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VOTE HERE for the Ursa Major Awards! From March 1-31, support furry creators.

Good news due to a few people fighting without much credit for years. Beagle's lawyer is a saint. https://t.co/hKfu8wXmh7

— Dogpatch Press (@DogpatchPress) March 23, 2021

A long road

In 2014, Peter’s manager was accused of fraud. The criticism led to a public relations and legal battle including me (see comment below story); Peter supported my defense, and followed me in suing the manager in 2015. It was a triangle and we both prevailed.

In 2019 I took dismissal of the manager’s claims against me and a judgement of $32K.

Peter proved he was a victim of fraud, elder abuse, and defamation by the manager. He was awarded $332K in damages.

Peter’s creative rights were still tied up, until his team just sent the news he is entirely free with a message for Peter’s supporters.

The new story settles a creators rights fight that split off to federal bankruptcy court after fraud issues resolved for victims in state civil court. I won a $32,000 judgement there in 2019. It took a long time to finish the rest. This is a good day for Beagle.

— Dogpatch Press (@DogpatchPress) March 23, 2021

Launching the Beagleverse! Please help promote for Peter on social media.

Use hashtags #beagleverse and #peterbeagleverse, and make sure to use correct handles for his accounts:

• Twitter: @Peterbeaglever1
• Instagram: @peterbeagleverse
• Facebook (only use the genuine page, not a “Peter S Beagle” page controlled by the former manager.)

Peter is at work now after many projects had been put on hold. His new website (www.beagleverse.com) will have hints of things to come, news updates, and a mailing list to get the happenings in your inbox.

Artists: Protect yourselves, b/c the world is full of awful people.
People Who Are Protectors of Artists: Don't be like Connor Cochran; be like James Null and Kathleen Hunt. pic.twitter.com/28nbdMthO2

— deadline deTERMINATOR (@LisaDJenkins) March 24, 2021

Hints about the stakes of the fight.

The press release is from overcoming parts of the story most fans will never know about fighting abuse.

I can hint about something a wise old man told me after the judgements. In The Lord of the Rings, Sauron thought the Ring would always give him power because nobody would truly give it up. An abuser’s promises can be like that: Fame, fortune, fans… world tours, your name in lights! Giving it up breaks the spell.

Kathleen Hunt, Peter’s attorney, helped him because he “suffered from a host of injuries including fraud”; she took on the case pro bono when it became “increasingly clear that Beagle was being abused… Peter wanted his reputation and his life’s work back.”

To Peter’s team, elder abuse is a “far too common and sinister crime. One of Beagle’s future projects will be to advocate and raise awareness about elder abuse.”

Big dreams can happen again, but these ones won’t lose what really matters.

Like the article? These take hard work. For more free furry news, follow on Twitter or support not-for-profit Dogpatch Press on Patreon. Want to get involved? Try these subreddits: r/furrydiscuss for news or r/waginheaven for the best of the community. Or send guest writing here. (Content Policy.)

**Content warning: potentially disturbing information and strong language Confusion on the rise, as the debate over the controversy involving fursuit maker Don’t Hug Cacti’s co-owner Lucky Coyote’s alleged misconduct cools down. Recap Since September last year in 2020, Lucky and her fursuit making business has been under fire in the community over a document released […]

First, in view of the local COVID-19 situation, furcons in Europe and the Americas cancelled their editions this year. Due to local conditions, Czech furcon ČeSFuR cancelled their event this year.  However on the original event dates, the hotel venue Skalský Dvůr is offering attendees a discount for individual stays. New dates will be released […]

Like many studios, Dreamworks is itching to get back into the theatrical game, according to Animation World Network: “Isabela Merced, Julianne Moore, Jake Gyllenhaal, Marsai Martin, Mckenna Grace, Andre Braugher, Walton Goggins, and Eiza González have joined the cast of DreamWorks Animation’s Spirit Untamed, the next chapter in the studio franchise that began with the 2002 Oscar-nominated film Spirit: Stallion of Cimarron and includes an Emmy-winning TV series. Universal is releasing the film in theatres on June 4, 2021. Spirit Untamed tells the story of a headstrong girl longing for a place to belong who discovers a kindred spirit when her life intersects with a wild horse. The film is directed by Elaine Bogan (Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia) and produced by Karen Foster (How to Train Your Dragon).” See you this summer, pardner.

image c. 2021 Dreamworks Animation

Kilk and Roo are joined by Nacho of Babyfur Con to talk about the running of virtual conventions in the furry fandom.





