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Oh, god. What am I? Help me, /r/furry.

Furry Reddit - Tue 7 Jul 2015 - 01:22

So, I've only fairly recently come to terms with the fact that I am, apparently, a furry.

I've also recently taking up reading this subreddit to get a little more exposure to people like you guys (and you all seem very friendly, I have to say!)

However, every time I see one of these "Am I a furry?" or "How do I come out as a furry?" threads around here, I get a little confused. People in those threads often seem to not see a big deal with the self-realization anxiety that a lot of people are reportedly having, myself included. This seems to stem from a definition of "furry" that I see repeated over and over in those same comments that goes something like "someone who enjoys anthro art". However, based on that definition, it makes me question whether "furry" is the word for what I'm feeling. I mean, sure, the art is neat and I enjoy a lot of it, but that seems almost incidental to my experience.

Perhaps some backstory would be appropriate.

This, uhhh... might be a little long.

I came to this sudden self-admission several weeks ago. Prior to that I had of course seen anthro art in various media quite a bit. I had also grown up reading (and still do read) many fantasy novels, with all their differently realized worlds with tons of different races, many of them anthro. I'm also a big gamer and I've over the years played quite a few games with tons of fantasy races, again of course including many anthro ones. I've also played a lot of D&D in my time, and though most of my characters weren't anthro-like (dat human racial bonus feat), I did help flesh out stats and mechanics for several homebrew races that were (wolf people, bear people, fox people, etc). My SO, (now my spouse of several years) while she hadn't ever mentioned furries, had always had something of a feline motif. Used cat-related usernames, had (typically non-anthro) cats as avatars/icons, seemed to sort of identify somewhat as a cat ("you know you married a cat, right?", on more than one occassion when I'd call attention to something she did that was vaguely catlike) sort of had "something of the cat about her", you might say. Honestly, I think that may be one of the many things that attracted me to her to begin with (and still does). I knew what furries were, or thought I did, but never really even considered that I might be one. They were a weird "other" that I never really identified with at the time. This even after I'd happened to discover yiff during some inevitable porn browsing, only to have it slowly become the most prevalent material in my ...erm... browsing repertoire. I'd still never really said to myself "I think I might be a furry."

Quite awhile later, the wife and I were out at a (non-furry related) festival and she spotted a pair of (rather tasteful) cat ears at a vendor that she clearly wanted, badly. We bought them and she wore them immediately (and was reluctant to not be wearing them for days). Suddenly, feelings! (Well, additional feelings. I married her for a reason.) Everytime I looked at her with them on, it really "worked" for me , and not merely in a "wow, that's attractive" way (although they were definitely that as well). I just grinned like a fool every time I saw her wearing them. It just felt "right" -it made me happy, in a way that I couldn't really put my thumb on. The fact that she seemed to want to wear them anytime she could find an excuse (most of the month of October, for example) was strangely elating.

In the meantime, my suspicions grew somewhat as I internally mourned that goofy accessories ala cat ears were more accepted as normal for women than men. I also bought her a few furryish gifts over the year (such as a rather adorable cat-ear winter hat), which she loved. Still no mention of the F-word, though.

Forward to about a month ago. We're out somewhere where it might have been slightly less odd to see someone running around with animal ears and the wife mentions that she regrets that we didn't bring them. Somehow the conversation progresses such that she asks me whether I would want to wear a pair. My brain's defense mechanisms snap up and my stream of words all sort of rush into each other before I can stop them. "No! ... verysmallyes ... err ... Yes. Definitely yes." I must have turned seven shades of red.

That night, I brought it back up and we talked about it for awhile. A good long while. She mentioned that a lot of my characters had been anthro and I think back and "well... shit." She's right. Almost all of my characters I'd played significantly were anthro (WoW? Tauren or Worgen every time. Best class? Feral Druid. Cat form. Of course it was. Skyrim? Khajit all the way. Final Fantasy? Miqo'te master race. Etc.). All the things I mentioned above (aside from the porn, of course), I was reminded of. I did "marry a cat", after all. I confess that I find her incredibly attractive in the cat ears. Turns out one of the reasons she'd been wearing them was because they made her feel sexy. Of course it was. Under the weight of all this I finally break out the F-word. "Oh god. Am I ... a furry?" We're basically laughing our asses off by that point. Well, she was. I was too busy burying my face in embarrassment at the time. Until I was informed that said burying-my-face motion was particularly cat-like. Groan. I resolve to purchase myself a pair of ears as soon as I'm able. I say something about not having any real image of myself as a furry. She asks me if I've "ever heard of a fursona?" I laugh. Yep, she seems to know at least something about the community. Neither of us had a fursona, though.

Oddly enough, my mood has had a big boost since then. The day afterwards I was practically giddy. I ordered myself a pair of ears shortly thereafter and have been wearing them around the house quite a bit. And maybe once or twice, when I'm making a late-night errand and I think noone will notice. They make me happy, though I can't explain why. It just feels right. I found a website for a vendor selling anthro costume accessories and ordered tails. Two of them, one for each of us. Haven't seen those show up yet, but I'm more eager than I thought I possibly could be about something like that. I've been daydreaming and sometimes just going about my routine, imagining myself to be a cat-anthro. This is weird, right? Everytime I think about it, it gets a little more solid in my head; the details get a little more clear. I imagine that sounds very strange, but in a way it feels more normal as well. Do you guys feel this weird undefineable happy feeling? Lots of people said it's about "people who like anthro art", but I don't think that encompasses what I'm feeling. It's more than that - and more than just an attraction as well - it feels like it's part of an identity I didn't know I had. Is this being a furry? Is it something else? I felt like you guys, being a helpful and understanding community, might be able to help me resolve this mess I've made of myself into something understandable.

Tl;dr: Didn't even remotely consider that I might have been a furry. Married a cat. Had a minor revelation. Now my brain thinks I'm supposed have fur and a tail and I have a yearning to be an anthro. Also attracted to anthros. I decide to seek help from strangers on the internet about how to handle it (and also what to call it).

But I'm not quite ballsy enough to post from my normal account, so I make a throwaway.

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