtful acts while purchases of things like art commissions is for his second-tier friends. You say he's a "wonderful guy," so I would thing that he does thing for you that have made you form that opinion, no?

If that is not true and he gives you absolutely nothing, then it is really time to have a serious discussion with him. DO NOT do so online. Such things must be discussed face-to-face, so wait until he gets back from his military duties. When he does, you need to tell him that he makes you feel unloved and you seriously wonder if the two of you should be together.

Don’t ask for gifts at this point, because there is a problem with asking for his consideration. What if he agrees and starts buying you gifts? Is he doing so because he has genuinely seen the light? Or is he just doing it to shut you up? You should not have to ask for gifts because then they are not really gifts; they become obligations. Besides, you have already asked once to no avail.

Therefore, I would recommend that when he comes home you tell him that you think the two of you need a break from your relationship (wait a couple days after his return, though; it would be unkind to hit him with this immediately after over 6 months of duty to his country). Tell him you love him, but you don’t really feel that he loves you as much. Don’t tell him it’s because of the gift thing. If he has any brains at all, he’ll figure it out. Back off, and see if he comes back for you. If he doesn’t, he obviously doesn’t care much. If he does, then hopefully he’ll have gained a new appreciation for your love and respect it as he should.

Good luck!

Papabear

Haven't seen any threads for this yet. Apologies off I missed a thread but I'm on mobile abd search is weird. Any redditors at MFF want to meet up anywhere?

submitted by Manaaniwanderer
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It's raining in Phoenix for once, the weather is cool, and it's a good time for some hot coffee. What are your favorite pictures of furs enjoying some coffee? Please share!

I'll start with my favorite: Gearwolf9k: Comm. by KaiFennec

submitted by Antnommer
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I'm curious by nature and would really like to know some more about you guys. I'm rather new to the furry community, and even newer to this subreddit so I was thinking of making a poll to find out more, and then of course post the results here.

The poll would be completely anonymous (well, as anonymous as it can get with google :/) and would perhaps contain some rather personal questions. All questions will be optional, so if you don't want to answer one you don't have to.

Would anyone be interested in such a poll?

Tl;dr: Might make a poll for all of you if you're interested.

[EDIT]: THE POLL IS LIVE! Reddit thread here: LINK TO THREAD

submitted by znailxxor
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I'm curious to the number of furs wear a collar like myself and their reasons why.

For a while I didn't because of the feeling that wearing one marked me a submissive to someone, and I didn't feel anyone had earned that trust in me. But in the past few months my mate and I have gotten close, and she suggested I wear one. I accepted, and now I feel like, for me, it's more of a symbol of loyalty to her.

I'm interested to see how everyone else feels about it.

submitted by Wellthatsucks314
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I'm a bored furry artist, anybody interested in a free ink head-shot of their char? I have done this before, I will choose from who replies to draw :> my previous headshots:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9901103/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9914483/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10297194/

I'm best at birds (obviously as a gryphon) and canines.

submitted by Skangryph
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Author: Hi there, Papa bear,  It’s been a while since the last time I mailed ya, you might be quite busy with other advices so I’ll make it fast I just started to draw furries but honestly, I need lot of help; so I wanted to ask you if there are any sites you would […]

submitted by Almafeta
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submitted by Mr_Fabulouss
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So, last weekend I ordered one of those "bandanimals" from Kitty Loves Monster, because I thought it would look really cool for snowboarding, and you know, when furries see them, they know what's up, and when others see them, they don't assume anything weird.

Regardless, I ordered the thing on November 9, and KLM told me it shipped on November 11, and would arrive within 3 days. I was excited! However, for over a week, the USPS tracking service didn't even mention receiving the package. So, I sent an email to KLM, asking if they shipped it, is this normal, etc. Within 10 minutes, Stripey replies back:

Sorry for the delay. We dropped it off at the post office on Tuesday the 12th and it should have been delivered by now. Not sure what could have happened to it - according to the tracking they never received it - for now I'm going to assume it's lost and resend your order today. You'll get another shipping confirmation email shortly and it should be delivered on Friday or Saturday. I'll also include something extra since you've had to wait.

So that was super awesome. Near instant reply and sending a new package with no hesitation. USPS really dropped the ball, but KLM straight-up caught it. And I'm getting something extra? Like a sticker or something? Awesome.

But, nope, it's not a sticker. They sent me an extra bandanna, in another color, free of charge! So I got two for the price of one! That's really awesome customer service right there. They sent three bandannas when I only paid for one. I feel kinda bad

pics or it didn't happen?

Anyway, long story short, Kitty Loves Monster is awesome, and all you furries should buy something of theirs. At the moment, they aren't doing so well... You can use the coupon code MONSTER to save 15% right now. Don't let awesome people go out of business. Go buy things. Now.

TL;DR: Kitty Loves Monster order got lost by USPS, so KLM sends it again. With double the contents.

submitted by Octofur
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Hello /r/furry! I've been browsing this sub longer than I've been on reddit, and I've seen more than enough "hi im new" and "Coming out as Furry" posts. Why isn't there a bot to help with those introductory posts? I think there should be a bot that provides the basics and deletes the post from this sub. I really don't know where to say this, and unfortunately I don't have the ability to contribute to such a thing, but it's just an idea I'd like share.

EDIT: Also, who's been downvoting everything? This only prevents things from being seen.

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submitted by Necoya
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Hello everyone! I've been browsing this site for a while and I just made my account :) anyone want to talk?

submitted by kat1222
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Hey heyyy!! I love to do some fun little art trades and I'm open for doing ~5 for a new doodle page. A doodle page in my books is a square canvas filled with fun doodles (some coloured) of your characters doing different things.

I don't really do requests, moreso I'll come to you saying " Hey I'm gonna draw you a picture " which does happen occasionally.

My fA is here; http://www.furaffinity.net/user/michicookies/

And one lucky friend will get a digital painted picture of their character! I would prefer to have someone at around my skill level, but if you have a really cool character I'll totally do a trade!

So have at it! I'll let you know if I wanna trade with you. And it can be a quick sketch in return I'm not expecting too much. Pics will be posted to fA later on, as I will not be able to draw until later tonight/ tomorrow orz

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