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Nacho, a founding member of BabyfurCon.

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MUSIC

Opening Theme: RetroSpecter – Cloud Fields (RetroSpecter Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2018. ©2011-2018 Fur What It’s Worth. Based on Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Century Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!)
Patreon: The Tudor Consort, Inflammatus, Creative Commons, 2010
Closing Theme: RetroSpecter – Cloud Fields (RetroSpecter Chill Mix). USA: Unpublished, 2018. ©2011-2018 Fur What It’s Worth. Based on Fredrik Miller – Cloud Fields (Chill Out Mix). USA: Bandcamp, 2011. ©2011 Fur What It’s Worth. (Buy a copy here – support your fellow furs!) S9 Episode 7 – eCons and Me - Kilk and Roo are joined by Nacho of Babyfur Con to talk about the running of virtual conventions in the furry fandom. - NOW LISTEN! SHOW NOTES SPECIAL THANKS Nacho, a founding member of BabyfurCon. - PATREON LOVE

“One person’s trash, is another’s treasure.” I didn’t quite know what to expect going into FURRY TRASH, and I was curious to see how the anthology would define trash with the selection of stories that it features. From mob bosses, to underground societies, and even creatively “cringy” characters, FURRY TRASH is an anthology that seems to allow the author to define “trash” in their own way. And while the collection as a whole is enjoyable and interesting to read, I would have liked a bit more cohesion to the project, or even just a preface to the anthology from the editor that gave the reader their vision for this book. That being said, there’s not a story here that I absolutely hated.

"A Leap Forward" by MikasiWolf starts this anthology off. A story about an underground society called “The Movement,” it is an action-filled story with lots of description on parkour, running from the cops, and finding your own way in life as a young teen. I would have liked the start of this story to be a bit quicker, but overall it was a fun read.

"Flying Rat" by Dan Leinir Turthra Jensen follows. Bureaucracy is one of the most frustrating things to deal with, and I feel the author tackles this really well in this story. We’re immediately given this bleak image of life barreling into dull cubicles and losing a sense of yourself as you settle for it. It’s a frustrating tale, but overall not a bad one. The author forces the reader to feel the main character’s mundane life, while feeling the dread of loopholes that are being crossed to help someone’s living situation.

"Foxbatwolfponydragontigerplant with Angel Wings" by Thurston Howl. There have been very few moments in my life where I have had to put down a book and sigh. Sigh hard. Sigh really, really hard. The author knew what they were doing when they wrote this, and it’s honestly one of the funniest stories of the book. You can just feel the amount of edgy they wanted to have steaming off the pages. It’s short. It’s funny. And it doesn’t need much of an introduction given the title.

"Gambit" by Kittara Foxworthy. A group of kids take on extra work to help pay off Illandra’s debt, thus freeing her. It reminds me of the old science fiction novels of like the 70s. Something like Gordon R. Dickson or Arthur C. Clarke. The author knows how to use suspense to keep the readers engaged. Kittara Foxworthy is an author I’ve not ever heard of, but I’m definitely curious to read other work they have put out.

"Ibis Hotel" by Tom Mullins is a story where the main character desires a better life, one outside of the corporate hellhole he and his family currently live in. The story is dark and deals a devastating blow to the reader as we progress through it.

"Learning the Curve" by TJ Minde focuses on a gay possum trying to fit in with his bowling class. A typical story of a shy guy not yet comfortable with himself to be outgoing, make friends, or even date. He befriends a tiger and has to learn to handle his own trust issues as the class progresses.

"One Night Last Summer" by Cedric G! Bacon has characters I would want to murder. But that’s just me. Piper is roped into a date with someone she barely knows. Having a double date with her friend Dallas and her partner, Piper isn’t the most welcomed person at the table. Cedric has a way of writing characters and making me hate them. And with the bar atmosphere, he’s done it perfectly. Easily one of my favorites of the book.

"One Sentient’s Trash" by the late Fred Patten is a story where anthropomorphic animals are discriminated against. They take on a member of a “human supremacy” group in order to be able to do their jobs. From a race perspective, I found the story a bit problematic. When it comes to race, using animals to portray BIPOC characters is racist as it dehumanizes BIPOC folx. We’ve seen this fairly recently with Disney’s The Princess and the Frog and Soul, where the characters don’t even get to stay human in their own film. By toning down discussions of race to human-animal interaction, you further the stereotype that BIPOC aren’t human. Fred writes well enough, but I don’t think this is the story I would have picked to publish in the anthology.

