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Dear Papabear,

Lately things in my life have been getting out of hand & I feel that I have lost myself. I have lied to my brother, my mate, my friends, then I will try to cover it with another ... then I won't speak to my brothers for days because I know he is a busy person on top of health issues ... but I received an email from him saying that his therapist had laid a “test” out for me and that I failed it, that the times I do message him or call him its to ask for something. I do have a bad habit of asking people for things constantly but it stems back to when I lived with my abusive mother, all the hell she put me through, I would lie to get out of things with her, I would ask people for things to survive cause I had nothing with her and my mate can vouch for that cause she lived with me for a year and a half at my mothers.

But for him and his therapist to talk like that about me, and him saying that it takes certain people to “like him,” really hurts considering yes I do ask him for a lot, but there have been times we have laughed and shared memories, he was in a bad car accident awhile back, when I received the call from his roommate Chris and told me of the severity of it, I cried my eyes out, I hadn’t cried that hard since I almost lost my mate 2 years ago and since I lost my grandmother. My brother is someone that I cherish and would die for... but I am so torn that he feels this way about me and has little trust in me.

A lot of people don't trust me much and wash their hands of me at the first chance they get.

People have been choosing my mate over me, saying “She’s more mature & listens to reason,” which yes I am jealous of her, because she can handle friendships and handle life a lot better than I can... but it isn’t right that people rub that in my face... least I feel that it isn’t.

I have severe trust issues & depression. I am a transgender FtM. I get lippy and speak my mind and I get defensive, depressed a lot, especially during the Christmas season cause in 2000 I lost my grandmother which in turn my family fell apart, so in time I have built a family of my own from my closest friends... I have lost a lot of them due to the way I am, my actions.

This season has really stretched my mental stability thin, to the point that I have been acting out more, and when there is no one around suicide comes into my head and seems like a nice option to me cause I have dealt with this for 20 some years growing up.... It seems that everyone around me is better than me and that I am just this monster that people are around because they feel sorry for, and that when I act out, or have one too many depression fits, they leave me behind & make up some excuse... 

For a lot of people, when they loose a friend, they move on. But to me, my friends are my life. Growing up, I was made fun of and had barely anyone, I was the kid in elementary school who played by themselves and when I felt adventurous I would try to play with the other kids, only to have them walk away leaving you alone... In high school I just had my mate ... so now when I have a close friend and they wash me away, it hurts very badly and I feel that there is a hole there.

Suicide for me has been haunting my head lately... I’d least be back with my grandmother whom I lost in 2000, the one person who would love me and be there for me no matter what.

I know the repercussions that it would leave behind for my mate and few friends I have, but it’s a thought that has been drifting in and out of my head lately...

My brother, My mate and 2 of my friends who are my neighbors and are furs as well, along with an adopted sister I have in southern WV... I would kill for them Papabear, they mean that much to me. But when people constantly want you to change, and to stop beating yourself up, so they try to “help” by pointing out your wrongs, so you go to fix them and yet you get no acknowledgement for it.... It makes you back peddle...

I don’t know what to do anymore... I'm at my whit’s end with this... I'm seriously becoming scared that I will do something drastic...

What should I do.... help me Papabear.

Cadaver

* * *

Hi, Cadaver,

Oh, my, I hope that is just a name you used for this letter and not, like, your fursona name. Anyway, Papabear finds your letter a bit self-contradictory. You begin by admitting that you lie to a lot of people and then you complain that people don’t trust you.  You say you have trust issues and jealousy issues and can get “lippy” etc., but you don’t like it when people say your mate is more mature than you are and easier to deal with. You say that you have tried to fix “your wrongs” but your letter doesn’t explain anything you’ve done toward self-improvement. Then you get upset when people try to “help” you and “constantly want you to change,” yet you sound like you are acknowledging you do need to change. A perfect example of the disconnection you are experiencing is how you don’t call your brother just to say “hi” out of a supposed consideration for the fact that he is busy and dealing with health issues, yet you have no problem calling him to ask him for things, then you get upset when he and his therapist point this out to you. I am merely rephrasing this to make sure I understand the situation, not to berate you.

