The Animal Defense Militia
Posted by Chip_Unicorn (Brent Edwards) on Tue 23 Apr 2002 - 21:05
The Animal Defense Militia is an underground movement of covert operatives committed to preserving the autonomy and merriment of non-human vertebrates through any means necessary.
Okay, okay... it's really a very funny parody of PETA. Be sure to check the list of directors
About the author
Chip_Unicorn (Brent Edwards) — read stories — contact (login required)an Unicorn from Seattle, WA
The truth will make you fret.
Comments
I don't think people pretending to be terrorists is at all funny.
Richard Reid
Captain; Webship Corwinda
http://www.furnation.com/corwinda
It's not a parody of terrorism, it's a parody of humorless fanatics.
I think this is a laff! It's what PETA has always wanted to be. :-)
Peace;
- PunkTiger!
Peace;
- PunkTiger!
*snrt* BWAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHA
Oh, excellent. I love this page, it's hilarious. (No, I took it seriously, what do you think I am, stupid? ......don't answer that.)
This is why I align myself with animal WELFARE instead of animal RIGHTS. Some things about the rights groups are OK, but the visible majority of them are misanthropic wackos hiding behind ideology to rationalize violent/destructivew acts that may even injure or kill animals - case in point that cat murderer a few stories down.
When real 'animal rights' activists string up knee-height wire in bushes to trip and kill horses on foxhunts, thread poisoned dog food where hunting dogs flush out pheasents, take white lab bunnies from their cages and throw them out the door of a moving vehicle to "set them free..." this page isn't, sadly, too far from the truth.
Say, Mana -- those acts you listed. You mean the animal rights crowd really takes it that far? How can they say they're helping animals when they're killing them?
Ardashir
Yup. The hunting incidents I learned of just yesterday from Ironbadger, and the lab rabbits story I heard second-hand from someone who knew one of the workers (I forget who at the moment - it might have been Ironbadger again, or it might have been one of my parents). People who do this, like I said, just use the ideology as an excuse for misanthropy and violence. Their excuse is usually that it's better for the animals to be dead than to be in captivity.
The lab rabbits were being subjected to nothing more cruel than being fed different varieties of food, and if memory serves, having blood taken for tests. Otherwise they had clean, warm accomodations and would have lived out the rest of their lives in health and comfort.
A lot of 'animal rights activists' conform closely to this site's denouncement of 'pansies.' I remember that when I was posting on the NAWA chat board, I reccomended a book by the Sierra Club, and was chastized for "supporting sellouts." Apparently because the policies of the Sierra Club weren't always 100% perfect, one couldn't reccomend one of their books for having good information and photographs. I was also shouted down when I suggested that farmers in wolf-release areas might genuinely be worried about their lives and livestock, or that their motivations and positions were in any way sympathetic.
I might be more extreme/liberal than many in my views about animals, but I'm not misanthropic. Not since I graduated from puberty, anyway. :)
Don't laugh at this. Someone will take this seriously and actually believe it. You know darned well that extremist groups such as PETA have no sense of humor. ;-D
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... I had that thought, but decided, if they take it seriously and adhere to the mission objective of "A.D.M. operatives are directed to kill on sight any human suspected of violating the fundamental spiritual rights of any single or multi-celled creature," what are they going to eat? I know there's a cult that survives (if you can call it that) on blue-green algae so that they TRULY live without consuming any other multicellular organism, but they tend to be awfully skinny, malnourished, and don't have particularly long lifespans. Anyone far gone enough to go this route would no longer be a problem in short order, having starved themselves to death.
I notice a deliberate oversight in that ADM operatives have no qualms in offering animal by-products to non-human animals.
Watts Martin wrote a very clear and cogent message about a slip that I made.
I wrote that it was a parody of PETA. I should have written that it was a parody of the Animal Liberation Front.
Although PETA has done some bizarre things in their quest for animal welfare, but the Animal Defense Militia is not parodying those tactics. They're parodying the tactics of the ALF.
Thanks, Watts, for catching my mistake.
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