"Salvage" by Harwich Wolcott is a rather dark story. The anthology moves between dark- and light-hearted, but this story plunges right down while tackling sexual abuse, sexual violence, and searching for safety in a world that is ready to use you and leave you in the garbage.

"The Janitor" by Ivan Snow, though a bit cheesy in spots, wasn’t an overall terrible story. A character lost in life and unsure of where he really wants to go is asked to clean up a mess made by one of the employees at work. It’s funny in spots, gritty in others, and the ending lines were cheesy. Good. But cheesy.

"The Otter’s Mermaid" by Mary E. Lowd. I really liked this story, but I’m also a sucker for a bit of romance in fiction. An Otter falls in love with a mermaid and brings her new inventions to help her in work. Though the mermaid doesn’t always like the gifts, the relationship between the two grows strong. "The Otter’s Mermaid" is one of the cutest reads of the book, and a good, light-hearted break from the prior grit and darkness.

"The River in the Mist" by Dwale. Out of all the stories in this collection, I’m glad to see it end on this one. Dwale’s story is a strong, action-filled piece of fiction that gets the blood rushing up until the very end. It’s dark, it’s bleak, and it’s adventurous. I’m surprised Dwale hasn’t come out with a collection of their own work. I’ve always found Dwale’s fiction fun and hard-hitting, and "The River in the Mist" is no exception. It’s a story that will not disappoint.

Overall, FURRY TRASH was fun and sometimes dark read. If you’re looking for a bit of sci-fi, or something on the darker side of fiction, or even a good laugh, you’ll find it here.

Furry Trash, ed. J. F. R. Coates

A dog from the future explains a pleasant interstellar society in this sci-fi audio series. This series explores the topics of transhumanism, animal uplift, space travel, realistic artificial intelligence, terraforming, and a future you'd want to live in. Allison & The Cool New Spaceship Body https://shipfolk.neocities.org/Shipfolk.html Music: "Dew" by Jinpa https://soundcloud.com/user-975748551-495337716 Writing & Narration: Tempe O'Kun https://www.furaffinity.net/user/tempo321/ Puplift has been nominated for a Cóyotl Award! https://coyotlawards.com/2021-coyotl-awards-reading-list/ Merch, Sweet Tees and stuff: http://www.culturallyfd.com https://teespring.com/stores/culturally-fd-merchandise Support Culturally F'd: https://www.patreon.com/culturallyfd Plus a Newsletter: http://tinyurl.com/gsz8us7 Listen in on TEMPO TALKS with Tempe O'Kun https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIPk-itLl1jPyIK2c7mK-LpbvfDNqfcSW Check out Tempe O'Kun's books "Sixes Wild" and "Windfall" here: http://furplanet.com/shop/?affillink=YOUTU2907 Here's a playlist of his other Culturally F'd videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIPk-itLl1jPS7tnT4hdJwBI-CeLF8Kb_ #hopepunk #scifi #science #fiction

Resources, Social Media & Donation Links
Follow Ryn Ufe
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BIPOC FURRY EVENTS

Sources for this episode provided by Ryn Ufe:

• Houma History (film)
• Houma History Book recommendation
• History w/ Education System
• Free Ebook of Indigenous People's History of the US
• Bvlbancha Collective
• Farm Page

Back in February 12th 2021 I sat down with Ryn Ufe a groundbreaking activist and vocal member of the Houma tribe embodying the spirit of the 'Land Back' movement. They pulled out all the stops to chock this interview full of useful information. (Like literally they brought notes!) 

They represent their culture and where they come from in an honest light. It's not always the prettiest thing living in a swamp, but it's got its perks. Although, Ryn doesn't waste time explaining why what would usually be a blooming swamp teaming with biodiversity has turned into a rather rough place to get by in. Pollution and oil leaks have ravaged the land, killing plants and fish alike. 

If you've ever wondered why Indigenous peoples won't stand down this episode is a MUST to listen to. These are layered issues without easy solutions, but Ryn is willing to put in the work. They've put themselves to work making the tribe better by practicing herbal medicine, becoming a street medic, preserving the language, and speaking at events. You'll see that Ryn may be a dog but they're certainly not all bark! 

Thanks for listening. Don't forget to check out the resources and donate!