Probably, as you point out, some of your problems can be traced back to your abusive mother and your struggle to survive as a child (my sympathies). You don’t offer much detail there, but the emotional damage done to children of abusive parents has long been measured by psychologists and psychiatrists. Your brother is going through therapy; have you done so yourself? You could likely benefit from it. A good therapist could help you get over anger for your mother and help you deal better with others in social settings, learn how to accept help, and learn how to not be so easily offended by others. I can understand how you might get upset when others clumsily criticize you, perhaps without enough regard for your feelings. This is why a professional can help. They are trained to address such issues in ways that do not make the client withdraw even further into himself.

What you need to do, Cadaver, is not only recognize that you have issues, but take steps to try and alleviate them. You also need to learn how to take criticism. That is not easy, especially in your emotionally vulnerable state, but it is something that mature people do.

Papabear sympathizes with the loss of your grandmother, which led, apparently, to the dissolution of your family. I also applaud you for building your own family. That is a wonderful thing, and something I have always recommended to furries who have had little luck with blood relations. Family is not necessarily about whom you are related to; family are the people who stick by you and care about you no matter what.

But being part of a family requires your participation as well. It is not enough to cry for someone, nor is being willing to “kill” for someone very helpful or very appealing, especially since the likelihood of your coming into such a situation is rather slim, sort of like promising to rope the moon for someone you love, not to mention it would likely land you in prison or worse. No, what really matters are the small, everyday deeds. Being caring and considerate and helpful to your new family and friends; helping them with little tasks, especially those that aren’t so fun to do. When you endear people to you by being a kind and loving friend and family member, you will soon find that you don’t have to ask for their help. Instead, if they see you in need, they will offer that help before you even have a chance to ask for it. That is what real family does.

Now, Papabear is going to ask you to do something: take some deep breaths and calm down. Nothing in your letter is cause for drastic actions on your part. I can tell you from personal experience that suicide is an incredibly unpleasant and selfish act (my mother—a wonderful person—hated me for a long time after my attempt, which is how I learned a painful lesson on how not to treat loved ones in my life). Life is worth living, you just need to learn how to live it. If you truly feel suicidal, then you need to call a suicide hotline, such as (800) 273-8255. There are many many other sources on the Internet you can find easily.

Papabear suspects that many of your problems stem from a deprived childhood leading to stunted emotional growth. If you can, I strongly recommend therapy. Do not take this as a form of being stigmatized. Many people benefit from therapy, and it doesn’t mean you are “crazy,” just in need of a little professional counseling.

Furthermore, you need to refocus your life into one of giving, not taking. That doesn’t mean you have to donate a kidney or give all your money away. As Mother Theresa said, “It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” 

Loving others is not about weeping for their troubles. Loving others is not about being willing to kill for them. These are not giving acts. Loving is about freely giving of your time, your friendship, your companionship, your sympathy and empathy. When you give of yourself, your life has value, and when your life has value, your spirit will soar, your depression fades to a dim memory, and your heart knows joy.

Be comforted. Love your life by loving others.

Papabear

submitted by bi-fur-ious
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Author: Fred

Here is an article in the online Mail & Guardian, a weekly newspaper published in Johannesburg, South Africa: http://mg.co.za/article/2012-12-21-00-omg-sobs-your-furry-is-giving-me-feels Written by Shaun De Waal, dated December 21, 2012.

Welcome to the world of furry: a bizarre, sometimes pornographic, rambunctious new form of participatory pop culture.

The scene is a gay sex club of some kind. A bull and a rhino are sitting at the bar.

The bull is drawing the rhino's attention to a nearby horse and his generous genital endowment (literally "horse-hung"), but the horse is lost in his own personal bliss.

Elsewhere, in some strange beach scenario, two muscled male creatures pose for a photo, almost bursting from their tight little swimming trunks. They look a bit equine, as far as their heads go (their bodies are largely human), but also rather crocodilian. Onlookers, chiefly feline, seem frozen in amazement.

