Feed aggregator
Play in Furry
On a recent work trip to London, I had the privilege of attending a LondonFurs meet, which I have to say was spectacular. There’s not really an analog around where I am, though I imagine the meet known only to me as “Chicken” in California might come close. It was big – hovering around 50 or so people – and there were a good percentage of the attendees in suit, which was new to me. In Northern Colorado, we don’t have too much in the way of furmeets, and what we do are quiet, intimate affairs with maybe 15 attendees, tops. Suiting happens, but is uncommon, and tends to represent only a small portion of the furries in attendance.
Another interesting thing was the barrier-to-entry in that the meet took place at a city bar, and thus attracted an older crowd, at least of drinking age (though note JM’s recent comment that this includes furries 18 years old and older, rather than 21 as it would be in the United States).
As I sipped mediocre cocktails (seriously, how hard is it to make a Pimm’s?!) and aggressively pink wines, I noticed a common trend among the furries – notably among the fursuiters: playfulness. Childish, simple playfulness. This, I think, is something of a universal within our fandom: the tendency toward play.
Play, commonly seen as an activity that takes place between children, or between children and a facilitating adult such as a parent, is an important part of development, particularly in the development of a child’s psychology. Play itself serves many purposes during a child’s intellectual development and helps to provide a strong basis for the growth of the individual. Outdoor play, for instance, helps to strengthen a child’s connection to and understanding of the environment around them. Meanwhile, social play can help solidify language within the growing child and lay the foundation for learning as the individual progresses through school (thus why play is seen as an integral part of early education).
Play also helps to solidify social interaction between individuals. Pretend play and other types of social play are formative in the ways in which children interact with each other into adulthood. Additionally, there is a strong emotional component to play. Childhood psychologists and therapists have often used play as a way of interacting with children on an emotional level. In short, play helps to shape the whole of the child’s personality.
The play that I witnessed at that LondonFurs meet, the one that struck me with the idea for this article, was simple. Three furries – two in suit, one out of suit – had arrayed themselves in an equilateral triangle and were rolling a swirly-green beach ball back and forth. Occasionally, the ball would escape the trio, and, with much visible consternation, one of the fursuiters would go scrambling after it and gleefully bring it back to the small circle. Onlookers watched and laughed, some took pictures, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.
This type of scene seemed to me to be particularly furry. That is to say, it was notable in how common it was. It’s not uncommon to see furries engaging in playful activities, especially in suit – it was one of the first things I did when I got mine. It’s a common sight, seeing furries and fursuiters playing around at conventions, almost to the point where it seems out of place seeing a fursuiter not hamming it up and simply striding purposefully toward some goal.
On the surface, this raises quite a few questions. What exactly is the reason for this focus on play within furry. Is it a type of infantilization? That is, are we intentionally acting more childlike in order to feel more childlike ourselves? Or perhaps it’s a type of reclaimed innocence. We act like children in order to relive more childlike (and thus perceived as more fun) portions of our lives. Or perhaps it’s simply a means of letting down one’s “front-stage persona” in the Erving Goffman sense: we’re showing who we truly are – playful individuals – without the professional and interpersonal masks that we otherwise keep firmly in place.
With that last bit in mind, it’s worth noting that, in adults, play plays a slightly different role than in children. It’s associated most often with a strength of character found primarily in humor, teamwork, and creativity. There are various aspects of playfulness that all adults exhibit throughout their lives, and for various reasons, as mentioned. Playfulness is a healthy thing for adults to experience, as well as children, and there are aspects of it that fit in all of our day-to-day lives. [ref]
I think this is all quite important to furry, and not just due to the prevalence. I think that playfulness and childishness inform furry on a more fundamental level than we honestly give them credit for. I know the common refrain that furry is about hearkening back to our Saturday-morning-cartoon childhoods, that fursuiting is something we do for the enjoyment of children, and I believe that truly is the case for some, but I think that frames the whole situation in a much less personal, much more selfless way. At heart, I think the truth is that a good many of us truly are playful. Our childishness isn’t something that’s immature, as this playfulness even shows up in our more adult creations, but it’s something that shows our strength of character. After all, not only are we able to maintain a mask with which we interact with the public and professional world, but we are also able to let that down and interact with each other through true, honest play.
New and confused
Hey everyone. I've been in denial about being a furry for a long time due to my ex being totally against it. Now I'm out of that mess and want to socialize with others and just generally enjoy life. I have some questions if people wouldn't mind pointing me in the right direction: I identify with wolves and lions a lot but it's hard to pin down with just one. What's the protocol for picking a fursona? What are some good websites for meeting other furries? How open are you to friends? Thanks guys, this is a huge leap for me to do so I really appreciate it.
submitted by LuGaroux[link] [19 comments]
His Sexuality Is Making Life Tumultuous for Him ... but There Is a Path to Peace
Just to give you an overview: Bi: married a girl -> had kids -> Divorced -> now with a guy = omg! I heard you help people, well I could sure use some to put it mildly. You might wanna buckle your seatbelt for this one.