Support the show

Interview With Ryn Ufe - Swamp Life, Indigenous Advocacy, & Landback

TigerTails Radio Season 13 Episode 04 Join the Discord Chat: https://discord.gg/SQ5QuRf For a full preview of events and for previous episodes, please visit http://www.tigertailsradio.co.uk. See website for full breakdown of song credits, which is usually updated shortly after the show.

For those who remember the early days of CGI animated TV series… IDW brings us a brand new Transformers: Beast Wars comic series. “Celebrating 25 years of Beast Wars! In the future, the planet Cybertron belongs to the scientific-minded Maximals and the action-oriented Predacons! When a crew of Predacons, led by the successor to the Megatron name, steal a golden disk and a ship capable of traveling through time, it’s up to Optimus Primal and his Maximal crew—Rattrap, Rhinox, Cheetor, and new character Nyx—to catch them! A brand-new Beast era begins in an oversized first issue by Erik Burnham (Ghostbusters) and Josh Burcham (Transformers Galaxies).” Issues are available now.

image c. 2021 IDW Publishing

There's a light at the end of the tunnel but why does it feel so far away..

Savrin and Fuzz talk about the 100M vaccine goal being hit early, the idea that cons could actually come back this year, bad fanbases, and yeah the US is still extremely racist.

LINKS:
Seeing White: https://www.sceneonradio.org/seeing-white/
Patreon- https://www.patreon.com/Southpawscast 
Telegram fan chat: https://t.me/joinchat/P2iJg8tyj-KNGaci

Episode 487 - Time Slip - There's a light at the end of the tunnel but why does it feel so far away..Savrin and Fuzz talk about the 100M vaccine goal being hit early, the idea that cons could actually come back this year, bad fanbases, and yeah the US is

The votes have been tallied and we now have the nominees for the 2020 Cóyotl Awards! Voting takes place until April 30th and is open to all FWG Members and Associate Members. The ballot is available here. Here are your 2020 nominees!

BEST NOVEL

• Love Match (Book 3) by Kyell Gold
• Ritual of the Ancients (Changing Bodies: Book 1) by Ian Madison Keller
• Disbanded (Serpentia Book 1) by Frances Pauli
• A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher

BEST NOVELLA

• Rightful Salvage by Frances Pauli
• What Makes a Witch by Linnea Capps
• Dude, Where’s My Pack? by Kyell Gold
• Soup of the Moment: A Tale of Barsk by Lawrence M. Schoen

BEST SHORT STORY

• “The Battler” by Cedric G! Bacon in Even Furries Hate Nazis
• “Water” by Utunu in The Voice of Dog (Audio part 1, part 2, PDF)
• “Summer Strawberries” by Mary E. Lowd in The Voice of Dog (Audio)
• “Nazis Should Never Be Normal” by Nathan Hopp in Even Furries Hate Nazis

BEST ANTHOLOGY

• Difursity: Stories by Furries of Color edited by Weasel
• Selections of Anthropomorphic Regalements Vol. 1 edited by K. C. Alpinus
• Boldly Going Forward edited by Sean Gerace
• Even Furries Hate Nazis edited by Kate Watts

BEST OTHER WORK

• The Voice of Dog (podcast) hosted by Khaki
• Fox Spirit: A Two-Tailed Adventure (interactive novel) by Amy Clare Fontaine

The awards have a long history having spanned over ten years. There are have been many works nominated in that time — 152 total. We thought that with the vote open this year we might share a few fun statistics and facts about the award with you all.

• 2020 is the first year a new category has been added to the awards since 2013.
• The 2011 awards separated SFW works from NSFW works for voting.
• Only three authors have ever had two pieces up for votes in the same category during a single year: Sarina Dorie for Best Short Story in 2012, Renee Carter Hall for Best Short Story in 2013, and Alopex for Best Anthology in 2013.
• Kyell Gold has had the most works nominated for Best Novel at six novels (eight if you count his works as Tim Susman).
• Kyell also has been nominated for Best Novella the most times with five nominations but is closely followed by Frances Pauli with four nominations.
• The authors most nominated for Best Short Story are Mary E. Lowd and Sparf tied at three stories.
• The late Fred Patten has edited the most nominated anthologies for Best Anthology with a total of four.
• Gre7g Luterman is the only author to win a Cóyotl Award, a Leo Literary Award, and an Ursa Major Award in a single year for the same work (Fair Trade in 2019).
• Renee Carter Hall has won the most Cóyotl Awards with a grand total of four. She is also the only author to win two awards in a single year, which happened during the inaugural 2011 Cóyotl Awards.