A second image of the same beach scenario shows that the bursting-forth has now happened. Semen fountains in various directions. The blue-cat onlooker is still frozen in the same amazement in the background.

These are home-made pornographic cartoon images, and they are widely spread across the internet – a bizarre, rambunctious new form of participatory pop culture. FurAffinity.net is a website wholly dedicated to such images, but they also festoon any site such as Tumblr, Pixiv or DeviantArt that collects images, "tumbles" them around and lets you curate them on your own page. Blog upon blog is devoted to "furry", the bulk of it pornographic, but not all: many are simply portraits in cartoon form of various furred creatures.

These images are obviously created with dedication and love; many also display the application of significant skill. The same goes for the myriad fan images drawing on games such as World of Warcraft or Final Fantasy (elves, trolls), or for that matter any pop media (movies, TV), but "furry" is a special category. Furries are part-human and part-animal, making them anthropomorphs ("anthros") or, perhaps more properly, therianthropes. Usually furry means they have fur (and canines do seem dominant, overall), but the appearance of the equines in the gay bar shows that the boundaries of furry aren't exactly firmly fixed.

Indeed, "scalies" form a sub-genre as far as the art goes, but it seems relatively small, at least when it comes to shark-men and the like. Dragons, which may count as scalies, are very popular. There is even a home-industry store called Bad Dragon, which advertises on furry sites; it makes dragon dildos. They may not all be suitable for their presumed purpose, but a great deal of imagination and attention to detail have gone into the making of these extraordinary objects.

What is going on here? "Furry," says Skidoo, a pop-culture info site, "means plenty of different things – but, above all else, it indicates an affinity for cartoon creatures and other anthropomorphic animals. That includes lots of things, from being a fan of specific shows like My Little Pony ... to drawing your own characters in a webcomic."

Special interest panels
It also means, or can mean, going to furry conventions – often dressed in a fursuit. A furry community has developed, like those that exist around ComicCon, the enormous gathering of comics fans in San Diego. Devoted site WikiFur notes more than 50 such conventions around the world, among them FurCon in California (3 000 registered attendees in 2012 and $100 000 raised for charity), Eurofurence, which has been held in various European countries over the last decade, and Camp Feral! – held in the wilderness of Ontario, Canada. AnthroCon in Pennsylvania is the oldest and biggest; it includes all forms of anthro and is said to have grown out of a Halloween costume party.

Such conventions, WikiFur informs us, are ways for furries to meet: they have artists' "dens" where original art can be bought, as well as arts and crafts workshops. There are "special events, such as a fursuit parade, dances/disco[s], masquerades, special interest panels, live animal demonstrations or a charity auction".

Fursuits can cost a fortune and require considerable ingenuity; some sell for more fortunes at furcons. Nowadays, there are commercial alternatives: you can buy something from a costume shop and adapt it (Yogi Bear seems a good starting point), and there are bespoke fursuit-makers who charge in the region of $1 000 for a specially designed suit. But the practice still has something charmingly home-made about it. As WikiFur says solemnly, it "dates to the pre-convention era (1984-1989), when the first furry parties were being organized at both sci-fi conventions and home furmeets".

The furry iconography echoes and draws on the role-playing games that now saturate the youth market in every country where they can afford it. The games themselves are an extension of anime, manga comics, movies and perhaps, further back, Japanese folklore. (Not that the West hasn't had its fauns and centaurs, or Zeus changing into a bull so he can ravish Europa.) Many of these use "anthros"; there are books more than a decade old on how to draw them.

It's not surprising that if you've grown up playing computer and video games in which you are required to identify with the central character (as in the movies, but it a more hands-on way) you will develop an interest in taking your character to new places. A popular extension of such computer games is live role-playing, where the player gets to dress up as the character and enact various scenarios with others.

The new digital media produces an endless stream of new images – "new" in that they are a fresh bricolage of elements already in the culture, visual and other bits that can be endlessly recombined. They can also be reused in a huge variety of combinations. They can be spread around the world electronically in seconds.