I'm in a new relationship. With a male furry, which should be great. The thing is I have not gotten over my ex wife. Though the person she was is long gone and I'm pretty much responsible for it. The loss is almost too great to bear sometimes. I'm afraid I'm just using this person to have someone to make me feel better? And it's just me covering up my fear of being alone? I can't really give this new relationship my all. To be honest, I hardly feel anything at all, really. I tell him I love him and him me, but I prepare myself for it to end any moment. I feel like a fake. I'm so screwed up I don`t even know what I feel, only that it's comforting to have him close to me, is that enough? Have I just replaced the pills and alcohol with a new addiction?
Neither puppies nor graphic news seems to affect me; there is just apathy and hopelessness. I feel dead inside. That faculty that is supposed to respond is just not there. I've told him this and he tells me it will take time. I no longer feel safe anywhere and the anxiety is tearing me apart. I feel like I've placed a terrible burden on him which is not his to carry.
I used to have the capacity to love, though. I got into my previous relationship by reciting poetry in the rain, challenging her to a sword fight and proposing in a suit of armor after she had her blade on my throat, but that was another lifetime. Given the fact that I'm now with a guy and have a child from the previous marriage, it can open up a whole new can of flesh-eating worms I'm just not prepared to deal with.
We're in an open relationship. I keep throwing myself into morally questionable situations just to grasp on to something pleasurable, to not feel this apathy. I should be feeling so lucky; a lot of people dream about these things happening to them, but I just end up feeling empty. Yes I'm seeing several shrinks, all at a loss as to what to do with me. After my recent breakdown, I lost my job and am now living in my parents' basement, which is just another insult to my hardly existent pride. And if my family finds out, well, you know how rednecks love them shotguns. I know this is screwed up beyond all comprehension, but please all I'm asking for is a little advice.
The Ghost of Love Past (age 30)
* * *
Dear Ghost,
I think you wrote the right person. Most psychologists can’t help you on an issue like this because you have to live it to understand it. All they know is what they’ve read in books, heard in lecture halls, or from other patients.
Your story is similar to mine in many ways. I was married, too (though no children), discovering my sexuality later in life. I, like you, still love my ex. We broke up not because we didn’t love each other, but because we realistically realized a straight woman couldn’t stay with a gay man (except maybe on sitcom TV). I’ve also had trouble loving again (though doing better at it), after having my romantic idealism about love smashed by reality. I’ve also been on the psychologist’s couch, and I have certainly known what it’s like to throw myself into sexual pleasures to try and feel something. I’ve also tried to make myself happy with booze, though not with pills. Hard drugs scare the bejeezus out of me.
Nothing that you have written here surprises me in the least, so let’s unfasten our seatbelts and see what happens.
First of all, it is okay for you to still love your ex wife, even though the two of you have split up. I have been very fortunate in that my ex and I have remained friends who wish each other happiness. A dear friend of mine, Cyberbear, had a similar experience with his now-ex-wife. They had two children together (great kids!) and they are friends, too. My first recommendation to you, therefore, would be to clear the air with your ex. Tell her you still care about her and wish her well, but that you can’t help being bisexual. This is just how things are, and it may be hard, and things won’t be like they once were, but you still wish to be her friend and to support her in any way you possibly can. It is very important for you, too, to keep in mind that she is who she is because of her, not you. Everyone has to take responsibility for how he or she handles life and how they allow life to affect them. Don’t fall into that trap of making yourself responsible for the emotional growth or deterioration of other adults.
You have to forgive yourself for hurting your ex. It’s not your fault. Once you accept that, you will be able to move on to new loves.
As for your boyfriend, that’s difficult for me to tell from this vantage point. It might be, in this case, that you are just holding on to him because you don’t want to be alone, as you said. You might have jumped into his arms and bed to feel something. But, then again, you might have some real feelings for him but you aren’t allowing them to shine through because of your feelings of guilt. I would advise you to step back from the relationship a bit (not breaking it off, just taking a hard look) and reexamine your emotions. As I said, you’ll be able to do this more easily if you have resolved your feelings toward your ex.
Also, I recommend you step away from the sex for a while until you get a handle on things. You need to clear your head, and sex won’t do that for you (as you've realized with that "empty" feeling you get after sex). Instead, I recommend you spend some time exploring your spiritual side, whatever that might be. Being that you are bi, it might be difficult to relate to a religion such as Christianity or Islam, so try other paths. Buddhism, for example, is very refreshing in that it instructs you on how to find happiness and peace without invoking God or making you feel guilty for being human. Much wisdom can be discovered in belief systems that predate the monotheistic Big Three. Many furries have found comfort in Buddhism, Wicca, and shamanistic beliefs.