Hopefully these fun facts were as illuminating as they were entertaining! Don’t forget to be a part of Cóyotl Awards history by voting for our current nominee. Until next time, may your word flow like water.

MOOBARKFLUFF! Click here to send us a comment or message about the show!

YouTuber and Super Fur, Sherbert Shenanigans joins us this week and Taebyn gets very excited!  Taebyn tries a few new things that do not please Bearly. Moritz the Crow joins us on Five Minute Furs for Fun. True his crow nature, he gives Taebyn a shiny trinket. Bearly tells us all manner of facts about the Flamingo (probably more than you ever wanted to know). Taebyn reads a bird story, and we sort of jump around our subjects this week. Drop by and give a listen, it is time, well, spent.  MooBarkFluff everyone!

Support the show

Thanks to all our listeners and to our staff: Bearly Normal, Rayne Raccoon, Taebyn, Cheetaro, TickTock, and Ziggy the Meme Weasel.

You can send us a message on Telegram at BFFT Chat, or via email at: bearlyfurcasting@gmail.com

Bearly Furcasting #47 - Sherbert Shenanigans, Cobra Kai Recap, Five Minute Furs, Storytime

We got this announcement directly from IDW Publishing: It’s a big birthday celebration for Sonic the Hedgehog! “Timed to the speedster’s 30th trip around the sun this June, IDW will release the Sonic the Hedgehog 30th Anniversary Special, a super-sized 80-page comic book featuring three tales of colorful heroes and dastardly villains, sure to tug at the heartstrings of fans of all ages! For this spectacular tribute comic, IDW has tapped Gale Galligan, known for her illustration work on The Babysitters Club, along with Justin, Travis and Griffin McElroy, podcasters recognizable from The Adventure Zone and the wildly popular My Brother, My Brother, and Me. This group of newcomers will be contributing their first-ever Sonic adventures alongside fan-favorite and longtime scribe Ian Flynn and artists Mauro Fonseca, Reggie Graham, Aaron Hammerstrom, and Thomas Rothlisberger.” Find out more at the web site — and look for the special trade paperback in stores this summer. Shop safely!

image c. 2021 IDW Publishing

Did you know there are canines in Starfleet? Huskies tend to end up in lower deck engineering and sometimes stuff does get a bit awkward as … huskies.  For the record about the short sleeves and the collar, In Starfleet they allow modifications of things like that if they are cultural and well given the fur.  Given the shedding problems tend to have to make early trips into the sonic shower and some blowing to collect excess before going on duty.  I can get written up for leaving tons of fur in the jefferies tubes.  This is also what happens when said huskies get their hands on the turbo lift systems and add elevator music.

(For the record I’m a complete dork that wastes way too much time trying to screw with old media, forgive me)

Huskies in Starfleet

Fox and Burger Podcast #5: The Making of Thaitails, Thai Furries, + More - Feat Kiyochii & Aulder. ---- We're bringing not just one but *two* guest in a first for the Fox and Burger podcast! Meet and Kiyochii and Aulder. For this episode, we're going back to the Land of Smiles to talk a little bit more about Thai furry fandom and Thaitails. Kiyochii is the con chair of Thaitails, Thailand's sole fur con. He is also a break dancing hobbyist as well as an adorable fox. With him on this episode is Aulder, the mischievous white wolf. Join us as delve deeper into the Thai furry fandom with a surprise at the end of the episode! ---- Social Media: Fox: https://twitter.com/foxnakh Burger: https://twitter.com/L1ghtningRunner Aulder: https://twitter.com/AulderWhitefur Kioychii: https://twitter.com/kiyochiithefox Kiyochii's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWyK112229YhH6HSMNzjEgw Thaitails official YouTube: https://twitter.com/ThaiTails ---- Footage Used: https://youtu.be/vNOgHnNtLE0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDYiO16TJaY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2MNlEBgFgw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWD8SFittsw&list=PL847iUOwj095jWR7_WGLnqKNt8FDzbcMo&index=1 https://twitter.com/i/status/1291929781009702914 https://youtu.be/kFnzFcYWb1A https://twitter.com/AulderWhitefur/status/1334137290403155968?s=20 https://twitter.com/AulderWhitefur/status/1307236268275687425?s=20 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPDBkVDiNbQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY7odgBJJbE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKvsdd6mD8c https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0eXKvExTT0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD_9KKVibKU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPRcHKF4Ci8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axsU2pnWQj4 Stock Photos provided by Pixabay.