Furry porn is a specialised example of such iconographic reproduction. The new media has also facilitated the wide, er, dissemination of porn, making it something like a visual lingua franca. It seems inevitable that the character or visual icon assumed by a player, if artistically manipulated in different ways, will be likely to end up in a sexual scenario.

Common appropriations
Furries, though, are self-invented creatures. They go further than simply borrowing Iron Man and Captain America from The Avengers and giving them a detailed sex life, or subjecting Chris Redfield, hero of the Resident Evil game, to tentacle rape – both pretty common appropriations and refigurings in their respective fandoms. Being a furry, or part of any fandom for that matter, is what Goethe called an "elective affinity".

A survey on personal site Klisoura.com gives some insight into this affinity. One Alex Osaki signs the results, and 2012's is the sixth such online survey. Obviously the respondents are self-selecting, as the sociologists say, but the results are still an interesting look into how the community describes itself.

Out of nearly 4 000 respondents, about 2 500 consider themselves fully human and 5.2% choose not to consider themselves human at all; 85% are between 15 and 30 years old.

At least three quarters are male. A third identify as hetero, nearly 11% as gay. Half describe themselves as artists and 38% as writers. Just under 55% are fans of role-playing games; most are fans of science fiction (movies and TV, presumably) and anime. For more than 90% this furry fandom is an online thing, but a quarter attend furry conventions more than once a year.

To the question "How furry do you consider yourself?" only about 20% say yes, very furry.

This probably doesn't tell us anything surprising: mostly male, creative, they like sci-fi stuff and gaming. Still, it's odd that only just over half, though it's a majority, consider themselves fully human. (Then again, that's how many it takes to elect a new ANC president; the numbers correspond pretty exactly.) If only a fifth of Osaki's respondents consider themselves very furry, does that mean only they identify with furriness in some deeply authentic, possibly sexual, way? And the rest? Are they just role-playing?

The "furry fandom" celebrates oddity and diversity, though that also means some definitional slippage. "Furry" can be an adjective or a noun; you can be part of the furry fandom or you can be a furry yourself or both. "Yiff" broadly means sex, as a verb ("to yiff") or noun ("I'm dying for a yiff"), or can refer to furry porn. Some may define furry as widely as Skidoo does; others will insist that to be a real furry you must have a "fursona". Tumblr blogger Gayfurrypride avers: "It is very rare to find a furry without a fursona. For example, I'm a silverback wolf with light-blue markings. He is called Cosmic."

A fursona, as the punning name implies, is you – the furry person – or some representation of yourself in theriomorphic form. Johannesburg sexologist JacoPhillip Crous opines that "fursonas can be understood as totem representations ... an animal that's believed by the person to have spiritual or some other, possibly sexual, subjective significance, so the person adopts it as a personal emblem to which [he or she] feels drawn psychologically."

Interpreting this in a way akin to Jungian archetypes, Crous says the fursona is a form of "empowerment" and "self-transcendence" for the individual – and, for the sexually invested, the fursona is the "idealised totemic form that drives the erotic charge for the yiff enthusiast".

Great compliment
People draw their own fursonas or commission others to do it (a full-body full-colour image, with background, will cost you $25 to $35), and the images circulate. Many artists simply make up creatures that appeal to them and put them through a Kama Sutra of sexual poses. To judge by the responses, plenty of people on the internet get off on these images – or they just find them emotionally compelling. To say an image is giving you "feels" (as in feelings) is a great compliment.

For some, the fursuit is a sexual supplement: it offers a sense of "enwombment", says Crous, a "tactile humidity" that provides the "near-perfect juxtaposition of vulnerability and safety" needed to play out a sexual fantasy. Yet some who identify strongly as furries object to the notion that it's all about sex: Gayfurrypride, for one, says yes, he likes a good yiff as much as the next furry, but basically he's just "a cute creature who like[s] to make people smile".

Either way, individuals evince a strong commitment to the community. Another Tumblrite, 2spookygllts, declares: "i'm a furry because i enjoy it, i like being considered 'a furry', i've 'been one' 'officially' for almost nine years. it's not part of my main identity but i consider it part of my secondary identity, it's a label i put on myself. i happen to like that label."