Exploring such philosophical and religious ideas can help you put things in perspective. What is really important in your life? What are things you can do without or minimize? What things are actually damaging your chance at happiness? Too many people say “I am gay” or “I am bi” as if it is their sole defining attribute. But you are much more than that. The single most important thing you can do in your life is find out who you are.
Once you do that, you will be able to have healthy relationships with other people. This is something I am just now getting comfortable with at age 49. I know who I am better than I did before, and that has allowed me to have a stronger relationship with my mate, Yogi.
The bottom line is that everything you have said in your letter is a perfectly understandable, normal, and human reaction for someone going through a sea change in understanding their own sexuality. The waters will remain turbulent for a while longer yet, but they will calm down for you. Coming to terms with yourself will not only help you reestablish relationships with other people, it will also help you regain the confidence to go out and get a job and move out of the basement.
As for your relatives. Screw them. If they hate you just because you’re bisexual, they are showing their true, ugly colors and are to be avoided, but not feared. Do not be ashamed of who you are.
I hope these few words can point you in the right direction and be helpful. There is so much more that could be said, but this is an advice column, not a book. If you would like to talk more and have more questions, we can correspond further outside the column.
Hugs,
Papabear
Any fursuiters been on Let's Make a Deal?
Review: ‘Slightly Damned’, by Sarah ‘Chu’ Wilson
Guest post: “Professionalism Among Furry Writers” by Tarl “Voice” Hoch
I was reading a review for Children of Steel and overall the review was well done, but at the end the reviewer had the following to say:
On a final note, and I debated on whether or not to bring this up in my review but decided that it was warranted, the book does need some editing for grammatical issues (apostrophes, commas, etc.). While it wasn’t enough to really detract from the story, it did recur enough that I felt it should be mentioned. (source)
What bothers me about this review, is that the reviewer states that they considered not bringing up that the book had editing issues. In something like the Furry Fandom, in published books (electronic or print) editing should be taken seriously. We as writers and editors in this fandom are responsible to try and present the best material possible, especially when people are paying upwards of $20 for a print copy ($10-$15 for ebooks).
Bad editing should not be expected. Nor should bad grammar and punctuation. Nor should they be glossed over. Yes, there will always be those mistakes that are missed by the author, editors, and publisher. However, an effort should be made to produce the best material possible. If there is a problem with the editing, that should be stated in the review, not debated over. We are no less accountable for our works than furry visual artists are to theirs.
I once did a few My Little Pony pieces of art back when that fandom was young. I was very proud of them, despite the fact that I knew the lines were not as clean as they should have been. Still, I posted them and waited for the responses. What I got were a lot of comments about my line work and how I should have vectored them like the show itself did. So what did I do? I looked up vectoring and applied it the next time I did artwork. Clean lines are equivalent to proper grammar/punctuation/spelling.
There is a large debate over furry fiction becoming mainstream. As the fandom continues to garner more and more public interest, we as writers within the fandom should strive to be as professional as possible. If we want our works to stand out and to be presented as OUR works (not our fursona’s), then we should treat our field as professionally as possible.
Just because we are ‘Furry Writers’ does not mean that we should hold ourselves any less accountable to the quality of our work.
This post first appeared on Tarl “Voice” Hoch’s blog on Goodreads.
She Could Resolve His Need for Online Role Playing by Indulging His Fantasies in Real Life (Followed by a Reversal)
Gay Life TV’s “Nomi Darling Show” features fabulous furries, and my very special date with Nomi.
Roz Gibson’s ‘Griffin Ranger’ meets Kickstarter goal
A Werewolf with Regrets
Action Lab must be on a werewolf kick lately. This one is from their Danger Zone imprint: “Pearl City is full of vampires, zombies, werewolves, and more. In a futuristic world where supernatural beings live among humans in peace, Jack Crimson finds his life as a werewolf frustrating and wants nothing more than a cure. Desperate to free himself from this curse, he makes a series of decisions leading him down a path that will change his life forever.” Crimson Society is written by Mike Hunau and illustrated in full color by Carlos Trigo. You can go have a look-see over at Comixology.
image c. 2014 Action Lab
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/5sAQvBL.png){kind=link}
![[link]](http://i.imgur.com/4IbICVQ.jpg){kind=link}
![[link]](http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/252/e/8/andro_zills__palomino_mink_o__the_west_bust_sketch_by_thinkminklivedae-d7ymqoq.jpg){kind=link}