Sábado, 13 de Marzo, 2021 de Nuestro Salvador Jesucristo, Guayaquil, Ecuador-Iberoamérica (Cartas del cielo son escritas por Iván Valarezo) The FATHER nailed with ISRAEL to CANAAN: ancient ISRAEL with angels bursts from heaven into earth instantly: Splendidly, our heavenly created

Looks like Culturally F’d is starting a new classic creature feature sort of review show.  Very classic look.

Do you revel in the worst? Do you delight in devouring d-list acting? Do you enjoy terrorizing your brain and your friends with the worst cinema ever put to film? Then meet our host Rattles, your carrion connoisseur, critic of classic c-list cinema and your concierge to THE BONE ZONE. A new series for Culturally F’d for B-Movie reviews!

Trailer: The Bone Zone

Resources, Social Media & Donation Links
Follow Kavaeric
Kavaeric's Website
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Join Rhyner’s Telegram Channel
Guest Application Form
BIPOC FURRY EVENTS

Back in February 2021 I sat down with Kavaeric a (Hong Kong)Chinese-Japanese Canadian immigrant divulging his time between art and learning how to use a dishwasher. He's not quite a human, not quite a dragon, and not quite a robot either! In truth he's a mix of many things, from his backgrounds, to his interests, and demeanor. Despite the oddball or permanent fish out of water syndrome he's gone through throughout his life he's learned to appreciate it about himself thanks to the furry fandom. 

He goes on to detail the cultures he's been a part of and how they differ from one another. Things get real when we get into a discussion of how BIPOC furries are framed in the fandom at large, and why more privileged furs are more inclined to take the hostile actions they do. Not to mention how North America at large treats Asian people whether they're Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, and so on. If you've never heard the term "model minority" this might be the episode you HAVE to listen to. 

This was originally a 3 hour interview that got cut down as much as we could. Sorry for any weird noises! There were some audio-mishaps that couldn't get ironed out during recording. 

As always thanks for tuning in and listening!

Support the show

Interview With Kavaeric - Canadian Immigration, East Asia, & Ambiguous Identity

Dear Papabear,
​
My letter is part question, part concern. I know I ask a few questions in the latter, but can you try to answer them, or try to answer the general underlining question I am trying to ask?

Given the state of the world, you constantly hear how bad things are: poverty, rape, corruption, killings, etc. It seems nowadays that the only way to thrive in society and be successful is to put yourself first, to the exclusion of anyone else, and if you do not, you will get stepped over in life and miss out. Either be corrupt in your life and put yourself first, or live your life by what other corrupt people want you to do as they are in charge of society. There seems (from my experience, I could be wrong) to be no real benefits from serving others selflessly because no one writes about it any longer.

Here is an example. My dad is very self centered. He is the type that worked his butt off his whole life, was given no natural talents, his parents divorced when he was in high school, to which his dad left the family and his mom had to raise all of her sons, an environment that required dad to take an active role in helping supporting himself and his mom at a young age. He never talked about his life at all. I only know him during the years I was alive and with him. Today, his success seems to show: he has a rewarding job, money, his health, a girlfriend, lives in CA (his favorite place in the world), and I think he is happy; he even divorced mom because he thought he deserved better than her. The only thing that seems to be wrong in his life now is he has to work 60 hours a week to keep up. (He manages the entire development and production of medicine.) In other words, he looks, acts and more or less is the example of "work hard and success is yours."

However, he is a narcissist, self-centered and very egocentric. He acts like everyone who is not above him can be treated like an inferior and he can act however he likes. Including his family (old and perhaps new). To the point I want to believe that all the wrongs he has done will come back to get him one day, but now I am starting to think that this is life, and you can and will get away with wrongdoing. He is the reason I think karma does not exist that much.

When I was living with him and was working (I was living with him as he provided free rent and help when I was taking collage classes), I live with my mom because I thought college would be better with Mom. But at the moment, I dropped out and work full time as a delivery driver for a pizza place. He would outright discourage or forbid me from tithing. He says what money I make at my job I should save, spend it on myself, help pay for groceries, and, in his words, "If you want to tithe you can tithe to the house." Even if I did all he requested, he still says to keep what I make. When I asked him why not give money, he said it is unnecessary. (I can see his viewpoint: it is not essential to give to those in need as their lives will not affect your life in any way, and what good you do for them will not give you anything, and therefore it is not worth doing.) Though it does help them, it is not a requirement, is what he thinks.