There is a powerful sense from within the fandom that they are "misunderstood" and "misrepresented" by outsiders. Sometimes "the media" is excoriated for perpetuating myths about furries. But no comprehensive account of the fandom is to be found in the mainstream media, and when individuals do "come out" as furries in forums other than the internet or conventions, it is on TV shows such as My Strange Addiction. There, of course, it is voyeuristically pathologised in a Jerry Springer sort of way, alongside other compulsions such as ritual hand-washing or obsessively eating toilet paper.

Apart from the fact that teenagers, who surely constitute most fandoms like the furry one, have always claimed to be "misunderstood", it seems to me that this sense of external persecution is a classic form of group ideology that helps hold the group together – like the early Christians or a revolutionary communist cell. Not that there may not be genuine harassment or disdain expressed towards those who identify with the group, but ideologically speaking even a small amount of persecution goes a long way.

This reaction is related, too, to the discourse around sexuality that has, since the 1960s, sought to turn a source of shame into one of pride. Your sexuality is now very much part of your identity, and you can legitimately object to being oppressed or denigrated on that basis. Furries and similar online fandoms caution users not to "kinkshame". We must embrace our kinks, build on them – or, as Slavoj Žižek would say, "Enjoy your symptom."

Alarmist predictions
But what is being a furry or a furry-lover a symptom of?

It is emphatically not a symptom of being sexually attracted to animals. One internet user denounces furry porn as no more than "bestiality", but he or she is deluged with replies saying it's nothing of the sort – it's fantasy, it's art, it's imagination, it's a game, it's harmless fun. The question remains, though: How is this fantasy art being used by furries? What does it do for them? Does it go beyond the quick thrill of seeing yet another picture of a tiger being enthusiastically rogered by a wolf?

In her book ID: The Quest for Meaning in the 21st Century, the neuroscientist Susan Greenfield, alongside some alarmist predictions, talks about how internet use and the new media are changing our sense(s) of identity, offering at the same time both anonymity and a kind of personal stardom in the self-fashioning of, say, Facebook. We are pulled between being Anybody and being Somebody, and Greenfield worries that constant immersion in these new media forms will erode our self/other and self/world boundaries and we may all end up being Nobody.

Yet it's clear to see, as one cruises the internet, how different people are able to use the various media to project different selves, to switch between being Anybody and Somebody. It's also possible to make a new Somebody of yourself, as in the role-playing games mentioned, without letting go of the old self; this is what gender theorist Judith Butler calls "performativity", and she relates it to all our social roles, including gender.

So, even if we're "performing" our various identities at the interface with others (whether virtual or physical), they are representations of deeply held ideas about ourselves and our innermost desires. We project those performances of self into the world, and they are further fashioned as social identities by the groups we choose to be part of.

Furries are using the creation of alternative selves in a dialectic of belonging and individuality. The furry fandom is an instance of group-formation – and then the process of individuation within that group. We want community, but we also want to be unique in some way and to be acknowledged by our elective community for that specialness.

Humanity has probably always been that way, but nowadays one can do all this via the internet, by means of artistic production, and/or by dressing up. As a furry might say: Woof.

Hey guys I've been looking around on websites and I can't seem to find any furries in the Greater western Sydney Area. Preferably around liverpool - campbelltown. Are Australian Furries really that rare? where are you guys :3

submitted by CombatBombat
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Better late than never!  Well, the Christmas Eve episode ran to time, at least.  Xavier abandons us for the first of two weeks to spend Christmas with his family, so AngelDarkSong (aka Alex) steps up to the plate to help out.  This episode was a little hap-hazard, since TK had to work that day and thus had no time to prepare things before the show, so it's a little rough around the edges.  Next week should be better...  He lied.

For Done and Dusted:
TK reviews The Best Exotic Marigol Hotel.
AngelDarkSong talks about The Walking Dead (PC Game).
Felis runs on the fly with The Girl Genius novels. 

Television Talk:
There was no Television Talk this week, because we might have forgotten to do it. 

Question of the Week:
What did you get for Christmas this year? 

 

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Season 7 Episode 06 Podcast Uploaded!

