Opinion: 'The Honey Cooler' is a mess, and not in a good way

The Honey Cooler (first covered in March) is described by one of its producers as:

... a farce-noir film starring local celebrity Sid Pink. Sid is a down-on-his-luck private investigator that gets caught up in a world of burlesque dancers, luche libre wrestlers and people who like to do each other in animal costumes.

Now new photos [Syhusky/DFB] and video clips have emerged suggesting that the movie, which has now wrapped up shooting, really isn't as bad as it first appeared. It's worse.

This isn't a review. That would require actually seeing the entire movie, which isn't available yet. But judging by the production and behind-the scenes stills, the trailer, the 'petting zoo' segment and this recent confusing teaser, we're not missing much. Even the gag reel isn't that funny.

The plot verges on incoherent. There is a private eye - a really bad one - who's set up by a hot dame who has no patience for him. A decidedly unprofessional professonal wrestler is involved, somehow. Then there are the rental-store costumed critters, who are essentially eye-candy.

Despite promotion by The Onion's A.V. Club, the film's Kickstater campaign failed to reach 10% of its funding goal - which arguably could be seen as a success, since they failed to get a single backer on IndieGoGo. Regardless, they started filming. Here is one cast-member's experience:

I'm playing a panda bear (like in LOST, if LOST took place in a dive bar in Denver) who plays pool with a tiger and then, in the next shot, is making out with said tiger on the pool table. [...] The eye holes in the panda head make it really hard to see what the hell is going on, which is great for keeping your focus on the pool table, but makes it really hard to see any cues. Still, I do my best to repeat my actions each take--a shot in the corner, pause, survey the table, line up a shot side pocket. Then, I make out with the tiger, which essentially just involves pushing our costume heads together and rubbing our hands on each other's backs. As far as making out on screen goes, it's either the most or least awkward way to do it.

At the end of the day, even the actor is lost. The one bright spot is that the film looks so bad, it simply won't be seen by anyone who matters.

"The Honey Cooler" is produced, directed and written by Ryan Demers and Paul Pendell, with screenwriting by Bob Bobala.
You can also find them on Facebook - though it's unclear why you'd want to.