For example (one of countless, this just demonstrates his personality), one point, when he tasked me with selling the garage refrigerator that was unused, I had a potential client, but rather than picking it up herself she wanted us to send it to her via delivery. She sent enough funds to pay for the fridge and a few extra hundred to pay for shipping, which we had to set up ourselves. Dad thought she was taking advantage of me and told me to decline her order and find someone else. He also read my emails to her and noticed how nice I was to her, expressing patience and understanding about her current situation. (I forget what it was now). He did not like that in the slightest, and several days after he said, "It is not your job to be nice to others, they will take advantage of you. You should only be nice to your family" (blood family, that is).

To summarize, my dad is who inspired me to give and be as selfless as I can. Not because he showed what good helping others can bring, but because he set such a bad example on what success is. I realized I did not want to be successful. The pleasure of success is not worth the price it costs others.

But as of now, I am starting to doubt being selfless is better. I feel like what I do is not enough. Currently, I am working full time at a job to raise money for the sake of helping someone with debt and living expenses, I ask for additional hours at work to increase what I can give as well as be of service more at work. (I try to go with the attitude of "what can I do for others, and what I make goes to my friend" (I keep almost none of what I make; I only take money for gas and occasionally $50 to treat myself, but everything else goes to my friend as I do not have any expenses for myself atm).

Is this a sign that I need to expand my efforts to other things and other people?

So on to my questions.

What good things have you experienced in life that was a direct result of serving others? Not just small things like feeling good for donating money or helping, but real treasures from sacrificing lots and giving lots? Is living selflessly instead of selfishly worth it?

What can you tell people who try to take active effort into serving others, when they feel like their work means nothing in the end, like what they do to serve others is fruitless in the sense of what they do does not help enough to make any real difference, and those who try to do good for others (selflessly without expecting anything in return, not out of wanting something back) that fear that they will wind up with nothing in the end.  In other words, do you think that living self-centeredly (if not immoral and greedy) would be best?

What do I do?

Anonymous

PS: I am aware that the law of generosity also says "give one season, receive another season" as in what works you do will not have any immediate rewards, it takes time. I am not writing out of distress.

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Dear Furiend,

These are profound questions you are asking. Let's take it a step at a time, starting with definitions. What does it mean to be "selfish"? What does it mean to be "selfless" or "altruistic"? Selfishness means to only do things that benefit you in some way (financially, materialistically). Your dad seems to follow the path of selfishness, although even he will say that it is okay to help one's own blood family, so he's not 100% selfish. On the other hand, it is not selfish to make sure you are not being used by someone, and it is not selfish to make sure that others do not harm you in some way, or that by helping them, you hurt yourself. This is to say that you need to be sure you are financially secure and physically and mentally healthy first, because when you are not, you are of no use to anyone, including yourself. So, if you, say, don't give a few dollars to a beggar on the street because without that money you would go hungry, that is not necessarily selfish. But if you are well-to-do and have more than you need, then hoarding your money and refusing to help others is selfish. Your dad, apparently, went through a rough childhood, a very scary one in which he struggled to make sure he and his family could survive. This likely planted the seeds for his current attitude.

So, what is being selfless or charitable mean? It means to realize that you are not the center of the world, that the human race and, indeed, the world benefits when people work together as a community, helping each other to build a better world. It doesn't mean that you have to do this to the exclusion of your own health and well-being, but it recognizes that no person is an island. Selfless people give to their fellow humans and to their communities not in the hopes that there will be a payback someday but, rather, because when we create a better, kinder, more loving world, we all get to live in it and enjoy the benefits of that world.

A perfect example of the above is the United States of America. The current capitalist system and influence of conservative politicians has created a world in which the 1% have 90% of the country's wealth. They don't share this wealth; they hoard it for themselves. The idea of the "trickle-down economy" in which giving tax breaks to the wealthy and letting them build huge hoards of gold like dragons in caves does not work, as proven by numerous economists. What IS the result of such hoarding? Well, we now live in a country where people are literally dying from lack of money and health care, where the infrastructure that everyone uses is crumbling, and where there are high crime rates and drug use because people are desperate, depressed, and without hope. This lowers the quality of life for everyone. And it also creates political unrest and destabilization. Furthermore, on a worldwide scale, it has led to global warming, which is going to destroy coastal cities and lead to mass migrations, war, and water shortages that affect the wealthy as well as the poor.