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What childhood toy did you hold dear? Today we share some of our favorite toys from years (and Christmases) past and debate the difference between MegaBlocks and Lego. Once you’re done, let us know what your favorite childhood toy was in the comments below!

Your hosts: Crimson, JWingy, Syruss, Wolfin
Podcast image by Daniel Wildman.

Daily Show: December 28, 2012 - What childhood toy did you hold dear? Today we share some of our favorite toys from years (and Christmases) past and debate the difference between MegaBlocks and Lego. Once you're done, let us know what your favorite childhood toy was in the comments b...

K.M. and friends sit down to talk about Episode V while watching it. Listen for synchronization instructions. Unsheathed Presents: K.M. Hirosaki's Star Wars, Episode V - Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

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No one in the games I have played on the servers will and the group seems like it would be worth joining. Steam Id: Akiu Nightshade

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submitted by Sasukesis247
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submitted by Geek143
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Today I was at the Southpark Mall in Strongsville, Ohio, and I saw a group of five people who were showing off their furry pride. I wanted to go and introduce myself, but the girlfriend and I were in a hurry to get into the movie theater. Before tonight I had no idea that there were furs anywhere near here. I don't have high expectations (being that this is a relatively small community), but it would be incredible to be able to meet these guys. Please upvote to get this seen?

submitted by Excessive_Optimism
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submitted by ChatGarou
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This is a new blog post I’m starting thanks to “Sapphy” whom does some amazing baking. Her receipts will be posted as she posts per FA. Today is Peanut Butter Cookies, no you can not wear the peanut butter for your personal enjoyment sorry! But, here is how to make some amazing cookies:

Ingredients
1 cup salted butter
1 cup white sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 cup peanut butter
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Materials

• Large Bowl
• Baking Sheet
• Measuring Cup
• Measuring Spoons
• Fork
• Spoon (for mixing)
• Spatula
• Cooling Rack

Directions
1. Cream together butter, sugar, then peanut butter. Beat in eggs afterward.
2. In a separate bowl sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir into batter. Refrigerate for thirty minutes to an hour.
3. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
4. Prepare a small bowl of sugar. Take a fork and gently press it into the dough, before pressing the fork into your bowl of sugar.
5. Roll the dough into 1-inch balls and set on ungreased/uncovered baking sheet.
Flatten each ball just enough with the sugar coated fork to make a criss-cross pattern.
Repeat coating with sugar as much as you’d like.
Bake in the preheated oven for about 9-10 minutes. Do not over-bake.
6. Wait for cookies to cool for a minute or so, than transfer over to a cooling rack till completely cooled.

Vote for Hedgie
For the TigerTails Radio Elections (Question of the Week: Which member of the TigerTails Radio crew would you vote for, and what would their policies be?), Hedgie decided that as he couldn't be live in the studio, he would make an election video. So, if Hedge was standing for PM, this is what he would be standing for. If you think you would vote for Hedgie, why not leave a comment on our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/tigertailsradio From: TigerTails Radio Views: 28 4 ratings Time: 02:02 More in People & Blogs

Please do not take me as greedy I am sorry if I come off as that.

I am very poor right now, so I cannot pay for a ref for my fursona, the reason I am have stooped to the level of asking is a few reasons. 1. Apperently their are a lot of new artists looking for things to draw 2. From what I have seen ref sheets are simple enough to make 3. I have wanted one for what seems like forever but have had to buy other things. (I can buy the humble bundle for you and a friend if you want to anyone who accepts)

submitted by logan5959
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Back to our friends at Cartoon Brew again, swooping in on one of their scoops. Not long ago they reported about an in-development Hong Kong Phooey live action/CGI feature, starring the voice of Eddie Murphy. The film is being developed and directed by Alex Zamm (Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2) and Alcon Entertainment for Warner Brothers.  Now, Mr. Zamm has posted a short test-film of the CGI lead character on line, and Cartoon Brew has the link.  See what YOU think. (In case the footage gets taken down, Cartoon Brew were kind enough to embed it in their article).

image c. 2012 Alcon Entertainment