2 announces his retirement

2, The Ranting Gryphon

Furry stand-up comedian 2, The Ranting Gryphon, has announced he is to retire from comedy.

The American comedian, whose real name is Matthew Davis, first began contemplating his retirement after the failed assassination attempt on his life. During a visit to a London furmeet, someone tried to kill 2 by excessive alcohol poisoning.

In a statement published on his website, 2 said that the botched murder attempt was a sign from God that he should quit the profession and relax. He said: "I have spent most of my career ranting and complaining for virtually no reason. I have now seen the light and have decided to devote the rest of my life to the Lord. I have therefore taken the decision to become a monk and move into a monastery."

As a way of making penance, 2 has agreed to pay back double his usual appearance fee to all the conventions he now will not be attending.