When your dad tells you that being kind and generous to others offers no payback, that is because he is thinking in financial, materialistic terms. Will volunteering to plant trees earn you money? No. Will donating clothes to a charity buy you a new wardrobe? No. Will helping a roommate get through a difficult time in their life by helping to pay their bills or giving them a shoulder to lean on get you a job promotion or a university grant? Of course not.

The rewards of being a good, kind, generous, and selfless person are largely intangible. Imagine the kind of world we would live in if everyone followed kindly principles? We could literally eliminate hunger if billionaires decided to use their excess money to feed people. We could get rid of pollution and make the fear of climate change a memory if corporations were not so profit-driven to pollute so they could please their stockholders. There would be no war if no one tried to take over other countries or deny others their religious beliefs or ethnic background. Students wouldn't be buried in school loan debt if we made college education free, and this would lead to an economic boom, too. Yet, none of these acts would benefit the donors financially, materialistically.

The key to being selfless is not expecting a payback. It's not charity if you expect money or favors in return (and it's not being a good Christian if you are only nice to people because you expect to be rewarded in Heaven). How would you feel if someone gave you a birthday present worth $50 and then said, "Okay, that cost me $50, so now you owe me." Would you think that was a good friend or family member? Now imagine yourself giving someone a present that they truly didn't expect and that they totally love. Doesn't that put a big grin on your face?

Oh, and guess what? When you feel joyful for making someone else happy, that improves your mood and this, in turn, improves your health. Studies show, too, that happy people live longer! Isn't that payback? And that one is actually quite tangible! (Note: this benefit requires that the giver have empathy; some people lack empathy, sadly).

All this is not to say you should allow yourself to be used. No. This seems to be your father's fear, and perhaps comes from personal experience. He sees everyone out there as a potential user, and so he has built walls around himself to prevent outsiders from using him. The problem with this is that now he lets no one in and he has, frankly, become a big douchebag. He might look happy and materialistically successful on the outside, but it is rare for such people to have loving, caring relationships. They tend to have trophy spouses, have family that resent them, and are in constant fear of losing what they have (which is why he works 60-hour weeks). This is what engenders conservative politicians. It is the same mentality that creates dictators. Sure, the dictator is all-powerful, but he is in constant fear that he will be assassinated or overthrown and put in prison. That is not a happy life.

As to your concern that helping others won't make a difference, you are incorrect. I can understand why it might seem so. When we are overwhelmed by the media reporting wars, poverty, pandemics, global warming, political corruption, and on and on, it can be discouraging. What can one person do? 

A lot, actually. 

When you exert acts of kindness in the world, it has a cascading effect, the results of which you might not see or realize (at least, not right away), but they are there. Being nice to others can make the people you are kind to say, "Hey! There are good people in the world! This makes me happy, and now I want to pay it forward!" Like a pandemic where one person can infect three or four people, and those people infect three or four people, and on and on until millions are sick (maybe not the best analogy), so, too, do acts of kindness spread around the community and the world. And those acts of kindness can be seemingly tiny. For example, compliment a coworker or a restaurant server. Take the trouble to tell the boss at a fast food place that you thought Sarah at the cash register was very kind to you. It doesn't have to cost money to be nice and to put a lot of good vibes out into the universe.

You ask me, directly, in your letter, "What good things have you experienced in life that was a direct result of serving others?" The letter you are reading is an example of what I do selflessly. I don't get paid for writing this column. I don't get awards or even, really, any recognition. Yet, I feel like it has done a lot of good for many people (cf. https://www.askpapabear.com/testimonials.html). You added, "Not just small things like feeling good for donating money or helping, but real treasures from sacrificing lots and giving lots? Is living selflessly instead of selfishly worth it?" Again, in this question, you are looking for evidence that selfless people get back "real treasures" for their acts, although you don't really specify what qualifies as such a treasure, though you assert that "feeling good" is insufficient reason.

Other than what I have noted above, writing this column gives my life a sense of purpose, and that is a profound reward. You see, I started writing this column right about when I was in my midlife crisis years, wondering what the hell my life was all about. It wasn't enough just to be doing okay, making money enough to live. I wanted a purpose, and writing this column gives me that. It is the most rewarding thing that I do in my life other than helping my disabled spouse and other family members. What is, after all, the purpose of life? Is it just to exist? Is it just to hedonistically pursue pleasure? I, for one, don't believe so. I have concluded that the only thing that truly brings me happiness is not material goods or money or even sex. It's making the world a better place as much as I possibly can.

I hope that answers your questions.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear